WRITER_GURL81   10,769
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What is wrong with me?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

So, I did it. I've totally flaked on both of my teams - the beautiful Dazzling Diamonds of the BLC and the strong and courageous Maize Mountaineers of the BTS challenge. I've been in such a funk and haven't wanted to do anything. At all. Life is so very stressful right now and I don't know what to do. I know that this is a safe place to come and speak my mind and reach out, but I just don't do it. We've been saving so we would have a nice down payment for a house in Florida but we had to buy a new vehicle because my stupid minivan died - tranny and motor. So we're back at square one with saving and it's really discouraging. My FIL is a total jerk and thinks we need to explain our every movement to him. I don't know. Maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing and needlessly spazzing. There are a lot of other things going on that I really don't have the energy to get into at the moment. I haven't focused on my health in months - the last time i exercised was before I got the tattoo on my foot, i got that for my birthday in March.

I just want to say I am so sorry for letting down both of my teams. They are made up of truly wonderful people and I know they will succeed in everything they are trying to accomplish.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALYNN26 5/12/2014 1:12PM

    I so understand what you're talking about by letting your team down. I have been going through one thing after another since January! I have gained half of what I had lost, just due to stress & simply just not having the strength/energy to fight it. I am so ready to get back on track now, but still can not JUMP back in, so just focus on on day at a time & baby steps. Progress is progress no matter how small (ex: right now I am just making sure that I get 8 cups of water in a day & a min of 10 mins of activity). Hang in there. You can do this. We are DIAMONDS & we are strong! Keep shining!

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CHICAMIMI 5/12/2014 10:06AM

    Real life can be really hard at times and especially when we're feeling down, it can be hard to get on SparkPeople to talk about it or hold yourself accountable...but know that we're all rooting for you and everyone has been through similar moments in real life that get them down. I know you can do it! And you came and posted, so you want to do it!

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WATERDIAMONDS 5/12/2014 5:22AM

    Oh my dear friend, I'm sorry this is such a tough time for you. But, seeing all those flames on your Spark Page--what wonderful support you have from your teams!

Accept their help and encouragement. Start again. Start today. Start this minute.

You don't have to take giant steps. Just get up and walk around your couch. Just participate for 15 minutes on your team. Just put down your fork one bite sooner than you did yesterday.

Just take a deep breath and realize you CAN do this.

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MARYBETH4884 5/11/2014 3:29PM

    Real life does tend to get in the way sometimes. Just do what you can to benefit your journey. You might find exercise as a stress reliever. You and your DH will be in my prayers.

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MM11113 5/11/2014 3:07PM

    Hang in there. I was married once to a man who went to his Mom on everything. I understand the urge to Spazz out about in-laws.

But, you have to take care of you! De-stress with a walk.

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SASSYLJB 5/11/2014 2:43PM

    You are and always be a Diamond! You need to come back to the team and let us help you sort things out! That's what we are here for! You are an amazing and strong Diamond, We can with stand lots of pressure!
The Summer Challenge starts soon come back to the diamond mine an regroup and we will move forward and get you our of your FUNK! After all you do shine Bright!

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Goals for BLC Challenge

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

I have a new challenge beginning tomorrow - I am now a proud member of the Dazzling Diamonds which is a fantabulous team in the BLC. My ultimate goal for this challenge is to get back on track. I did an awesome job when I first started my journey in January, I lost 11 lbs in 3 weeks! Great, right? What's not so great is gaining back most of those lbs.
I am planning on planning - if that makes sense. I am going to chop and freeze my veggies for my breakfast. I am going to Zumba at least 5 days a week.

Bottom line - I am going to get serious.

Come on, Diamonds, we got this!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BEABETTERME 3/15/2014 10:41PM

    We can do this!
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VALYNN26 3/13/2014 10:29AM

    Great goals!! Diamonds ROCK! emoticon

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RUTHIEBEAR 3/13/2014 7:30AM

    Your bottom line says it all!!! I agree. One of my goals is be honest with myself. emoticon emoticon

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CHICAMIMI 3/12/2014 2:23PM

    I'm so happy you're a fellow Diamond! We're totally going to sparkle and dazzle1

i think you've set a good goal for yourself. And you're definitely not alone in needing to get back on track - I think winter hit a lot of us harder than we expected.

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RUNNER4LIFE08 3/12/2014 11:05AM

    emoticon We do got this!!!! emoticon Diamond Friend... lets ROCK this challenge!

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WATERDIAMONDS 3/12/2014 8:30AM

    Oh, I am happy for you. I hope this journey is what you need and what you want.

I'll be keeping up with ANY blog you write, kiddo, so best of luck and keep posting!





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Lifestyle Action Words

Saturday, January 18, 2014

So, this is my first blog as a Maize Mountaineer! I am super happy and the team is very friendly and welcoming, thank you!
Now today I'm going to blog about a list of action words and what they mean to me. Here's the list:

Mindset ~ to me mindset is the place your mind has to be to be able to accomplish a task. Right now my mindset is exactly where I want it to be - knowing that I can do anything!

Support ~ support comes in all ways. I have a wonderful support system made up of my husband, five children, sister, best friend, and everyone I encounter on Sparkpeople. I'm lucky to have such a great support system.

Visualization ~ to me visualization means letting your mind think about how you will feel and look when you reach goal. So far I do not have a specific weight goal. When I became pregnant with my oldest child I weighed 138 lbs and I know I don't want to be that small - perhaps 170ish.

Acceptance ~ I do not worry about having the acceptance of others, I worry about being accepted by myself. As long as I love me I can do anything.

Obstacles ~ for me obstacles come in the form of dance class, Girl Scouts, swim lessons, and all of the other activities our kids do. As long as I can plan around these - which shouldn't be hard since they are scheduled - I can avoid the obstacles.

Time Management ~ recently I've added another (huge) item to my day. During the day I take care of my almost 1 yo, run errands, clean, exercise, and go to college online. Now I have to add homeschooling our four older children! Yikes! But with time management and scheduling I will be able to accomplish my daily tasks.

Beyond Comfort ~ this not only applies to exercise levels for me. My comfort zone needs to be expanded. I won't go places at certain times (like the Y) because I know school kids are there. I'm always afraid that they'll say something mean about my weight but I'll just have to keep in mind that they are children and I am working towards my goal. Oh and their parent should teach them some manners, lol.

Stress Management ~ With all that goes on during my day I can get stressed. Somedays are worse than others and some are not bad at all. I usually just try to roll with what's going on because if it's not in my power to change it I'm not going to stress. Now when I do get stressed I like to hibernate in my room and read or get some writing done.

Rewards ~ I do not want to reward myself with food. Instead if I have calories left and want something I'll have it and not feel bad. I haven't chosen any rewards to give myself and I have been thinking of this.

So those are my lifestyle action words and how I see them. After looking at them I think I'm going to have to get serious about my rewards!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYBETH4884 1/19/2014 8:10AM

    I like the way you think!! I've been on this journey for 18 months and have come to the realization that pushing your comfort zone is necessary to progress both physically and emotionally. I just need to brush off comments made by others. Like you said they should have been taught manners. More importantly we can't let them determine our path. They have no idea how far I've come on my journey and let's face it at 48 and having given birth to 2 children I will never be young and tiny. I can be healthy and more importantly here for those I love. This gets easier as I lose weight and feel better, I look back in frustration at how and why I took so long to make the decision to make this journey. Look inside yourself and shine to the best of your ability! those people who really matter in your life will be thrilled at your progress!!

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WATERDIAMONDS 1/18/2014 4:58PM

    Jess. I am so glad you've found a great home with the Maize Mountaineers. I KNEW you'd love them.

Great blog!


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THOMS1 1/18/2014 4:16PM

    emoticon Very good!

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MAWMAW101 1/18/2014 3:57PM

    Wonderful and thoughtful blog. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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GRACILU 1/18/2014 3:55PM

    Thank you for being real and presenting your lifestyle action words. Great idea!

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The whole "before" pic question

Friday, January 03, 2014

When I look at pictures that have been taken of me since I've been heavy (since the birth of my oldest son in 2000) they make me sad. But I'm not sad because of the way I look. No, I'm sad because I look so uncomfortable. I'm deflecting attention, looking at my kids, making a face, or just generally looking miserable. My best friend and I want to take some "before" pics to upload for the world to see. We don't want them to be depressing "Oh god, I hate myself because I'm fat" pics. We want fun pics, pics of who we are. Because when it comes down to it we are the same heavy as we are light, and everyone, including us, should see that.
We probably won't take these pictures today, maybe Sunday? Monday? Or Tuesday? The point is we want to be comfortable when we take them. We will look nice because that is something that makes us feel good. I think a good time to take them will be Thursday after our first Zumba class together! Maybe we wont do our hair and all that, maybe we'll have a ton of fun moving our butts, getting rid of some calories, and that will be the perfect time for a pic.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACILU 1/18/2014 4:08PM

    Hope you had an awesome first Zumba class. Looking forward to seeing your pictures!

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CHICAMIMI 1/8/2014 4:56PM

    I think that's a very cool idea and definitely recommend taking pictures. It's definitely helped me see the changes in me that I don't necessarily see just looking in the mirror. Have fun at Zumba!

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THISGRLISONFIRE 1/4/2014 7:59PM

    I would definitely encourage you to do it! I love scrapbooking and am thinking of doing a weight loss scrapbook for myself, so taking some before pics is a must. I too have only tried Zumba dvds, classes just aren't in my schedule right now, but having a friend to do it with is a great idea! Have fun!

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WRITER_GURL81 1/4/2014 11:39AM

    Lol! Thanks! I've worked out with Zumba dvds in the past but I think this is going to be a little harder. Or a lot.

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LILLYBY50 1/3/2014 6:05PM

    Enjoy your first Zumba class. I started Zumba over the summer and love it. Your hips will be sore in places you forgot about, but shake it up and have FUN!!!!! It will be a perfect time for pictures...

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