Wednesday, January 20, 2010
One of my DH's favorite meals is spaghetti with meatballs, and since we haven't had that for dinner in months, I decided to make it for him last weekend as a treat. To be honest, I've been getting into a bit of a chicken and fish rut. My old meatball recipe was full of parmesan cheese, caramelized Vidalia onions, and sundried tomatoes. Well, surprise - surprise! Those little suckers were calorie-killers! I could forgo the whole digestive process, and just slap them on my @ss - because that's where they wound up anyway!
I love to cook and try new recipes, and was determined to make a healthier meatball. I asked my hubby to pick up some lean ground beef on his way home. He bought 90% lean, which I would soon find out, wasn't lean enough. When I cook, I'm a wing-it kind of girl - a pinch of this and a sprinkle of that, but NOT this time. I was on a meatball mission! The next day, armed with measuring spoons and cups, as well as paper and a pen - I was ready.
I tweaked the ingredients by substituting Egg Be@ters for eggs, to save on calories, despite the fact that I'm not keen on processed eggs. I cut WAY back on the parmesan cheese and breadcrumbs, and left out the calorie-laden goodies like sundried tomatoes and even pesto, that I sometimes added in the past. Even though I upped the garlic and herbs, they were BLAH! Hubby liked them, I didn't.
After I made them, I entered all of the ingredients into my laptop, and calculated the recipe. I used an ice cream scoop to measure out the meatballs, and baked them on a sheet pan covered with foil that was coated with cooking spray, for easy clean up. I thought 'how bad could they possibly be'? Since they weren't huge, 2 would be a portion. Each meatball was 147 calories of BLANDNESS!
I'm a stubborn broad, and determined to get it right - more flavor, better texture, and LESS calories! I'm not a big fan of ground turkey - a little too 'gamey' for me, but if I mixed it with very lean ground beef, that might work. I bought 93% lean ground beef and a package of ground turkey breast, and popped it into the freezer for my next meatball experiment. I won't stop until I get the results I want - something that actually tastes good, but isn't a calorie-killer. Since I don't view this way of eating as the dreaded 4-letter word, DIET, but as the WAY I eat, for LIFE! It's NOT something I'm On or OFF of - this is it. I love a challenge, so my meatball mission continues!
The marinara sauce I made was good on top of some whole wheat linguine, with some fresh basil from my herb garden. I missed the taste and texture of my 'old' meatballs, BUT I don't miss the size of my 'old' booty!! So, for the sake of the size of my tush, sacrifices MUST be made! I also bought a package of roasted garlic chicken sausage at the store yesterday. It sounds good, and LOOKS like sausage, but for all I know it may taste like the bottom of my sneaker dipped in chicken flavoring and rubbed with a clove of garlic! So, I'll continue to experiment and tweak recipes, until I have success - both with something yummy and with a smaller tush!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I heard two little words this morning that made my day. ALMOST NORMAL! Last week I went to the lab for the blood-sucking witch, disguised as a lab tech, to draw my blood for more thyroid tests. I've had to have lab work done, followed by an office visit with my Endocrinologist, every 8 weeks for months now - only to be told that I'm NOT in a normal range yet. So this morning I went back to the doctor to get the results, prepared for his usual response. What I heard instead was 'almost normal'! YAY!! After dealing with this issue for what seems like an eternity, to be told those 2 little words was music to my ears. This was a really good thing! Since my hair is no longer falling out, and I have little hairs growing back - the thought of being fat AND bald is gone. Oh, happy day!!! For a split second I thought of jumping up and doing the 'Happy Dance' in front of him, but decided against it because he's 'challenged' in the sense of humor department!
Since I'm almost back into a normal range, I no longer have to see the doc every 8 weeks. The icing on the cake is that I don't have to see that blood-sucking witch from the lab again for 6 months - hold on while I do the Happy Dance - okay, I'm back. WooHoo!!!
Today I got a taste of being almost normal, and it felt GOOD. This got me thinking about another area in my life that I would love to hear those 2 little words. I'm looking forward to the day I can look at a BMI chart and be in a normal range, and how great that will feel. But one step at a time, and right now I'm enjoying TODAY! I did a few errands after my appointment and decided that I deserved a treat. Before you get any funny ideas, I'm talking about a NON-food related treat, because those days are LONG gone! I bought a 3 disc Bollywood Dance workout DVD set and a new magazine - 'Cuisine Lite', which looks great!
Today is a beautiful, sunny day - and I'm FEELIN' it! I feel good about the positive changes I've made in my life, and thanks to an almost normal thyroid, I don't feel like a tired slug anymore. I no longer fall asleep sitting up, and I have energy again. I feel like I re-charged my batteries, so to speak, and I'm ready to take on this week, full of energy and enthusiasm!
Friday, January 15, 2010
There's a thought that's been STUCK in my head, and I can't shake it loose! But, It's a GOOD thought. I stopped by my friend, KIRSTEN's page today to say hello, when I noticed that she posted a new picture. I went to check it out, and I loved it. REALLY loved it!!!! Thanks Kirsten! It was of a kitten looking in a mirror, and seeing his reflection back - as a lion. It was the cutest thing! The caption was; WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF.
The meaning stuck with me, and made me think. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and couldn't help but notice the difference, as I chose to focus on the positive. Gone was the woman that had a hard time making eye contact with herself in a mirror, only a few short months ago. In her place was a woman that is feeling better about herself, both on the inside and the outside. I saw a clean, makeup-free face, with a healthy complexion. I noticed, dare I say it - cheekbones that were once buried under the "F" word - FAT, starting to emerge. Oh, welcome back babies, where have you been???
The woman looking back at me in the reflection had a twinkle in her eyes, and a smile that started to form on her face. She looked happy and healthy! This is a woman that's starting to feel strong, and knows WHO she is on the inside, and what her values are. As I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but notice something new - eyes that held my gaze with determination, and didn't look away. Despite the fact that my journey is still fairly new, and I still have some distance to travel, I could see a glimpse of myself reaching my goal. That's something that I couldn't EVEN imagine before!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I think that until I learned from some lessons in my life, I had to repeat them over and over again. I've decided to smarten up, grow 'a set' (or blow the dust off of the ones I USED to have), let go of my need to be POLITE, and speak my mind! This is something that I decided to work on this year. And just in time, because the SPAWN (AKA my SIL) is coming for a visit in 11 weeks. My initial feeling was DREAD when I heard of her visit, because of all the 'joyful' (yes, sarcasm) past trips. When you put her and my MIL together, it's like the scene in Jurassic Park with the 2 Raptors as they join forces and attack. My SIL is different than my MIL in her approach, as she puts her thoughts and words in other people's mouths. When I think of her, I go for a walk down memory lane, and it's NOT a pleasant stroll!
I went to the beach with her ONCE, a few years back. I was in my bathing suit, on my back, on the blanket, as she sat up. She told me that 'people were pointing and staring at me'. Since I was on my back, I didn't see it, so WHY did she have to tell me this??? When I questioned her about 'why would people point and stare', she replied 'that it's out of fear, because they don't want to look like you'. I laid there feeling SO vulnerable and exposed, frozen in place, unable to move or even speak. With all of the dignity I could pull from my size 22, plus-sized body, I stood up, got dressed, and left. I cried the entire way home, wondering WHY she told me this!
There have been years of comments like that, and the ironic thing is - that she was a size 22 until about 7 years ago. Another judgemental former-chunker! Anyone on here that knows me, is aware that I had hair loss due to a whacked out thyroid. Since I used to be a hairdresser, many moons ago, I know a thing or two about hair. Approaching it with the 'when you have lemons, make lemonade' attitude, I cut my hair into a medium length tousled style, which was a longer version of my profile pic. It kind of hid my hair loss, and I thought that it looked cute. I did the best I could with what I had! When she came for a visit, she commented on my hair by saying how 'her boyfriend says that's how all middle-aged, overweight women wear their hair'. At first I was speechless, but then I said 'thanks a lot'! Her reply was 'oh, that's what HE SAYS'. Well, he wasn't there, had no idea how my hair looked, and hadn't seen me in years. Once again - WHY?
After going out to dinner with the toxic-twosome (MIL & SIL) and my MIL's companion, my SIL told me that my MIL said that 'I should be a professional makeup artist, because it's AMAZING what I can do to myself with makeup'. She then said 'can you believe she said that'? I replied "I can't believe that IF she said it, that YOU would repeat it to me"! Her comeback was 'well, I'm JUST telling you what she said.' And the purpose is - what???
My DH and I have very little to do with her, and are glad that she lives FAR away. She is going to turn 50 this year, but dresses like a 20 year old hootchie momma! Sorry, but seeing your butt-crack and muffin-top are NOT attractive! I used to think that she had the BIGGEST ego that I've EVER seen. She had plastic surgery a couple of years ago and had her boobs done. But instead of getting a 'normal' size implant, they had to special order her implants because they are 960 cc's each - about 32 oz. From what I've heard average is in the 300 cc range. No kidding - they are BIGGER than her head! When she was here, she would point out all of the men looking at her, as my DH and I rolled our eyes. She told me 'that I'm lucky that I live in Florida and DON'T have the desire to be PERFECT'!!! Maybe ALL of that silicone was going to her head, or all of that Botox she gets did more than numb her frozen forehead. She refers to herself as 'SMOKIN' HOT' - who in the world calls THEMSELVES THAT? I do think that she is an attractive woman when she fixes her hair and makeup, BUT, she wouldn't be SMOKIN' HOT unless I set her @ss on fire!
It took awhile, but I now think that she has a false-ego. She puts people down in an attempt to make herself feel better. How pathetic! She wears skin tight, revealing clothing to show off her after- market equipment - for attention. I think that it's kind of sad. In the past, she would split her visit between her mother's house and ours. But after the last few times, my DH and I had enough of the conflict and drama that she creates. We both agreed that she will NOT be invited to stay with us - NOT even for 1 day! Let her stay with her mother, and the 2 Raptors can attack each other - I'm OUT of the equation!
I'm sure that we'll see her a couple of times while she's here - family obligation, and all that crap! But the silicone shrew is in for a BIG surprise!!!! That BS will NO longer fly with me - I'll stick my size 10 foot (with a nice POINTY heel) SO far up her keister - her tonsils will rattle!!! I've learned from the past, and I will NOT repeat MY past behavior of telling her that she hurt my feelings, in a POLITE way - it doesn't work with Raptors! I'm respecting myself, finding my voice, and NO longer tolerating rude comments from Botoxed, silicone-enhanced shrews, or ANYONE else! I deserve better!!!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
I should have known better! I made chicken chili on Saturday, and chicken soup on Sunday, and after eating this stuff for the last few days - I feel miserable. I didn't have low sodium broth or canned tomatoes, so I used the regular ones - BAD idea! I did rinse the canned beans, but after the sodium content of the broth and tomatoes, it didn't make much of a difference. And since this week is "that time" of the month - DOUBLE whammy! When I got up this morning my face was puffy and I felt like a 5'10" water balloon!
I had to go to the lab this morning for more thyroid tests, before my morning coffee. UGH!! Since I have to go every 8 weeks, I kind of know the girls that work at the lab, and they're ALL nice. They're so good at drawing blood, that I hardly ever feel it. But today wasn't my lucky day, I got someone new. I should have known, because I can usually spot a BITCH at 20 paces! This woman had SUCH an attitude, that I almost asked her if someone peed in her Cheerios this morning!!! But instead, I stuck my arm out like a good girl for the blood-sucking witch, and attempted to make chit chat. BAD idea! She didn't even acknowledge that I spoke to her as she shoved the needle into my arm. Every time she changed vials, I thought that the needle was coming out the back of my elbow! There should be some kind of rule that pissy women with bad attitudes, should NOT be allowed to work with sharp, pointy instruments.
The inside of my left arm is now a lovely eggplant color and looks like it belongs to some junkie, not me! I felt SO bloated, that I was surprised that when she stuck me with the needle - WATER didn't squirt out! So, I'm being careful with what I eat, watching my sodium intake, and drinking a bucket full of water in an attempt to flush this fluid from my bloated-self. I learned two VERY important things today. The first is to make sure that I buy low sodium canned tomatoes and broth. And the second is, in 8 weeks when I have to go back to the lab, if that blood-sucking witch calls my name - RUN!!!!!
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