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WOMANWITHGRIT's Recent Blog Entries

I am so sad, I am so tired. I am grieving.

Friday, August 09, 2013

I am just moving slowly....nd I feel so sad and like I am in a bad dream. Walking in ways I don't want to walk but then,, I think I have to do this. There is so much out of my control, I just need to accept this, I know. I need to leave it with God and take the next step. Tracking is a priority; I cannot stop that. I am so sad. I need to rest. I need to exercise more -- I'm feeling this from the inside (when I started SP, I had such resistance to this).

There was a beautiful piece sung at our Wedding.
By George Herbert, to music by Vaughn Williams.

The Call
(from Five Mystical Songs)

Come, my Way, my Truth, my Life:
Such a way as gives us breath;
Such a truth as ends all strife,
Such a life as killeth death.

Come, my Light, my Feast, my Strength:
Such a light as shows a feast,
Such a feast as mends in length,
Such a strength as makes his guest.

Come, my Joy, my Love, my Heart:
Such a joy as none can move,
Such a love as none can part,
Such a heart as joys in love.

Becoming so heavy was a product of not really know how to love myself. I need to do that now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOMANWITHGRIT 8/10/2013 12:24PM

    Thank you. I am very grateful to all for your comments, wishes and counsel.

Comment edited on: 8/10/2013 12:24:28 PM

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KAYYVAUGHN 8/10/2013 9:48AM

    Remember the words to that song. Try to be in good spirits, and you can do it.

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AQUAGIRL08 8/10/2013 7:27AM


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SLACHETKA103145 8/10/2013 4:50AM

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MOTHEPRO 8/9/2013 11:29PM


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DDOORN 8/9/2013 11:19PM

    Grieving with all your heart is a tremendous step toward loving yourself...one foot ahead of the other. We're all with you on your journey.


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CHERYL_ANNE 8/9/2013 9:18PM


Sending good thoughts and vibes your way!

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HONOURIA 8/9/2013 8:57PM

    Hmm....I think now is the time to think about seeing your physician. Tell him/her what is going on. He/she may prescribe something for this. It is your health that you are protecting. Your self that you are caring for. This is one way to do that.

You have been under a lot of stress. Your body's supply of cortisone is limited, and is designed for sprints, not marathons. You are in a marathon, and your body doesn't have the cortisone to deal with it. You are in mourning, which is an expected phase in this process. If it deepens, you may be putting your life in jeopardy. It would be wise to hedge your bets.

Keeping on keel at this time may be quite difficult, and super-human. Don't expect this of yourself and seek help.

You may be wise also to protect yourself by seeing a counselor regularly if you think that you will need someone to talk to.


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    I also hope that soon you are in a better place.

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    I have a suggestion. You can choose to do it, or not.

Each day get a note pad or the computer if you prefer, but handwriting will have more of an effect. Every time you do something POSITIVE, note it. Don't tear it down, or find negative things about it. Do this for one week. Then let us know how you are doing in a week.

Are you game? Hope so, 'cause I believe you've got what it takes.

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Comment edited on: 8/9/2013 5:49:56 PM

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DIDMIS 8/9/2013 5:34PM

    I'm so sorry you are going through a difficult time. May God bless you.

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JEANNE229 8/9/2013 5:19PM

    Hope you find comfort soon.

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Our Beautiful Bodies

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Until just very recently, in the morning, I would run past the mirror in the bathroom, looking at myself only to the extent I had to do so --and then with disdain. But, lately, I've come to see myself as beautiful. Right. Now. Today. I stop in front of the mirror and pause. I am grateful for my body and, most amazingly, notice its beauty. I have weight to lose -- about 100 pounds -- but here, now, today, I am accepting my whole self and I never thought this was really possible. So, I notice my larger stomach, and its really okay right now. In fact, I find that I love myself. All of this leads to taking better care of myself. For example, I didn't used to bother with putting on body lotion. Now I do - and I am taking time to experience this as sensuous.

Today I ran across a www.ABeautifulBodyProject.com

This is a media project by Jade Beall, where she "praises the unphotoshopped body"; women who are pregnant, post-partum, breastfeeding, all ages, sizes, and with cancer and illness. In her words: A Beautiful Body project is movement of women coming together to tell their stories and celebrate their ever-changing bodies so that future generations of women can live free from self-suffering.

I hope you take a look; her photos are wonderful and she also includes stories, support and perspective. We are all beautiful -- here, now and today. I am grateful for all my SP friends and all I learn on these webpages for guiding me in beginning to love myself again to want to be healthy. To eat healthy food, in target range, because I love my body.

These webpages reflect this acceptance and love and joy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AQUAGIRL08 8/10/2013 7:36AM

    I loved the photos! Thanks for sharing!

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KAYYVAUGHN 8/6/2013 6:14AM

    I think we all needed your blog.

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HONOURIA 8/6/2013 12:13AM

    What a wonderful wonderful blog. Thank you! emoticon

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    What a great blog!! You really are beautiful!!

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DDOORN 8/5/2013 2:00PM

    I'm familiar with this project and heartily applaud it also! This is something us guys struggle with too!


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CHERYL_ANNE 8/5/2013 7:32AM

    It is amazing what the power of loving one's self can do. We all have that ability within us and it doesn't cost us anything to do it, and yet loving ourselves is one of the first things we slow down or stop doing.

I'm glad that you're rediscovering it for yourself!


PS - Thank you for sharing the link to: www.ABeautifulBodyProject.com

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NYARAMULA 8/5/2013 12:31AM

    This is an awesome blog. Thank you so much for sharing. And remember, you are BEAUTIFUL!

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Progressively, I am becoming more and more ordered around food and eating

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Notwithstanding everything else going on, I realize I am becoming healthier about food. Listening to my body and giving it what it needs. Tracking will always be important for me, I think, for lots of reasons. But I am really learning to take care of my body and to choose better things to eat. I think about how I feel after eating something and choose wisely. I don't want to eat too much, because then I do not feel very good. And the, back to the beginning -- I want to feel better. Its the tracking, reading, exercising, and support. Wow!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSETTE29 8/4/2013 4:26PM

    Wow! Look at all the love you got on this post! Well, here's some more. Thank you for your post on my page--that funny picture of me and the statue. It brought me back to Spark Pages to update my blog and my status. Thanks! Cheers for both of us.

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HONOURIA 7/31/2013 11:06PM

    This is so important right now - so bravo!

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NELLJONES 7/31/2013 7:26AM

    Tracking does force you into orderly thinking about food.

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/31/2013 5:09AM

    You are doing great. You are on your way to a healthy lifestyle.

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BEWELL48 7/31/2013 3:43AM

    Sounds good! Why does it take us so long to learn this most sensible practice!
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MOTHEPRO 7/30/2013 10:58PM

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68ANNE 7/30/2013 8:50PM

    Weeha and way to go!

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/30/2013 8:46PM

    Wonderful to hear!

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PATJOONWW 7/30/2013 4:42PM

    Totally agree!

Keep up the good work and much success on your journey!

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DEJAMQ 7/30/2013 3:21PM

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It is so good to be a SparkPerson

Saturday, July 27, 2013

I am very grateful for this infrastructure provided by Chris Downie and for every single person here on SP, who takes courage to log on to these pages. I tracked my food over the years for periods of time, but I didn't jump in with both feet -- into the community -- until last April. I started the coaching sessions, then, too.

Tracking food, exercise, reading, blogging, interacting -- and, then, all this again the next day - in honesty, is making the difference.

I went over my calories yesterday -- not much, but, over. I was still careful. It was a feast day potluck at my church. Today, I am here. With all these issues in my life. And all of the very wonderful feedback and support from all of you. I am tracking. I will walk or swim today. I am getting a pedicure. I am guarding my heart and soul and I want to act in love. I am planning healthy food.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYYVAUGHN 7/28/2013 5:28PM

    I think you are doing great.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/28/2013 11:15AM

    Loved the blog. Very positive - the words of a winner.

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68ANNE 7/27/2013 6:18PM

    way to go!
Sometimes it seems like a ton of work but if it helps you then it is definitely worth it!

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MOTHEPRO 7/27/2013 3:56PM


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HONOURIA 7/27/2013 2:19PM

St. Anne, wasn't it?

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LETHA_ 7/27/2013 11:56AM

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The last two days . . .

Thursday, July 25, 2013

I am having a difficult time. My calories have increased -- upper end of range or just over, and I am having trouble in pushing myself to exercise. I am fighting fear, really. I have nothing profound to say about this...but I am having a difficult time accepting all that happening in my marriage. Every day I see some different facet -- like - "oh, this is how it has been" that makes clear how I am where I am at now. No, my husband has not loved me (is this true, I ask myself?). Seems that way. This is what he says now and I feel like I am looking at a zombie -- as he is so very very detached. He has been a man searching for geographical cures for the entire time I have known him. This has, in fact, been the basis of many disagreements. I would have trouble with a scheme and he would be resentful and push for it. I felt like he never would honor my different opinion -- but only comply bitterly at the point I felt safety or security was an issue and take issue as a parent would. I hated that.
He is now in pain again, and is reinventing himself. I am the geography from which he is escaping, along with the house and his status as a married person.

What else? In my bones, I knew there was trouble. I've been keeping his ship afloat for a long time. I don't want to do it anymore. He doesn't want it. I cannot believe he says he doesn't love me -- but at the same time, this is what I have thought, in some way, was the case. It's all just accelerated.

I so know I need to take care of myself. My body. Tracking food, exercising. I am writing this to push it out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MUSETTE29 8/4/2013 4:30PM

    WomanWithGrit says it. You are strong, even if you don't feel it right now. Courage, my dear. I've been there; it gets better.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/26/2013 11:47AM

    Sounds very stressful. You are right. You need to have healthy habits and take care of yourself.

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JEANNE229 7/26/2013 9:23AM

    Routine...and sticking to it, can help stress levels that are way over the moon!

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CHERYL_ANNE 7/26/2013 6:43AM

    My two cents?

Take care of yourself! Do all the things you know you need to do so you can continue your journey of becoming the healthiest you can be.

It takes both parties in a relationship (friends, children, partners, job, etc) to make it work because a relationship is something we must work at. Simply coasting and magically expecting it to nurture itself is not realistic.

I totally understand how disbelief at detached negative behavior can be hurtful.

But at the same time it's our reaction to it that we control - because deep down we know we can't control the other person or the situation.

We can choose to not let that behavior affect us and our belief system, we can choose to let it affect us and our belief system, or we can choose to do nothing - but anyway we look at it - the choice is ours to make.

It's so important to make the choice based on what is best for us and not out of fear, because we're the ones who have to live with our choice.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending good vibes your way!

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MOTHEPRO 7/25/2013 11:06PM


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HONOURIA 7/25/2013 11:05PM

    This is a high stress time. It would be wise to track and keep your food intake as sensible as possible, but it might be difficult to do at this time. It would be good to find an exercise that you can do regularly. It will help.

It appears that your husband is in the mood for a change. You say that you keep the ship afloat. Then keep it afloat - you remain stable. Sometimes people need to get away to evaluate their lives. That can take them away in order to sort things out. He may very well change his mind again. Until he is certain, I suggest you stay as calm as you can and do your best to protect any at home children. While he is gone, it will be a good time for you to sort out yourself as well.

Essentially, it is a time for pause. For assessment. I would advize you to pray for strength and wisdom. And forgiveness for all involved.

Most of all, try to be kind to yourself.

People who come off really well in these situations take the high ground. Behave with honour, kindness, wisdom, and maturity. You do that, and you will not have regrets. Watch the words that come out of your mouth and don't speak in anger. You will need to be circumspect.

Having been in and out of relationships in my deep past - and now having a stable long lasting one, I can at least give you the benefit of my experience. It may not exactly apply, but take what is good and leave the rest.


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