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Nervousness is just...

Thursday, March 22, 2012

I start a new job in the morning. I haven't had a daily office job in a few years now, since I was laid off. I have so many mixed feelings. There are a lot of unknowns that will be answered in the morning (I hope).

But it brings some fresh unknowns, about what will happen next. This is really the start of (I hope) a little bit of security, a time to make decisions, changes. Financially, it will not afford me the freedom that I dreamed of (my own apartment), but it is a start. It just means that I need to come up with other ideas, all of which are better than being unemployed and homeless, for sure! I will simply try to plan and deal with the rest as it comes, that's all I can do.

That doesn't quiet the nervousness.

But as I told a friend recently (who was nervous to go to some parties and meet new people with me): NERVOUSNESS is just from the adrenaline, which is there to prepare you for the challenges ahead!

I must be *really* ready. LOL.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MALCONTENTION 3/31/2012 12:13PM

    Great news! I hope the new job works out well and leads to many more good things for you!

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DMPRIDER 3/27/2012 4:06PM

    I just caught up with this post. Congratulations on your new job! I hope everything is going well. Best of luck!

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FITWITHIN 3/27/2012 8:53AM

    I'm so happy that you started you new job. It's just the beginning of my more blessing that will come your way. Best of luck to you on a new door opening.

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ME_FIRST 3/26/2012 7:20AM

    Congratulations and good luck at your new job. You'll do great. I just started a new job 3 months ago and I know how stressful it is. Take some time after work to de-stress and pamper your self.

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TERRIFICLYFIT 3/26/2012 3:23AM

    Congrats on the job!! Do let us know how you're faring!!!

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SARAHSTARTSOVER 3/25/2012 11:29AM

    Congrats on your new job! I know you are nervous but I know you are going to be great and while it takes a while to adjust (I always tell new employees to give it at least 90 days before they feel comfortable) once you do you will look back at this blog and wonder what you were so nervous about. emoticon

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XPHOENIX 3/25/2012 1:57AM

    I haven't worked since my son was born... 9 years ago. I'm so nervous.. but going to go back to work soon.. You can do it. Happy for you and proud of you. Baby steps. XOXOXOX

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EVER-HOPEFUL 3/24/2012 6:43PM

    so how did it go?

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LUVUJENNA 3/24/2012 1:08PM

  emoticon

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SUNNYSIDEUPMARY 3/24/2012 12:21PM

    Best wishes to you~ hope it's going well! :)

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HELLO_KITTY_ 3/24/2012 12:19PM

    So how did it turn out? I hope it went very well for you :)

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FIT_TERI 3/24/2012 12:08PM

    I get nervous starting a new job, too. Congratulations - and I hope you had a great first day!! Starting a new job is hard....so be kind to yourself as you get to know people and get acclimated. Let us know how it went!!
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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 3/24/2012 11:20AM

    emoticon on your new job! I hope your first day went well and your nerves calmed. I know you'll do a great job and kick ass!

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BRDGT262 3/23/2012 9:02PM

    Congratulations on the new job! I hope it went well for you! And it is definitely a start! I like your view on the nervousness...lol...I get nervous over such silly things and then when I'm done I'm like...well that wasn't nothing to get worked up about!

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SASSYWIFE_06 3/23/2012 2:49PM

    Congrats on your new job!!!!

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SWEETZMIX 3/23/2012 11:45AM

    Joce I hope everything went good. Let us know how your first day went!!

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RYDERB 3/23/2012 8:09AM

    I hope your first day was perfect!
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FITNFUNJEN 3/23/2012 12:01AM

    How did it go for you? I hope your first day was great!

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 3/22/2012 11:29PM

    I hope you had a wonderful first day!

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ABB698 3/22/2012 10:20PM

    Hope your first day was fabulous!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 3/22/2012 8:50PM

    COngrats on the new job! Have a great first day

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SERENEART 3/22/2012 8:42PM

    Congratulations on your new job!
Just remember to take a no. 2 pencil with you and you will be fine. emoticon

j/k....

Good Luck on your first day!

Comment edited on: 3/22/2012 8:43:37 PM

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DENESTIA 3/22/2012 6:51PM

    Congratulations on the new job and positive attitude!

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JESPAH 3/22/2012 3:45PM

    W00t here's to being REALLY ready. ;)

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FITKITTYMAMA 3/22/2012 12:57PM

    Having done so many new things in the past year I am well acquainted with nervousness!! You are going to excel in your new job and be completely amazing!!

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HHB4181 3/22/2012 12:40PM

    Best of luck to you in your new job! It's good t be nervous. It means you care.
Remember to bring healthy snacks so you don't give in to the vending machine monster.

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CHELAGETSFIT 3/22/2012 12:25PM

    I'm sure you're doing an amazing job at your new job this morning!!

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NINJA_SMOO 3/22/2012 10:53AM

  I hadn't ever thought about the nervousness / adrenaline thing before. Very cool :)

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DDOORN 3/22/2012 10:44AM

    Cheers to employment, building security and investing in yourself!

You're gonna do just SUPER! :-)

Don

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HIPPICHICK1 3/22/2012 10:40AM

    Yay!! I'm so happy for you! Ready or not, here it comes!!
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TESSABEAR428 3/22/2012 10:35AM

    Good luck! Hope you have a great first day!

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LOTUSFLOWER 3/22/2012 10:28AM

    emoticon

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DELHSI 3/22/2012 9:38AM

    This is a 'good' nervousness emoticon. Before you know it, it will be as if you have been there forever - knowing the ropes and the people. Congrats, again, on getting your job.

Have a great day!
Della

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KROLES55 3/22/2012 9:01AM

    Wonderful! Praying that everything works out and it will great start moving forward.

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ZURDTA- 3/22/2012 7:44AM

    Good luck... it is nerve wracking going back to work. However, just think, this time next month you will know what you are doing, will have sussed out your new colleagues, and you will be doing okay...

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ZIRCADIA 3/22/2012 7:39AM

    You got the job!!!! :D I remember seeing you had an interview. WOOHOO! :D You're getting started, girl. :) I'm soooo happy for you.

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KIMMYLOU4 3/22/2012 5:31AM

    Good luck! You'll do great. emoticon

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SHAWNKELL 3/22/2012 4:48AM

    Good Luck!

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RUNNER12COM 3/22/2012 2:22AM

    You deserve all the good stuff coming your way!

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ABB698 3/22/2012 1:31AM

    Congrats on the job, Joce! It's finally happening, and just like your spark journey, the timing might not seem where you envisioned it at the moment, but the end results are amazing! Go get em girlie! emoticon

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SAFETYSUE 3/22/2012 1:18AM

    Congratulations, you deserve this new start! You will do great!
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SYZYGY922 3/22/2012 1:08AM

    Good luck!

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RUNBAREFOOTMAMA 3/22/2012 1:06AM

    You'll be fantastic!

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STREO2004 3/22/2012 1:02AM

  Congrats!! Sounds like you are aware & looking forward to your challenges ahead! Be great & keep us posted.

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TRACYZABELLE 3/22/2012 1:00AM

    Congrats sweetie! We do have to start somewhere!!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

You Lookin' At Me, Kid?!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

[If you're short on time, skip to the runners below.] Many times we run at a park that has a loop around a man-made lake (as part of a feature for a planned housing development - the faux trail I've mentioned before). The paved path is tailor-made for strollers and bikes, kids and dogs alike.

The main loop is a little under 1 mile (.727 mi), meaning we can run it in 10 minutes. We try to make it 5 times around, doing our C25k program and walking before and after to warm-up/cool-down. Since many people run faster, whether we're walking or running, we often see runners several times during our trip around.

Inevitably, people see us, too. Some stare, some smile, some insist on a response to their "Good morning" (it's hard if I'm struggling to breathe).

I've never given much thought to whether or not I'm looking at someone else. Usually I just do all the looking and get lost in whatever I'm thinking.

I've seen puppies that are adorably cute.
I've seen kids that I'm trying to dodge while running.
I've seen trees and flowers, leaves and bugs.
I try to see dog poo that people don't pick up (eww) so I don't step in it.
I've seen people running.

When I see the runners, I have all kinds of thoughts about their form, stride, what I might learn, what kind of gear they're wearing, how fast they're going (everyone seems faster than me), how long they're running, or I admire their fitness.

When people see ME running, I try to push away any feelings of self-consciousness and dig into my reserves of determination to continue running. I used to hate to exercise in front of other people.

Sometimes, though, I think they're wondering why I'm going so slow, breathing SO HARD, taking up too much space... but I've never seen anything like that in the faces of the runners. Runners are usually friendly, and complete strangers have been encouraging to us (beyond the secret runners' club head-nod).

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Then last Sunday there were three pre-teen to 14-ish boys following their father along the lake. I was struggling to breathe, to move, to keep going. And they looked at us, then knowingly looked at each other with smirks. (The type of smirk that normally makes my heart pound and all the blood drain from my face - except, my heart was already pounding from the running and I was fire-hot from the blood circulation.) They rolled their eyes (I think), and pumped their arms to mimic us in ridicule, and stared in between sharing laughs.

We probably passed in less than 10 seconds, but it felt like it took forever. Once we were behind them, it didn't stop, with the youngest turning around to look again and again. I turned around too, invoking the big-girl challenge stare that I've used since I was in Jr. High and tried to be tough while riding the public bus system or dealing with bullies that picked on me for being fat. Kids often don't like the cool-stare of authority, and I mustered what I could, but the lack of power was already evident and it was useless.

We kept running, and I was shaken, thinking of what I might say to them when we circled back around; how I might call attention to their behavior to their father, and playing out how the scenario might go. Before I had settled on anything, I saw that they didn't turn to make the loop, but headed straight up toward the hiking trails. My anger dissolved, and left me cracked open.

Struggling to maintain something of what was driving me, I raged internally at 14-yr-old boys everywhere! SINCE WHEN ARE OUR VALUES DEFINED BY 14 yr-old BOYS?! "14 yr-olds ridicule everything and know NOTHING!", I thought. "I'm a grown adult and can't be bullied by a kid!", I tried to assert. I remembered all the times I've ever read an online comment CLEARLY written by a teen-aged insensitive or bored boy, trashing how ugly a woman is; and imagined they are probably so intimidated that they don't even talk to girls in school. Grr! GRR! But then I thought about my sweet nephews, quickly threatened them in my head to never behave like that, and switched to thinking about writing a blog only about this: how we should be sick and tired of being pushed around by the beauty industry and snarky-remark side industries that sell us judgement and cruelty of thought toward ourselves and each other - the adult versions of 14 yr-old boys. Why should my barely perceptible fuzz on the upper lip be SO HORRIFICALLY moustache-y to me? WHY IS THERE SO MUCH HATRED IN THE WORLD?! Okay, so I got a little carried away... But this didn't last long after realizing my dreams of vindication were lost. I had only run less than another 5 minutes, maybe a quarter of a mile, around walking pace.

My indignation crumbled, and the hurt and shame emerged, sapping my energy. I just wanted to cry. I did cry, a little, but I fought it. Yelling "F--- them!" didn't help (as was suggested) my pathetic attempts only highlighted how weakened I felt. I continued my internal struggle, trying to conjure up something positive.

Here are the two I found, the strongest antidote because they are the most recent POSITIVE encounters with other people at the lake:

1. Most recently (on March 4th), we passed a couple in white shirts a few times around the lake. The last time that we went by, she was running ahead of him and he wryly yelled out to us, "Thanks a lot! You inspired my wife to run!" He was smiling and shaking his head. Heather and I agreed that his chagrin was due to him knowing fully well that pretty soon she'd be asking HIM to run with her.

2. In February we saw a toddler with her father several times around the lake. She stared the first time, and I smiled back. She was in and out of her stroller...

Usually tiny kids stare because they're trying to comprehend what's going on around them, or they are seeing something for the first time (I try to remember this when I'm cringing, worried they're about to say some version of "Mommy, she's so fat!")

During another pass I smiled again because she was looking at us intently, watching from behind her father as soon as we came into view.

My hands were pointed like blades, cutting through the air (envision Barbie doll arms - that plastic molded karate chop).

Slice slice slice.. with my pace, attempting to will my endurance to continue.

She thought I was waving, smiled and shyly waved back with building enthusiasm!

So I waved, and laughed, and smiled at her. And thought about how I would've missed this sweet interaction if I ignored and plowed ahead the first time, or frowned into my (seemingly always difficult) run.

We passed, I was still smiling, thinking it was over.

Then I looked over my shoulder to the other side to find Heather and at the same time that she was telling me "Hey!", the corner of my eye caught movement from the little girl - she was running after me as though we were playing a game of chase!

Then I really laughed!!
Her face was filled with the joy of spontaneous running that kids do. She was giggling. She got so far ahead of her dad that he jogged with the stroller to catch her before we rounded the corner. I barely managed to snap this picture:


That day I thought, "I want to continue running so one day it will be that effortless!" Also, I love the unexpected experiences during running. Without question we will go back to that lake to do our run again and again no matter how many teenage boys are there.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LULI_2POINT0 4/15/2012 1:26PM

    Great blog! I even got a little teary eyed, because I know exactly how you felt.

The fact is… you’re out there. You’re doing it. And… you’ve already decided you’re going to to keep going back for more. Do you know how awesome that is? Thinking about how you’re going to feel as you keep making progress is proof you’re going to get to your goal. Keep running and inspiring us!

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AMANDA_C 4/6/2012 10:58PM

    Thank you for being positive! Just what I needed tongiht!

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DAUGHTEROFTWIN 4/6/2012 12:51PM

    I know this is late, but I loved this blog. It was almost cathartic to read. I wish it was only teenagers who do the snickering/open judging. Thanks for this blog. I needed it. I love that you followed up with examples of people being wonderful, human. I feel rejuvenated!!! emoticon

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CHERRYTOMATO 4/5/2012 6:43PM

    Love this story! Love the toddler run!

I have a two year old... and I love her implusiveness... she does what she is drawn to!

She loves to wave and people and say hi. I love her friendly little spirit. I have to say, it makes me a little sad when she smiles at people and says hi, and they ignore her, turn away, pretend not to hear... it happens at the mall, at the grocery store, gas station, on walks, etc. She always looks a little confused, especially if she knows they hear her.

And I LOVE when people say hi back, smile at her, tell her a little joke, anything... it reinforces her view that the world is a wonderful, friendly place, full of places and people to discover!

I love that you encouraged and drew that out of that little girl!

:)

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DJKNICHOLS 4/5/2012 2:14PM

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GRAMPIAN 4/4/2012 6:40AM

  Inspiring blog. emoticon

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REDPEPPERS 3/26/2012 1:13PM

    This reminds of an anecdote I read many years ago. It was written by a woman who had had a similar experience with rude people. Her comment was, "Someday I'll be thin, but they'll always be clods."

Sometimes it's harder than other times to put this into practice, but brush people like these out of your mind. You have too many other more pleasant and more important things in your life -- like the people *you've* inspired to run.

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TERRIFICLYFIT 3/26/2012 3:25AM

    Way to find beauty in the world. I'm proud of you. Rock on!

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SAFETYSUE 3/22/2012 1:51AM

    Great blog, I am always amazed how you can share these moments and how you manage to push on and not let them chase you away! Every runner has started out the same regardless of size and fitness level. The skeletal system and muscles used form running are different so they have to learn to adjust. Like anything it takes time! I wish we could t,each all of our teens to behave with respect but they are what they are! You are truly an inspiration because you kept going.
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SCRAPPINCAT 3/21/2012 4:08PM

    You are such an inspiration! I also "run" around that lake...maybe someday I'll have a WOLFKITTY sighting. emoticon I am always so self-conscious when running, feeling like I sound like a herd of animals coming through, and sounding like I may pass out, because I can't catch my breath! I just try and focus on the path ahead, and keep on going! Take care & I'll be on the lookout for you at the lake!

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HAWAIIANMAMMA 3/21/2012 11:59AM

    Oh my goodness, teenage boys are the WORST!!! You did just the right thing, though, when you conjured up positive thoughts. You ARE an inspiration to others! You're an inspiration to ME! I've been self-conscious about my stomach fat before, to the point where I'll spend time dieting the fat away before I ever show my face in the gym! I feel like people are always staring at the fat on my belly when I do sit-ups or planks. And it's silly. What does it matter? What matters is that you and I and everyone here on Spark is doing what we need to do to FEEL GOOD. We shouldn't let nay-sayers or negativity discourage us. You are amazing and beautiful and strong and HILARIOUS. Keep up the hard work, ma'am. You're inspiring us all!

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ABB698 3/19/2012 10:44PM

    Sorry about the rude teens, but loved the little girl at the end :) Too cute!

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CHOCOBUNN 3/15/2012 2:26PM

    Its really good that you didn't fall to temptation of yelling insults at the 14 year old boys whose self esteem is probably lower than you could imagine. I like that you kept your cool and kept pushing ahead to finish your run. I don't think i can exercise in front of people yet but I've definitely invited some of my coworkers to come exercise with me . emoticon

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HOTPINKACTION 3/15/2012 1:17PM

    Loved reading this. I remember when I very started going to the gym I was SO worried about ppl looking at me AND judging my weight. Now I know if they are looking at me it's bc they are just staring off into space or just watching what I'm doing. IF SOMEONE IS MAKING A JUDGEMENTAL COMMENT ON WHAT I'M DOING THAT IS THEIR PROBLEM NOT MINE. My Aunt Mary is the one that explained to me how to focus on what I was doing & if someone has a problem w/that it's THEIR problem. That thinking has gotten me to the point where I now FINALLY go to fitness classes.

If I do catch someone staring at me I totally wave at them. It's funny bc sometimes they wave back. And if they don't, that's their problem. :)

Thank you for sharing xo

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MCJULIEO 3/15/2012 7:33AM

    I love that you washed the blues away with such excellent positive thoughts....

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MOMOF4FATNOMORE 3/14/2012 5:17PM

    I always LOVE reading your blogs, they are great. Thanks for sharing!

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LOTUSFLOWER 3/14/2012 4:25PM

    This is so cute!!

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DANCINGGARDENER 3/14/2012 4:14PM

    I was once told by a very wise man that I will never understand men because I was never a 14-year-old boy. True that. I can't imagine how horrid it would be to be terrified by my impending sexuality and the only skill with which I had to deal with the insecurity and cluelessness was my snotty meanness. Pathetic really.

Bullies... as my grandpa would say "nail their jewels to a stump and push them over backward.

(I am sooooo impressed with your drive, your strength, and your perseverance)


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PASTPENDING 3/14/2012 3:24PM

    This was hard for me to read, too. I know that feeling SOOOOO well...you know, the blood draining from your face and your stomach dropping to your knees, the hot flush of humiliation...

It's not fair that other people (especially fourteen year old boys!!!) can have such an impact on us. It shouldn't matter, and we tell ourselves it doesn't matter what they think (because it DOESN'T), but there is a lot of distance between knowing that and not allowing it to ruin your day, and it's probably always going to be a trigger point for people like us.

Good for you for running anyway, and for finding beauty in the little things along the way!

Comment edited on: 3/14/2012 3:25:02 PM

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MUSTANG_SALLY2 3/14/2012 3:09PM

    Your blog was hard for me to read because I have been in this very situation so many times. Usually, I can come up with some smarta$$ comment that either shuts them up or makes them laugh but not if I was trying to run. I wouldn't have had the extra energy in me to do it. I feel like they made fun of me too and I wasn't even there. Ugh.

When I think of all you have accomplished, I can't help but wonder why it mattered so much but yet it does matter, doesn't it? I can say that many of the boys in my history, the ones that tormented me while growing up, are now (and some have been) fat old men. It's fun to run into them and I make a point to always say hello. I know, snarky on my part, but it feels good. LOL

I'm glad you had the experience with the little girl. I liked that one much better than the 14 yr olds. Maybe you've inspired her to become a runner!

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HIPPICHICK1 3/14/2012 2:07PM

    In the words of Utah Philips, "Kids are a$$holes." Little kids are innocent and truthful but 14 yr old boys are def. a$$holes.

I remember this one time I was belly dancing at a community event in about 2006 or '07 and there were three boys sitting in the front row. It was before Spark, so my weight was 260 lbs, give or take a few. I dance beautifully and always have. I've been called "light on my feet for such a big girl," a rather back-handed compliment, but a compliment nevertheless.

These boys (aged 10??) were soon laughing and taking pictures of me (or perhaps a video) on one of their phones and I imagined that I would be the talk of their classroom the next day at school, that images of the fat belly dancer would be shown to all and that there would be countless numbers laughing at my largess and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I kept on dancing. What else could I have done? Stormed off stage because of what I "thought" these kids were going to do?

A lot of how kids react in numbers is that they cow-tow to the one who seems to be in charge or the biggest bully of them all. The bully has control over his minions by being a bully to everyone. The sad truth is that it's likely that his father is a bully or he has an older sibling or mother who is a bully and is actively teaching this child how to be a bully while feeding this child wrong information.

It's hard but I think the trick here might be to have compassion for ignorant children who are likely to die of heart disease before you die because they are exposed to a world of food-like substances instead of real food and don't even know that steaks come from a cow or what an eggplant looks like. They only know how to order pizza and eat things that can be microwaved.

Now, I've had a whole lifetime of being obese. It's only recently I became simply "overweight." I have heard it all, sister. Let me tell you! I have somehow managed to remove myself from the hurt of other people's comments. Like water off a duck's back. They don't know me or my story and if I really wanted to teach them something I spoke up. I've even been ridiculed from the stage! I've heard drunkards calling me fatso in the middle of my performances! Beer will do that. Bullies are everywhere. The reality is that bullies have no self-esteem at all.

It so happens that I've spoken up many times. This is one story. At the age of 21, I was at a bar and there was a great band playing. I wanted to dance and back then you danced with a partner and if you danced alone you were considered a weirdo. I felt more comfortable asking a stranger to dance than dancing alone, so I decided to ask a man to dance with me.

I saw this guy on the dance floor and he was a really good dancer. I wanted to dance with him because of that. I boldly walked up to him at his table that he shared with 2 other male friends and I said, "Would you like to dance with me?" And with a derisive snort and a nasty tone in his voice he said "no." I was about to walk away in a cloud of shame because of the way he said "no." It was definitely a "no" that was underscored with an unsaid, "because you're a fat cow." That was my feeling anyway. Then I decided to turn back and I said, "I just want to dance, eh? I don't want to have sex with you!!" And as if I had read his mind (because as we all know if a fat girl wants to dance with you you're going to end up in the sack with her and to your friends you will have to refer to her as the "beached whale" because no one sleeps with fat chicks and actually likes it *insert HUGE eye roll here*) he turned very red, looked ashamed of himself and then looked down at his shoes. I walked away feeling as if I had taught him a wee lesson.

Parents need lessons too. As a childless woman who has plenty of friends with kids I know that parents can't and don't see everything. If you could ever muster the courage to speak to a parent about teaching their children something about judging others this would have been a great time to speak up.

Having said that I'm happy to hear that the small child that ran after you had no judgments at all. I hope it was a sweet moment that erased all the negativity from your experience.

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DDOORN 3/14/2012 1:34PM

    What a CRIME that somehow that innate child-like "joy of spontaneous running that kids do" becomes snuffed out so often by the mean-spirited and oh-so-hurtful things that older kids learn and in some way must believe that it is "okay" to do.

I've been on the receiving end WAY too often in my past and will always shake my head with incomprehension over what it is that causes some to inflict such pain on others.

Kudos to the joy and love that naturally flows in young children and may it flourish in EVERYONE!

Don

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-POLEDANCEGIRL- 3/14/2012 12:24PM

    You keep rocking on!!!! Who cares what punk 14 yr old thugs think! You are doing AWESOME@!!!!

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BACKATITAMY 3/14/2012 11:58AM

  Thanks for sharing. I hope the good always out weighs the bad for you so that you never lose your focus. Congratulations to you for being able to even run. I wish I could do the same. Maybe one day, huh? :)

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JESPAH 3/14/2012 11:27AM

    If I hadn't started daily walking, I never would've discovered Rabbit Alley.

If I hadn't started walking, I wouldn't have found my German Shepherd pal who gives great doggy kisses and whines when I go on my merry way.

I never would've seen two HUGE male wild turkeys.

I never would have seen the Dominican and Portuguese dudes playing cricket nearby, or seen them running the bases at a local baseball field, even though half of them are in terrible shape.

I never would have seen my community.

Those 14 year olds are only a small piece of yours.

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MARIPOSAGALAXIA 3/14/2012 11:24AM

    Thankfully, life will do its fair share of thrashing those boys and one day hopefully they will learn that all they have really belongs to someone else, and they will have to claw and climb their way through the muck of life to get anywhere just like the rest of us:). They have no idea what real life is like yet. But oh, they will. Then hopefully they won't judge people out for a jog who don't have a thing to do with them and whose lives and appearances aren't any of their business in the first place.



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TRUCKER72 3/14/2012 10:57AM

    Thanks for the blog. I started to learn to expect criticism so much it stopped me from going into the world of exercise and now I tell myself to just get out the door. I look at it like a prayer session where I get to quietly inspire maybe just one person to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I mean, if I am doing it then they can too. I helped raise my two nephews and they are 17 and 20 now. I give thanks everyday for them. They taught me love. So when I am out walking or swimming and there's a bunch of people around and I begin to feel those pangs of fear come into me that I am being made of fun of, I think of my nephews, my best friend who just passed away, my Lord and that one person I may be inspiring and I don't hyperventilate and scurry home. None of those guys would want me to do that. They all want me to show the world what I'm made of - and so do I. Thanks again for your blog.

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JLPEASE 3/14/2012 10:40AM

    What a beautiful place you have to run! Keep on doing what you're doing. 14 year old boys and anyone else who is cruel like that are only showing off their own insecurities.
Thanks for sharing such great insights. Your blogs are the best!
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RAINYFRIDAY 3/14/2012 10:21AM

    Unfortunately so many of us can relate to the story about the teens. Fortunately, a lot of us can also relate to the high points in this blog too. Once we get out there and do, generally, we run into more goods than bads and it's what keeps me going, for sure. I'm proud of you, but I don't think that matters, as long as you are proud of you. And you should be. Cuz you're awesome. ((hugs))

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ZURDTA- 3/14/2012 9:54AM

    14 year olds don't think - full stop. Some are kind and considerate, some are rude and obnoxious, but mostly they don't think that their behaviour affects anyone. They only want to get a reaction from their mates.

It doesn't help. It hurts. There is a gang that hangs out near where we run - they are a bit older than 14 - sometimes they call after us and laugh, sometimes they don't notice us. Sometimes I run a different way, sometimes I am able to just ignore them and not feel bad. Sometimes I don't want to go out because I don't want ANYONE to see me running.

BUT I keep going. Try, try, try again.

WOLFKITTY - you are totally awesome, you are real and honest and inspiring. You make me want to keep trying and that is wonderful.

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BEFEARLESSNOW 3/14/2012 7:20AM

    My boys are 12 & 13. I hope that I have done a good job explaining the hurt that making fun of others causes. I know what it's like, and I get very triggered when it happens.

It is hard not to get angry at those boys, and unfortunately sometimes no matter how much a parent instills good values in them, peer pressure from others can kick in. Kids are so cruel.

You keep doing what you're doing Joce. You are making positive changes for you and no one else. You are a beautiful person that no 14 year old boy could even appreciate, probably not even when they're 24. One day you will run that track effortlessly and those boys will still be nothing but mean.

Have a great day! emoticon

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TAZIAH 3/14/2012 6:45AM

    Joce, this brings back so many similar encounters..the boy acting as a news reporter shoving a pretend microphone into my face and asking me what it was like to be sooooooo fat in front of his friends, going to a haunted house with my son and having a group of boys circle around me snorting like pigs, going out to eat with my husband at a deli only to have a little kid screaming "fat, fat, fat..." at me long after his parents had wheeled him away down the aisles. I could go on and on! But I am SO incredibly proud of you! On all of my encounters with my own slew of less than ideal human beings, I broke down, faltered, and continued to hide away from the world. You inspire me to become braver! Thank you for sharing this, Joce! emoticon

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SYZYGY922 3/14/2012 2:16AM

    "SINCE WHEN ARE OUR VALUES DEFINED BY 14 yr-old BOYS?!" is going to be my new mantra. I owe a lot of my (lack of) self-esteem to many a 14-year-old boy.

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SSHENEZ 3/14/2012 2:08AM

    Ah! ask me ... Its been a story allways ... no matter where I go, not just the teenagers , but the grown ups too .. give me a look which used to shake me till the core ... at stores , restraunts nearly every where . at a few very embarassing instances there have been women walking upto me and handing over a leaflet or a card for some weight loss fraud clinic ....

Untill recently my friend motivated me to go to the lake side track to walk/jog there i realised there were so many ppl like me .. a few gave lill consious looks and a few were just not bothered and the runners were so cool .. they run and sweat and inspires so many .... Now I just go there to run ... I give a cold ignore to any stare or giggle .... well ! its working for me..... Thanks for writing this ... I can so relate to it !

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RYDERB 3/14/2012 12:53AM

    Jocelyn, those horrid teenage boys were too stupid to realize just how amazing you are and how much you've accomplished. Their loss! I'm glad that this bad experience is overshadowed by the wonderful, supportive, and inspirational people you encounter on your runs emoticon

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GEE-KNEE 3/13/2012 11:38PM

    You inspired someone to run. That's cool. I like hearing that I've inspired someone to work on their health, so that must have felt good. (the rest I am not going to waste any time commenting on because it's not worth the energy)... You inspire people Jocelyn.. you inspire me to run. Keep on running...




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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 3/13/2012 8:31PM

    You know what, there is always someone out there, trying to find fault, no matter how old you are or how fit, or how beautiful, etc. I was listening to Leigh Peele's podcasts and one of them mentioned how ridiculous it is that someone online was saying that Ashley Judd is unattractive. Because if there are even haters on Ashley Judd, how much chance do any of the REST of us have? LOL

So, yeah. Process the part of it you own, and move on, like you did. 'Cuz there's nothing else that can be done about it!

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/13/2012 7:17PM

    I'm so proud of you!

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CHELAGETSFIT 3/13/2012 7:08PM

    I absolutely LOVED and enjoyed reading your blog. That is such a beautiful trail (I wish we had something like that nearby). Kids are always so cruel and I think that's where alot of our insecurities come from as adults... they are a result of the cruelty we may have lived as children. I know that's a big part of it for me. I'm learning to overcome it, but it's not easy. I loved your positive anecdotes. Keep at it Jocelyn, you're going to run like the wind one day for miles and miles without even giving it a second thought.

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HEATHERHUNTER 3/13/2012 6:41PM

    I cried so hard reading this. Not because of the boys or because of the woman being inspired or even by the way-too-adorable little girl who ran right after you.

I am crying because I am so incredibly moved by your struggles and successes and even by, simply, your words. You made me feel like I was right there with you, and I can't wait to read more of your blogs.

Perfect picture by the way. So so sweet.

Take care
-Heather.

Comment edited on: 3/13/2012 6:41:51 PM

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SARAHSTARTSOVER 3/13/2012 6:33PM

    So well said. I would have struggled so much with those sorts of comments. So proud of you!

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ZANNBEE 3/13/2012 6:32PM

    I too am glad that you were able to look at the positive. So sorry you had to endure that at the park. Glad that you're not going to quit.

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SWEETZMIX 3/13/2012 5:28PM

    It's hard sometimes to push the thoughts of what do they think or to let other people bring up bad emotions. It happens and we are human. Keep running! There are a lot more little girls out there :)

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 3/13/2012 5:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GIRANIMAL 3/13/2012 5:14PM

    "The adult versions of 14 yr-old boys..." sadly, I have learned, all too often they are the PARENTS of those boys, and that's at least partially where the kids learn this kind of judgment.

I don't run, but I bike at least 5 days a week. Once when I was still pretty heavy, a driver was traveling way too close to me and, before I could even give her the "back off" look, she started yelling at me for daring to take up less than my fair share of a shared lane. Some -- too many -- drivers simply believe they shouldn't have to share the road with bikes, no matter what the traffic laws say.

And that's all this was about. But what did she resort to? Unfair and irrelevant name calling: "Get out of the damn street, fat-a$$!"

Of course, I was simultaneously enraged and crushed. She had no idea how hard I was working, how much larger I'd been. What a terrible thing to say! And how could she? She was not exactly tiny herself.

And then I noticed it: her kid in the car. Niiiiiiiiice example, lady. I angrily told her as much, but something tells me she didn't care.

Anyway, good for you for finding the positive interactions you've had to counterbalance this one! People -- and especially young ones -- can be terribly mean and hurtful. We sure can't let every instance take us down!

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MIZCATHI 3/13/2012 4:58PM

    Really beautiful blog - you express yourself so well. I particularly like the examinations you make of all the types of people you see, and their reactions. Everyone is so different, and motivated by a host of experiences. 14 year old boys are just that. 14. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. But your running does mean a lot, and you are changing. I admire your ability to observe and report.

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KIMMYLOU4 3/13/2012 4:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HHB4181 3/13/2012 4:46PM

    Good for you for continuing to run!!

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SUNFLOWERSAVAGE 3/13/2012 4:46PM

    I love this blog!!
I know that "big-girl challenge stare" very well....still use it often....lol
The story about the little girl is so great...what a cutie.
I admire you for getting out there and running even if at times you are worried about what people are thinking...and you are right about teenagers. No matter what you are doing they will find a reason to mock it.

Keep on running Done Girl!!!

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TESSABEAR428 3/13/2012 4:34PM

    I'm sorry to hear those boys were mean to you. Teenagers (boys and girls) are cruel and uneducated. I know that even with this in mind, it can be hard to ignore their snares, comments, snickers, etc. I try to think that they are physically challenged. Meaning that when they are older (our age) they will plump up b/c they failed to see how what you were doing is significant and good for your body and health. I'm glad you were able to pull some positives out of it. That little girl is so adorable! I love it when my daughter runs (although constantly on her tip toes! lol my little dancer). You've made so much progress, and one day, you will look back on this and see that the experience has made you stronger! emoticon

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Dusk Run

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Dusk run pictures at the end - But first:

There are a millionbazillion blogs that I think of and never post. Some of them are big, some of them are small. Some that are missing lately are like C25k Completed Oct 2011; Iron Girl/My 1st 5k RUN November 2011; Resolution Resolve Broken (Res 5k story) Jan 2012; various updates; 2hr Zumba Party; February Mission Hills SparkRally Hike; Torrey Pines Hike+ Peruvian Food (March)/Adventure List explanation; ...And those are just events. I take a bunch of pictures all the time with the intention of sharing them, and yet never give myself the time or permission to share them. Sometimes just I miss out, but then, so do the people to whom I promise things like pics.

So, events, pictures, but then there's the thoughts that I have; simple or complex, it's nice to get them out in a blog.

I get caught up in it wanting to be right, wanting it to be chronological*** OH MY GOODNESS, how I want it to be properly chronological!!! But this is what lead to missing out on posting blogs from SparkRallies in 2011. And my previous laptop died before the year was over, and with it went a couple of years worth of pictures (my memories, my art) that weren't saved anywhere including the 200 I took at Torrey Pines for my FIRST hike last year, with a friend CGEM, who moved away.. By the way I could've memorialized the insightful, inspiring (to me) conversations we had with her and Leah and Linda.

I want it to be perfect, so I end up missing out. And the memories in my head fade fast, I'm so focused on the now and going and doing and striving. Perfect.

It's all or nothing. How often is that true? Too often for me.

SO in my action-oriented mindframe, this is from TONIGHT.

Yeah!

Heather and I ran in the DARK- YEAH!

It was cold. It was WINDY - gusts of wind, a real wind advisory and a little bit of rain. And it was getting dark. PLUS, H already worked all day long. And I ate too many cookies after lunch. And our workout clothes were flimsy, AND IT WAS COLD. Did I mention how cold it was? Very. Especially since we were spoiled with 80 degree high/perfect beautiful weather last weekend.

But you know what?

I know Sparkers who run IN THE SNOW.
It wasn't snowing. It wasn't even snow cold.
And, this is my refrain when it's cold and I don't want to run. (Heather might be sick of me saying it by now, when I repeat it out loud to convince myself.)

When it's between 40-50 degrees, I get so cold that my hands get numb (and often forget my magic gloves- worth a whole blog in themselves). My face gets numb. My nose does annoying things, including getting numb.

But we went to go run through the numbness, the excuses, the traffic & crappy drivers, the sheer desire to stay at home! DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE PURRING CATS AT HOME?! Yeah, it's hard to temporarily give that up. And then there's the leg pain, the lung pain, the potty pain, the jiggle pain, not to mention phantom pains that we already know will pop up.

Here come the pictures (thanks for reading to this long).. WAIT! For the full effect you need to have Daktaris' song "Eltsuhg Ibal Latisi" playing while you look at these. That is the song that came on when we did our first TRACK run, and tested our time and calibrated our Nike+ sensors in Feb (another blog missed; H gave me a present). Here's a link where someone posted it on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkRva
BMs-ek

I AM IN MY OWN '70s MOVIE WHEN THIS SONG IS PLAYING! This is my RUNNING ANTHEM. Seriously, I got it for free on an iTunes sampler called "Songs from the House of Soul".. Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings have "Pick It Up, Lay it In the Cut" that are also inextricably tied to running, now, for me. I only have free music on my phone, so these came up in shuffle and now their running songs. No, they're POWER running songs. (Enough typing - geez, maybe it's better that I don't blog more often. Sheesh.) PICTURES, not perfect, but here:


At least these pants are long - they may be more flimsy than pajama pants, but, it's the best I have to try to face the under 50 degree windy weather.


The promise of SUNLIGHT on a cloudy day! Hooray!


Arrival View 1

Arrival View 2 (same time/darkness, but this one shows the moody clouds better because of how the phone camera decided to expose it.)

The path ahead, lit by the sunset behind us. See? Not so bad!

The path behind, with the sunset.

Getting darker...still walking

Again, sunset behind us, getting ready to run, it looks pretty good - the next picture was taken 20+ minutes later, fully dark.

I may need new shoes.

When I bend over and stretch my back, this is the view from the ground.. Like, what the ants see.

A little dizzy. And cold.

ALTERED; tried to get the moon peeking out from the clouds, but it was just a faint blob, so I fixed this picture with some iPhone trickery. This is sorta what it looked like.







Done with 325+ minutes (includes stretching) in March! Eyes all puffy from the cold. We've run when it was dark before, but only in the morning. There's a big difference psychologically between running when you know it's going to eventually get light, and running into the darkness.

It doesn't matter if we ran for 1 minute or 100 minutes. We did it, and in the DARKENING DARKNESS(!), and clouds(!), and wind!! Next time we can say, "Well, we did this before..." and give ourselves no excuses.

I'm just glad I have Heather (NEWSGIRL2177) to run with me. I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for her.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GEE-KNEE 3/13/2012 12:32AM

    Isn't funny the arguing in our own heads..."but it's so cold outside"

I feel like that when I go to do my pre work 5:30 run, but am usually feeling good after. It's worth it. You can do anything Joce. I like your music choice... it's fun and full of character-just like you. :)

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XPHOENIX 3/12/2012 10:33AM

    Love this.. and love that Heather is here for you so much! Its amazing! :) Love the piccies AND the theme music to go with it! hehe OXOX

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KALISWALKER 3/12/2012 1:13AM

    You are so busy in real life you don't have time to be a historian and post a lot of pictures, and that's the way it should be. Have fun in all your runs and everything!

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TRACYZABELLE 3/11/2012 11:23PM

    You look lovely!!!

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ALOFA0509 3/11/2012 1:36PM

    emoticon your amazing sista!!!

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FITKITTYMAMA 3/11/2012 1:47AM

    Awesome!!! And I'm so glad you have Heather to run with you too! I miss you gals!

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RUSSELLORAMA 3/10/2012 11:42PM

    Those are great pics. Way to run!



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DRAGONFLY126 3/10/2012 7:42PM

   
70'smovie. Heck I went back to High School.Watching the H.S Band marching in a Parade playing that song. Thanks for the memories! LOL Those are some aewsome photos. thank you for sharing.

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FITWITHIN 3/9/2012 1:12PM

    Yeah that's the spirit! I wished we lived in the same location, because you would be the perfect fitness partner to workout with. Never give up or in when it get tough. Just do it! Your the best!

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ABB698 3/9/2012 12:20PM

    emoticonYou go Girlie! :)

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NURSEA32 3/9/2012 10:34AM

    Beautiful! You have inspired me!

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KKTODAY 3/8/2012 11:04PM

    emoticon
Way to go! I agree- night time gives everything a different vibe. I'm listening to your jam... diggin' it! Maybe have to listen to it tomorrow morning when I work out! haha

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CAROLISCIOUS 3/8/2012 10:08PM

    emoticon

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 3/8/2012 8:51AM

    very cool! emoticon

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HIPPICHICK1 3/7/2012 10:12PM

    emoticon

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FIT_TERI 3/7/2012 9:10PM

    Good for you, Joce!
You and Heather are runners. And what do runners do?.......

They run! In good conditions and not-so-good!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SWEETZMIX 3/7/2012 4:12PM

    Joce I loved this blog. And you kill me with cold. hahaaaaaa you are spoiled by west coast weather! Glad you enjoyed your run with Heather just be safe out there. Plenty of weirdos!!

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MRSMELVIN1 3/7/2012 12:37PM

    Your amazing but you did make me laugh about the cold...Oh how I miss those Cold California Days..

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JESPAH 3/7/2012 12:07PM

    One of our best 5Ks (we're gonna do it this year, too) is the Tuesday Night Trot. It's in June and it is just fab. There is something about darkness (take the usual precautions of course).

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 3/7/2012 10:56AM

    Beautiful pictures Jocelyn. Good for you running in the dark and cold.

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NEWSGIRL2177 3/7/2012 10:20AM

    I *knew* you were taking pics in Sbux! Good thing I didn't have to go. Oh wait...

You keep me going, too, sister!
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LOTUSFLOWER 3/7/2012 9:51AM

    Beautiful!

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DDOORN 3/7/2012 9:09AM

    Great to hear from you Jocelyn!

Love to hear about places like Mission Hills & Torrey Pines...I have such fond memories from '09 and the SparkConvention and staying with my sister and her family in the Tierrasanta area. We did similar hikes. Loved hiking Mission Trails in her back yard!

Being out in the cold always gets my eyes and nose running like crazy! But I usually warm up within 15 mins. and sweat like crazy despite the cold temps...lol!

Don

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ALLYTHEATHLETE 3/7/2012 8:40AM

    That is quite the funky song! Congratulations on finishing your run, despite the obstacles.

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KANOE10 3/7/2012 7:20AM

    Good for you running ..even if it was cold. I loved your pictures. Way to go in staying healthy and doing something for yourself!

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ZIRCADIA 3/7/2012 7:04AM

    OK first of all, 50 degrees.... that is SO not COLD! WOMAN! Just like when I was out there and everyone was like - o m g it's RAINING!!! And there were a few teeny tiny droplets of water. You ppl are totally weather oversensitive out there. :D hahahahaha. BUT - considering what you're used to, I'm glad you braved the unfamiliar conditions. I tend to wear gloves when it's really "too warm for gloves". Sometimes I'm wearing gloves and short sleeves even. My hands just get cold. But my nose ALWAYS runs. Almost always. If it's not warm out and I'm running, so is my nose. At least some of the time. That's also another reason for the gloves. :) Another livesaver for keeping me feeling warmer without being to warm - bondiband. It's a wide fabric headband. You can wear it over your forehead and ears so it keeps you warm, but then if you get too warm you can shove it back into a proper headband and get some ventilation. Hope this might help for future less than warm excursions - although, time is MARCHing on into spring/summer, so maybe you won't need it for a while. :)

ALSO - GORGEOUS PICTURES!!!! It looks like it was absolutely beautiful out! In 50deg weather... and windy... I'd probably be wearing knee length tights, long sleeve shirt, and gloves.

Comment edited on: 3/7/2012 7:05:40 AM

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TRACYZABELLE 3/7/2012 3:13AM

    Well I have pictures in my head, lol! I know what you mean about leaving the purring kitties but usually I am passing on sleep to snuggle with kitties on the couch-- I try to leave them out of my room while I sleep so I can actually get sleep .

I have a laptop and a desktop that both need to get the files out of since they are not working right anymore-- I hate when my stuff is where I can nto get to it! I hope I did not lose it!

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Starfish Dance (Weight Ticker)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012



My weight today is back up to 255. I'm about to go change my SparkPage text. It currently starts off by saying, "Done losing 130 pounds with SparkPeople and am working on dropping 200 total!" I've only officially lost 120 if I accept 255 as my reality.

Every day this week it's gone up about 1 pound. Daily fluctuations are normal for me, sometimes up to 6 pounds depending on sodium. But this is more than daily ups and downs, it's a trend. Maybe it stems from a combination of re-doing the C25k program, and not eating consistently. I'm on week 7 as of yesterday.

My weight was erratic when I was doing week 5-6 last year. My highest weight of that time was followed by my lowest (243) as shown in the picture above. That's what I want to happen again. I want my body to adjust to the running 3 times a week, and continue losing weight toward my Spark (so far) lowest of 237.

The scale is not the only measure of success, certainly. But I do think that it's an indicator of SOMETHING. And right now it's confirmation that my eating habits aren't where I want them to be. I already knew that, but if the scale was magically going down, I would give it less importance.

On my ticker, my starfish is dancing across the island.. Goes a little to the right, a little to the left, right, left, left, left, left... It's about to fall backward into the ocean. (Too bad they don't have a crab instead, lol!) I don't mind weight gains or fluctuations, or even "stalls" at all if I'm exercising and eating the way that I define as "right". But I'm doing myself a disservice by not providing good nutrition to go along with my running and the massive amount of stress I've been experiencing looking for a job and facing the future.

Changing my starting text will help cement the reality of my weight in my mind. And it will help me focus on the fact that:

The time to change is NOW!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLVINBUTTERFLYS 3/2/2012 9:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NUTTYSNOOPYFAN 3/2/2012 6:15PM

    Looking forward to the day when that starfish dances off the right side of the screen! At least you're being honest with yourself, and sometimes that is one of the hardest things to do. Keep at it girl! emoticon

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LALALEELOU1354 3/2/2012 3:05PM

    Yes, catch it NOW before it gets away from you. I speak from experience. You've worked far too hard to let it slip away. You know what you have to do. YOU CAN DO IT!

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ABB698 3/2/2012 12:22PM

    the 'right, to the left, to the right, to the left, left, left' reminded me of a song actually :) so do the Done Girl dance and dance your way back into 'stardom', you're a proven winner Girlie! emoticon

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BIGGIRL2082010 3/2/2012 12:56AM

    Stress alone is sometimes enough to make the ticker tick even if you're doing all the "right" things. Throw in a little inattention to details and it WILL show.

Ask me how I know. Go on, ask. :)

Yep. Been there. In fact, I *am* there. Working at getting my ticker to do smarter things - by trying to stay on top and doing smarter things myself. Like a little exercise, a little better nutrition.

Keep at it - you KNOW you can do it ... you have 125 pounds of experience at this loss stuff!

Cheers,
Maya


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HARISHABAD 3/1/2012 9:25PM

    I hear you. I gained 40 pounds back. When setbacks occur, honesty is truly the only way to resume going forward.

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RYDERB 3/1/2012 7:29PM

    Right there with you! Time to make some changes.
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REENSKI 2/29/2012 7:36PM

    You starfish will start moving in the right direction again...you know what you have to change-you got this.

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TAZIAH 2/29/2012 7:28PM

    Joce, you've got this! It's that kind of attitude that will see you through to the fulfillment of your goals! emoticon emoticon

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KALISWALKER 2/29/2012 7:04PM

    You are so right - The time to change is NOW!

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KNH771 2/29/2012 7:01PM

    I like to think of all the tickers and graphs and such as like the dashboard in your car. If a warning light comes on, you just need to make the adjustment. As long as you take action, you can hopefully avoid a complete breakdown!

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JILLYBEAN25 2/29/2012 3:58PM

    I feel like my clover is doing the same, especially after my recent trend of losing a few pounds, which was nice. I need to get my nutrition back under control, too. Good luck to the both of us!

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HHB4181 2/29/2012 2:31PM

    Keep up the running. Before I started my first 5K trainging program, I was at a plateau. A few weeks into it, I was down 4lbs.
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Comment edited on: 2/29/2012 2:32:01 PM

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JESPAH 2/29/2012 2:25PM

    In one of my fave films of all time (O Brother, Where Art Thou?), there's a theme of characters searching for answers. It's a drumbeat - "What will I tell our daughters? They come to me for answers?" or "Why did my wife leave me?" "She musta been lookin' for answers."

We look for answers and we look for consistency. And sometimes neither of them are forthcoming. I think all we can do is, try to do what we can for ourselves, what we know is good and right, tried and true.

And then not get too nutty if the answers we seek, and the consistency we crave, doesn't always appear when we want it to.

Or just re-watch the movie ;)

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4A-HEALTHY-BMI 2/29/2012 1:39PM

    I change my profile icon to reflect the current week's weight. It bounces around between 175+ off and 180+ off...

I kind of made it a policy for myself when I update my weight on Mondays. That way there isn't any internal conversation about it. It is what it is...

LOL

(right now my average weight is 179.5 removed; I go by the weighted moving average because otherwise I'd be changing that dang thing so frequently I'd be getting dizzy! LOL I fluctuate a lot)

Comment edited on: 2/29/2012 1:40:38 PM

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JAMIEHORN20 2/29/2012 1:12PM

    Being honest about our weight can be hard, can't it? I am encouraged when other people truthfully share their struggles though, because we all have a lot to learn from each other. Thanks for sharing yours...now let's get that starfish moving in one direction! :)

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FINDINGBOBBIE 2/29/2012 11:54AM

    It is funny that you mentioned running, my scale has been driving me crazy lately also but I finally had a downward swing for all of last week, that was until I ran my half marathon on Saturday and now it has moved in the wrong direction again. And for the most part I am staying within my calorie range.

Hopefully once your body gets used to the regular run schedule you will start seeing results again. emoticon emoticon

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DDOORN 2/29/2012 11:40AM

    Wonderful news and terrific rewards for your efforts!

Woo HOO! :-)

Don

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LOTUSFLOWER 2/29/2012 11:30AM

    emoticon

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February Fitness Minutes

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Darn it. My February tendency to skip workouts if it wasn't a running day, in addition to my poor Fitness minute tracking has left me 9 minutes short of my 1,000 Fitness Minute MINIMUM for the month (after I figure in my Zumba class for tomorrow).

So.. guess what?

I'm all full of greek chicken salad and chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips. But I need another 10 minutes!

Hmm... There's a treadmill in the garage, a bike in the living room, a Zumba DVD, or Wii Just Dance....

(to be updated later)
[later:]
I ended up doing 26 minutes on the treadmill in the freezing cold garage. It wasn't cold in the middle of RUNNING. Wow, I run slow. Nothing like the treadmill to prove it. emoticon



Here's the positive part of this blog:
*I got my fitness minutes in, plus extra.
* I got my TROPHY. Woot.
*I ran on the treadmill for once. I usually run outside, and although I didn't like it, I found out it was easier after I struggled through the first two minutes. If I had given in, I would've never known. And that treadmill is extra bouncy, partially because it counts your steps as you step them. Pretty cool.
*I did 3,240 steps for 1.21 miles (What? My legs are short, I'm only 5'4".)

When I'm using a machine there are these mind games that make me go longer. My first goal is to hit the time, like 10 minutes. ...But then I start thinking, "Hey, it says I've almost burned 250 calories, I want my calories burned to be an even number..." But by the time that the calories are almost even, the time is, like, 13:45 minutes, and I think that I'd really prefer an "even 15".

Well, this treadmill had a step count and a distance, and my brain kept switching back and forth between which one it wanted to be even. So I ended up speeding up my pace and getting to 3k steps, but in the end I wanted 1 mile. Since I slowed down to "cool down" at the end, the time was ALMOST 25 minutes, but not quite.

I'm certain I DON'T have OCD, but mind games like this have me doubting my sanity sometimes. In the end, it always pushes me to perform better (during productivity-related work tasks like Data Entry), or exercise longer, so I guess it's a benefit. ;D Whatever works, right?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XPHOENIX 3/1/2012 10:58AM

    I'm the same way... I have to get those 1,000 minutes at least and I will do just about anything to get them. LOL Yesterday was 2 HOURS of fitness to make sure I got it, but I had been slacking, so.. I just stepped it up. I like that its something to push me a little, even if its just because I hate to lose :) LOL

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BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 2/29/2012 5:12PM

    Congrats on the 1000 monthly minutes!! Love the little games we play with machines! I always want my numbers to be even, too!

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HIPPICHICK1 2/29/2012 11:15AM

    emoticon
I do something similar:
"I'll just go to the next hill," then when I get there I think, "just a little further...up to the tree with the tire around it."
"I'm going to walk to the bridge and back" then when I get there I think, "my friend's house is just a half a kilometer away...I'll go there and then head back."
Sometimes it goes like this:
"I have to pee!! I've got to head home NOW!"
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MRSMELVIN1 2/29/2012 10:37AM

    emoticon way to get it done!

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KROLES55 2/29/2012 9:58AM

    emoticon Job!

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LALALEELOU1354 2/29/2012 8:49AM

    Yay for you! Congratulations! (I play the numbers game too)

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GEE-KNEE 2/29/2012 8:38AM

    I'll admit that I like the even numbers too... We're all a little OCD in our own way :)

Yeah! You got your 1000 minutes. It always feels good to meet goals.

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BEATLETOT 2/29/2012 8:34AM

    Oh, good for you!!!! Congrats!

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STARLIGHT615 2/29/2012 8:31AM

    Great job getting in those minutes for the Month of Feb!!!

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DDOORN 2/29/2012 8:01AM

    I find "playing with numbers" on my treadmill can help me kick it up a notch here & there...way to SPARK! :-)

Don

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HIPHOPSCOTCH 2/29/2012 7:19AM

    I do the same thing! I'll finish my workout, but I'll be at 269 calories and I think, "I would really like 300 calories...so I guess I'll walk/jog in place..." and then, bam! 500 calories burned

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EUPHRATES 2/29/2012 4:21AM

    I do the same kinds of mind games with wanting even numbers!
emoticon

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NEWSTART127 2/29/2012 12:27AM

    Joce, if you don't get in those 10 minutes... I'll have to fly south on my broom and kick your butt!!!

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