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Thought I would save this...

Sunday, July 07, 2013

These are my home page intros over the years... I don't know how many times this is for me, but a new home page entry is due AGAIN. lets hope this is the last.

8/1/09 Well here we are again. Sometimes I wonder if my page will be deleted when I go to find it, but no, it's still here. That is the way I feel about my weight problem. It comes and it goes---coincidence? When I am here blogging and reading, it is easier to keep on track. I am starting fresh again, and taking it minute by minute. Each day, small goals until I can figure this out. All the pictures here are a reminder of how happy I was when I was at 180 lbs. Still overweight, but I felt so much better about myself.

February 2006 - First Intro
Hello Everyone! My name is Diana, and found out about this waaaay cool website through a friend. I really need it, support from friends and family is so important to me. I have always been "Husky" according to Sears -- (I remember those "Toughskins" jeans, Slim, Regular & Husky :) Anyway, I reached my breaking point on February 8, 2006 at a Rolling Stones show. It was an epiphany for me, a real life changer. I never want to feel that ashamed and embarrassed again. From now on, I want to feel proud, and happy, and most of all healthy. I have two beautiful little blessings, and want to set a good example for them, and be here for them as long as I can. Weight loss has always been an up and down struggle. I want to have the same feeling of joy that I used to get from eating a quart of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream (almost 100 grams of fat for the whole quart) from taking back the reins of my destiny. That is my goal, God Help Me, I will do it for good this time!

2/8/07 A year later......I have learned so much this past year. Most importantly, I learned that I can do it! I am a much healthier person than the girl I mentioned above at the Stones show. I am doing what I knew all along I needed to do to become a better person--inside and out. SparkPeople has been such an important part of this journey which I will be on for the rest of my life.... The women I have met are angels. LaLa has been my rock that I lean on when times get tough----Thank you Sister...I love you to pieces!! And a BIG thank you to all of my Sparklin' Sparkettes, you make it all easier, and I wouldn't want to do it without you guys!! XOXO

1/17/08 Wow, this is Hard. Really Hard. As much as I know about this disorder, it still won. I am restarting, I will take baby steps to live each moment at a time, each challenge turned to a victory. I want this really bad. I want to learn how to change my life for good. I need to or I will be a DIABETIC, or have a STROKE, or have a HEART ATTACK or ALL OF THE ABOVE. Thats reality.
I am worth it.
I can do it.
Thank Goodness for this website.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 7/16/2013 3:05PM

    You can do it! emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 7/7/2013 5:08PM

    Know the difference between a decision and a commitment! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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Mediation........its over, but its just begun

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Last Wednesday we settled. After six long and ridiculous hours, settled. Best part, I was awarded the children, full physical, legal, religious, education, activities, and he has final say in only medical. 5 hrs 55 min were spent fighting over his toys, his money, his selfishness and the need to "win". His children took up 5 minutes of his time. Nice..... I have to be out of the house by 6/30 and will only receive a very small amount to start our new lives, and child support once I move out. He is now a monster to be near. He is pissed off about child support and is in turn doing any and everything to make my life HELL. I need to find my next "ice cube" to tie me over for a bit. I am still out of work, but a former boss called me in today to interview for a position that is under her, but I still need to come back to meet with her boss. We will see, I have my fingers crossed....I mean whats there not to like?? : ) I am now really struggling with all the unknowing of where we are going to live, how am I going to financially make it, etc. I am freaking out.

Healthy eating is still in the forefront of my mind, and I know that I am the only one who controls me, not his crap, not the stress. However, this is getting the best of me sometimes and I find myself just snacking away at night when I zone out for an hour or so on the TV.

I know in my heart that God will provide the path for me and my children and ultimately Shawn can't hurt me in any way. He doesn't understand the importance that all his horrible choices have in the long haul. He doesn't respect the necessity of letting God love us unconditionally and giving your absolute best to Him. He doesn't get it, and probably never will. I pray that he wakes up before its too late.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 4/14/2010 2:00PM

    Wow, Diana... I just saw this! I am so glad this horrible thing is coming to a close for you. Thank God you got your beautiful babies! Debbie is right, you are the winner and things will only look up for you without that awful ass weighing you down. I hope you have had good news on the job front. emoticon I wonder if you can get some assistance from the state with housing and such... Y'all are in my prayers!

Lisa

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DEBBIE84 4/8/2010 2:33PM

    Awwwwwwwwwwwww...***blushing***. Thank you Diana. You are very welcome and I think you are a special person too!

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WITHGODSHELP 4/8/2010 11:35AM

    You are such a special person Debbie!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart. xoxo

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DEBBIE84 4/7/2010 4:25PM

    Oh! I forgot. (((HUGS))) emoticon

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DEBBIE84 4/7/2010 4:23PM

    Diana, in the end he is a BIG time loser. He has his house, most of his money, his girlfriend, and his toys....but he lost you and will no longer have his children in his life on a daily basis! You got what is most important; your children. I know that you are scared and the future is unclear at this time, but I also know that you are going to be fine. You have family and friends that you can turn to and I am sure that you will get much needed help from them to get you started in your new life. You will find a job, if not this one, then another one. You are a strong woman and you will get through this and you, not Shawn, are the one coming out on top. While this is a scary time for you it is also an exciting time because you are finally free of him and the drama he has been creating and you can now focus on putting your lives back together. You are right about Shawn...he not only has no respect for God's unconditional love, but he has no respect for you, your children, or even himself and for that reason, he will never "get it." You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Hot Cross Buns

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Yumm.....I ate 3 of them. YIKES.

Oh well, today is a new day. I will be drinking my green tea with cranberry to flush and cleanse my body today.

Amen, and thank God for Hot Cross Buns!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARATHON_MOM 3/23/2010 3:39PM

    You think that's bad? I just ate a double cheeseburger and fries! Feel better now? LOL
You're doing great. Don't beat yourself up. :o)

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WITHGODSHELP 3/22/2010 2:13PM

    Not too Bad Lisa LOL THANKS!!

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TABBYRUINZ 3/21/2010 10:11PM

    Sounds good! Probably not as calorie high as you think either... emoticon


edited to add: Found this coz I wasn't familiar with the food..
Hot Cross Buns Calories and Nutrition per Serving
(1 Serving=1 Bun/50g)
Calories 155
Protein 3.7
Carbohydrate 29.3
Fat 3.4
Fibre 0.9



Comment edited on: 3/21/2010 10:17:23 PM

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DEBBIE84 3/21/2010 11:17AM

    We all have to have a special treat every once in a while.

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Its a Beautiful Day!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

I heard this U2 song yesterday, and turned it way up in the car. Today is gorgeous outside and I am in Gwinnett county where all my family is. So Life is Good! Kids are outside playing baseball and enjoying the sunshine, and we Skyped with my Mom this morning. It was fantastic. Thank God for all my blessings, there really are sooo many.

I have made a commitment here yesterday to really start becoming more aware of what is going into my body, and am hopeful that I can start creating the new me for the next part of my blessed life. Wouldn't it be just fantastic to be as healthy as I can for it??? : )

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 3/21/2010 10:08PM

    What she said... but 4 times instead. :p

I am glad you are looking to live healthy! Healthy mind, body and spirit! emoticon

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DEBBIE84 3/21/2010 1:47AM

    Awesome Diana! They say that happiness is a state of mind and we will be as happy as we choose to be. It sounds like you have chosen to be happy and are making it happen. You are so right about there being so many blessings. I think that sometimes we become so overwhelmed by what is going wrong in our lives that we forget about the blessings. We should focus more on the blessings and less on what is going wrong and we will be much happier. Great post!

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DEBBIE84 3/21/2010 1:47AM

    Awesome Diana! They say that happiness is a state of mind and we will be as happy as we choose to be. It sounds like you have chosen to be happy and are making it happen. You are so right about there being so many blessings. I think that sometimes we become so overwhelmed by what is going wrong in our lives that we forget about the blessings. We should focus more on the blessings and less on what is going wrong and we will be much happier. Great post!

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DEBBIE84 3/21/2010 1:47AM

    Awesome Diana! They say that happiness is a state of mind and we will be as happy as we choose to be. It sounds like you have chosen to be happy and are making it happen. You are so right about there being so many blessings. I think that sometimes we become so overwhelmed by what is going wrong in our lives that we forget about the blessings. We should focus more on the blessings and less on what is going wrong and we will be much happier. Great post!

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In like a Lion, out like a Lamb?

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Well Sparkettes, its been a rough one. There are times where I can't handle anymore of this craziness and just scream and yell at him (yes, we are STILL in the same house) Most of the time, I ignore him completely. I have been steadily looking for a job, without luck thus far. I have been seeing a counselor since January and decided going to school is just not possible at this point, I will revisit it later on perhaps. Shawn's family knowing how awful his behavior has been has written me off basically and his sister has been very hurtful. I have said it in the past, but these ppl are toxic to me and can't wait until I have my own place to live, a job and my sanity back. It will be such a relief to gain my independence back again. I feel free of a lot of the anxiety from my marriage which is a blessing in itself. I am looking forward to March 31st in which our Mediation is scheduled. Don't know how it will go, and I meet again with my atty on the 24th to discuss our game plan. Things are moving along, just no job. I pray that God gives me guidance, and Mary gives me grace to remain the stable part of my children's lives. They are truly blessings and give me such joy, they just don't deserve any of this nonsense. It really doesn't have to be so awful.

I have been doing a lot of late night snacking which is my total downfall, and been visiting fast food rests to take advantage of their free WiFi. Shawn turned off our home phones so that I wouldn't have a computer, so I bought a laptop but can't afford the wireless connection. So here I am everyday at McDonald's or Hardees online looking for a job or connecting with friends and family. I would like to be under 200lbs by end of April. A very safe goal, but doing it would require a serious purge of so much junk going on in my head. I can do it, I just have to get it done.

Thank you guys for being such reliable friends, it means so much.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYRUINZ 3/21/2010 10:05PM

    I can't wait for you to be well shut from that moron and his moronic family. You deserve so much more than they could ever dream of being! Hang in there! School will be waiting for the right time!

Love Ya!
Lisa emoticon

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MARATHON_MOM 3/19/2010 6:21AM

    Diana,
I have been wondering how things were going. I am so sorry that it has been so difficult and that his family is treating you the way they are and that you weren't able to go to school right now. I know how excited you were about getting back in school. I will continue to pray for strength and guidance for you, and that God will send you the perfect job so that you can have the means to get out of the same house with him.
You are a very strong woman. Don't you forget that! I know that this is a hard thing, but you will overcome.

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DEBBIE84 3/18/2010 3:17PM

    School can be stressful and difficult under the best of circumstances. It sounds like you have your head on straight and are doing what is best for you and your children. Once you find a job and get a place of your own, maybe you can take a course or two online. That way you can work, be a mom, and work toward a degree at the same time. Taking one class at a time will eventually get you there. You are a strong woman....much stronger than me....and I admire you so much for being able to hold up and move on with your life. I know that you will find a job and in time you will achieve your goals because you have the faith and inner strength do do it.

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