Saturday, December 04, 2010
So...between my last post and this one, I topped the scale at 172. That was about 2 weeks ago. Lots of changes have happened in our house in the last 3 weeks that have caused some major upheaval in my life...things are okay but you could say we're all in a period of...lifestyle reconfiguring. One of those changes means that both my husband and I have been given more time to work out. Yay. In the last two weeks, I've sampled two different yoga classes at local studios and the other night, I took one that was amazing! I am SOOOOO sore. Good sore. Get this - membership is $49/month for unlimited classes - they have yoga, pilates, core flexibility...all things I can totally sink my teeth into. I cannot wait to go back on Monday for pilates.
THAT is a feeling about working out that I haven't had in ages and I'm so excited to have it back in my life.
In addition...I am tentatively hopeful about a slight downward trend in my weight. I was 171 after Thanksgiving, 170.8 then 170.6, 170.4 and now 170 today...I have been trying to eat a bit more consciously and with my DH around to remind me not to stuff my face with chocolate (Hi, I'm Laura and I'm an emotional eater and a chocoholic).
I've also been taking that Fucothin supplement. I'm on week 3 or 4 now (Not quite sure, I just know that I will have been taking it for approximately 8 weeks when my supply runs out) - if it works like they say it does, I should start seeing some results soon, especially when combined with working out and eating better.
So...maybe just a tiny glimmer of hope for the new year. Maybe...the skeptic in me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Monday, November 08, 2010
So...here it is...one year later and I have basically gained 2lbs...obviously, whatever I was trying for weight loss before, I wasn't trying hard enough.
No. That's not right.
(:::thumbs through Gabriel Method book again:::)
I will not be a mountain of negativity. Won't do it. I want to be healthy again, I want to be my best self.
There are a LOT of reasons why I didn't lose any weight in the last 11 months. I got pregnant in January 2010. I wrestled with not being "ready" for another baby. I wrestled with the thought of adding another 50lbs (my tragic typical pregnancy weight gain) to the extra 40 I was already carrying around. And then...I was excited. I love children. I love MY children. I want more. How could another baby be a bad thing? So...I was excited. I had baby dreams, I timidly contemplated questions like "WHERE IN THE WORLD are we going to put another one in this tiny house?" And then...I went to the midwife. At 11 weeks. And I became one of *them*. The baby I had been planning for, bonding with wasn't there...I had a blighted ovum (like a house with no one in it). I miscarried at 12 weeks. And plunged head long into emotional eating and sadness and oh wow...those post partum hormones didn't let up for a second for about three months.
And then I recovered. I started thinking about getting in shape again. I started working out a little bit (I did C25k for a few weeks), I lost 5lbs. I started feeling good.
And then I got pregnant again...in August. Here we go again. This time, knowing the pain of loss, I was excited from the beginning. No fears of body consequences, no angst about not being ready; I was ready. Glowing, delighted, cannot-keep-it-a-secret ready. And nervous because of the last miscarriage. It couldn't happen again, right? But there I was, 9 weeks, in the midwife's office, hearing those words again "I think you miscarried." No heartbeat fluttering away in my womb. I did miscarry, a few days later. That was about 6 weeks ago.
I have given my body time to heal.
I have been taking my supplements - probiotics, multis, krill oil for Omega-3's and Evening Primrose Oil to regulate hormones, and Calcium Magnesium to keep me out of the looney bin (my Dr recommended it to help with severe PMS).
And now I am ready to get back to trying to help my body want to be skinny. Maybe picking the winter time to start isn't such a bright idea...
I am adding a supplement called FucoThin, which is basically just red seaweed, it's supposed to act as a metabolic booster. I will try to keep track of any results here. I have a 60 day supply and you're supposed to take it for 6 weeks before you see results...we'll see. Color me skeptical, but it's not a stimulant, it's not a weight loss pill and I found it at a great price on amazon, so...if it works, awesome, if not...it was only $35.
I have no workout plans other than the walking I usually do. I do mean to put a little more emphasis on eating whole grains, live foods and plenty of healthy fats. And I really need to stop baking. Seriously. I've been making muffins or banana bread or brownies basically every week (my 4yo loves to bake with me...I'll blame it on her, that's okay, right?).
Monday, December 14, 2009
A few weeks ago, I heard about a book called The Gabriel Method. I did some internet sleuthing and decided it was worth the $10 to read it for myself. So, I ordered it, read it, downloaded the 22 minute meditation track and started trying to make some changes.
I don't keep this blog very regularly, in fact, it's a perfect representation of my fitness habits, or lack thereof. Every 6 months or so, I realize I better check-in and start paying attention to my weight again. :)
This method is different. It's not for everyone, I'm sure...it's definitely for people who have issues with food and body image and who are willing to be very open-minded about the power that their mind has over their body. I've written somewhere else on here about how transforming the birth of my second child was for me and I feel like this is a next-step in that transformation.
So far, the changes I have made are mostly in my thought-process and my diet. The exercise part has not kicked in yet, though I find myself sort of longing to get out in the park - with the rain and FREEZING cold we're having, that's not an option. But I have started making a concerted effort to project the kind of body I want throughout the day. By "project" I mean visualizing myself to be *that* woman. Instead of waking up in the morning and looking at my wobbly bits (particularly the absolutely relentless mom-tummy I have going on right now) and hating them (and consequently myself), I am accepting them and accepting that getting the body I want is a process and that my body is not my enemy. I do think there's a fine line between accepting where you are at the moment and outright self-deception, so I'm trying to find that place. My husband tells me sometimes that I am much harder on myself than I should be and I am seeing more and more that he is right (hah! as usual). When I see myself failing at something, I spend so much time wallowing in what a failure I am, that I end up missing the opportunity to fix it!
For me, this whole weight loss thing is more just a gateway to dealing with a lot of underlying issues that I have with myself.
Particularly, my pessimistic attitude.
I am a Christian. In short, I believe that I am a sinner and that I am saved by the grace of God. As such, I am called to live according to God's law and to obey His commands. My purpose in life is to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever." This is in line with what Jesus says in John 10:10: "I come that they may have life and have it more abundantly." I feel like for the last few months especially, my pessimism has been robbing me of that abundant life that Jesus came to give me! Realizing that in "hating" my body for being fat, I am hating God's creation has been a big deal for me...God gave me this body, not taking care of it is not glorifying to Him.
I am no longer choosing to see myself as a frumpy, hopeless fattie. :) I'm seeing myself as the sexy, healthy woman that I know I can be - that I've been before (but better, because I am so much better at 25 than I was at 20!).
But there's also this: Since starting GM two weeks ago, I have lost 5 lbs. As I said before, I am quite skeptical, and quite honestly, I was keeping up with the method (particularly the CD) mostly because I just felt better thinking thin and eating that way and I was sleeping better w/ the CD, I had little confidence that I would lose the weight (how's that for counter productive?)...but...hurray! I am pretty sure I will cry when I break below 160 since it's been such a long time, but...wow..even just losing those few lbs from Thanksgiving feels great. :)
And funny story - my husband is fantastic. I love him. But, he sort of comes from the "nothing works but hard work" school of thought when it comes to weight loss. And mostly, I would agree with him...before we got married, he helped me build a fitness regime so I could fit in to my wedding dress. That whole method worked great when I had 10 lbs to lose. But this time, it was far more about an internal spiritual, emotional and psychological issues going on for me. So, the other day, when he told me "I don't buy this method you're trying" I was a bit crushed. He ribbed me gently for the chocolate I'd been eating (as I explained to him that part of the plan was to eat what I wanted, when I wanted it, so there). I also basically told him to read the book and not knock the method until he'd done the reading. I'm not a bossy woman and I don't like to boss my hubby around, but I told him in no uncertain terms that it's really important to this process I'm going through to not be negative to me about what I'm trying to do...so, basically, keep your eye-rolling to a minimum. :) The next day, I weighed myself for the first time in a week and may possibly have rubbed it in his face a bit that I lost weight on my "do-nothing" weight-loss plan.
All in all, I am quite optimistic now. I feel far more at peace with where I am now and where I'm going. If you read my last entry, you can see that I was in a pretty ugly place before. As proof of my acceptance that I am where I am now, and that I will not always be here, I went out and bought those size 12 jeans that fit. It's nice to have pants that fit.
Except now, they're loose.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
I should be doing my 30 Day Shred right now. Must. Unglue. From. Keyboard.
Good grief, my awareness of myself says that I am totally not a lame person, but I have a feeling the body of record about me on the internet would say otherwise. Ergo, the internet makes non-lame people, sound lame.
What I am learning about my fitness life these days:
1) I think I actually need to eat MORE calories. Breastfeeding. NO wonder women say "I have to wean my baby to lose weight!" Because, the last time, I basically lost weight (even w/ Spark People) by religiously counting calories and limiting my food intake. Granted, I am now nursing a three month old and then my baby was a nine month old eating solid food part time (even though, truth be told, she nursed until I was 6 months pregnant with babe #2 - so, 2 1/2 yrs old). There's a big difference in caloric needs from 3 months to 9 months...but still. According to all the things I can find, based on my weight, activity level and frequency of breastfeeding (and not including my workout): to *maintain* my current weight (PLEASE NO) I need to eat around 2800 calories. 2800 calories people!!!! If I eat a pint of ice cream per day, I still have trouble getting in 2000 calories. Oh, and I have been known to eat a pint of ice cream in a day. And feel miserable afterward. So, figure, I want to lose 1lb per week, that means I need to eat 3500 calories less per week (or burn 3500 calories through exercise) (because 3500 calories = 1lb of fat). So, 2300 calories, per day.
The last couple days, I've eaten, on average, about 2100 calories, and that is with about 1500 in good calories and the rest in pure crap. Ice cream, pizza, etc. I'm at a loss. And kind of discouraged. I don't even have the will to eat that much. I'm not even hungry that much (except for, you know, garbage).
I'm going to do my best to stick with that calorie intake (around 2000-2300) for the next two weeks and see if it makes a dent in this wretched plateau I've been on. If not, it's off with their heads (the calories, that is). :)
2) This website seems to be quite useful. www.nutritiondata.com/tools/calories
3) Regardless of the weight issue and the calorie issue, my body and outlook seem to be changing. For my whole life, I have always pretty much hated working out. But since I've been doing the 30 day shred, I've actually found that something has shifted. My day does not feel right if I don't do the workout. I feel better in every respect - physically and emotionally - when I work out and when I don't, the whole day is just worse. I actually enjoy the challenge. I really hope this is a sign for my shift towards a life long fitness habit, because I would really be so much better off if that became a normal part of my life instead of just something I do when things get bad.
So...things are different, but I would really love to get out of the maternity clothes and into some of my old, normal clothes.
Oh and speaking of clothes. I broke down and ordered jeans from Old Navy when I saw they were $19/pair (awesome, right?). Well. Not. I ordered three pairs in size 10 and 12 (my pre-pregnancy size was 4-6, to give you a clue as to how crappy I feel about this whole thing). The size 10's were tight. Okay for wearing - or at least the pair with stretch in them (the non-stretch pair couldn't fit over my giant rear end) - but the 12 actually fit...without any difficulty. And I think worse, my visual PERCEPTION of those jeans was sort of like - Size 10: HOLY COW those look tiny! and Size 12: that's about right.
Oh my goodness what has happened to me?! I'm going to post a picture of me early in pregnancy for the full visual effect of what I'm going through...but...wow...I cannot wait for this part of the fitness journey to be over and done with.
I could live with a size 8, especially if it's just my hips being wider from having two kids, but, 10 and 12, I'm just not okay with that. I don't care what size other women want to wear...if you're happy there, good for you. I'm not happy. Not happy AT ALL.
(Also note: clearly, I never clean the bathroom mirror. This was about 10 weeks pregnant with babe #2)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Gah. This weight loss thing is so much more frustrating than it was with babe #1!! The back story is in my profile - but, I waited quite awhile to lose weight w/ #1. Like at least 9 months before I started trying really anything. Then I used SP to track my food intake and boosted my walking (walking!! people!! not even serious cardio or weights or anything) and lost the remaining weight (about 15lbs) that hadn't magically melted off after delivery. All in all, it took me about 6 months. But I didn't build any muscle.
Enter babe #2 and pregnant eating. Which in my case was shameful. But that's over and done with. I gained 50lbs and lost 20 immediately after birth (within 2 weeks).
Three months later, I'm told I should be eating like 2500 calories per day. I can barely get in 2000 calories with eating junk (like if you subtract chocolate, ice cream and other crap, I probably eat about 1200 calories per day). Babe #2 nurses quite aggressively, but sleeps at least pretty well during the night (we're talking like 6 hours). No formula. We're EBF'ers in my house.
So anyway...I have no idea how I'm going to get that many calories in!! Or if it will even work! I'm just so tired of seeing the scale basically not budging (except for my body fat, which has gone done 2% since starting the 30 day shred program).
Meanwhile, speaking of exercise...I've been pretty regular about doing the shred workout for the last 40 or so days (sometimes I skip a day here or there, and there was that 3-day migraine I had where I didn't work out at all and stayed indoors like a bat). But, I jumped to level 3 two days ago and my knees are killing me. K-i-l-l-i-n-g me! (oh hey, I like to whine, but only to the internets) I do not have the will to work out today! I will do it. I will! But...yuck.
And the sleep. What the heck? Yesterday I did level 3 in the AM, took a nap and did level 1 at like 12am because...I felt like it. And then, I had so much energy that I didn't go to bed until almost 4AM!!!!! Genius, I know. Oh and hey, had to be up at 8:45 to get DH off to work (and before you say it, I thank God every day that he has a job where he usually doesn't have to roll into the office until 10 or 11 because, I am NOT a morning person).
So - it's triplefail for Wobblymommy today. Or at least I feel like it is.
Now I need to waddle off and try and find some calorie-dense non-junk to snack on (and it better not be more almond butter).
OH!! I know! I think I'll make hummus.
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