Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Maybe I'm too sensitive, but what is it with friends that were once chunkers, but are now thin and judgemental? I've seen this over and over again, and quite frankly - I just don't get it! My mother used to say "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". I had that drilled into my head since I was a little girl, but apparently some women never heard that saying before! I'm NOT talking about ALL women, just the ones that are judgemental, and since losing weight, feel that they are the authority on weight loss.
One of these 'friends' has recently gotten on my last nerve. She invited us over for dinner during the holidays while her sister and BIL were here from out of state. Her sister and I hit it off from the day we met, 2 years ago. The friend lost 34 lbs with WW, and her sister lost 120 lbs after having gastric bypass surgery. Yet the friend is always making judgemental comments to her sister about food choices. It's funny, but I've NEVER heard the sister ASK for advice or scolding comments!
Her sister noticed my weight loss right away, and was very positive in her comments to me. However, the friend was NOT! She told me that I looked like I was losing my BELLY. I replied "I never HAD a belly". She then came over to me, took hold of my right arm, and turned me around - to see my backside! She actually said that 'she wanted to see if my butt got any smaller'. Hey witch, did you REALLY just do that to me in front of your guests??? Yes she did! When it was time for dinner, she served the food onto our plates. It was penne pasta with a meat sauce. She gave all of the men full plates, she gave herself about 1/2 of what she served them. But as for me and her sister, we got about 1 cup of dinner. I could have fit it into a tea cup! I don't have a stomach that was surgically altered to the size of a golf ball! Thank God we were able to help ourselves to the salad, otherwise I may have started gnawing on my husband's arm!
As we had dinner she started questioning me on what type of exercise I was doing, at the table, in front of everyone. Before I could EVEN answer, she scolded 'you know, you can't JUST ride your bike, and continue to lose weight'. My reply was "well isn't that what YOU did with some walking thrown in'? She continued on with 'you need to do more'. I said 'you don't know what I do. I don't ride my bike around the block like some 90 year old, I MOVE! I also ride up to 50+ miles a week. And I do have variety and weight train, and what I'm doing is WORKING for me!" She joined a gym because she started to gain back some weight, but did I try to put her on the spot in front of people? Never happen! When we came home my DH told me that he doesn't care to be in her company. I replied "that makes 2 of us". I told him that if he EVER sees me being a judgemental witch, thump me on the side of my head. He said that it wouldn't happen, because it's NOT who I am.
On New Year's Day we had a casual soup and salad dinner at our house, and the food was set up on the counter for people to help themselves. I had to stop at the friend's house the day before, and when I was leaving, she scolded me in front of her sister. Complete with the finger wagging in my face (no kidding), she said "don't make too much food"! She then turned to her sister and said "she ALWAYS over cooks and makes too much food". I replied "I'm having 15 people for dinner, what do you want me to feed them, a carrot stick"? And I must say, my tone WAS pissy!!! Her sister sided with me and said 'so what'.
To be honest, I was ticked off at myself that I didn't tell her that if she wags that finger in my face one more time, I'm going to break it in two! So needless to say, By New Year's Day, I was ready for her. Sure enough, she started right after arriving, in front of a house full of people. In a sarcastic tone she asked me "do you think you've made ENOUGH soup"? Yes, I did, I told her. Then she started on the size of the salad I was serving. She asked "do you think it's big ENOUGH'? I stopped what I was doing, stared her down, and said "who made YOU the food police"? Her sister gave me a huge smile. I later heard her telling her sister 'don't you think that you've had enough veggies and dip'? Her sister came into the kitchen and told me 'if she makes 1 more comment about what I'm eating, I'm going to belt her'!
I was finishing the salad when the friend and her sister came back into the kitchen. As I sprinkled toasted walnuts and dried cranberries over the spinach salad, she said in a bitchy tone 'huh, you're putting MORE stuff in that salad'? I thought about drop kicking her now skinny @ss into the pool, but instead replied 'NOT ANOTHER WORD" in a firm voice. Followed by "when I come to your house I don't tell you what to do, who made you the authority? Well, this is MY house, so keep your opinions to yourself, because I don't want to hear them"! That shut her up! Her husband kept coming back into the kitchen after I put dessert out. She kept making comments to him about eating too much, so he would sneak cookies and toffee when she wasn't looking. For crying out loud, enough is enough!
If her judgemental behavior continues, this relationship may wind up the same way my so-called friend's did - on the chopping block! Her sister and husband may tolerate it, but I don't have to. The person I was 5 months ago may have tolerated bad behavior by quietly stewing, but not now! If I ask for advice - give it, otherwise keep your comments and opinions to yourself. If you can't get onboard with me as a supportive friend, then get off of my back, and let me continue this journey without negative comments and verbal put-downs, disguised as opinions! Be warned judgemental, former- chunkers, I'm finding my voice, and I'm prepared to use it!
Monday, January 11, 2010
The weather here in Florida has been unusually COLD! I watched the news the other night and I could hardly believe my ears. They said that the temperature could get into the 20's this past weekend, and get this - a chance of snow!
I usually ride my bike early in the morning, but since it was rather chilly, I waited ALL day for it to warm up a bit - but it never happened! By around 5 o'clock, I had enough, as I gave myself a kick in the butt. I thought to myself, butch up and just DO IT! Since I'm originally a Jersey girl, you would think that the cold weather was no big deal. WRONG! I've lived in Florida for the last 20 years, and quite frankly, became a cold wuss! I bundled up by layering my clothes. I had on a cotton shirt followed by a sweat shirt, and then a fleecy jacket on top. I put on a pair of hubby's long thermal socks, and tucked them up under my sweat pants. I then put on gloves and headed out.
At first I thought 'okay, it's cold, but not TOO bad'. Yeah, right! Once I started really moving, the wind on my face was COLD! It didn't take long before my eyes started to tear and my nose started to run like a faucet. My face felt frozen, and my nose and ears felt like ice cubes. I wondered how could my ears be SO cold, and yet burning at the same time? I actually thought of taking the tissue from my pocket, tearing it in half, and stuffing each piece up a nostril. When I got a visual of that in my mind, I started laughing. I could just imagine people passing me and doing a double take, as the pieces of tissue hung out of my nose. I decided to deal with the nose drip and forgo the tissue idea.
Around this time I was trying to psych myself up into doing at least 30 frozen minutes. As I thought of what an idiot I was....I passed an EVEN bigger idiot, jogging. He was wearing teeny-tiny black SHORTS and a white t-shirt! I had to bite my tongue as I passed him, because I really wanted to ask him if he was dropped on his head as a child. Followed by, 'go home and put some darn clothes on, I'm freezing my butt off just LOOKING at you'! However, I kept my big mouth shut. What really made this experience 'special' (yes sarcasm) was the fact that some crazy people had their irrigation systems ON, and the mist was being blown across the road by the wind. And since the irrigation runs off of an irrigation well, it smelled like sulfur. So to add to my 'joy', I'm now covered in a mist that smelled like hard boiled eggs! UGH!!
As I decided to head home, I rode past the park down the street from our house, and it looked like a picture. I got inspired and rode home to get the camera. I went back to the park to watch the sun set across the lake. I parked my bike, walked toward the lake, and took some pictures of the sky and the reflection on the surface of the lake. It was beautiful! I forgot how cold I was, as my face was now SO numb that I couldn't even feel it anymore. And luckily, I could no longer smell the stench of the egg-scented mist that covered me, as my nose was running. I jumped back on my bike, passed our street, and rode for another 15 'blissful' minutes. I came home feeling energized and pleased with myself that I pushed past my discomfort - and just did it!
Saturday, January 09, 2010
I was on the phone with my friend this morning, who happens to live nearby, when she said that she saw snow flurries. As we were talking, the AC/heating compressor on the outside of the house started making clanking sounds. Oh no, that CAN'T be good! As I walked over to the window to see what the heck was going on, the noise got louder. My friend could actually hear the noise over the phone. As I looked outside I could see that the unit was covered with ICE! I got off of the phone, shut the system down, and called the AC/heating company.
Since it's supposed to be in the 20's tonight - this could be a problem. For those of you that don't know me, I live in Florida!!! The service guy called me back, and I MUST say, was a VERY nice man! I described what I saw and heard, and he told me that he could tell me what to do, and I could save a service call. How GREAT is that? Since DH was working, it's on me. The service guy explained that the rain and the temperature were SO cold, that the unit is freezing up. He told me that I would have to de-ice the compressor. Okay I thought, I can do this. Now, HOW exactly do I do this??? He said that I would have to hose the whole thing down until ALL of the ice was gone and then turn the system back on. Ah, pardon me, did you say hose it down, with water?? YEP! In freezing rain?? YEP! But wait, if the rain is freezing on it, won't the water from the hose do the same thing?? NOPE! Okay, sign me up for this joyful experience!
I bundled up and headed outside, with thoughts of saving money swirling in my head. This will be a piece of cake! Yeah right!! Here's a tip-off, when you think that something is going to be easy, it will be anything but! The freezing rain is - FREEZING! The hose near the unit was not connected for some reason, and the hose itself was so cold that it wouldn't bend at ALL as I tried to hook it back up. The rain was dripping off of the roof as I'm trying to do this, hitting me on the head and back of my neck, adding to the 'pleasure' of this experience! After 4 attempts, I moved on to plan 'B'- get the hose from around back. Armed with the hose, I get to work. As I hosed it off, I could see chunks of ice breaking off from the fan and the top of the unit. I'm freezing my cajungas off and could REALLY use a parka right about now! 15 minutes later, I'm soggy, freakin' cold, but DONE!!! I came back in and turned that baby back on and YAY, it's working. Oh happy day!!!
I'm off to take a REALLY hot shower, followed by warm sweat clothes, thermal socks, and enjoy the nice, toasty heat! I'm thinking that comfort food is in order for dinner tonight. Hubby's going to stop at Sam's Club and pick up 'The Spark' for me on his way home. He's pleased that we have heat and that I saved us the cost of a service call, and jokingly said that if it happens again, at least I know what to do. Ah, guess again sweet cheeks, I'll share the 'joy' with you! Curling up with a nice, hot bowl of chicken chili and a good book sounds pretty darn good to me! Adding my DH, a warm blankie, and at least one kitty to the mix, and it sounds like a warm and cozy night - as long as the compressor doesn't need to be de-iced again. If it does happen again, it's his turn to freeze his cajungas off - mine are just starting to thaw! Stay warm everyone and enjoy your weekend.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Back in August when I joined, I had NO idea just how important Spark would become to me, and the difference it would make in my life. When I came here my motivation and self esteem were at an all time low, yet I still had some hope - because I joined. I recently looked at old pictures from Christmas a few years ago, and I hardly recognized myself. Yes, I saw an overweight woman, but what really struck me was my face. Even if I was smiling in the photos, it wasn't real. I saw a sad and lifeless woman that looked and felt beaten down.
This morning, while on the phone with my friend Helen (there's a pic of us posted on my blog ( 'Enjoying the holidays..') when the word POWER came up. On Christmas Eve Helen commented to my MIL about how well I was doing losing weight. My MIL said...nothing! However, the next time she called she brought it up as soon as I answered the phone. She said "have you lost a lot of weight"? I replied 'yes, I guess I have'. The next words out of her mouth were "well, it's really hard to tell"! I laughed at her, which left her speechless, because this is a road that I refuse to go down ever again. This morning Helen said "that woman has done everything in her POWER for the 20 plus years that I've known you, to put you down".
Today I wonder how I ALLOWED myself to be mistreated for 26 years. There are many ways to inflict pain onto someone, without raising a hand. There is great power in words, whether kind or cruel. She started her verbal and emotional assault soon after my DH and I started dating. She mistreated my husband, his sister, and her late husband too, but for some reason her main target has been me. It was a gradual thing that happened over time. Despite the fact that both my DH and I stood up to her, it made no difference. Over time I felt chipped away at, and a shell of my former self, as I was CONSTANTLY put down. Even when my husband told me that I looked nice, to be honest, I stopped believing him. I thought that's what husbands do. I couldn't even make eye contact with myself in the mirror!
Well, that was then and this is now! As I looked at the Christmas pics that I posted a few blogs back, I saw a different woman. This woman looked HAPPY! Yes, there is 39 lbs less of her, but I see a light from within that wasn't there before August. I know that joining Spark has been one of the best things that I've done for myself in years! As I met other people and started to form friendships, I felt as if I was thrown a life line. Some of the friendships are deeper than others, but they're ALL good! I started to feel that I had company (besides my hubby) on this journey. As I started to lose weight, I also started to release the emotional 'baggage' that I carried. With each passing day, I started to feel a lightness of my spirit and a strength that was dormant for far too long!
I think that there is great POWER in friendship! Whether it's a gentle kick in the butt, or a pat on the back - I welcome it all. With your support, you have helped me see myself in a different light, as I released crap that I held on to for far too long. As I write this I'm trying not to cry, as I feel that I was blessed to have met all of you. Yes, I'm the one doing the work, but with all of you by my side, the journey is so much more enjoyable. I look forward to 'seeing' my Spark friends and chatting with them. I really care about them, and when someone is gone for awhile or not feeling well, I get concerned. And when they have success on the scale and post a loss, I'm SO happy for them. There are days that I have to pry myself away from the computer. These are real feelings of friendship!
The definition of the word POWER is:
The ability to act or to do
Possession of control, authority, or influence over others
Force or energy used to do work
I pride myself on being an honest woman, and yes sometimes it's hard to face facts, but here goes. When I look back to August, I sounded and acted like a beaten down VICTIM! This realization REALLY pissed me off! If my foot could have reached, I would have kicked my own @ss! I buried my POWER under excess body weight and hurt feelings, and acted like a weak-willed woman. I am NOT a weak woman!!! NO one has control over me - but ME! I DO have the strength and ability to act, and I DO have the energy needed to do the work. I will NEVER again give away or bury my POWER, instead I will use it to move myself forward on my journey. The POWER of Spark is more than the unlimited information and nutrition and fitness trackers, it's the people! My Spark friends helped me have clarity, and I thank you. This is my life, and I'm taking back my POWER, and ready to kick some @ss, but this time it won't be my own!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Last night as I walked through the kitchen I heard an old familiar 'friend' calling my name softly. It said 'come on, just a bite, I promise that I won't make your @ss fat'. LIAR! It was the leftover rum pecan poundcake! However, I let it lure me, as I broke off a piece and popped it into my mouth - YUM. I then realized that this rum-soaked, butter laden, delicious concoction was trying to seduce me! An occasional treat is fine, but having this 'temptation' still hanging around is NOT!
On New Year's Day we had about 13 people for a casual dinner. After dessert, I put out paper plates, foil, containers of cookies, fudge, and the remaining poundcake. I told everyone to help themselves and take it ALL! They all went home happy with their goodie plates, and I got rid of all of the temptations, or so I thought. There were some cookies and fudge left, as well as the #1 seducer - the evil poundcake!
Since I don't want my @ss to be the size of the state of Florida, I knew what I had to do. Armed with foil, plastic freezer containers, and a trash bag, I got to work. I cleaned out the fridge and the pantry. Anything even remotely unhealthy was history. Since I don't like to waste food, I put the chocolate chip cookies, which are hubby's favorites, in a plastic container, and into the freezer they went. I then decided, that on Tuesday I would make up a tray with all of the remaining cookies and fudge, and send it off with hubby to work for his co-workers the following day. I kept all of the cut up veggies, so I have a drawer full of healthy snacks, ready to eat. And since I made the dip with strained yogurt and lite mayo, it also got a reprieve from being tossed out. However, the few pieces of poundcake didn't fare so well - it's history! Since Tuesday is trash day, the timing was perfect. I faced the 30-something degree frozen tropics and the poundcake bit the dust, as I took it out with the remaining trash. Good riddance!!!
Yesterday we went to the farm stand and stocked up on fresh produce for the week. As I opened the fridge this morning, I was greeted by the most beautiful Florida strawberries, rainbow swiss chard, honey crisp apples, cantaloupe, blueberries, and baby spinach staring back at me - none of which will add to the cushioning on my keister! In the struggle of me vs the poundcake, I won! I DO believe in 'everything in moderation', but I also know that certain foods can be triggers to overindulging. That tempting, lying poundcake no longer has any power over me, as it sits at the curb this morning, waiting to be carted away. As I see all of the colorful fruit and veggies, I feel secure with the choices I've made. As I'm about to make up the goodie tray for my hubby's co-workers, let those calorie-infused seducers call someone else's name - I'm NOT listening anymore!
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