Wednesday, July 03, 2013
This quote is sometimes attributed to Carrie Fisher and then also, with some variation, to Nelson Mandela. However, preceding these attributions, this has been heard around 12 step meetings for decades. Its a great metaphor as it describes very clearly the apparatus of resentment. Resentment involves replaying a feeling, and the situation leading up to the feeling. Over time, it becomes more entrenched and this self perpetuating process makes *us* emotionally, physically and spiritually ill. But we still expect the other person to die. And we don't want to give up our resentments. We feel we are "entitled", of course.
I figure much of my extra weight is embodied resentment. I ate for years related to resentments -- and also fear, identifiable anger, and sadness. I'm more aware of all of this now and am beginning to get honest and to deconstruct these resentments and to let them go. I decided to write about this today as I became aware of an especially succulent resentment and my attendant disposition that I "deserved" to hold and have this. Whoa. Time for prayer and meditation. Time to remember the anatomy of resentment and whose life is truly affected when we carry them.
Letting these go is the answer. Forgiving. Turning to Love. For me, turning to Jesus.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
So, this morning I stepped on the scale, after a week of much much walking and eating in the lower end of my range. I was expecting, perhaps a three pound loss, instead of three pound gain. My clothes fit better, I feel better, but I do wish the scale had tipped the other way. I'll weigh again in 2-3 days. In the meantime, tracking, tracking......
Friday, June 21, 2013
There are individually wrapped lifesavers at the reception desk in my new building. I only have "just one." But then, I pass again. and grab two...and then, sad to say...three. I haven't really thought to track these until today. I had about 10 today -- and I didn't really count.
Then there's the matter of small cough drops. Not candy, really, but I eat them throughout weekly time I spend talking with my priest. Today, ah, perhaps about ten.
So, tonight I tracked these and wint-o-green lifesavers and they are about 35 for 4 and those small cough drops appear to be 15 a piece. So, being more honest tonight, I tracked 85 for those lifesavers and 150 for the cough drops. Wow. 235 un necessary and unhealthy calories.
This brings home the idea of tracking everything I eat.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Morning Prayer gives me direction for the day and orients me to God. The Canticle generally used for Mondays is Ecce, Deus, from Isaiah; I have posted it just below. I have always especially loved the first verse: "Surely, it is God who saves me; I will trust in him and not be afraid." For me, there is so much power in claiming these words. I am set firmly on my feet, by faith, knowing my help and salvation (for this moment, for this day) is from God and God alone. And next, then, is my response to God; that I will, in fact, trust him and do my best to dispel fear.
(Walker, Diane. Seen through the Cross, http://ecva.org/exhibition/JesusOurBrother
Canticle 9 (Monday Mornings)
The First Song of Isaiah (Isaiah 12:2-6)
Surely, it is God who saves me; *
I will trust in him and not be afraid.
For the Lord is my stronghold and my sure defense, *
and he will be my Savior.
Therefore you shall draw water with rejoicing *
from the springs of salvation.
And on that day you shall say, *
Give thanks to the Lord and call upon his Name;
Make his deeds known among the peoples; *
see that they remember that his Name is exalted.
Sing the praises of the Lord, for he has done great things, *
and this is known in all the world.
Cry aloud, inhabitants of Zion, ring out your joy, *
for the great one in the midst of you is the Holy One of Israel.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
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