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Words to live by!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My hubby found the following text on Facebook and copied it for me. I LOVE it and felt the need to share it with all of my fellow Sparkers! I think that they are words to live by.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NGCHILD 11/15/2012 2:31PM

    Hey there!! Good words to live by ... thanks for sharing!!

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FLYINGB16 11/11/2012 7:23AM

    Truer words were never spoken (ummm written). Thank you for sharing! I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

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MMICKEYP 10/22/2012 9:13AM

    Love it so much I'm gonna steal it! Thanks!

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WORKINGSTIFF 10/8/2012 10:26PM

    Great words to live by! And so appropriate for things I'm going through right now.

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MEOWMAMA3 9/27/2012 12:07PM

    Amen! emoticon

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PEBBLES706 9/27/2012 9:07AM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing

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DANCINGGRAM 9/27/2012 12:14AM


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PRINCESS1309 9/26/2012 5:45PM


What a wonderful text, and I great way to live your life. Thanks for sharing.

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VELVETLADY1950 9/26/2012 5:28PM

    I just love this! Thank you for sharing!

Spark the Spark! emoticon

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MT-MOONCHASER 9/26/2012 5:22PM

    That hubby of yours is sure smart!! (But of course, he married you, didn't he??)

Very good words.


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Fear, the great motivator?

Thursday, September 20, 2012

You know that old saying, 'you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink'? Well, I'm that horse. More like the horse's hind end! I've been working on my motivation and being active again on Spark, but I haven't given it my all. When I commit to something, I usually jump in with both feet and give it 100%, but I haven't done that. I used to bike up to 70 miles a week, weight train 3 times a week, and track my water and EVERY morsel of food that passed my lips. Nope, haven't done any of that either.

We've been eating dinner late and going to bed within a couple of hours. Naturally not sleeping well, and waking up feeling tired. After yet another lousy night of sleep, I dragged my bloated SLUG-like self into the bathroom to wash up. I realized that I looked as bad as I felt. Gone was the healthy glow that I used to have, and in it's place was a bloated face and puffy eyes. The woman staring back at me looked tired and unhealthy.

I do some of my best thinking early in the morning. What didn't dawn on me until today was that I was afraid. And not just for myself, but for my husband Rick as well. This isn't healthy for either of us. I feel blessed in many ways - I have a great husband and we have a good life together. Yet fear sunk in as I looked at him this morning, and realized that our current unhealthy lifestyle and the stress of the last two years has taken it's toll on him as well. His mother's illness, her subsequent passing, and the horrific mess that we were left to deal with, and every unhealthy choice we've made - is written all over both of our faces.

But the fear of how all of this effects not only the length of our lives together, but the quality as well, REALLY hit home. We used to be active and walk and bike together. We're a 15 minute drive from the beach, yet we haven't been there ONCE in the last two years! We used to walk six miles on the beach twice a week at sunset. Now we're both always tired. This needs to CHANGE! My desire to turn things around for both of us has fueled my long lost motivation. Thankfully our stress has disappeared, but our unhealthy lifestyle has remained - until NOW! I refuse to live in fear over something that I have control over. So yes, fear is a great motivator, but at the risk of sounding REALLY sappy - love is a much better reason for changing your life!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLYINGB16 9/23/2012 6:54AM

    I remember all of the he!! your deceased MIL used to cause in your lives. I can only imagine the feelings you and your husband had to deal with after her passing. Chalk up the last two years as your mourning/recovery period and begin your re-birth today.

I would trade almost anything to be able to have quality time with my hubby. He works seven days a week including my birthday and he missed the meal at my birthday party he was so late getting there.

If my schedule allowed I would be at the beach every day running/walking/riding my bike.

I try to remember what I have to be thankful for. When I have a bad eating day I try to remember how good it feels when I wake up and my stomach isn't bloated. When I eat healthy and get regular exercise (note: not extreme workouts by any definition) I feel balanced and alert and more able to take on my days.

Do like Meowmama said and grab your hubby by the hand and run to the beach.

You both can do this!!!

BR> emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VELVETLADY1950 9/22/2012 1:40PM

    A-Ha Moment! emoticon

Nothing like getting a slap of reality first thing in the mirror in your bathroom... emoticon

How exciting for you! emoticon At least now you know, why and how you got where you are. You have also opened a few thoughts of why I am here as well. Fear! emoticon It is a biggie! And an amazing motivator when seeing it through your eyes. My sister is a diabetic and does not control it. she is losing her eyes, her feet and her life. One of my goals is to motivate her by example. emoticon emoticon emoticon So healthy is my main goal. I feel if she sees me changing and feeling great she will want it as well. emoticon

Your hubby is a lucky man, emoticon you can hold hands emoticon and take your journey together. I always do better when I have someone to share it with. Keep us all posted as your goals become you! emoticon

Spark the Spark! emoticon and you did! Thanks, Velvet

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MEOWMAMA3 9/22/2012 11:34AM

    Take that man by the hand and run, don't walk, to the beach....well, maybe you better drive to the beach first! You've gone through the fire....and made it. That "fire" of stress seemed to actually motivate you to be a real tiger in the fitness dept. Try staring at your sil's picture to get you going....or, better yet, invite her to stay for a month or so....that'll get you out of the house and onto your bike!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MT-MOONCHASER 9/20/2012 4:26PM

    Sometimes we just need an AHA!!! moment. Sounds like you just had one.

You know from past experience that you can do it.



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CATLADY52 9/20/2012 4:00PM

    Go for it! Too often we just fall into a rut and don't even think about what will happen in the future. If you know the way out, then don't let anything stop you.

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JACKIE542 9/20/2012 1:13PM

    emoticon together. emoticon

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Does this happen to you?

Monday, September 17, 2012

I certainly don't need reminders that I'm overweight, but I get them all of the time. Sometimes I feel as if I have this big target on my back, just asking to be kicked. Well, on Saturday night I got kicked again when we met two other couples for dinner. The six of us sat at a booth, and despite the fact that I DID FIT, one of the men asked ONLY me if I would like to move to a table! I stared at him at first, then in my most matter of fact voice asked "no, why would I want to move"? He didn't answer.

This is not an isolated occurrence, it happens most of the time. It makes me feel different from the other people at the table and not normal. But most of all it hurts!!! Anymore, when we go out with other people, I just wait for the crappy comment, and I'm rarely waiting for long.

About once a month my husband and I get together with his cousin and the cousin's girlfriend for brunch. If the cousin gets there first he gets a booth, and yes, I DO FIT into the booth. However, it doesn't stop our cousin from asking ONLY me if I have 'enough room'? It's so predictable that I just wait for him to say it every time. I respond with a very curt "I have plenty of room". Needless to say, the cousin is a chunker as well, but I've NEVER said a cruel or hurtful thing to him! I've tried to out-smart him by arriving 20 minutes early and getting a table, thinking that now he has nothing to say. Wrong. He has even asked me while I'm seated in a chair that I PULL UP TO THE TABLE, if 'I have enough room'. I looked at him like he was nuts, and asked him 'why'.

We traveled with them ONCE, and believe me, that's all it took for me to tell my husband - NEVER again! He agreed. We went on a Canadian, New England cruise, which left from New York. Since we all live in Florida, we all had to fly north first. I booked a window seat for myself, only to be told by the cousin that I won't fit because I'm TOO WIDE! Yes, you did read that! He suggested that I get the aisle seat like him because I'll have more room. All I could think about leading up to the trip was - oh PLEASE let me fit.. I kept my window seat and I did FIT! Take that you jerk!

I don't know WHY people feel the need to do this. It makes me feel like I'm not like everyone else. I sometimes feel like I'm trapped in this fat suit that I can't wait to be able to unzip, and step out of. I don't want to feel like some target that's being scrutinized and judged. I'm tired of being hurt by insensitive comments and made to feel different.

Does this ever happen to you???

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MMICKEYP 10/22/2012 9:12AM

    Yeah, people can be insensitive, can't they. I don't let it bother me, I simply see a booth and run the other way. What? I need indigestion with my meal because the booth is cutting off my airflow? Thank God I don't have big boobs or I'd have to hang it up all together..haaaaaaaa. I'm fat and sassy...I like to spread out. Give me a big fat table anytime. I need my space...I'm a lefty...hahaha. Yeah....reminders are great, aren't' like...mirrors or store windows...but at least they don't talk back...or do they? BUHAAAAAA. Have a happy day, you! emoticon

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VELVETLADY1950 10/3/2012 11:32PM

    Oh Sweetie, What a jerk is right! I would freak out if someone did that to me. I never sit in booths. I hate them. My feet never hit the ground. So they dangle and go dumb. And I don't fit so good either. I would be temped to corner him with no one around and flat tell him if he every tried thinking for me or have a problem with my size again it would be his last. One warning then he would be out of my life. I do not do well with people being mean ever. I would rather deal with it head on. And either destroy it or conquer. I am surprise that someone at the table has not put him in his place. The greatest revenge you could do.. is when your at your goal turn those nasty comment back to his chubby self. Gee I don't sound like a nice person do I. Well mean people tick me off. Let me know how it's going? Maybe a good kick under the table might do it. I know where I would kick him.. Your Nutty Spark Friend that really does care. Velvet

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PRINCESS1309 9/26/2012 6:11PM

    I understand how you feel. I am very sensitive about my weight. People generally don't say anything to me but I make it hard on myself because I imagine what they must be thinking.

We have to just enjoy life and forget any negativity.

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FATBASTICH 9/18/2012 6:34AM

    Hang in there.

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MT-MOONCHASER 9/17/2012 11:54PM

    UNICORN212 took my answer!!

Remember that the best defense is a good offense... No need to be rude, just get the point across decisively.

I hope that you are able to find some better eating/traveling companions!!


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JUNEAU2010 9/17/2012 9:16PM

    I get the looks, the conversations that happen around me as if I am invisible. I feel your pain!

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 9/17/2012 8:22PM

    I think they only do it to make themselves feel better. Unfortunately the closer you get to goal weight it doesn't get any better. The thin people join in because (as I've been told multiple times) You make them look bad.

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UNICORN212 9/17/2012 8:18PM

    When he asks if you have enough room, calmly look at him and say "Yes, I do. Do YOU have enough room?"

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    Oh wow..... sounds like he has issues. I would too be very sick of it but at least you know its coming and you can prepare yourself (somewhat ) for it ! I do hate some booths. I have in the past had some trouble with them being too tight but since I've lost some weight its been so much better. How his word do STING !! Is there not some nice way of saying " hey hey..... YOur words are not too kind ,,, could you maybe stop saying this all the time ???? and smile sweetly ??? If your husband cannot bring his attention to it then I would just definitely ignore all invites for eating out and do other things and or avoid him altogether. I'm so very sorry that keeps happening to you . Keep your chin up and move on..... shake it off ... becouse it's his problem....

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ME_B4_INSANITY 9/17/2012 2:44PM

    Not usually, but that's because I say it enough for everyone. Now I would not say I'm a huge chunker but I do see myself as though I am in the fun house mirror.

Though I having a good day and feeling good about myself, something will happen that will suddenly make me want to just shed all of my excess weight. Whether it be when I look down and realize how much room my thighs are taking up or I suddenly get a side view in the mirror of myself that takes me off guard.

We have to love ourselves in our own skin. Because if we can do that, then he can say whatever he likes and you know that you may not be a super model, but your more beautiful than he will ever be.

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Where oh where did my motivation go?

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Motivation is a funny thing. When you feel as if you've 'got it', you're rolling along and your journey can seem fairly smooth. But when you've lost it, you can feel stuck, frozen in place, unable to move forward. Not only did I fall off of the wagon, but it's rolled over me, and I've been stuck for awhile now. Falling off of the wagon is something that I thought would never, and I mean NEVER happen again. Boy, was I wrong!

I thought that I finally 'got it' about making myself, and especially my health a priority. Wrong again! It was a gradual thing as I slowly started moving myself further down my priority list. Suddenly I was missing workouts and not staying on track with my food choices. I was skipping breakfast and sometimes lunch, eating a late dinner, and then dropping into bed. Any wonder why the weight started to pile on and I felt like a SLUG! Stress became my new companion, along with it's evil cousins - insomnia, migraines, and teeth grinding. The more pressed for time I felt, the less I took care of myself. Huge mistake!

We're not on this journey living in a bubble. Life happens and you're sometimes thrown a curveball from time to time. It's how you handle the challenges in life, WHILE taking care of yourself - that's the lesson. If this was a test, I know that I've failed. But it's okay because I learned from it. I see everything as a learning experience, and I think that now I'm a bit more aware of ducking when a curveball is headed my way. Stress is no longer my daily companion - I've kicked it to the curb!

So here I am, starting over - yet again. I beat myself up about this for most of the last year, feeling defeated. What a total waste of time and energy. Trying to get my motivation back has been tougher than I thought it would be. I've learned that I can't just sit here stuck, waiting for my motivation to find me, as if it would magically reappear. It hasn't! It's up to me. I realize that I alone am responsible for every choice I make. Therefore, today I choose to make a new priority list, one that my health and well being are at the top of. I choose to recommit to this journey - not tomorrow, or on Monday, but TODAY!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MMICKEYP 10/22/2012 9:07AM

    Never feel bad about starting over. I'm starting over, too...after a couple of years of sheer hell...but hey...why should the steamroller win, ... right? Haha. One day at a time, we'll get our OOMPH back. Is that a word? Haaaaaaa Do something good for yourself every day and by Christmas, you'll be feeling a whole lot better! That's my plan, anyway. You hang in there and remember, you are not alone. xoxoo emoticon

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CATHYGETSFIT 9/5/2012 1:03AM

    Well, realizing that you have to go out and find / get your motivation and that it's not going to come to you is half the battle right there. Sometimes the wind just gets knocked out of your sail and your left figuring out where it went and how to get it back. Don't berate yourself over water that's already under the bridge because you can't change it. You are back on the right track now though. Just be sure to take it one step at a time so that you don't get overwhelmed. emoticon emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/2/2012 9:14PM

    i loved this blog thank you

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TRAVELNISTA 9/2/2012 8:15AM

    emoticon emoticonStop beating yourself because I am right there along side you. Did I ever need to read this blog today. Could have easily written it myself. Let's both move forward and beat this thing instead of beating up ourselves. Today is the 1st day of the rest of our life. emoticontogether! emoticon emoticon

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MEOWMAMA3 9/1/2012 4:19PM

    Well Dor, sometimes life just kicks you in the a$$ and dislodges all the things you've put in place to do the right and smart things to help yourself. And although some Sparkers will no doubt just think this is a whiny excuse, some among us are not hardwired to stay driven 24/7 and stronger when things are tough. If it was that simple none of us would have gotten fat in the first place.

Structure your re-boot in attainable goals that build on each other and give yourself credit for what you do, don't penalize yourself for what you didn't do...that will only mire you deeper in defeat. Be sure to let your great sense of humor drive some of these life improvements!

Glad to see you blogging again my friend! Hang in there! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYOFMYLIFE 8/30/2012 6:46PM

    I can really relate to your struggle. When I am motivated...nothing can stop me, but one minute it is here and the next it is gone???? Where does it go?
Lately I have been telling myself in weak moments that I am doing this for me and only me. I have to stop living according to other peoples rules and do what I know is right for me.

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KIWIANN 8/30/2012 3:45PM

    Good job kicking stress to the curb - hope its evil cousins left with it!
Some of the best advice I've been given for trying to get myself to a better place is to "fake it 'til you make it" - in other words, act like you are motivated until you find that you actually are motivated again.
emoticon emoticon

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CHANGINGSAM 8/30/2012 1:58PM

    Realize that you nor I are perfect. We are going to fall at times. It's very difficult to get back up, but you are strong. You will get through this. Just start making some small goals and work toward them. Hang in there. emoticon

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    Good for you, go get em!!

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13610511 8/30/2012 1:07PM

    You are on the right track!

Thank you for your blog, it is what I needed.

I am demotivated, and will just pretend that I have some motivation. You are right, it does not appear magically, but if I act like I have some motivation and hopefully it will appear.


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What's it going to take?

Thursday, October 07, 2010

The second part of that question should be - to stop making the same mistake and putting myself LAST? I'm borrowing the title of a song from a certain ding-bat pop star, but it's how I feel - Oops, I did it again! The past year since I've been here on Spark I've learned a great deal about myself. Some good and some frustrating. I keep asking myself WHY I keep making the same mistakes and putting myself last. It's been a habit since I was a teenager, but one that I really want to brake.

Since my MIL passed away in August, I haven't been on Spark. I thought that dealing with the mess we were left to deal with was a priority and that once things settled down I would be back. Dumb idea! The woman never threw a thing away and my DH and I have been clearing out YEARS of clutter. There are days that I feel totally overwhelmed by all of this. For the last two months we've spent our weekends working on her house - sorting, packing, cleaning, donating, and throwing away. The days I'm working at her house I'm so tired at the end of the day, the last thing I feel like doing when I get home is cook dinner. So we've had take out food followed by plopping our tired butts on the sofa. Another great idea! Besides feeling like a limp noodle, I've gained 10 pounds, which landed directly on my @ss! Hey, I can't change what I don't acknowledge!

The last few nights I've had a hard time falling asleep because the error of my ways finally sunk in. I ignored the hints in the previous weeks by doing what I've always done - ignore myself and push through it. Did I pay attention when I had a fever of 102.8 for three days and couldn't drag myself out of bed? Nope! Or how about when I lifted a heavy box at her house and pulled my back, which took a little over a week to get better? Nope again! My body was trying to tell me to take better care but I didn't listen. That was my first lesson, which I failed.

The next lesson involves my lazy-@ss SIL. When she was here for her mother's funeral we asked her if she was going to come back and help us clear out the house. Her reply was "no, I don't have the time", which caused my chin to hit the floor and my blood to boil. She went back to California and her life and left us to handle a mountain of paperwork and years of crap to get rid of BEFORE we could even sell my MIL's house. She has however 'found time' to call me EVERY week to ask WHEN she will get a check from her mother's trust and to tell me how busy she is getting ready for cruising on her boyfriend's boat for 1-3 YEARS! Yep, I'm still boiling! Last week I called her to bring her up to speed regarding my last appointment with our attorney, only to be told by her "that she doesn't have time because she's SO INSANELY BUSY that day and must leave for the gym and an appointment with her Dermatologist" - to get MORE Botox shot into her already frozen face!

The clincher was when my DH told me about his sister's postings on Facebook, saying that she was sitting in the spa at the gym because she needed to RELAX. Then she posted a picture of herself at the beach with a caption saying that she was spending the day 'relaxing' at the beach. I however spent that day sweating like some kind of farm animal at HER mother's house cleaning my now 10 lb heavier butt off! That did it, I felt like a fire-breathing dragon. I have been aggravated for weeks by her lack of responsibility and the feeling of being burdened by this mess which has been dumped upon us. Yes I've felt resentful over this, but my anger shifted towards myself as once again it dawned on me - I did it to myself! I'm not saying that my SIL's behavior of always putting herself first, without ANY regard for others is right, but it made me see that we were two opposite extremes, without balance.

The third lesson hit me while we were watching The Biggest Loser the other night. One of the contestants was thinking of leaving and Bob gave her some words of wisdom about putting herself last. At first I commented to my DH that she was foolish for even thinking of walking away from an opportunity to change her life. The next words out of my mouth were "OMG, how could I judge her when I've done the same thing"? Talk about foolish!

It's obvious to me that I'm still learning and that I have a way to go. I know that old habits are hard to break, but I'm ready to try! I keep a day planner with a list of things that I need to take care of, in order of importance. Why is it that my healthy meal planning, cardio, and weight training are NOT on my list? When did I decide that everything else was MORE important? This morning as I looked at my planner, I fought the urge to blow-off my workout because there was too much I needed to take care of. I put my sneaker on and jumped on my bike, followed by a healthy breakfast and Sparking. The only person that's telling me to put myself AFTER everything else - is ME! Enough already, I'm tired of repeating the same mistakes and I'm ready to learn from them. Stop being a self-sacrificing fool and find some balance - THAT's at the TOP of my new to-do list!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERILM 10/10/2010 8:07PM

    I just wanted to say that I can totally empathize you how you put yourself last. I started that as a child because of the kind of mother I had and I am still struggling with it at 46. Sometimes my 13 yr old son will say, "You need to do that for yourself Mom". Out of the mouths of babes!! I also had a sister like your sil and sometimes I wish I could be more self-centered but its not in me. emoticon You need to hear that more!

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KIRSTEN 10/9/2010 1:39PM

    Glad you are back and ready to move forward. emoticon

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TNLONGHORN 10/8/2010 8:01AM

    I am soooo glad you're back! It's good to know you're holding your own. I know, it's rough right now, but just think of it this way. All this sparkling going on can't help but distract you from all the other upheaval going on!

Have a good day!

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MEOWMAMA3 10/7/2010 11:02PM

    Hey Dor, glad you are back and pissed off.....seriously, you do your best self-reflection and reality checking when you are good and angry. I'm not surprised at all by any of this blog. I went through the exact same thing with my mother's things and my lame brother doing zero to help (same as when she was alive, and when she lay dying and he went off on a vacatation to France). I'm with NATF. Why are you doing all the digging out? Let her estate pay for somebody else to do it (guess it's a little late for that). You'll get yourself back on track, don't put yourself through any more anguish over this woman. Your revelation during the Biggest Loser was an AHA moment for your to live by. Time for Dor to start living again! Be well my dear and welcome back! emoticon emoticon

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    Well I'd be lying if I said I was surprised about anything you wrote re: the MIL's piles of crap or the SIL's lack of interest in anything but the money. Are you able to have an estate sale? Get all of the paperwork out of the house and let people go through and make offers. An auctioneer can take care of it all.

Now, get thee back to taking care of thyself and stop letting that woman rule you from the great beyond as well! Got it mamacita?

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TRAVELNISTA 10/7/2010 2:58PM

    Boy have I missed you. I have been so busy too and my Sparking has been sparse due to my job but I still have been keeping my eyes out for one of your blogs.

We all fall into those traps of not putting ourselves 1st. I have been putting in a lot of 12 hour work days and it is killing me. If my freezer was not full of pre-planned meals from batch cooking on the weekend I would fall into the same boat. Trust me, coming home at 8 or 9 PM at night i am not in the mood to cook. I am forcing myself to keep up my fitness minutes because i know myself only too well. If i sleep in a little later rather than go to the gym and just go to the office I will let that become my new routine. I am forcing myself to get up before the crack of dawn to hit the gym.

Don't beat yourself up - actually it is your SIL that needs a beating, but I digress. emoticon Just start all over again and make yourself a priority. So what if it takes you longer to complete the task of clearing out Vampira's belongings. She is no longer there and she doesn't need them. Don't put yourself on a time schedule dear SIL didn't.

Take care of you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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