Monday, November 25, 2013
I don't know if I did something right, and I don't know what I've been doing wrong (if I have? maybe just a big adjustment to a new level of exercise???).
Anyhow, *yesterday*, I weight 246 ...upsetting.
This morning, I weighed 243.
Here's the thing: I took a long nap yesterday and then at dinner I ate a crazy-big amount.
Now I know that usually I go *below* my calorie-intake. And I know I'm normally prone to over-exercise and that I'm still recuperating from this new upgrade in exercise.
I'm curious what this week will bring, because yes, it's Thanksgiving, and there's also still a lot of planned physical activity.
Friday, November 22, 2013
I really wish I did measurements before I focused only on what the scale says.
According to the scale, I've gained a pound.
According to my new life-pattern, I've added in 30-60 minutes a day of regular exercise that wasn't there before August (and before that time, it was in 2006 when I was healthy).
In August, after thinking long and hard about how to get a therapy dog, and finding that it's a complicated process, my housemate and I went back to our original plan that we created soon after we moved here to this wonderful plot of land--nearly 3 acres with a beautiful view at the top of a hill at the back corner of the property: we talked about getting pets like goats, sheep...and someday, alpacas. We got three goats this past August.
I want my goats to be hiking companions, and ....after just a little training, they've been perfect with me both in the car but especially on trails.
Turns out THEY are my therapy pets, ...and... my personal trainers. Many days we sprint up that back hill, then down, then up....
So....I've GOT to be gaining muscle. I don't even think that my body has *fully* adjusted to the new level of exercise, even after these months (August was a bit slow as we adjusted together.....September I had Lyme disease and could hardly walk....).
There's no movement on the scale downward. I'm ....trying.... not to focus on that. I'm trying to KNOW that I'm healthier, and keep getting stronger.
Maybe the weight-loss journey will be a slower-paced one for me---I don't know. I do know that I am getting healthier day by day and I
lose the weight.
It's going to happen.
I'm doing the work.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Whoa, SPARKPOINTS. Yeah, you've got my number.
In fact, three more and I'm going to call it a night.
I had a healthy day (I have a LOT of illnesses), and mostly pain-free.
I was able to be outside and play with my goats and get plants in the ground before the winter-freeze comes.
Dirty from the good day outdoors, I took a hot bath.
Now I'm about to read....and hopefully sleep soon.
It was a good day. I haven't had too many of those and I'm bursting with gratitude.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Another day, another night with my mind racing....
I'm not bipolar, but because I have illnesses that knock me down and out for days at a time (looks like depression), I get up with way too much gustso as soon as I'm able (manic-looking) and then repeat (looks like cycling).
I neeeeeeeeeed to learn balance. I need to learn the small, graceful (ha!) steps.
I need to love myself while balance is not my strong point.
Taking a point from the other days' "Should" blog, I won't "should" on myself. I will choose to try to sleep before midnight, and choose to do both things that I fear (that aren't bad at all---to overcome fears!) and things that I enjoy, and I will attempt to take steps to choose these things....in moderation. When I "overindulge" in activity....I will forgive myself --- actually: I will back up and STOP the "need" to forgive myself for illnesses that are:
1. out of my control
2. often made worse by stress
Sickness was akin to evil in my family of origin and that's a hard, hard one to overcome.
I am not who the people who raised me said I was.
I am and can be
loving and kind.
I am and can be patient.
In sickness and in health....I can learn to love myself.
That sounds trite, but it would be POWERFUL to get into my brain and my heart.
Monday, November 11, 2013
I should balance my checkbook and pay bills.
I should plant my daffodil bulbs--wait, that's something I love and now with that word "should" I feel obligated and a little grouchy that it got put on a list of 'shoulds'.
I saw a sign a long time ago that said, "Have you should on yourself today?"
And I forgot that concept until today when my older son and I were talking about motivations (healthy and unhealthy) as well as wonderful deep topics (he's getting to know himself better at college ).
Now, my older son is reminding me, "Did you just 'should' on yourself?" Example: today I said to him, "I haven't eaten yet today, and I should...." It was after 2:30 in the afternoon and I feel bad about eating, especially as it relates to what feels like would probably be (isn't though) a weight-gain correlation. I have diabetes; I have to eat. I eat healthy. I'm "mostly vegan"--dairy is gone, but eggs show up maybe once every few weeks. But we're part of a CSA (community supported agriculture) and get great freshly grown veggies. We shop at our local farmer's market. And I'm a member at our local food co-op too. I "should" not be afraid of eating...but I am.
When I 'should' on myself this afternoon, and my son caught me at it, I changed it up: "I'm going to make a healthy choice and eat some good food."
YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOW THAT FELT TO MY *BRAIN* AND MY FEELINGS to say it that way! It was amazing. It was a game-changer.
As for the "should on myself" regarding a fear of food and mostly of eating..... ***I'm going to face that fear and enjoy this game-changing set of words for my life that changes for the better day by day. *** I'm going to keep learning.
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