Monday, September 08, 2014
I'm looking forward to a holiday at Thanksgiving....my younger son and I are headed to Monterey, CA to spend time with my older son, who is studying at the Defense Language Institute, as an Arabic Linguist.
I found a great little rental home, not far from the Presidio and walking distance to the Bay. Below, a pic from the Monterey Aquarium.
I have been rather stuck in self pity and grieving the past. I guess I am learning to turn around more often and move forward - in caring for myself.
Really, I need more practice at it.
Discerning what I want to do, and who *I* want to be. Now. And to build relationships now with my sons -- as young adults. I'm working at not having many expectations, except that I am present to the day and be grateful for time together -- allowing honest space for all of us as we grow and a recover from a really difficult year - really last few years.
I so much need to cut my ties with my painful past and to move forward. I have many days between now and the trip to Monterey, to do this.
What do *I* need to do today? What do *I* need to do to take care of myself today? How do *I* feel and then also, how do *I* want to behave? How do *I* want to demonstrate compassion -- both to myself and to those around me that I love? What do *I* need to cut out of my life? How can I treat myself better? Etc.
Learning to be responsible for myself.
Learning about boundaries and emotional honesty.
Learning about accepting what I cannot change.
Learning about acknowledging and letting go of a painful past - that I was really late in seeing and understanding.
Learning to listen to all parts of myself in ways I have not done yet.
Learning to acknowledge and take care of those needs from a central part of myself, that is becoming stronger.
Wednesday, September 03, 2014
Just an acknowledgement here. I haven't had a scale victory -- I've had many other victories -- but no weight loss. I am at 254. So, I'm glad for the 34 pounds and all of the healthy changes I've made. I'll have to change it up, exercise consistently -- I fall back on this - and its probably the key. . .I*know* its the key.
Monday, August 18, 2014
It's a round table. Beautifully set, with lovely linen napkins and shining silverware. I'm mostly aware of the napkins and silver -- but the rest of the picture includes beautiful china, on chargers, a tablecloth, and fresh flowers in shades of white and light green -- including lilies, hydrangea, and roses. Perhaps the roses would be a deep burgundy.
The food is not on the table. Its the place setting and the beauty of the arrangement that is critical.
There is a place at this table for each part of me --- all my thoughts, developmental orphans, my body, and those body parts of myself that I do not always like to own. Feelings and needs that I have marginalized. Sassy parts. Hurt parts. Scared parts, of course. Courageous and strong parts.
No more hiding. Or circuitous attempts to get my needs met.
"Everyone" is welcome at this (my) table. No one will be left out and everyone will get what they need.
I've been preparing a long time. Not so long ago I couldn't even imagine that I would want to do this or be so welcoming to all of myself.
Like, wow. Long way to go. I'm sure there will be table talk . . . .
Saturday, August 09, 2014
I am at the end of this summer cold -- I hope. I still have an unpredictable cough and wheeze, but I am definitely getting better. So much for my plans for training this week!!!
This next week, I will be more actively getting ready for the semester with meetings, etc. Time to be more structured!
Nonetheless, here's my plan update for this next week:
Today - water jogging - 15 minutes minimum (I did this yesterday, too).
Sunday - water jogging - 15 minutes
Monday - out of town company - maybe a walk....
Tuesday - my 1:1 yoga lesson and water jogging, shorter walk with dogs
Wednesday - strength training and water jogging
Thursday -- water jogging and walking
Friday - strength training, walking
Saturday - 3 mile walk, again....
Friday, August 08, 2014
I was reminded, when I read Mark Bittman this morning (NYTimes food editor), of the forthcoming movie, FED UP, to be released on DVD in early September. Katie Couric is one of the Executive Producers and the film has received good reviews in exposing the incredible amount of sugar in our food supply. This sugar is addictive and it also makes us very sick.
Fed Up asserts that "everything we have been told about food and exercise for the last 30 years is dead wrong" (http://fedupmovie.com/#/page/home).
Processed foods, convenience foods, fast foods, packaged foods, etc. are all about sugar -- and salt, and fat.
The exposure of these facts is becoming more mainstream, thank goodness. Forks Over Knives (available for streaming on Amazon), is about Whole Foods, Plant Based nutrition. So, this is about eating vegan -- but they do not use this term, as it is politically charged, and as one can eat very poorly as a vegan. Like, for example, fruit loops and coke for breakfast, white bread and chips for lunch, nuts, with oils and sugar, and so forth. Special packaged "vegan foods." There are other films and books, as well. King Corn (film) comes to mind and explores food/USDA policy.
We now see the the food industry's response to the gluten free market -- the production of many processed foods - gluten-free -- but with sugar, salt, and fat. Now, there does need to be gluten free products. Surely there are persons with celiac disease and those who are gluten sensitive, but there are others who are legitimately trying to be healthier, and, perhaps, reduce inflammation. In these situations, it may be good to also try cutting out the sugar, salt, fat, (overall, and hidden in processed foods) and see if that makes a difference. IOW, it may not be the gluten that is the bandit.
What is in common here, it seems, is the message that processed foods do nothing for our health - they make us sick. Michael Moss' book, Salt, Sugar, Fat, speaks to this. And then there are the books Michael Pollan has written, speaking to many of the same issues.
My personal experience? Since I have begun to eat Whole Foods, Plant Based, I spend more time in the kitchen, I am more connected to the food I eat, I am getting healthier on so many counts, and I have no cravings. I love the food I eat. I am eating less but spending more time doing it.
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