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Canticle from Morning Prayer; Surge illuminare

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Canticle 11 The Third Song of Isaiah Isaiah 60:1-3, 11a, 14c, 18-19
Surge, illuminare

Arise, shine, for your light has come, *
and the glory of the Lord has dawned upon you.

For behold, darkness covers the land; *
deep gloom enshrouds the peoples.

But over you the Lord will rise, *
and his glory will appear upon you.

Nations will stream to your light, *
and kings to the brightness of your dawning.

Your gates will always be open; *
by day or night they will never be shut.

They will call you, The City of the Lord, *
The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.

Violence will no more be heard in your land, *
ruin or destruction within your borders.

You will call your walls, Salvation, *
and all your portals, Praise.

The sun will no more be your light by day; *
by night you will not need the brightness of the moon.

The Lord will be your everlasting light, *
and your God will be your glory.

Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PYNETREE 7/26/2013 8:47AM

    A perfect scripture for this perfect day..somehow, I was meant to read this today!

Thank You!

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/21/2013 5:22AM

    Today is a good day to hear these words.

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HONOURIA 7/17/2013 11:11PM

    I love the wording of this. "And all your portals, Praise."
Portals can be corrupt - they are angel gateways. Here, all of them are sanctified. It's lovely.

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NANA2PRINCESSES 7/17/2013 11:55AM

    Thanks for sharing this.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 7/17/2013 11:05AM

    Great scripture.

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I believe my marriage is over

Friday, July 12, 2013

It is good to be anonymous here.

I am almost 61 and I married my husband when we were 33 and we had two wonderful sons -- now 25 and 23. They are wonderful.

I have always loved him and I do, now, in fact. But we have had difficulties for some years. We have been recovering.....individually. I guess it doesn't always translate into marital recovery. Both parties need to have a common goal of healing in the marriage. My husband does not.

I feel like I am a surreal movie and I realize I need so much to keep taking care of myself here-- tracking food and exercise, coaching, moving, drinking water, being involved in this community.

I won't grovel or beg. I won't do that. And I acknowledge the small bit of relief I feel. I have no time or space for resentment and I am praying to keep that at bay. I am afraid ---------I didn't bank on this and I don't want it. I need to love and take care of myself. I hurt.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORTICIAADDAMS 7/17/2013 11:04AM

    I went through this too years ago with my first marriage. My heart goes out to you and I'm hoping that things work out for the best.

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HONOURIA 7/13/2013 12:38AM

    There are times like this in marriage. I went through this. My sheer commitment to keep the marriage intact saw us through a time when he just wasn't able to do it. It was tough. I hung onto God because I knew where I was supposed to be. I stayed close to God, and persevered. Things turned around. But it took me 6 years.

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DIDMIS 7/12/2013 5:54PM

    I am so sorry. I know it hurts and it will for some time but you have the right attitude. Take care of you. Put yourself and your marriage in God's hands. There is nothing too difficult for Him.

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DEMETERSCO 7/12/2013 12:48PM

    This is so hard, I hope you have someone you can talk to - a counselor or minister or other party removed from the emotion. We are here for you, too, to listen without judgment and to support you .

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KNYAGENYA 7/12/2013 12:19PM


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DWINDLIN 7/12/2013 9:38AM

    sending you strength, clarity and peace - for whatever you and your husband decide.

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RAZRBKMOM 7/12/2013 9:11AM

    I can so feel your pain and relief at the same time. I was married to someone for 21 years and all of a sudden he came in and said he wasn't happy and wanted out. Looking back, I can see where neither one of us were happy. In all actuality it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It wasn't for my kids but mine were younger.

In the years since I am a happier person, it took a bit to get there, but I did get there. I will pray for you. I know it is a scary thing to have to start over but you sound like a very strong lady, and you will have tons of support on here if you just use it!!

You are the winner in this - don't ever forget that!! It is his loss not yours!!! Hold your head up, and know that there are some of us that truly understand. emoticon emoticon

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DDOORN 7/12/2013 8:31AM

    Focusing on Extreme Self Care as you move through this phase of your life is the wisest course you could choose for yourself. You emotions may roller-coaster away and so many things may appear to be out of your control BUT: maintaining that laser-like focus on your health and well-being is still possible!

Though it may wane and flicker, KEEP THE SPARK and make those healthy food choices, healthy activity choices...moving our bodies is one of the best way to vent all those emotions that may roll through you like thunderheads!

Your SparkFamily is here for you 24/7 as you make your way through such difficult days...


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FITFRIT 7/12/2013 8:31AM

    I will say a prayer for you today and in the days ahead. Grow stronger in knowing you are taking care of you. Good luck.

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NELLJONES 7/12/2013 7:55AM

    I have been here myself, but it was 32 years ago. No one goes into a marriage thinking it will end, but it does happen. I am so sorry.

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/12/2013 7:36AM

    I think you are handling this situation well. It's not easy, but you are trying with a good attitude. The hurt will not go away soon. Just take it one day at the time. We are here for you and will support you.

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KATIGIE 7/12/2013 7:23AM

    I too am glad you are working to keep resentment at bay. That is very important to your happiness. Take time to consider what you want--a divorce? A separate household, but no divorce? Some other arrangement? I say this because I have three friends who made that decision and went full speed ahead to be free--and it has cost them heavily. I'm not an advocate of soaking the male, but be sure your health insurance and monthly income are adequate before the scariness and exhilaration of a new start. One friend ia 70, still tied to his mortgage, no income, little SS--very sad to see. You'll get through this! Just don't let haste prevent you from thinking through the finances. Very best wishes!

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HARMONYAGAIN 7/12/2013 6:28AM


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NANA2PRINCESSES 7/12/2013 6:15AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MOTHEPRO 7/12/2013 5:55AM


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CALLIEZMOM 7/12/2013 5:45AM

  You are a woman with grit indeed! My heart is with you but I sense that you are at the point of realizing that this is yet another chapter in the journey that is your life. I understand as my marriage ended suddenly after 27 years and I didn't want it either. It hurts like h_ll. I didn't have the good sense you do to realize that resentment can eat you alive and I didn't take care of myself - I gave in to all my emotions and I'm paying dearly for it today. I now have 100 lbs to lose.

Don't grovel or beg, just make yourself your number 1 priority as you deal with this loss. Take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, drinking water and asking for support, just as you did by writing this blog. Keep up this great outlook on what is one of the toughest things that can happen to a woman. I will shed some tears for you and your loss so you don't have to if you don't want to or feel you can't so you can stay strong,

You are blessed with 2 sons of young adult age and I think you'll find (as I did) that they will be among your greatest sources of support and strength. You helped make them the people that they are and you can (and should) take great pride in that! It was my own grown kids who pulled me up on my feet and said "enough already - if Dad wants to walk away it's not your fault and it's not your problem"! Today, a few years later, I am emotionally and spiritually better and healing and finally dealing with the mess that is me. From your words, I believe you have already figured this out. I want to encourage you to take all the steps you mentioned to take the very best care of yourself through this so that you come out the winner that you are!

If you want an anonymous friend through this, I promise to check in with you every day or as often as you want me to, I found a divorce recovery support buddy online who I have never met and she has been one of my rocks. I can say things to her that I wouldn't say to my kids or my friends, because so many of my friends are friends we made and sustained as a couple, My buddy helps me sift through the garbage that gets in my way,

I wish you only a success recovery and a blessed, happy and healthy new life ahead, God bless you!

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Noticing Beauty

Sunday, July 07, 2013

I haven't always "had time" to stop, pay attention, and notice Beauty all around me. And to let this be the center of my experience, a restoration. Instead, I've been more inclined to be agitated. But today, I am able to recognize and seek beauty and to be part of it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYYVAUGHN 7/8/2013 4:34PM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing.

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NELLJONES 7/8/2013 6:43AM

    As they say, you have to stop to smell the roses.

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    Love your attitude. I'm also trying to find beauty around me in every day things.

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MOTHEPRO 7/7/2013 5:49PM


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CHERYL_ANNE 7/7/2013 4:59PM

    I am happy for you that you chose today to see the beauty and take it in!

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    Connecting with beauty is a joy. Happy for you!

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HONOURIA 7/7/2013 2:34PM

    Beauty is so much a part of peace. So happy that you can connect with that!

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LETHA_ 7/7/2013 2:26PM

    Lovely photo. Wishing you a peaceful day.

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Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

This quote is sometimes attributed to Carrie Fisher and then also, with some variation, to Nelson Mandela. However, preceding these attributions, this has been heard around 12 step meetings for decades. Its a great metaphor as it describes very clearly the apparatus of resentment. Resentment involves replaying a feeling, and the situation leading up to the feeling. Over time, it becomes more entrenched and this self perpetuating process makes *us* emotionally, physically and spiritually ill. But we still expect the other person to die. And we don't want to give up our resentments. We feel we are "entitled", of course.

I figure much of my extra weight is embodied resentment. I ate for years related to resentments -- and also fear, identifiable anger, and sadness. I'm more aware of all of this now and am beginning to get honest and to deconstruct these resentments and to let them go. I decided to write about this today as I became aware of an especially succulent resentment and my attendant disposition that I "deserved" to hold and have this. Whoa. Time for prayer and meditation. Time to remember the anatomy of resentment and whose life is truly affected when we carry them.

Letting these go is the answer. Forgiving. Turning to Love. For me, turning to Jesus.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERYL_ANNE 7/7/2013 5:03PM

    I feel so much lighter when I make the choice to let things go instead of carrying them with me. At first I was very fearful of letting things go because I was afraid that it would also mean I would forget what happened. Instead, I discovered that because I chose to let go, the pain diminished because it wasn't being stoked and the memory was still there, but without all the emotion attached to it.


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KANOE10 7/5/2013 9:02AM

    You are wise to vent here and get those feelings out. You are on your road to success by letting go of resentment.


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    So true. Sometimes it is not what you're eating, but what's eating you that you have to figure out before you can heal. Best wishes to you on embracing your own happiness. Resentment is habit that no longer serves you.

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KAYYVAUGHN 7/4/2013 10:13AM

    Thanks for the reminder. Yesterday I wasn't on target.

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HONOURIA 7/3/2013 10:09PM

    This is an excellent insight. It takes courage to face these. Congratulations on the road you are traveling, and may you have more of these! It can only lead to health!

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JEANNE229 7/3/2013 4:17PM

    You are very wise to realize cause and effect.

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UNSWEETMAMA 7/3/2013 3:23PM

    I needed this today. Thank you for the reminder.

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MOTHEPRO 7/3/2013 3:15PM

    So, so true! Resentment will eat you from the inside out.

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Trusting the process

Sunday, June 30, 2013

So, this morning I stepped on the scale, after a week of much much walking and eating in the lower end of my range. I was expecting, perhaps a three pound loss, instead of three pound gain. My clothes fit better, I feel better, but I do wish the scale had tipped the other way. I'll weigh again in 2-3 days. In the meantime, tracking, tracking......

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KANOE10 7/3/2013 10:59AM

    Hang in there..You could have water retention. If your clothes feel better you have got to be on the right track. Good for you staying in the lower range of your calories. I hope the scale moves for you soon in the right direction!


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KAYYVAUGHN 7/2/2013 8:48AM

    Don't worry about those scales. That has happened to me many times.
How your clothes fit is the key to your weight loss.
Tracking will keep it down.

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NELLJONES 7/1/2013 7:34AM

    My goal is my Day. My WW leader taught me to think like that back in 1970 when I joined WW. If I do what I know I am supposed to do each and every day, those days add up. I've been at goal since Christmas of 1970, and I did it One Day At A Time. She was right.

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WOMANWITHGRIT 6/30/2013 9:43PM

    Thank you for all of your comments. I appreciate it very much.

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CHERYL_ANNE 6/30/2013 7:35PM

    Do you track your sodium?

It wasn't until I added it to my nutrition tracker that I realized just how much hidden sodium I was consuming. I am a label reader and thought I was doing good, but now, I buy no-salt added and am doing much, much better.

The bonus is that because I consume less sodium, my body does not hold onto water like it used to, and only if I have something like Hot N Sour Soup, do I retain water.

You'll figure out!

In the meantime, just keep doing what you're doing and what the scale reflects back at you will change.

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HONOURIA 6/30/2013 5:23PM

    So discouraging...however, there are so many reasons for that happening that I would say just hang in there and keep plugging away. It will move. Patience! Fortitude!

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    I hate the scale and am working on not letting it be my be-all, end-all. It is one way of measuring progress. As long as the other ways (body measurements and NSVs) are adding up, I am working on not letting the scale # discourage me.

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FATASHNOMORE 6/30/2013 2:50PM

    I know exactly what you mean by "trusting the process." My new assignment this week is to detach from outcomes!


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MOTHEPRO 6/30/2013 2:47PM

Ugh! The scale is so finicky! It's probably just water weight since your clothes are looser. It's frustrating though!

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