Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Canticle 11 The Third Song of Isaiah Isaiah 60:1-3, 11a, 14c, 18-19
Arise, shine, for your light has come, *
and the glory of the Lord has dawned upon you.
For behold, darkness covers the land; *
deep gloom enshrouds the peoples.
But over you the Lord will rise, *
and his glory will appear upon you.
Nations will stream to your light, *
and kings to the brightness of your dawning.
Your gates will always be open; *
by day or night they will never be shut.
They will call you, The City of the Lord, *
The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.
Violence will no more be heard in your land, *
ruin or destruction within your borders.
You will call your walls, Salvation, *
and all your portals, Praise.
The sun will no more be your light by day; *
by night you will not need the brightness of the moon.
The Lord will be your everlasting light, *
and your God will be your glory.
Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit
as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be for ever. Amen.
Friday, July 12, 2013
It is good to be anonymous here.
I am almost 61 and I married my husband when we were 33 and we had two wonderful sons -- now 25 and 23. They are wonderful.
I have always loved him and I do, now, in fact. But we have had difficulties for some years. We have been recovering.....individually. I guess it doesn't always translate into marital recovery. Both parties need to have a common goal of healing in the marriage. My husband does not.
I feel like I am a surreal movie and I realize I need so much to keep taking care of myself here-- tracking food and exercise, coaching, moving, drinking water, being involved in this community.
I won't grovel or beg. I won't do that. And I acknowledge the small bit of relief I feel. I have no time or space for resentment and I am praying to keep that at bay. I am afraid ---------I didn't bank on this and I don't want it. I need to love and take care of myself. I hurt.
Sunday, July 07, 2013
I haven't always "had time" to stop, pay attention, and notice Beauty all around me. And to let this be the center of my experience, a restoration. Instead, I've been more inclined to be agitated. But today, I am able to recognize and seek beauty and to be part of it.
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
This quote is sometimes attributed to Carrie Fisher and then also, with some variation, to Nelson Mandela. However, preceding these attributions, this has been heard around 12 step meetings for decades. Its a great metaphor as it describes very clearly the apparatus of resentment. Resentment involves replaying a feeling, and the situation leading up to the feeling. Over time, it becomes more entrenched and this self perpetuating process makes *us* emotionally, physically and spiritually ill. But we still expect the other person to die. And we don't want to give up our resentments. We feel we are "entitled", of course.
I figure much of my extra weight is embodied resentment. I ate for years related to resentments -- and also fear, identifiable anger, and sadness. I'm more aware of all of this now and am beginning to get honest and to deconstruct these resentments and to let them go. I decided to write about this today as I became aware of an especially succulent resentment and my attendant disposition that I "deserved" to hold and have this. Whoa. Time for prayer and meditation. Time to remember the anatomy of resentment and whose life is truly affected when we carry them.
Letting these go is the answer. Forgiving. Turning to Love. For me, turning to Jesus.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
So, this morning I stepped on the scale, after a week of much much walking and eating in the lower end of my range. I was expecting, perhaps a three pound loss, instead of three pound gain. My clothes fit better, I feel better, but I do wish the scale had tipped the other way. I'll weigh again in 2-3 days. In the meantime, tracking, tracking......
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