Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I started a new job last week (same place, different department) and I'm having a tough time getting into the new groove.
I love being able to come in later and I'm no longer on the clock, but to the converse, I can't seem to get out of here on time! My co-workers both come in later than I do, and so they stay later, and they're in my office at the end of the day (usually just talking), so Augh!
My workout time has truly suffered...
I'm still in the "figuring it out stage." I'm still getting up fairly early, so I may have to take the plunge and start working out in the mornings. I've never been a morning person, but I try to be flexible in life. It might be better to get my workout in before getting caught up in the days activities.
Younger son will be gone soon, so I can go downstairs and make more noise in the morning and not disturb the fellas upstairs. Just a thought.
As we say in life, "this is a good problem to have!"
I continue to be blessed with a good job, great new co-workers, great old co-workers, and all the rest, so I won't complain.
Monday, August 29, 2011
I've spoken about my sister and her "DH troubles" and my parents and their struggle with Dad's diagnosis of dementia.
This weekend made me want to pull the covers over my head and stay there...
Don't get me wrong. I believe in being there for the people I love, but wow. Sometimes it's overwhelming.
And I'm just venting. I'll continue to be there as much as I can.
My sister found out yet ANOTHER thing about her husband that had her in tears. As her big sis, all I can do is lend a supportive ear. She's a strong woman, but dang! Sometimes life is rough.
My father was recently hospitalized. My mother had also planned a trip out west to see friends/family. It wasn't the best time for those of us who have told her we'd be her support system. My sisters and brother all work at schools, and now school is back in full force. I just started a new job. She was going to postpone her trip, but my dad said something that made her so angry that she decided to go anyway. She hadn't contacted a nursing agency, she didn't let us know what her plans were, she "sort of" arranged a couple of people to check in on Dad. In other words, she half-assed it. Since Dad told her that he didn't need anyone to take care of him, she pretty much up and left!
I haven't talked to her since the last time I saw her after visiting Dad in the hospital.
I have very conflicted emotions. I truly understand that my father's health has been a drain on her for almost 20 years. She's a very vivacious woman. She has many activities that she enjoys and is in very good health. I know that caring for Dad is tough. But I also keep encouraging her to get whatever help she needs, be it more from us as their children (none of us live in the same town as our parents), or that she hire someone to help out on a regular basis. She does neither.
This past spring I told her that if she wanted to go out west, we (her daughters) could stay with Dad. I could take vacation time, as could my older sister. My younger sister was not working for about a month during the summer. Mom could have been gone for two or three weeks. But no-she didn't do that. She waited until it was a bad time for all of us.
It's like she's rejecting our help on purpose. I don' t get it at all. She's always suffered from what I like to call "martyr syndrome," but this is something way beyond the norm, even for her. She went to an appointment with my dad at a geriatric clinic, and they suggested she see someone about dealing with her own depression. Nope.
Thank goodness that I have great siblings and a strong sense of faith. All things will work out (with my sister and her children, and my parents), but it's just hard sometimes.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Yesterday I wrote about winning our sand volleyball end-of-season tournament despite a downer of a summer for my sister (pending divorce) and me (her sounding board/support person). I was amazed that we ended up winning the tournament.
OK, in the scheme of things, this is not a big deal. It's all for fun. 8-10 teams of women who get together once a week to play, drink beer, hang out, and talk. Monday night "Girls Night Out." We are of all ages-from just out of college to someone like me (50+).
(Personally, I don't think 50+ women should be playing against women young enough to be our daughters; there's something UNFAIR about it, but I digress...)
Our team has won so many times, I've lost count. Between winning either the league, the tournament or both, I have about 10 shirts. So, one less shirt wasn't going to hurt!
OK-here's where I'm going with this: even though I wasn't playing my best, and neither was my sister, it didn't matter. The rest of the team pulled it together and got it done.
Sometimes in the scheme of things, we have to let other people put us on THEIR shoulders and carry US.
We don't have to be strong, stoic, in charge or in control every second of our lives.
The problem that many of us (usually women!) have is that we tell ourselves, "If I don't do it, it won't get done. If I don't do it, nobody will."
Sometimes, that is true. But how many times does the world stop turning if we DON'T take care of everything?
And here's something to ask yourself: Is my doing whatever it is I'm doing keeping someone else from learning how to do something, or keeping someone from helping me when they'd really like to help? Guess what? After a few rejections, nobody's gonna want to even ask if they can help you.
I have 2 sons. Both are intelligent, kind, and because of me, somewhat spoiled. It would be SO MUCH EASIER to do most of the chores myself. First, there is the nagging about getting it done. Augh! Then there is the idea that they just don't perform the job the way that I would.
I have to remind myself: if the job is completed in a satisfactory manner, isn't that the important thing?
The second thing I learned this summer?
Life Goes On.
Depite the pain my sister is going through, and the anger I've felt about the situation, life goes on. Cold blooded? No, I'm just saying-when you're in a mood, just remember, it's YOUR mood, not everyone else's. My teammates were looking at volleyball as something fun and challenging, not a drag, like I was.
My brother-in-law is losing no sleep over his walkout, while my sister is miserable.
They say misery loves company, and it's so true. When you're having a bad day, how often do you try to share it with someone else? You may even resent that other people are having a GOOD day.
I'm not saying that being in a bad mood is a bad thing. We all have them. We're human.
It's just that sometimes there comes a point where it's a wasted emotion. If you're in it and not learning from it (Say What?!? I should LEARN what's at the bottom of my mood?), or moving toward getting out of it, that's a problem.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Just back after a long absence.
Wish I could say that I was doing my "tour of Europe," or that I'd been on an expedition to the South Pole. Nope-just living life. I don't even have a really good vacation story to tell. I'll have to speak to the DH about that...
Quick catch-up: my sister is still dealing with the husband who left. Summer has come and gone. Played sand volleyball on my sister's team AND one other team, so I was working up some killer sweat on Mondays! Lo and behold! As bad as we played some nights, my sister's team won our end of the season tournament. I was very surprised because due to my sister's lack of focus, and my emotional upset with her situation, I felt like we just didn't have the greatest season. Ok, there's a lesson to be learned, and I'll write about that tomorrow...
Any hoooo...younger son has been home for the summer from college. He should be out of my hair (and I'll miss him not being around) in a few weeks. My dad was hospitalized recently, but is back at home, which is upsetting my mom...being the primary caregiver of a cranky old man is draining.
And I have a new job! I'm still at the same hospital, but in a new position. I have my own office (ok, I share it with the copier), but I'm on the 5th floor, and I have windows! Not the computer kind, but actual glass that I can see out of! I can see a high rise that is near my house. I love this! I had hesitations about taking this job-you know the drill-getting out of one's comfort zone can be unnerving and scary. But I decided that I can do this, or I can learn to do whatever's needed for the job.
So, I'm looking forward to taking on new challenges.
I could write for days, but won't bog you down now. More to come...
Enjoy your day!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Just a funny little story...
My nephew graduated from college last weekend. My parents, sister and I were to meet my brother and his family in Athens, OH for their son's big day.
It had rained the evening before and that morning. I had brought a dress to wear, along with some sandals, but seeing as it was raining, and not being how sure how far we'd have to walk from the parking lot to the convocation center, I decided to wear my gym shoes.
One of my (many) mantras in life is: there are many times when I don't care what I wear. I'm never going to see these people again. Honestly-how often do you hesitate to wear that cute dress, funky shoes or God-forbid! a bathing suit because of what people will think about your outfit? More specifically-what you THINK people will think about your clothes and how you look in them?
In March I went to a wedding with my husband. Two of his coworkers were getting married. I had on a God-awful color of pantyhose. I made a comment about them to my sister. She offered to give me another pair, but since she's like a size 4 I told her that her pantyhose wouldn't fit me (or rather, they'd only fit as far as my calves). I told her-I don't care! I'm never going to see these people ever again. Plus-at the reception people will be milling around, eating, dancing, whatever. Who's going to notice me and my ugly pantyhose?
Anyway-I live on the premise that I'm probably never going to see the people at the event ever again, so who cares? Nobody there will know me, so who cares?! I once had a co-worker who went on a week-long cruise. A cruise! She'd never been on a cruise before and she wasn't taking a swimsuit. She thought she was too fat to go out in public in one. What? I told her: take your swimsuit! Those people don't know you! You're never going to see them ever again!
So, off I went to the graduation in my dress and gym shoes. I'm practical if nothing else...
We were trying to find my brother and his family after the event when I noticed a woman looking at me. Hard. Finally she spoke. She asked me if I had attended college together and weren't we roommates at one point in time?
Turns out that she and I had been roommates our first quarter at college. Due to a shortage of dorm rooms, we were shoved (along with a third girl) into the lounge at the end of the hall for the first 10 weeks of school. After that we were each placed in real rooms for the rest of the year.
I hadn't seen this person in more than 30 years! What a surprise and a treat! Her son was graduating that day as well.
We talked for a while and said our goodbyes. She said my face still looked the same. My hair is still long, but much whiter now than my freshman year of college.
Ain't that the way? You think you won't know anybody at the event-that you'll never see them again, and here comes someone you know from your past.
But you know what? She recognized my face. She probably wasn't fixated on my clothes. What I was wearing didn't take away from anything.
Sure, I like to look presentable, neat, appropriate, etc. etc. But if you hesitate to wear something you want to wear because of how you think other people will think about your outfit, maybe think again?
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