Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Today at work when I stood up from my desk, my pants slid so far down my hip bone that I was afraid I was going to lose them entirely. It was a scary but funny moment. I guess its time to put the size 16W's away. I'm a weird in-between clothing size, but I think I'd better buy another pair of pants.
This evening, on my way to the gym, I was a bit whiny "Why am I working so hard?" I asked myself. "I'm working so hard and the road is so long!" Finally, I talked myself down. "Well, if you quit this program, you are pushing your goal even farther into the future." So I trudged off to the gym. I was hardly motivated. I did 15 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes on Level 12 of the stationary bicycle, and then headed home.
My body is sore--I'm not in pain, just a bit sore and achy from Sunday's strength training. I've still got the middle-aged muffin top; can't wait 'til that disappears. I've noticed that my arms are more toned and the fat around my face is diminishing. My boobs are still the same--I could stand to drop a cup size, but I suppose that won't happen for awhile. My waist and hips are a little smaller, and my legs look a bit more toned.
I've set a goal to drop 10 lbs by the end of April. Hopefully, that will put me solidly in a 14. At that point, I'll be ready to reward myself with some size 14 pants that won't fall.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Another 2.5 lbs gone! I had started to accept that maybe I was a slow loser and that no matter how hard I tried, I was destined to lose slowly and experience frequent plateaus. I decided to focus on other things like how my clothes fit, my improved moods, tweaking my food intake and exercise. I had just accepted that I was probably going to experience another plateau or lose one lb and I was getting to be okay with that.
When I weighed in this morning, I was so shocked to see 2.5 lbs gone that I literally jumped on the scale five times--and I do mean jump--not step on gingerly. I wanted to be sure that my scale wasn't broken or that something goofy was going on. But each time, the same number popped up. The first thought through my mind was "my hard work is paying off!"
The important lesson I've learned is that our bodies release weight only when they're ready to and it almost never follows the pattern of instant gratification that we're used to as Americans. I am also proud that I didn't get frustrated and quit, but just hung in there and did my best to understand how important it is to BE PATIENT.
So today, I'm feeling really, really good. Onward and downward.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I know I'm overweight. Most of my adult life, I've been anywhere from 20 to 50 lbs overweight with a one-year exception around 2002. I am acutely aware that I weigh more now than I did when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter back in my 20's (ouch).
Yet on some days, I don't feel fat. I can't completely explain this mindset except to say that new clothes, freshly styled hair, a fresh manicure and pedicure can overcome a lot of the mindset. I think that it has everything to do with taking care of myself. If I do everything else I can to take care of my appearance and look my best, then I feel better about myself. When I feel better about myself, I don't feel "fat"; I feel "pretty".
Many years ago, I decided that if I was going to be fat, then I was going to be the best lookin' fat person out there. My role model was a woman I knew at work named "Brandy". Brandy probably wore about a size 20 or 22, and she was absolutely beautiful. She had long, thick hair, a pretty face and a fabulous wardrobe. Every day when she came to work, she was nothing short of glamorous. Her hair was always together, nails done, makeup perfect and beautiful accessories. She had a handsome husband who did not have a weight problem. I could tell when he picked her up for lunch every day that he loved her exactly as she was.
Society so often tells women that fat and beautiful are mutually exclusive. I know from some people that I have met, that is totally NOT the case. Brandy seemed to understand this and behaved accordingly. I'm sure she got that handsome husband because she was so doggone CONFIDENT. And she was confident because she took care with her appearance.
What I learned is that for me, the road to weight loss is being able to accept and love myself as I am. One I've got that down, I will do the things I need to do to look my best. Nice clothes, attractive and flattering hair styles, etc. Not far behind that is eating and exercising. Why wait for a magic number on the scale before I quit schlepping around in "mom" jeans, sweats and oversize, baggy shirts? I choose to look good TODAY.
That's why I don't feel "fat."
Monday, February 21, 2011
It's February 21st and I'm still going strong. I'm proud of myself for staying consistent for nearly two months. Not perfect, mind you, consistent. I guess I'd rather call this "mindful eating" not a diet. It means I'm being conscientious about everything that goes in my mouth because I know I'll have to come here on SP and record it. It also makes me ask myself if a food is really worth eating.
My eating is getting to be more of a habit. I still eat dessert and my BBQ, but I've made adjustments to how often and how much I consume. For example, I might split a dessert with a friend instead of eating one of my own. Or instead of getting BBQ spareribs every time, I sometimes get BBQ chicken. It's like I'm just tweaking everything here and there, making minor adjustments instead of major changes. I started with the things I was doing right, e.g. not eating late at night, never skipping breakfast, not eating out of vending machines---and built up from there. I didn't even cut everything out right away. I still haven't given up my sausage mcgriddle entirely. I did give up eating it with hash browns. I also started to substitute lower calorie alternatives. For example, Dunkin' Doughnuts has an egg white, turkey sausage flatbread sandwich that's decent. Now, I'm trading off between that and the mcgriddle, so I'm only eating the mcgriddle half as often.
It's hard to explain, but there's a certain psychological game I'm playing when I dine out. It's like I promise myself that next time I eat out, I'll get something junkier, but for today, I'm going to go for the most nutritious item on the menu. In actuality, I'm eating something junky about once a week or so, which is a vast improvement over my daily habit.
Eating this way isn't painful. It's more like having my cake and eating it, too. I didn't have to make any drastic overhauls to my eating and I'm settling into a way of eating that's doable over the long haul. I don't get hungry, I enjoy what I eat, I don't feel deprived and I'm still losing a lb a week.
It's all good. Onward and downward.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I dropped another pound this week, which I'm glad about. I did all the little things I'm supposed to do to lose the weight. I'm recording everything I eat, working out 4-5x a week for 30 to 60 minutes, taking my vitamins, drinking more water, and reading lots of inspiring blog posts, articles and books. I think the hardest thing is to be patient. I know I'm repeating myself, but I think that's the biggest challenge for me. I'm so used to instant gratification that it's tough to truly internalize that this is a marathon and not a sprint.
Still, I'm feeling much better than I did and feel more attractive than I did, even if my weight is still pretty high. The other thing I'm acutely aware of is that by February 19, 2010, I had quit logging into SP and abandoned my plan. The fact that I am still here, day after day and now week after week is something I'm ready to reward myself for.
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