Wednesday, November 19, 2014
I realize that I mostly blog about my emotions and family relationships. The reason is that I've finally figure out I need to process my emotions instead of stuffing them down with food. I hope you understand.
Anyway, things have been going pretty well. Son is doing chores, his girlfriend got a part-time job. Son is probably going to need sinus surgery (we find out Friday) so we are holding off on pushing the job situation with him for the moment).
This week has been super stressful for me because son's girlfriend doesn't drive yet (she is 18). So son and I have had to drive her back and forth to her job. Also, she is up in the mornings now when I usually have the house to myself to get ready for work, etc. And when I get home at night she is so excited to talk about her day that I don't get to relax. None of this is a big deal - I mean I'm trying to be there for her. I guess it's just that I'm having a hard time adjusting to all the changes that it's making me anxious.
So the girlfriend made an appointment for today to take her driving test, with one of our cars (with permission). The only problem was that our rear window defogger doesn't work right and it's been raining since last night. Plus, I was going to have to take her since son bailed at the last minute and it is in another town. So I warned her yesterday she might not be able to do it and she said she understood and we would play it by ear. This morning she tried to talk me into it anyway and argued with me about weather, it's effects on the car, etc. Finally, I just said "I don't know." She said she would cancel the appointment, but now it looks like my son is taking her.
I guess this is a good thing because I don't have to take her, but I'm pretty sure they are both made at me and it doesn't feel like a good thing.
Am I being selfish?
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Last night DS came over, profusely apologized and begged for his room back. It was an adult discussion and we were very proud of him. His girlfriend, is a different story. She "refused" to apologize, then when she realized she would be alone AND homeless if she didn't, texted an apology. I'm not impressed, but I am willing to make the concession for my son. We gave them a list of "demands" which they have agreed to and they know this is their last chance. So we'll see...
Monday, October 06, 2014
Last night we had to call the police and have my DS, 19 and his girlfriend, 18 removed from our house. We are all okay and I am mostly relieved. It has been a long time coming. Finally, last night, while I was being called many ugly names a lightbulb turned on in my brain and I realized if I continued to accept this behavior from them then I was disrespecting myself. And how would I be able to demand respect from them if I wasn't respecting myself. So they are gone.
I am taking a week off of work (had vacation coming, thank God!!) to rest and recuperate mentally. Looking forward to long walks with hubby and lots of sleep. Will still see you here on Spark.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I have worn glasses since I was about 7 years old. And they've always been pretty thick and absolutely necessary. For awhile, in high school, and then on and off throughout my adult years, I wore contacts, but with all my sinus problems my eyes dried out so quickly that glasses were usually a more comfortable option. A few years ago presbyopia kicked in and I found that I could look over the top of my glasses to read a menu, the computer screen, etc., but if I wore contacts I needed reading glasses. So I gave up the contacts completely.
Sunday, September 07, 2014
Last night DH and I went to a game party at a friend's house. It was my first time "out" with my new eyes. You wouldn't believe the trauma I went through in my head because I am 1 1/2 weeks away from being able to wear eye makeup!!
Anyway, got to the party and due to my insecurities, had two drinks instead of the one I had planned and then did not keep track of my food. After the party was emotionally uncomfortable, so stuffed my feelings at Jack in the Box.
Got home, went to bed, and discovered that DS, age 19 had stolen alcohol from our bedroom while we were gone. This is not the first time this has happened, so even though it was after midnight, I decided to call him out on it, gently.
So here's where I think I actually did something right. DS and I argued, but it was a rational, thoughtful argument. I let him know that he needed to step up and admit to his mistakes, be a man, and start taking care of himself.
I know that it is the self-confidence that I gained through Spark and the support of all of you that allowed me to have this discussion and to realize that I can not be responsible for my son's life decisions. My happiness is not based on how he is doing. Or my husband for that matter. I am a successful, confident woman without them. Which is hard to say, but I'm also glad that it is true.
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