Sunday, February 17, 2013
Well, even though I find my enthusiasm fading and my time on sparkpeople more of a chore then a pleasure at this point, I am beginning to realize why this is actually working this time. I do not have to constantly struggle with my self-control anymore. This revelation was amazing to me. The first few weeks, every good decision was a horrific battle with myself and my self control. Now, though, I find that I am making the right choices much more easily then I ever did before. I don't have any urge to eat fast food. My soda cravings are completely gone (to be replaced by coffee for now... My next goal is to switch to tea). And I no longer find it difficult to pick up a piece of fruit over potato chips anymore.
It's amazing, and I love it. It feels really great. It gives me hope. I am not perfect and I certainly have bad days. But I am making better life choices and it is getting easier and easier every single day.
Life feels great. It finally feels like my time. I realized the other day that it had been a while since I had felt lonely. That need (the need to feel wanted by a man) is no longer there, either. I have more important things to worry about. I have myself to take care of right now. My focus is 100% on my career and my health right now and it feels great. Everyday is a step closer toward my goals and it makes me feel great and powerful. I may have the opportunity to get to teach my own class this summer, too, which is super exciting!
Everything is so fantastic. I feel fantastic and happier and stronger. Slow progress is still progress and I'm alright being slow. Slow and steady win the race.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
So, I had a bad week. I didn't even log onto Spark People. I was terrible. I refuse to weigh myself, but I'm certain that I regained like 8 pounds or something. I was so mortified that I thought about giving up. Again.
But, no. Not this time. I said that it was different this time and I sincerely meant it. I refuse to allow another setback to break me. I screwed up. But guess what? Today is a new day. I have to stop beating myself up with guilt and letting that be an excuse to stop.
I just got side-tracked. I have so much going on that I don't think to make my lunch everyday, so I then buy (expensive) crap (because crap is all there is on and around campus), and then feel guilty and blow the rest of my day. I have at least drank almost no soda, at the very least. That in and of itself is an accomplishment.
So, I have an exciting next few months ahead of me. I will be very busy at school, what with my comprehensive exams and all. But, I am weirdly excited about my comps, in a nerdy way. I mean, by the time I'm done, it'll be 30 pages of my thesis done in 2 weeks, that's reason enough for a nerd to be excited, right?
To make things even more exciting, I have to do volunteer work for one of my classes. I wasn't too enthusiastic about it to begin with, until I landed a FANTASTIC volunteer position at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens! As an ethnobotanist, it is a dream to get to work there! Each Saturday, when I finish my shift, I spend hours wandering the gardens, watching everything as it begins to bloom and grow. It's great!
I am also taking yoga classes on Monday nights now. I really enjoyed it last week, which was my first class. I was not too keen about doing yoga in a room full of people. I usually reserve yoga for when I'm home alone with the cat, because I know I don't look very pretty when I do it. But, 2 classmates really wanted me to take the class with them, so I just sucked it up. And you know what, they were right. No one in there is paying attention to me, just like I was not paying any attention to them. I was in my own little zen yoga bubble. And I haven't been doing poses wrong this entire time! The instructor only had to correct me once. So, I am really looking forward to my next class tomorrow night.
And, the most exciting thing of all, I have 2 vertical cave training classes next month! Which is motivation enough to lose several more pounds before then. I don't want to imagine what my lard-butt will look like hanging from a rope. I will feel much better about it if I can lose at least some more weight before then. But, I AM SO FRICKEN' EXCITED! Learning how to climb vertically will open up so many more caves for me!!! I have not been caving since June, and my grottos trips are usually vertical, so now I will be able to tag along pretty soon! More caves = more awesome! Though I admit, I am a little nervous, I am also insanely excited about it. I will finally feel comfortable calling myself a cave archaeologist once I am vertical.
Now I am even more excited, because over the next few months, I am convinced that I will also be dropping pounds like crazy! Why? 'Cause I'm awesome! And I'm here to stay! Let's do this, guys!! We rock!! Let's show everyone just how strong we are!!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Earlier this week I stepped on the scale to discover that I have lost a total of 25 pounds since I started this journey. I was super excited. But it got even better when I came to the realization that 23 pounds was my quarter weight goal.
Yep, that's right. I have 1/4 of the way through this journey. Oh. My. God. What an incredible feeling!! I can't believe it. And you know what? Looking back at it, once I got into the right mindset, it really wasn't so hard.
Don't get me wrong, it has not been a piece of cake (mmmmm, cake.....). Trust me, I have to tell myself NO a lot. NO you cannot run through the drive thru. NO you cannot have seconds. NO you cannot drink soda. NO you cannot eat the entire pint of ice cream.
It's not all no, though. I give myself a free day once a week. And I've realized that the better I do at this, the less bad I am even on my free days. I gave myself one yesterday. Guess what I had? I skipped breakfast (I get busy and forget to eat), and had Subway for lunch. I had the rest of my subway for dinner. The only splurge I had, honestly, was an orange muffin and a cream soda.
So I've realized that it honestly does get easier. Because my self control gets easier. It's not that I can shut off the switch to want something. But I can critically analyze things better. Why do I want that? Am I hungry or bored? I feel better when I drink water. I feel better when I eat more veggies. Do I need another cookie? Well, no, I'm satisfied with just one. And the most important question, what are the rewards? Do I want instant satisfaction (eat the cake) or do I want to feel good, be happy, have energy, and lose another 2 pounds this week?
Same with exercise. I have gotten to a point where I really enjoy exercise. It gives me energy. I prefer to work out in the mornings, but that just doesn't work anymore with my class schedule. But, at least I've still been going.
Speaking of exercise, my pulled muscle was starting to feel much better... Until I fell down my stairs yesterday morning and rolled my ankle and sprained it. At least it was the same leg as the pulled muscle. I'd hate for both to be hurting. But, the sprain is not bad and the swelling is almost gone, so if I take it easy I should be fine.
Reflecting back on this 1/4 length of my journey (which has taken longer then it should, as I fell on and off the wagon a couple of times), I realize that the only thing different this time is my attitude. I have more patience, more self-control, and a stronger desire to succeed. I'm not doing this for anybody else. I have no kids, no significant other. So it took a while for me to find the right motivation. I kept asking myself, "Why am I doing this? Who is this for?"
Well, it's for me. Just ME. And it doesn't have to be for anybody else. It's because I want to be healthy and happy. I want to be a role model. I want to feel good about myself. I want to look good and dress in the clothes I have always wanted to wear but never thought I could because I was big. My weight has been my biggest obstacle in the way toward caring about my image. So I'm taking care of it, so I can feel confident in more professional clothes.
I am 1/4 of the way there. I have lost 25 pounds in total. I am amazing. I am strong and stubborn and those are some of my greatest assets. I can do this! We can all do this!!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
So, I am pretty sure that I pulled a muscle yesterday. I've been doing FANTASTIC this week, I am honestly so impressed with myself. I have cut out soda to the point that I don't even really want it anymore (though I did have a sprite today), I have stopped eating when I'm bored and don't really have the urge to do so anymore. I am not emotionally eating (but generally just happier anyway), I have not eaten out at all, and I am really enjoying exercising at our really awesome campus gym.
Loving the exercise so much, in fact, that I probably was too enthusiastic. After 30 minutes on the elliptical (which I find strangely fun), I went to the treadmill. I usually cycle for 30 minutes and don't walk on the treadmill, but today I was feeling it. In the past, I usually only ever walked on the treadmill, but today I decided to try jogging in small increments, one minute of jogging, two of walking, one of jogging, etc.
And it felt so great to jog! I actually wasn't heaving and gasping and feeling like I was dying! I was doing pretty well! After a couple cycles, I started jogging for a minute in a half at a time. And, as I was doing so, I felt a sharp pain starting in my leg. But, I thought "no pain, no gain!" and finished out the minute in a half. I was still kind of painful walking, but not terrible, so I did a couple more walk/jog cycles.
At that point, it was a bit more painful, so I decided to just finish out my 30 minutes walking. My leg stayed sore, but not horribly so. I honestly didn't think that I had pulled a muscle until this morning, when I stood up and it hurt like a b!tch. And it's been constant all day and has slowly gotten worse as I've walked up and down several flights of stairs. Now I feel like I'm almost limping. This sucks. =/
But, I will give my leg a few days to rest and not get discouraged! After all, I've still already lost a pound and a half this week!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
This week started out strong... And went pretty South from there. I'm not making excuses, but trying to gell your new class schedule with your new lifestyle is not easy. But, after a trial run week and some playing around, I think that I have figured out what days and times are best for me to hit the gym while on campus, as well as how much lunch to pack in the mornings, since some days I am there all day and others just for an afternoon.
But, I did still lose half a pound, even with some horrible fast food and soda choices and only 1 day of exercise, so at least the week was not a complete and utter failure, right? This week is a new week! And I am now better prepared! Let's go!
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