Saturday, September 08, 2012
The apathy seems to have broken a little today. I've tracked all my food and water and even got plenty of exercise cleaning the house. It needed it badly, as my recent sluggishness had extend in that direction too. I'm still not feeling a truly positive outlook on things, but it's a good sign that I was able to motivate myself to at least make an effort. And while I still don't have much hope regarding my old circle of friends, I have had reassurance that some of the people I've met more recently do care. One even invited me to come celebrate his birthday with him. I don't know if I'll have the money to go yet, since it's at a restaurant. Or if I'll have the courage to go, since I won't know the majority of the other people that will be there. But I'm going to try. Old friends or new, it's not going to work without effort on my part.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
I'm still having trouble getting back into my rhythm lately. I haven't been that bad - no binges, mostly healthy foods, etc. - but I haven't been tracking or exercising enough and I can tell. Not in weight gain, in fact I may still have lost some, we'll see for sure tomorrow, but in how I feel. I've just been such a slug lately - I admit it. Stress has probably been a factor. There's still a lot going on - trouble with the van, related stress over money, job anxiety and not a little bit of depression - and I'm just having trouble getting a handle on all of it. This is not an excuse - I'm not excusing my behavior - but it is a reason. I know I've just got to put on my big girl panties and deal with these things, but some of them are hard to face - well, one anyway. The van is back from the mechanic - and seems to be running fine now. It's been paid for, the rent is paid and somehow I'll manage to cover the rest of the bills, one way or another - that's not the end of the world. And for as many days as I hate my job, there are others that I love it. It may not be "awesome" but it has its perks - like my sweet, free new cell phone. It's the depression, and it's source, that's the tough part. It doesn't make me binge like it does for some, but it makes me not care about things like logging in every day, tracking my food, or getting off my ass to exercise. You see, over the last week, during the crisis with the van I realized that the many people I've called my friends for the last 10+ years couldn't even be bothered to give me even a "gee, that sucks" response to my predicament, let alone to offer any assistance or advice. It seems that our financial and medical setbacks that have made it so that we couldn't get out and socialize much over the last year or so have done a bit more than take us off the "invite list". I've apparently become little more than an acquaintance. It's a depressing thought, and one I'm not handling well. It's not really that my existing friends and I have grown apart that bothers me so much though. It happens. It's the daunting task of making new friends. It's not something I'm good at. I'm shy, an introvert. So it's a scary thing to go out and meet new people. I'm fine here online, hiding behind my computer, but out there in the real world I tend to fade into the scenery unless I force myself to be social. I get freaked out sometimes in large crowds. So I guess that the bottom line is that I'm feeling a bit lost. If I didn't have my wonderful fiance, I feel like I wouldn't have anyone anymore.
Okay, I'm done being maudlin and depressing for now. Sometimes just getting it out like this helps, at least that's what I'm hoping for. I'll find my way somehow. I always do.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
It's been really tough getting back into the groove this past week. There's been a lot going on and I've just been having trouble reconciling my routine through it all, particularly with exercise. Business is picking up at work, and I'm having trouble getting the two 10 minute exercise breaks a day there worked in. I'll figure it out, because we really need the business and I really need the exercise - so somehow they have to mesh, but it's been frustrating me so far. Everything has been in upheaval at home too this week. Our hot water heater went out on Tuesday night and we're still waiting for the landlord to finish fixing it (supposedly tomorrow) so no hot showers and the possible arrival of the repair man at any time cramping my style. That's only temporary though. If it's not fixed tomorrow and we get to that full week mark I'm siccing my boss and the general statutes regarding landlord responsibilities on him.
There were some high points this week in all the chaos though. We got our alarm system installed so we can feel safe at night and comfortable with leaving the house again. And I'm pretty sure that one of the stars of the show I'm writing about now (Wilfred) actually read my review this week. Plus my review from the previous week made the top 20 (#11) articles on the site for the week. I've started an account on Tumblr, not just to promote my reviews for thetwocents.com but also to add reviews of other things: books, movies, games, music. I've called it Random Opinions. Maybe my niche as a writer is as a blogger/reviewer?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Okay, so I've been MIA for a week or so....
I'm not going to make excuses, I got into a funk and just didn't care. It happens. Apparently some of my better habits stuck anyway though, since I didn't gain anything.
Trying to get back into the groove today - I'm in a good mood, I feel relatively energetic and I've refused to continue dwelling on the stupid fears and doubts that like to wander around in my head when I let them.
I do need to find a way to get out more though. When you've gone so long without going out with friends (for various reasons) that they've stopped inviting you how do you get back on their radar? Or do I just need to make new friends?
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