WINDANCER99   72,918
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Coming Out Of Hiding

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I don't blog often but decided it was time to come out of hiding and share what's been on my mind. As some of you know, I lost a close friend unexpectedly early Thursday morning. It was a total shock! His burial was Sunday late afternoon.

I've been trying to think more positively and look at the positives in this happening. I can see them. I know in my heart he's in a better place but I miss him. He was like a younger brother and would always tell me if I ever needed anything to call him. We never hung up from talking and not tell one another we loved one another.

Right now I am feeling better. I know in going through the grieving progress it takes time. That's what I want to remember so that when I start feeling his loss again, I'll also remember things will improve.

I'm okay and he's okay too! Thank you SP friends for your support!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHINGLADY66 9/16/2013 11:25AM

    I am so sorry to hear about you loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/29/2012 9:28AM

    Very sorry for your loss. It is so tough to lose loved ones. I've lost so many lately, and understand how that feeling of missing the person lingers.

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NPA4LOSS 9/29/2012 9:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 12/6/2011 10:50PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.


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DMT1956 11/6/2011 3:57AM

    (((wd))) gentle hugs.

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CINDYCHARLENE 10/6/2011 6:10PM

    I'm so sorry you lost your loved one. It is very difficult I know. God loves you as well as your dear one and He is there for you, I'm sure you know, to comfort and bless you with added hope and faith that your close friend is not gone but is only waiting on the otherside.

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SAMI199 10/2/2011 9:49AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOANNS4 9/29/2011 8:24PM

    I just read this blog. My heart goes out to you, I have enjoyed seeing your smiling face on some of the teams I'm on.
I'm sorry for your loss.
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MSLZZY 9/27/2011 10:33PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LINDAJ0621 9/27/2011 5:09PM

    We will always miss our loved ones who have gone before us. But, time is a great healer,as I have found over the years and the many losses. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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FISHINGLADY66 9/27/2011 5:08PM

    ((Hugs)) to you my friend. I am so sorry for your loss.

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CHARLOTTE1947 9/27/2011 4:30PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. If it had been expected, you would have had time to pre-grieve. As you grieve, you will remember all the wonderful times you shared. He will be on the other side reliving those memories with you.


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JKURJACK1944 9/27/2011 2:36PM

    It is terrible to lose someone you care for, but knowing you had him in your life makes the loss easier to bear. Hold him to you in your memories and God will help you to heal.

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MTPOETNH 9/27/2011 2:32PM

    Sorry to hear of your loss. So glad you were able to write about it and share a little of your special relationship with us- "relatives " we choose are very special indeed .. it is very evident what he meant to you and how much you will miss his support. Talking and writing about him will help keep his spirit alive. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you adjust to his passing. emoticon Peggy

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ASOBFALLS 9/27/2011 1:59PM

    emoticon Thanks for writing. He is rejoicing with Jesus! But you have one less person to call on in your Real (as opposed to Virtual) life. My prayer is that God will supply 2 people you can rely on to make up the void. emoticon

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KKINNEA 9/27/2011 1:45PM

    Just keep remembering the good things - the shock and sadness will work themselves out eventually and hanging on to the good things helps you through.

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AUNTB63 9/27/2011 1:27PM

    So sorry for your loss. They say time heals....and they are right. However we always caring those who have gone before us in our hearts with good memories and loving thoughts. Prayers coming your way. emoticon

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DEMETERSCO 9/27/2011 1:11PM

    emoticon emoticon
We never stop missing them , do we? But time is a great healer and it sounds like you know this already. Hugs and peace to you.

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Optimism Or Not?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I'm not normally an optimistic person. The way I usually function is to see the glass half empty.

I'm slowly learning that when I am optimistic

about life in general, I feel better. This enables me to accomplish more things during the day with positive outcomes.

It doesn't matter if it's weight related or emotions related. The results are better!

So for me it all boils down to how I want to think about things.

If I choose to be optimistic, I will be. If I choose not to be optimistic, I won't be. Today I choose to be optimistic.

I want all good things in my life. I want to be happy, carefree and serene.

What do you choose?

*Picture images from Google Images

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYRH 11/16/2011 5:14AM

    Glass 1/2 full is a better bet.

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/4/2011 10:21PM


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LINDAJ0621 8/28/2011 8:24PM

    Trying to catch up with some of my friends' blogs, and must have missed this one. Very nice blog and very true! I have also been learning to be more optimistic and it is making a HUGE difference in my life. I love the illustrations you used...I will see them in my mind as a reminder to keep my attitude positive!
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FISHINGLADY66 8/23/2011 11:21AM

    Nice Blog. Optimism is the only way! Stay Strong and Take it One Day at a Time. emoticon

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VINGRAM 8/22/2011 2:06PM

    Especially loved the "Optimism" pic with the elephant. TOO CUTE! Thanks for commenting on my spark page. emoticon emoticon

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ASOBFALLS 8/20/2011 12:04PM

    emoticon I had read this last it today. emoticon
I also CHOOSE to be optimistic today!

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MSLZZY 8/18/2011 11:41PM


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MADKAPKID 8/11/2011 7:26PM

    I love you blog. Positive and just plane awesome. And, I really like the pictures you used. Have a joy filled day, Karen emoticon

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CATLADY52 8/11/2011 1:51PM

    emoticon As one who sees the glass always half full. emoticon

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WILD4STARS 8/11/2011 7:55AM


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KARENDEE4 8/11/2011 12:03AM

    Very nice!!

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PJGABRIEL 8/10/2011 11:26PM

    Great motivational blog. Thanks!

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    Amen!! I love this blog. Optimism is the only way! emoticon

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ELLFIN3 8/10/2011 3:47PM

    Awesome blog! Great pics! Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon

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How Do You Reach Your Daily Protein Requirement?

Friday, July 29, 2011

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SparkPeople set my daily protein goal between 60 - 149 grams. I'm allergic to eggs but besides that I eat protein at every meal. Since I've been a member of SP, nearly 7 weeks, there have only been a few days that I met my protein requirement.

What do you eat or how do you meet your protein requirement?

Thanks for any suggestions.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JLEMUS1 3/9/2014 2:18PM

    Beans, oatmeal, lean steaks, chicken and tuna but I also drink a body by VI shake it's awesome!!

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HIKELUV 7/31/2011 1:41PM

    I often have Greek yogurt for breakfast, and that stays with me for hours. I also like to have some low-fat turkey or ham around for snacking (I might wrap a little around some Laughing Cow low-fat cheese). I have had blood sugar issues all my life, so have to make sure to have protein and fat at every meal and snack. I also eat Kind nut bars, or will have some turkey meatballs in the fridge for snacking. Hardboiled eggs are good too, and cottage cheese. I also make black bean salad as a staple (as a side, over greens for a lunch salad, etc.) and might throw some cubed cheese in with that.

Hope this helps!

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LINDAJ0621 7/30/2011 1:38PM

    I usually don't have a problem with protein. I eat oatmeal, fat free milk, reduced fat cheeses, low sodium peanut butter, beans, fish, chicken, eggs or eggbeaters.

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    It's kind of rough, since I'm not a big meat eater. I go for plain greek yogurts over other yogurts, because they have more protein and less sugar. I eat beef jerky for snacks when I'm on the road and have to stop for a snack and also string cheese. I'm not sure if egg substitute affects people that are allergic? I have no clue there.

Also, when I'm running REALLY low on protein, I have pure protein powder that I make shakes out of or add to my food. They make a no-taste kind now that you can stir into anything, just like fiber powders. I found mine at GNC and it's $20 for a HUGE tub of it, so it lasts a long time.

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KURTBAMF 7/29/2011 2:49PM

    I'm a vegetarian and eating protein is difficult for me. I get a lot from eggs, cheese, nuts, and soy products but, the biggest boon to my protein intake comes from a protein shake I have in the morning. I add two scoops of this soy protein powder to a tall glass of soy chocolate milk (to be honest...the powder is gross on it's own) and add half a banana for a tasty morning shake at 250 calories and about 28 grams of protein. It REALLY helps me get to the level I need and I don't feel like I'm starving in the morning. Hope that helps!

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PJGABRIEL 7/29/2011 2:48PM

    I ususally have no problem meeting my protein levels because there is protein in many foods, check and make sure the foods you are eating are correct.

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CHRISTINA791 7/29/2011 1:55PM

    Do you like fish? It's fantastic for protein and other health benefits (and often low in the stuff you want to limit). If I'm trending low for the week on protein, I'll make a point of doing fish for dinner or a tuna wrap for lunch.

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    Protein is tough for me as well, because I don't like eggs and am allergic to cheese. I eat a lot of raw, unsalted organic almonds, and I add walnuts to my yogurt in the morning. I also eat lean, humanely raised grassfed steak a couple of times a week. (Grassfed is often higher in protein.)

The biggie: I discovered some types of fish have a lot more protein than others. Halibut, for example, is very high in protein compared to salmon, for similar calories.

Some types of beans are higher than protein than others as well, and the same holds true with yogurt -- read the labels & look up the nutrition before meal planning and with some juggling, you'll get there!

Comment edited on: 7/29/2011 1:44:33 PM

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SMILINGTREE 7/29/2011 1:11PM

    It's TOUGH for me to eat that much protein because I mostly eat vegetarian (not by design, that's just what happens). When I do meet it, it's by eating some form of protein at every meal and having either tuna, salmon, chicken or turkey for at least one meal. I tried eating lots of nuts, but ended up with too much fat.

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JANNIEWANNIE 7/29/2011 12:38PM

    I am usually under my protein goal too. I snack on string cheese or add a boiled egg here and there, but I know you can't do that. I also like to cook a turkey breast in the crock pot and munch on that for a few days. Good luck with reaching your goals. Hugs from Janet in central Illinois.

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CHANGEISGOOD 7/29/2011 11:59AM

    I have a problem meeting my protein and fiber goals. So I cooked some black beans that I add a few to a meal when I need more of either of these. And they don't have the excess sodium and cholesterol that I have a hard time staying in range on.

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KARENDEE4 7/29/2011 11:44AM

    I too am allergic to eggs!

I also have added some greek yogurt to my daily intake.

The protein requirement is harder for me to meet though.

Also, believe it or not, so is the daily fat intake? Strage?

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SKYWATCHERRS 7/29/2011 11:30AM

    I meet some of it with eggs, cheese, Greek yogurt, low-carb yogurt, beans, fish, and chicken. Here and there I might grab a protein shake, but that's only if I know I won't have a chance to sit down and eat real food. Oatmeal and quinoa also have protein in them - quinoa has the highest protein amount of any grain.

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The Ole Attitude of Gratitude

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I'm so thankful for the friends I've made on SparkPeople and also for the people that have read my blogs. I asked for help in my last blog. Using one of the suggestions given to me this morning has made all the difference in my outlook on life and to that relationship. What an ahaa moment that was for me! It was such an easy thing to do but I was stuck and didn't know how to handle the situation. I want to re-read all the suggestions until they become a part of me. I realize there will be other times when days won't be as terrific as this one. What I want to remember is that although there are difficult days, there are also easy, great days too!

I also have gotten the 'green light' to begin walking for exercise again. I just need to listen to my back, when it starts to hurt, stop, rest and begin walking again once the pain subsides. I'll be going to an indoor walking track tonight and am so JAZZED!!! It's been quite awhile since I've been allowed to exercise. Finally, I'll be earning some fitness minutes since joining.

SparkPeople is such a great support. Thank you all! ~Pat

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 7/14/2011 7:47AM

    Great that you can get back to walking! Being active again must feel fantastic-hugs!

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Help Wanted For Abandonment Issues

Monday, July 11, 2011

All of what I'm going to say is tied in with food. My abandonment issues started before I was in school. I found food to be my only source of comfort. Yes, I'm currently at my goal weight but as I mentioned in another blog, I've lost and re-gained weight over and over throughout my life. Hopefully, being a fairly new member of SP, I'll be able to maintain my weight this time.

It was pointed out in therapy today that when I feel someone is going to reject/abandon me I put up a wall and shut down. The bad thing about this (as pointed out to me) my feelings aren't always correct. I do this with everyone! I have this information now. What do I do with it? I want others to like me and I want to have friends.

I know I can tell myself not to shut down and also tell myself feelings aren't facts. I don't know how to get rid of the feelings of thinking I'm going to be abandoned.

If anyone reads this and has suggestions for what I might do, I would appreciate anything you might share.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMI199 8/6/2011 10:23AM

    emoticon You have recieved so much good information.I know how difficult this is & support you all the way!

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PINKROSE8 7/13/2011 9:46PM

    I have huge abandonment issues. When I had a major depression in 1996 all kinds of things came pouring out. I'm moving into a bad depression right now.
It can be very hard when you have abandonment issues. Sometimes you can know logically what is going on but you may not be able to keep it in perspective and emotionally the pain comes back.
My therapist left to go into management two years ago this month. I have still not gone to therapy except twice to try two different therapists. I need to go but I still can't accept the one I had for many years leaving like that.
When I feel good it is easier.
The one thing that helped me the most was going to Dialectical Behavioral Therapy in 2004. It made a huge difference in my life. I learned a lot and learned tools that really helped a lot.
Another thing I learned was it helps to learn to comfort yourself. Well I heard it but have a hard time putting it into practice. It does sound good though. When you get that feeling of rejection or abandonment and recognize it I think the sooner you acknowledge it and try to do some self comfort it can be easier to put whatever brought it on into perspective.
I understand well the feeling of wanting/needing everyone to like me. No one can like everyone but it's still hard to think someone doesn't like me. Even if I don't care much for them. It doesn't make sense. I think it's all part of wanting to feel loved and to fit in. Having any kind of abandonment as a child makes it very hard in later years for most people.
It is hard work to go where you can get some help and insight into the issues. Then learn tools to help you overcome or at least keep under control the thoughts and feelings that cause you so much hurt.
Know you're not alone in this and feel free to write me if you want to. I've been working on this issue for a long time. It can get better.

Dee emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/13/2011 9:47:22 PM

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ASOBFALLS 7/12/2011 11:47AM

    My parents were Missionaries so by the time I was 8, we had lived in something like 16 places and the only constant for me was my family. Then I was sent off to boarding school. We had visits and vacations...always ended in separation. Until I went to college in USA and the rest of my family returned to Nigeria. While Nigeria was at war. Ultimate abandonment!
But I was 8 when this started. My sister was a young 6 when she started school. The difference in developmental age at start of abandonment seems to have made a big difference for us.
If your abandonment started even younger, it is well entrenched. It will take work. Hope you have friends/family who are willing to understand while you work on this. emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/12/2011 11:49:12 AM

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ASOBFALLS 7/12/2011 11:36AM

    Back as promised, Pat.
Being conscious of what you are doing, acknowledge the actions and feelings, talk about it. Those are BIG starts in right direction.
In Feb I vacationed with my (emotionally close) sister; was at her home for the first time in 20 years. Within 2 hours she was 'exhausted' and took a nap. Then we talked about it....Yes, I just got here and I have 5 days. But the reality is 'I will be leaving' and you have an ingrained desire to protect yourself from that loss by withdrawing.
Even before I arrived, Barb reported (during our discussion) Friend A was asking 'what did I do? Why are you mad at me?". She was cool with the explanation 'I'll give you some space and check back with you next week!'
Greatly enjoyed the rest of our 5 days and talked about many things!
But that 'emotional exhaustion' can be overwhelming.
Summary: Be aware of your feelings and actions. Acknowledge to yourself the way the current situation reminds you of past hurt. Talk about it, if possible with the person you are withdrawing from.

Hope this made sense, Joyce

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NPA4LOSS 7/12/2011 12:38AM

    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I am having those feelings a lot these days with not having my children close. My youngest son just moved away and I am trying to deal and not deal at the same time. I put on a brave face and refuse to let them know how much their not being in touch hurts. I turn to food too but now that I am here with all my Spark Friends support I do much better at putting those insecurities into healthier choices. emoticon

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    I don't really know if this is going to be any help or not, but I'll try. I want friends and want to be liked too. But the problem is, not everybody will like us. There will always be somebody that will abandon us or make us feel unworthy. We need to find ways around that need for approval. I was rejected right from birth and am just now dealing with the issues, after a lifetime of rejection over and over again, by people that should accept me the just way I am (family) but they just don't.

It's not your fault. It's not your problem. Be you, and somebody will find you and love you for exactly what you are. If somebody chooses to reject you or not like you, that is THEIR problem. Do not let them CONTROL you, by letting their problems cause you to eat or to shut down. Don't punish yourself for others' choices. All you can do is accept it, pray as hard as you can about it and for the strength to just keep living, and to forgive them. We harbor some sort of distrust or dislike for people that abandon/judge/neglect/reject us and we can't have that in our hearts.

I wrote a blog about acceptance and I wrote a few others a long time ago about my abandonment issues, if you're interested, here is the link to the most recent blog I posted...

Write me a private message or any type of message if you want, because I am here for you and will support you through anything and everything. I have felt all the abandonment pain and have gone through it all and I KNOW that we both can prevail and come over these issues so they no longer affect us!

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ASOBFALLS 7/11/2011 8:51PM

    Thanks...this is great, well worded and brave of your to share. I need some time to ponder but will get back to you....Do you want comments here? or by sparkmail?
I grew up in boarding school with my family hours away...Older when this started but certainly familiar with abandonment issues.
Joyce emoticon (only thing I saw when
looking for a hug)

Comment edited on: 7/11/2011 8:52:00 PM

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