Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Well it is 2 am and I am sitting here at the pc. I wish so bad I could sleep. Pain in my right hip is really bad it got me up at 1:30. If I lay back down there is a good chance the pain will be twice the pain when I do get up at 4 am. DH is sound asleep upstairs. I am so jealous.
I figure if I can hold out until 4 am I can take my medicine and lay back down with ice packs. I am hoping that anyway. Watch my husband will have the tv blaring. Only drawback in having your bed in the living room. ha!
I love this story. When you get to the end you will see why.
The Three Little Trees
Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up.
The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!"
The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it's way to the ocean. "I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!"
The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."
Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell. "Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" The first tree said.
The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!"
The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me. "He muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.
The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.
The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she was taken to a little lake.
The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God."
Many many days and night passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox. "I wish I could make a cradle for him," her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood." This manger is beautiful," she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.
One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through with the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. Suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth.
One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth tremble with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.
So next time you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Finally finished going through the dreaded CD's. Mostly I just ripped the ones I like on my pc. It is where I hear most of my music anyway.
I woke up in a lot of pain this morning. My Siadica or pinched nerve again. Think I need my hospital mattress flipped again. This mattress is so beat up. I wish this paperwork would go through from Medicade so I can get a newer one.
I took my pain pills, grabbed ice packs and put on the pain patches. Took them about 4 am. and now just hoping the never few hours fly by. Think I might just need to lay with more ice packs.
Not sure where I found this story but I found it very touching.
A letter written to a man on death row by the Father of the man whom the man on death row had killed: You are probably surprised that I, of all people, am writing a letter to you, but I ask you to read it in its entirety and consider its request seriously.
As the Father of the man whom you took part in murdering, I have something very important to say to you. I forgive you. With all my heart, I forgive you. I realize it may be hard for you to believe, but I really do.
At your trial, when you confessed to your part in the events that cost my Son his life and asked for my forgiveness, I immediately granted you that forgiving love from my heart. I can only hope you believe me and will accept my forgiveness.
But this is not all I have to say to you. I want to make you an offer: I want you to become my adopted child. You see, my Son who died was my only child, and I now want to share my life with you and leave my riches to you. This may not make sense to you or anyone else, but I believe you are worth the offer.
I have arranged matters so that if you will receive my offer of forgiveness, not only will you be pardoned for your crime, but you also will be set free from your imprisonment, and your sentence of death will be dismissed. At that point, you will become my adopted child and heir to all my riches.
I realize this is a risky offer for me to make to you -- you might be tempted to reject my offer completely -- but I make it to you without reservation. Also, I realize it may seem foolish to make such an offer to one who cost my Son his life, but I now have a great love and an unchangeable forgiveness in my heart for you.
Finally, you may be concerned that once you accept my offer you may do something to cause you to be denied your rights as an heir to my wealth. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I can forgive you for your part in my Son's death, I can forgive you for anything.
I know you never will be perfect, but you do not have to be perfect to receive my offer. Besides, I believe that once you have accepted my offer and begin to experience the riches that will come to you from me, that your primary (though not always) response will be gratitude and loyalty. Some would call me foolish for my offer to you, but I wish for you to call me your Father. Love, God
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thank you all for your kind comments, notes, wishes and stories. They meant a lot to me. I have 30 friends now. WOOT! I appreciate them all and I have tried to add some as well. I know with yesterdays blog I wasn't sure if I could get an award for length. hehe. I at first didn't understand the "friend" thing. I thought you needed permission to become a friend. That is how the last website I used was. It is much easier just to be able to add people. Unless your a stalker of course. HA!
So my DH goes to the flea market Wednesdays, Fridays and on weekends. This helps us to get additional money for food and bills. He normally sells used items. But there are some vendors there that sell food. I was please he brought me Blue Diamond almonds which now come in 100 calorie packs. They are great no temptations you know what you can have.
So after he unloads stuff he says (as if the dogs were listening) Mom isn't gonna be too happy with Daddy. So I was half paying attention but the unhappy word made me look for sure. He says I brought something home. I just couldn't resist. I will bring him in. The "Him" I immediately think he has a puppy or kitten in the van. I start to freak out.
Mind you I love animals, perhaps too much at times. We had discussed this before we were not taking in new pets. One we can't afford their medical and they would need to be check and givin shots so our current pets aren't endangered. Second because I am finding that with each of the one of our pets that have moved on to a better place that they are taking a piece of my heart with them.
But I do know me if he brings in a cute kitten, puppy or anything not wanted I will not be able to hold out. So I prepare my self. He slowly opens the door. I see his back. He is carrying something and talking to it. I still can't see what is in his arms. My heart is beating so fast cause I am trying to hide the fury I was feeling. Then he turns and I am almost afraid to look.
I looked as he got closer. You know doing the whole cridging and having your one eye open a bit. But not both eyes. Then I hear music "I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day...." so now both eyes are open and I look it is a little bull dog looking stuff animal that sings "My Girl"! I tell ya he almost was going to be shot. He got me good. He just has to wait until I get him back....hmmmmm...
I am off to sort through a bunch of junk. DH bought a "unclaimed bin" some guy there sells them to resell. He brought me a bunch of cd's and dvd's to go through. LOL the cd's have a lot of Hip Hop so but some aren't tagged. One I found which cracked me up was "School House Rock" you know those little cartoons they used to show before or in between Saturday cartoons.
DVD's I sorted already. I got a Bridget Jones Diary from it. Yeah!
Here is the funniest joke I have read in a while
Subject: DON'T MEN SH0PPING IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO...
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to
One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
3. July 11: Brought a lawn chair to the TV display area.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
screaming, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used made
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna
look" by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least.
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
Number 2, 4 and 14 were my favorites. Have a Wonderful Day!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
This story is when I woke up and realized I had to do something. It is a long post and I have been debating in telling it. You might not want to read it even. But, I am posting this so that incase anyone is having a hard time that it might help them. It isn't a pretty story and is very personal one about myself. But if it helps one person it will be worth it.
Since age 4 I have been overweight. When I graduated from High School I was over 300lbs. We had a scale at home but I was too heavy to be weighted by it. I would see about the morbidly obese. And think to myself "I will never get that way". When I was 300+ I would scoff "pft! I am not like that." Of course when I was a teenager and would do secret McDonald's drive thru trips and didn't mention them. Or when I went to get dinner and get "extra stuff" and eat on the way home so my Mom wouldn't see. Those thoughts went out of my head. When my Aunt would comment how big I was or why don't I try "this" diet. It would make me so mad I would eat even more.
When I went for my first job interview I had to have a physical. I was weight and diagnosed with diabetes. When I was 25 I went to a "Diet" Doctor. I was taking PhenPhen and lost a lot of weight. I was down to 225 my skinnest I can remember. PhenPhen was then determined harmful so I had to go off of it. While I had drop a lot of pounds I never learned how to re-adjust my thinking of food and to learn how to keep it off.
When I was married I was around 280. I didn't have very much luck with any other diets, pills etc. So as contentment drew bordom I was gaining a lot of my weight back. I tried all different types of weight loss. Then my back went out and along with the Neuropathy in my legs, moving was a struggle. Neuropathy is a condition from the diabetes. It feels like your feet and legs are on fire. Mostly this is at night and it even hurts to have the bed sheet on them. During the day they don't hurt as much but you can't feel your legs or feet due to nerve damage. I personally can't feel anything from the top of my knees down. Makes walking feel strange.
The Pain was so bad that they put me on some mega pain killers.
I spent 3 yrs so drugged up I couldn't function very well. I ignored the signs of things around me. My Mother passed away and my husband went back to old addictions. I found things in our home missing. I think he pawned over 100 dvd's, camcorder and more.
For me I missed my Mom so much the drugs helped to make me not feel. I didn't deal with her death. At one point I was so fed up with sleeping and eating my life away I went off the medications all together. After that the strongest medicine I used was Motrin. I was put on another medicine for the neuropathy whiched help with my nighttime pain.
So after my self "detox" I became aware I had put on so much weight due to inactivity and depression. It was so bad when I would go on the computer the chairs I used started to break. Then my stomach was so huge that it hurt to sit for long periods. In order to clean myself I had to stand after the toilet. I had to use a shower wand to clean myself in the shower. Of course you don't want to think about how big you are at this weight. You remember how you use to look.
When I went for a scope test of my stomach and the doctor wanted me to have gastric bypass it hit me. When they weighted me I was 420. I hate surgery. So I started to watch how much I ate. Everything I tried to loose weight didn't work. I looked into Gastric by pass but they wanted me to lose weight before they woud do it. They did find out then about my thyroid problem and put me on synthroid.
That summer I got an infection in my foot I went to the doctor. I had cellulitis
in my foot which had started traveling up my leg. I had an open wound in my foot and the infection sets in it is from bacteria. With being a diabetic the infection travels quickly. It is very painful. I still have pain from it. My doctor said it is scar tissue that will never go away. I couldn't do anything. I had to keep my foot elevated. When I went to move my leg felt like a limp noodle. It wouldn't support me.
At this time I was having problems eating. The only thing I could eat or keep down was Water Ice. Nothing, soup, crackers, broth would make me sick. I ended up going to the emergency room where they gave me IV antibiotics. Then they released me. I went home and remember trying to sleep on my couch which I broke cause of being so big. It was hard climbing my stairs to my bedroom. I would wake up every 1/2 hour. I awoke with my heart palpitating and my heart beating in my ears.
I was like this for days. One night I went to go to the bathroom and I fell. I still couldn't make it up stairs to sleep in my bed so I was on the living room floor and I couldn't get up. My husband at 160lbs soaking wet and couldn't get me up either. We had to call the paramedics. They came and took 3 men to get me up. After I was up they left.
4 days later my husband had to go to work. I was scared cause I couldn't do anything for myself. He and I decided to try to get me up the steps cause there I would have the bathroom close to the bed. I was using a cane to help support myself. On my way up the stairs. OF which I had the railing off the wall cause I used it for support and it ripped out of the wall. I go to the top step and my leg started gave out. To prevent myself from falling backward I went to the floor at the top of the steps. I remember my DH yelling trying to make sure I wasn't going backwards.
So I am on the stairs with half of me in our bedroom and half not. Again my husband couldn't get me up. My weight was so bad on my chest and from the stair activity I was having trouble breathing. We had no choice but to call 911. It was around 3pm in the afternoon, when the Ambulance, Fire and Resue squads arrived.
My poor animals. My dogs were flipping out and had to be put in our back yard. My cats went into hiding. The Fire squad was trying to figure out how to get me down the stairs. The Ambulance squad were applying all these braces and stuff to me. One was trying to put on a coller around my neck. The thing was choking me. I had to sign a release saying I refused to wear it.
I think there was about 20 emergency workers at my house at this time. I was picturing this whole time about people I have seen being taken out of their homes like this on tv. There was so many people other than rescue workers there. The fire department was talking about cutting a Hole in my house and getting a lift to take me down. My husband was like "do what you have to."
I didn't take this well. I was like "if you help me I can slide down the stairs on my butt. They wouldn't hear of it. I remember it being very hot that day. We were having a heat wave. They finally got me on a board and were going to slide this board down the stairs. My swelling in my leg was bad and I had started to have bad swelling in my stomach and was actually red on the one side. The day before (this may sound kinda grose) when I went to stand my husband said "your pants are all wet, did you go to the bathroom". We had discovered but my stomach was so bloated my skin was actually seeping water out of my stretch marks.
So they were strapping me on this board they removed my back door off it's hinges. They got me to the first floor and on to a stretcher while some help on to the board to make sure it didn't break. They got me to the ambulance
and I noticed practically the whole neighborhood were out of their houses and standing around. It was very embarrassing. I think I cried the whole time.
When I got to the hospital they took me to the emergency room and said I had celulitis in my leg. They couldn't figure out what was happening to my stomach. They put me on a water pill to get rid of some of the fluid. I was put on a cathiter. I filled 3 urine bags with in a few hours. I think all the fluid was surrounding my heart and lungs making my breathing labored. I can imagine how bad I looked. My adult neice came to see me in the ER. Just the look she was giving me with worry told me how bad I looked.
They wanted me to be admitted but there were no beds in the hospital that would hold me. They placed a special order for one and said they had to wait for it to be delivered. My first 2 days of my hospital stay was in the ER. I don't remember much, they had me on morphine. I do recall screaming in pain the first night. After loosing all the fluid my legs were cramping with charlie horses and the ER stretcher was so uncomfortable. The bed finally came and it was brought in. This bed was SO big. 2 of me could have fit in it. I felt like a kid in a playpen. It had a scale on the bed as well and this is when they told me I was 535.
Once I was moved upstairs to a regular room they put me on IV antibiotics had specialist come in to help with my foot ulcer and I had a cut on my other foot from the robe the Paramedics used. A few days later a respritory doctor came in and said I needed a Bipap machine. When I tried to use it I had a terrible claustrophobia from it. This doctor was a real idiot too. He said "Well if you don't use it we will have to put a tracia in" as in cutting my throat. I am very stubborn. I was like I am here for my foot. Why would you cut my throat?. He said when I slept my pulse ox which should be 90 or above was dropping to 60. A few nurses said they thought I was dead or dieing.
This mask for the bipap was so bad I tried quite a few times to wear it. I just couldn't. It made me hyperventalate. So this "mean" doctor as I called him for lack of a better name. He said he would send a surgeon to talk to me.
When the surgeon came he said that they would put a tracia in if my breathing went low again. The morphine slowed my pulse ox. So I asked for a different pain med. I promised I would come for a sleep study after I was released. The surgeon also said the previous doctor does that all the time as a scare tatic.
I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. During that time they had a social worker come in a access me. They had a hospital bed, comode and oxygen machine sent to my house. When they went to release me I told them my stomach was still really swollen and red. Each time I complained of this they said it was just fat. I was SO frustrated. They insisted I was ready to go home.
So off to home I went. From being off my feet for 2 weeks I was so weak. I could only move a foot or so with my walker then have to sit. It is hard to explain. I was so afraid of falling. From my ordeal before I was terrified. I had trouble getting into our mini-van. I couldn't boost myself up into it. Took my husband and an ordorly to get me in the seat. When I got home my house was so weird. My husband had thrown out our couch. In it's place was my hospital bed and comode. I couldn't clean myself at all when I went to the bathroom. My husband had to. (you know your husband loves you when he has to do this). They set up an in home nurse to come as well as a nurse to bathe me.
When the in home nurses came I still was complaining about my stomach. It was so bloated and red. The Medical nurse I knew didn't believe me when I said this isn't all me, pointing to my stomach. I was still running a fever. I didn't feel right. She said sarcasticly "it is just fat". While I do believe I didn't like to think I had gotten that big, I knew something else was wrong.
When I laid on the bed I felt like I would fall any minute. If I dropped anything I was afraid to even lean over to get it.
After my first hospital stay my husband had to go to work on my first day home. My sister brought my 12 yr old niece to stay with me to help. My husband was on 3rd shift at that time. You can imagine my embarrassment at having to ask my Niece to help me with the comode. She is such a sweetie. She said it was no problem. She has always been and will always be my heart of hearts.
The 2nd day home I had to be left alone my niece had school. When I had to use the comode I set a towel on my bed to sit on to dry myself. I was laying there half in and out of sleep and I felt so bad. My heart was beating weird. I felt so bad I was starting to scaring myself. I called my doctor and the covering doctor told me to go to the hospital. My husband was at work and I didn't want to go back to the same hospital.
My cousin called to check on me and she could hear in my voice my fear as well as my tears. I didn't want to trouble anyone. She said she was coming to take me to the hospital in the city. I could have gone by ambulance but they would take me to the same one I was just release from.
I went to the University of Pennsylvania hospital they are in the top 5 hospitals in the country. It was 11:30 pm when I got to the emergency room. This time when I told the ER Doctor he said "Yes your stomach isn't right". Thank God! Someone listened to me. I spent 2 day in the ER this time cause they were full. Once I got a room I had wanted a regular bed. I got my wish but the Nurse supervisor later said I would be more comfortable in the larger one.
Along came my Big bed again. It was a pain. It was so big no fitted sheets would fit. So they had to put regular sheets on it. So it would slip down. Even if I didn't move it would slip down. In order for the nurses to get it back in place with out me moving they would tilt it head down / feet up. Then 4 nurses would slide me.
They put me on IV Antibiotics again. This time the strongest they had. I had to be put in a single room cause of my "Playpen" bed. I remember being very Lonely at that hospital. No one came to visit cause I was so far away. My husband came as often as he could but his working and taking care of our "kids" it was every other day. Parking and Gas was running us $20. each visit as well.
I had way too much time to think. I came to the conclusion not to sweat the small stuff. I wanted to live! I was so scared of what was going on. They sent in a Dermatologist team and they did a biopsy and test on my stomach. They didn't find anything. They wanted to do a Catscan but the machine couldn't hold me. They did x-rays and such. After about 2 weeks I was much better. My foot was healing nicely and my stomach had gone down and the redness disappeared. They weren't sure if the infection had affected that or not.
The day before release they put me in the sleep center for a sleep test. Before I went there they weighed me I was 495. When I got home I was put on a bipap machine at night. It was so cute. My husband for about a week after I came home slept on the floor by my bed, in case I woke up and needed anything. I really think God had my husband and I fated to be together. Mind you he is human and we have our ups and downs. But nice to know he is a stayer.
I had 4 nurses visiting me during the day then. The RN, the bathing nurse, Physical therapist and an Occupational therapist. The Occupational Therapist was great. She knew of my bathroom situation and bought me a swifter wand. I bunch up the paper and use it as a reaching tool. They sell a professional one but $5. was a lot cheaper than the $70 one.
After 6 wks all the nurses were gone and I had to apply for an addition aide at home.
They never did find me an nurses aide. I recently reapplied. It seems I am not close to public transportation. My husband has help me to do my baths. I wash my hair in the kitchen sink. Due to my house I can't get into our downstairs bathroom. My walker doesn't fit through the door. He does the cleaning, meals and more. Sometimes I feel guilty cause I am sure when he married me he wasn't expecting this. Having the pinched nerve or siadica pain has me on a stronger medication. But it is controlable. I make sure I am "present" in my life.
So I have 2 sets of goals. One is to get the weight down so I can move more. So then the more I move the more I lose. I want to get out of this house. So much I would like to do.
On a selfish note one goal is to get over these money problems before I die. I want to be completely wet all over all at once. I would love to be able to afford a walk in shower in my first floor bathroom that I can fit in.
Sometimes it can become so overwelming. It is a struggle some days to be positive. How I look at it is Problems will always be there. I can be all grumpy and depressed or Happy and optimistic. Either way all those problems will still be there. I will get to my goals and it is a long hard journey but it is one that will be so worth it.
Friday, June 12, 2009
I have been having a great time now that my internet is fixed. Yah!!!
I think I burst into tears like 8 times yesterday. To tell you the truth if I were to be compared to a food I would say I am a marshmellow. Either that or a very absorbant paper towel or sponge.
Ok! So your sitting there reading this thinking....Ok this woman is nuts. On to next blog.
WAIT! STOP! DON'T GO!.
I will explain since that is my middle name. Well, not my middle name but it should be. I can be irritating too in real life. I can drive my DH nuts. He bares with me at times. Ha!
Sorry getting off track now. AnyWho I am a Marshmellow as in I am a big softie. I tend to cry at the drop of a hat. I even cry over coffee commercials at times. I absorb peoples pain as well. This isn't a good quality I don't think. I get embarrassed over keeping control with my emotions. I swear my husband and I would be watching a movie or show and it will get said he looks at me and says "Here she goes".
So here is my problem. I read how one person lost her best friend. Her friend said things to her that a friend wouldn't say. I could relate so much with her. I have a cousin who was more like my Best Friend growing up who as an adult has done some really bad stuff to me and not very friendly. This coming from a person who I could talk to for hours on end and never have nothing to say. I still talk to her but don't share things as I use to. Only reason I still talk to her is that she is my family. But we hardly talk for long or as much.
Now not working I have really have no "friends". Only real communication other than my Husband is my sister every once in a while. All my freinds I knew when I worked have faded away from me. It is a very lonely feeling.
I by mistake closed that window on that blog. It nagged at me all day. I wanted in some way to help easy her pain. I looked on Joel Osteen website for something I heard him say about God sometimes brings people into our life for a time or season. That sometimes you grow apart and it was an ending to that season in your life.
Well I couldn't find it. Then I looked for a parable or something to help her and found nothing appropriate. So I figured I would just comment or send her an email to let her know how sorry I was for her. BUT....I lost her blog. I search for over 2 hours yesterday and found zip. So if this person reads this I am sorry and have her in my prayers.
I have been reading all sorts of blogs and pages. I loved doing my "Happy Dance" for those who have been having such sucess. Mind you a "Snoopy Happy Dance" is a thing to see in my wheelchair. Ha ha!
I have read a lot about failure, frustration, giving up, upset and even Blahs.
To you I say you the only failure is when you stop trying. You are a child of God and he never makes mistakes. Keep striving, keep moving, keep on keeping on!!
We can SO do this!
This is a great post by Ralph Marston on Failure.
If you do not ever fail, then your goals are not nearly ambitious enough. If you do not come across new challenges on a regular basis, your abilities and effectiveness will become stale and weak.
Comfort is a good state in which to find rest, renewal and refuge for a while. It is a dreary and dismal place to take up permanent residence.
The reason life can be so rich is precisely because it can be so difficult. You cannot possibly appreciate or fully benefit from the good things if you have no experience with the bad things.
When your efforts are met with failure, you know you are on to something. Because on the other side of that failure is real and substantive accomplishment.
Seek not to create failure, nor to avoid failure. Seek instead to allow failure, when it comes, to keep you moving on the path to greater success.
Failure confirms that you are reaching higher. And higher is always the best direction to reach.
-- Ralph Marston
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