Ugh! 2 am in the morning!!!!! ~~~The Three Little Trees ~~~

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Well it is 2 am and I am sitting here at the pc. I wish so bad I could sleep. Pain in my right hip is really bad it got me up at 1:30. If I lay back down there is a good chance the pain will be twice the pain when I do get up at 4 am. DH is sound asleep upstairs. I am so jealous.

I figure if I can hold out until 4 am I can take my medicine and lay back down with ice packs. I am hoping that anyway. Watch my husband will have the tv blaring. Only drawback in having your bed in the living room. ha!



I love this story. When you get to the end you will see why.




The Three Little Trees

Once upon a mountain top, three little trees stood and dreamed of what they wanted to become when they grew up.

The first little tree looked up at the stars and said: "I want to hold treasure. I want to be covered with gold and filled with precious stones. I'll be the most beautiful treasure chest in the world!"

The second little tree looked out at the small stream trickling by on it's way to the ocean. "I want to be traveling mighty waters and carrying powerful kings. I'll be the strongest ship in the world!"

The third little tree looked down into the valley below where busy men and women worked in a busy town. "I don't want to leave the mountain top at all. I want to grow so tall that when people stop to look at me, they'll raise their eyes to heaven and think of God. I will be the tallest tree in the world."

Years passed. The rain came, the sun shone, and the little trees grew tall. One day three woodcutters climbed the mountain. The first woodcutter looked at the first tree and said, "This tree is beautiful. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the first tree fell. "Now I shall be made into a beautiful chest, I shall hold wonderful treasure!" The first tree said.

The second woodcutter looked at the second tree and said, "This tree is strong. It is perfect for me." With a swoop of his shining axe, the second tree fell. "Now I shall sail mighty waters!" thought the second tree. "I shall be a strong ship for mighty kings!"

The third tree felt her heart sink when the last woodcutter looked her way. She stood straight and tall and pointed bravely to heaven. But the woodcutter never even looked up. "Any kind of tree will do for me. "He muttered. With a swoop of his shining axe, the third tree fell.

The first tree rejoiced when the woodcutter brought her to a carpenter's shop. But the carpenter fashioned the tree into a feedbox for animals. The once beautiful tree was not covered with gold, nor with treasure. She was coated with sawdust and filled with hay for hungry farm animals.

The second tree smiled when the woodcutter took her to a shipyard, but no mighty sailing ship was made that day. Instead the once strong tree was hammered and sawed into a simple fishing boat. She was too small and too weak to sail to an ocean, or even a river; instead she was taken to a little lake.

The third tree was confused when the woodcutter cut her into strong beams and left her in a lumberyard. "What happened?" The once tall tree wondered. "All I ever wanted was to stay on the mountain top and point to God."

Many many days and night passed. The three trees nearly forgot their dreams. But one night, golden starlight poured over the first tree as a young woman placed her newborn baby in the feedbox. "I wish I could make a cradle for him," her husband whispered. The mother squeezed his hand and smiled as the starlight shone on the smooth and the sturdy wood." This manger is beautiful," she said. And suddenly the first tree knew he was holding the greatest treasure in the world.

One evening a tired traveler and his friends crowded into the old fishing boat. The traveler fell asleep as the second tree quietly sailed out into the lake. Soon a thundering and thrashing storm arose. The little tree shuddered. She knew she did not have the strength to carry so many passengers safely through with the wind and the rain. The tired man awakened. He stood up, stretched out his hand, and said, "Peace." The storm stopped as quickly as it had begun. Suddenly the second tree knew he was carrying the king of heaven and earth.

One Friday morning, the third tree was startled when her beams were yanked from the forgotten woodpile. She flinched as she was carried through an angry jeering crowd. She shuddered when soldiers nailed a man's hands to her. She felt ugly and harsh and cruel. But on Sunday morning, when the sun rose and the earth tremble with joy beneath her, the third tree knew that God's love had changed everything. It had made the third tree strong. And every time people thought of the third tree, they would think of God. That was better than being the tallest tree in the world.

So next time you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy because God is thinking of something better to give you.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRY666 6/16/2009 6:52PM

I hope the pain gets lesser for you............ We all have those late nights.......... As for the tree story......... Just great............. Wonderful blog Willow... thanks for sharing...... Report Inappropriate Comment

KAGOULET 6/16/2009 4:26PM

Loved the story. As for the pain, at least I got to sleep. It is now almost 4:30 p.m. and I can't wait to get home to take a pain pill. And I was feeling so lucky earlier that my pain was only naggine. Report Inappropriate Comment

BOBBI97 6/16/2009 1:05PM

Hi Willow, I love reading your blogs sometimes there so sad but they will help others get though what we all are going though with the pain...I am so sorry that you woke up so early with your pain I know how you feel and I am so sorry for yours... I hope you can sleep today and get some rest take care and my prayers are with you and your pain so take care and just knowing someone just like you is going though the same your wisdom will also help them talk to you soon. "Have A Great Day" "BoBBI" Report Inappropriate Comment

LADYSUNBEAM 6/16/2009 10:39AM

Good morning Willow, I love reading your blog entries... I look forward to it! I enjoyed this story so much I read it to my kids... I hate that you are having trouble sleeping as I know how that is. Hope you find some relief soon! Have a wonderful day! Sandra Report Inappropriate Comment

TNTERRI 6/16/2009 6:56AM

Morning Willow, I hope you have a better day. Here in TN I got to bed around 2am and its now almost 6 & I am up again. "This to shall pass" Report Inappropriate Comment

MSHOPPER63 6/16/2009 4:59AM

Ok what is it with pain tonight. It's 3:46 and my tooth has had me up all night. I decided it was not fair to my husband that I lay in bed and moan so I'm up checking my SP friends.. I am so sorry to see you up Willow and in so much pain. You know I've been fighting this toothache since last Thursday and just today I told my friend it was feeling better. Yeah right it waits until 10 pm to start throbbing !!! I do have a dentist appointment Wednesday but of course that's a cleaning and they will see what I need. I really hate the dentist. I'm going to a new one because my other dentist is upstairs with no elevator. Ever since I ruptured the disk last summer, my right leg and foot have lost a lot of the feeling. It really scares me when I have to climb stairs so I just avoid them when possible. I finally feel like I'm am back on track. I learned one thing I am not someone who can have her cake and eat it too. OK what does that mean well, with trying to lose weight there is certain food that send me straight back diet disaster. One being SWEETS !!! We had that huge graduation cake for my daughter which stayed around here for a week and yes I ate on it every single day. I do not understand why but certain foods are a trigger for me eating bad. I have eaten a candy bar maybe once every 3 weeks and that was fine but cookies and cakes are off limits for a while. I am 10 weeks soda free. I have not even drank a diet one. I love the Great Value brand crystal light in Cherry Limeade. If you haven't tried it you should, very good. Well, it's 4 am and I have to go to work at 7 !! I sure hope I can get my work done by noon then I'll come home and sleep hopefully. Sorry this turned out to be so long. I took a pain pill for my tooth and all that did is wire me up but didn't relieve the pain. Prayers go out to you my friend that you will soon get some relief and much needed sleep. JoAnn Report Inappropriate Comment

SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 6/16/2009 4:46AM

I woke at 2am but sat in bed and watched TV and then turned it off to snooze (or try to) until my alarm rang at 4:30 which is my regular start of the day. Great story and I've lived just that and now trust that everything happens for a reason and if it doesn't happen the way I thought it would - then it's because it wasn't meant to be. Hope this finds you resting and feeling less pain. Take care and have a good day. Helene Report Inappropriate Comment

LADYDARYA 6/16/2009 3:53AM

Considering that it is now 2:51 in the morning for me and I'm up due to pain I can so empathize with you. All I want is to sleep - but I'm pretty sure as soon as I actually fall asleep it will be time to get up for work! I've heard this story before and always like it. Get to feeling better! Report Inappropriate Comment

~~DEATH ROW~~

Monday, June 15, 2009

Finally finished going through the dreaded CD's. Mostly I just ripped the ones I like on my pc. It is where I hear most of my music anyway.

I woke up in a lot of pain this morning. My Siadica or pinched nerve again. Think I need my hospital mattress flipped again. This mattress is so beat up. I wish this paperwork would go through from Medicade so I can get a newer one.

I took my pain pills, grabbed ice packs and put on the pain patches. Took them about 4 am. and now just hoping the never few hours fly by. Think I might just need to lay with more ice packs.



Not sure where I found this story but I found it very touching.



Death Row

A letter written to a man on death row by the Father of the man whom the man on death row had killed: You are probably surprised that I, of all people, am writing a letter to you, but I ask you to read it in its entirety and consider its request seriously.

As the Father of the man whom you took part in murdering, I have something very important to say to you. I forgive you. With all my heart, I forgive you. I realize it may be hard for you to believe, but I really do.

At your trial, when you confessed to your part in the events that cost my Son his life and asked for my forgiveness, I immediately granted you that forgiving love from my heart. I can only hope you believe me and will accept my forgiveness.

But this is not all I have to say to you. I want to make you an offer: I want you to become my adopted child. You see, my Son who died was my only child, and I now want to share my life with you and leave my riches to you. This may not make sense to you or anyone else, but I believe you are worth the offer.

I have arranged matters so that if you will receive my offer of forgiveness, not only will you be pardoned for your crime, but you also will be set free from your imprisonment, and your sentence of death will be dismissed. At that point, you will become my adopted child and heir to all my riches.

I realize this is a risky offer for me to make to you -- you might be tempted to reject my offer completely -- but I make it to you without reservation. Also, I realize it may seem foolish to make such an offer to one who cost my Son his life, but I now have a great love and an unchangeable forgiveness in my heart for you.

Finally, you may be concerned that once you accept my offer you may do something to cause you to be denied your rights as an heir to my wealth. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I can forgive you for your part in my Son's death, I can forgive you for anything.

I know you never will be perfect, but you do not have to be perfect to receive my offer. Besides, I believe that once you have accepted my offer and begin to experience the riches that will come to you from me, that your primary (though not always) response will be gratitude and loyalty. Some would call me foolish for my offer to you, but I wish for you to call me your Father. Love, God

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEPPERLEAH 6/15/2009 10:25PM

I am praying for your pain to go away. And yes, the story is an awesome one! Thank you for posting it. Leah Report Inappropriate Comment

LADYSUNBEAM 6/15/2009 12:38PM

I hope your back is feeling better... I am fighting with my mattress as well, it is time to flip it too. Enjoyed the story, I had not read it before. Thanks for sharing it with us. Is is amazing how much we are loved by our Father! God Bless! Sandra Report Inappropriate Comment

RAMONAFAY 6/15/2009 10:02AM

I hope you are able to get some peace and get comfortable! Thanks for the story! I've read it before, but I enjoyed reading it again! It is amazing God's love for us! Report Inappropriate Comment

I almost SHOT my Husband and don't take men to WALMART....

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Thank you all for your kind comments, notes, wishes and stories. They meant a lot to me. I have 30 friends now. WOOT! I appreciate them all and I have tried to add some as well. I know with yesterdays blog I wasn't sure if I could get an award for length. hehe. I at first didn't understand the "friend" thing. I thought you needed permission to become a friend. That is how the last website I used was. It is much easier just to be able to add people. Unless your a stalker of course. HA!

So my DH goes to the flea market Wednesdays, Fridays and on weekends. This helps us to get additional money for food and bills. He normally sells used items. But there are some vendors there that sell food. I was please he brought me Blue Diamond almonds which now come in 100 calorie packs. They are great no temptations you know what you can have.

So after he unloads stuff he says (as if the dogs were listening) Mom isn't gonna be too happy with Daddy. So I was half paying attention but the unhappy word made me look for sure. He says I brought something home. I just couldn't resist. I will bring him in. The "Him" I immediately think he has a puppy or kitten in the van. I start to freak out.

Mind you I love animals, perhaps too much at times. We had discussed this before we were not taking in new pets. One we can't afford their medical and they would need to be check and givin shots so our current pets aren't endangered. Second because I am finding that with each of the one of our pets that have moved on to a better place that they are taking a piece of my heart with them.

But I do know me if he brings in a cute kitten, puppy or anything not wanted I will not be able to hold out. So I prepare my self. He slowly opens the door. I see his back. He is carrying something and talking to it. I still can't see what is in his arms. My heart is beating so fast cause I am trying to hide the fury I was feeling. Then he turns and I am almost afraid to look.

I looked as he got closer. You know doing the whole cridging and having your one eye open a bit. But not both eyes. Then I hear music "I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day...." so now both eyes are open and I look it is a little bull dog looking stuff animal that sings "My Girl"! I tell ya he almost was going to be shot. He got me good. He just has to wait until I get him back....hmmmmm...

I am off to sort through a bunch of junk. DH bought a "unclaimed bin" some guy there sells them to resell. He brought me a bunch of cd's and dvd's to go through. LOL the cd's have a lot of Hip Hop so but some aren't tagged. One I found which cracked me up was "School House Rock" you know those little cartoons they used to show before or in between Saturday cartoons.
DVD's I sorted already. I got a Bridget Jones Diary from it. Yeah!


Here is the funniest joke I have read in a while
Subject: DON'T MEN SH0PPING IF THEY DON'T WANT TO GO...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After Mr. And Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.
Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to
browse.

One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local
Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are
listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 11: Brought a lawn chair to the TV display area.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of
M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted
area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
screaming, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used made
funny faces.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly
humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna
look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least.

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"


Regards,


WalMart

Number 2, 4 and 14 were my favorites. Have a Wonderful Day!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RASCALSMOMMA 6/17/2009 12:11PM

Mine are: 7, 10, 11, and 13. As for your first story; I was the "romantic" one in my marriage. Id surprise Angel with all sorts of stuff. My last was the two dogs together, singing "it takes two". After Angel died, I gave it to a couple we knew for their anniversary...hmmm. Their 10th is coming up, what should I give em this year?? Report Inappropriate Comment

BOBBI97 6/16/2009 1:23PM

Hi Willow, That is so true never take your hubby to walmart how funny is that hmm... Anyway thanks for the laugh I have heard that before but even though I have seen or heard this it seems to make me laugh all over again thanks again... "HuGs" "B0BB I" Report Inappropriate Comment

SOPHIEMAE2007 6/15/2009 6:27PM

Walmart is a dangerous place to shop. I can never get out of there without buying something!!! I love the store....LOVED THE JOKE! I am going to share that one!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ELAINEANNE1 6/15/2009 11:13AM

Hi Your husband certainly has a sense of humour. Different to mine, who has been bed for the last week, He suffers from depression but it gets me down so I look for cheerful things and this made me smile. All the best Elaine Report Inappropriate Comment

DTURMND22 6/14/2009 10:17PM

#1 was so funny but so wrong and the antidepressants were funny. Report Inappropriate Comment

DTURMND22 6/14/2009 10:14PM

This is so funny..cheered me up after.... Report Inappropriate Comment

LADYBUG546 6/14/2009 8:40PM

Thanks for sharing that joke. Report Inappropriate Comment

BIG_SCOTS_LASS 6/14/2009 8:19PM

I love that joke/letter. It makes me laugh every time. Thanks for posting. Charlie x Report Inappropriate Comment

SHERRY666 6/14/2009 6:21PM

What a good blog Willow.......... I have heard the joke about Wal Mart somewhere before............... I loved it then......... and really enjoyed it again................ I think that is so sweet of your DH bring you the stuff dog............. I'm sure you will think of something or some way to get him back.............. Us women are good at that... Report Inappropriate Comment

MSLZZY 6/14/2009 5:44PM

How did you know I went to WalMart without my DH today? That was quite the joke! Your DH sure knew how to get your attention. But now, revenge is sweet. Wait until he least expects it and get him good! You'll think of something! Have a great Sunday evening! Report Inappropriate Comment

ERNURSERN 6/14/2009 5:17PM

Oh my...that is the funniest blog I have read in a long time!! Thank you for making me laugh!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PEBBLES32165 6/14/2009 3:46PM

That was a great joke. My problem when we go to the store I can't get my husband to quit talking so we can leave. Report Inappropriate Comment

BIGRED1974 6/14/2009 3:24PM

OMG thanks for the laugh. Have a garage sale ( at a friends house)when your hubby is not home...that is what I did. My ex- was a pack rat. Then I played dumb when he couldn't find it. Too funny Report Inappropriate Comment

I-CAN-DO-IT-2 6/14/2009 12:55PM

Oh my goodness, I could not stop laughing!! My daughter had to come out and find out why I was hysterical! I have got to share that. Thank you soooo much. And enjoy the box of stuff. Robin Report Inappropriate Comment

JUSTSTARTINGOUT 6/14/2009 12:52PM

It's numbers 5 and 14 for me. But the stuffed bulldog - how romantic! Report Inappropriate Comment

**~My Personal Story I was 535 and how I got there.~** Very long Post.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

This story is when I woke up and realized I had to do something. It is a long post and I have been debating in telling it. You might not want to read it even. But, I am posting this so that incase anyone is having a hard time that it might help them. It isn't a pretty story and is very personal one about myself. But if it helps one person it will be worth it.

Since age 4 I have been overweight. When I graduated from High School I was over 300lbs. We had a scale at home but I was too heavy to be weighted by it. I would see about the morbidly obese. And think to myself "I will never get that way". When I was 300+ I would scoff "pft! I am not like that." Of course when I was a teenager and would do secret McDonald's drive thru trips and didn't mention them. Or when I went to get dinner and get "extra stuff" and eat on the way home so my Mom wouldn't see. Those thoughts went out of my head. When my Aunt would comment how big I was or why don't I try "this" diet. It would make me so mad I would eat even more.

When I went for my first job interview I had to have a physical. I was weight and diagnosed with diabetes. When I was 25 I went to a "Diet" Doctor. I was taking PhenPhen and lost a lot of weight. I was down to 225 my skinnest I can remember. PhenPhen was then determined harmful so I had to go off of it. While I had drop a lot of pounds I never learned how to re-adjust my thinking of food and to learn how to keep it off.

When I was married I was around 280. I didn't have very much luck with any other diets, pills etc. So as contentment drew bordom I was gaining a lot of my weight back. I tried all different types of weight loss. Then my back went out and along with the Neuropathy in my legs, moving was a struggle. Neuropathy is a condition from the diabetes. It feels like your feet and legs are on fire. Mostly this is at night and it even hurts to have the bed sheet on them. During the day they don't hurt as much but you can't feel your legs or feet due to nerve damage. I personally can't feel anything from the top of my knees down. Makes walking feel strange.

The Pain was so bad that they put me on some mega pain killers.
I spent 3 yrs so drugged up I couldn't function very well. I ignored the signs of things around me. My Mother passed away and my husband went back to old addictions. I found things in our home missing. I think he pawned over 100 dvd's, camcorder and more.

For me I missed my Mom so much the drugs helped to make me not feel. I didn't deal with her death. At one point I was so fed up with sleeping and eating my life away I went off the medications all together. After that the strongest medicine I used was Motrin. I was put on another medicine for the neuropathy whiched help with my nighttime pain.

So after my self "detox" I became aware I had put on so much weight due to inactivity and depression. It was so bad when I would go on the computer the chairs I used started to break. Then my stomach was so huge that it hurt to sit for long periods. In order to clean myself I had to stand after the toilet. I had to use a shower wand to clean myself in the shower. Of course you don't want to think about how big you are at this weight. You remember how you use to look.

When I went for a scope test of my stomach and the doctor wanted me to have gastric bypass it hit me. When they weighted me I was 420. I hate surgery. So I started to watch how much I ate. Everything I tried to loose weight didn't work. I looked into Gastric by pass but they wanted me to lose weight before they woud do it. They did find out then about my thyroid problem and put me on synthroid.

That summer I got an infection in my foot I went to the doctor. I had cellulitis
in my foot which had started traveling up my leg. I had an open wound in my foot and the infection sets in it is from bacteria. With being a diabetic the infection travels quickly. It is very painful. I still have pain from it. My doctor said it is scar tissue that will never go away. I couldn't do anything. I had to keep my foot elevated. When I went to move my leg felt like a limp noodle. It wouldn't support me.

At this time I was having problems eating. The only thing I could eat or keep down was Water Ice. Nothing, soup, crackers, broth would make me sick. I ended up going to the emergency room where they gave me IV antibiotics. Then they released me. I went home and remember trying to sleep on my couch which I broke cause of being so big. It was hard climbing my stairs to my bedroom. I would wake up every 1/2 hour. I awoke with my heart palpitating and my heart beating in my ears.

I was like this for days. One night I went to go to the bathroom and I fell. I still couldn't make it up stairs to sleep in my bed so I was on the living room floor and I couldn't get up. My husband at 160lbs soaking wet and couldn't get me up either. We had to call the paramedics. They came and took 3 men to get me up. After I was up they left.

4 days later my husband had to go to work. I was scared cause I couldn't do anything for myself. He and I decided to try to get me up the steps cause there I would have the bathroom close to the bed. I was using a cane to help support myself. On my way up the stairs. OF which I had the railing off the wall cause I used it for support and it ripped out of the wall. I go to the top step and my leg started gave out. To prevent myself from falling backward I went to the floor at the top of the steps. I remember my DH yelling trying to make sure I wasn't going backwards.

So I am on the stairs with half of me in our bedroom and half not. Again my husband couldn't get me up. My weight was so bad on my chest and from the stair activity I was having trouble breathing. We had no choice but to call 911. It was around 3pm in the afternoon, when the Ambulance, Fire and Resue squads arrived.

My poor animals. My dogs were flipping out and had to be put in our back yard. My cats went into hiding. The Fire squad was trying to figure out how to get me down the stairs. The Ambulance squad were applying all these braces and stuff to me. One was trying to put on a coller around my neck. The thing was choking me. I had to sign a release saying I refused to wear it.

I think there was about 20 emergency workers at my house at this time. I was picturing this whole time about people I have seen being taken out of their homes like this on tv. There was so many people other than rescue workers there. The fire department was talking about cutting a Hole in my house and getting a lift to take me down. My husband was like "do what you have to."

I didn't take this well. I was like "if you help me I can slide down the stairs on my butt. They wouldn't hear of it. I remember it being very hot that day. We were having a heat wave. They finally got me on a board and were going to slide this board down the stairs. My swelling in my leg was bad and I had started to have bad swelling in my stomach and was actually red on the one side. The day before (this may sound kinda grose) when I went to stand my husband said "your pants are all wet, did you go to the bathroom". We had discovered but my stomach was so bloated my skin was actually seeping water out of my stretch marks.

So they were strapping me on this board they removed my back door off it's hinges. They got me to the first floor and on to a stretcher while some help on to the board to make sure it didn't break. They got me to the ambulance
and I noticed practically the whole neighborhood were out of their houses and standing around. It was very embarrassing. I think I cried the whole time.

When I got to the hospital they took me to the emergency room and said I had celulitis in my leg. They couldn't figure out what was happening to my stomach. They put me on a water pill to get rid of some of the fluid. I was put on a cathiter. I filled 3 urine bags with in a few hours. I think all the fluid was surrounding my heart and lungs making my breathing labored. I can imagine how bad I looked. My adult neice came to see me in the ER. Just the look she was giving me with worry told me how bad I looked.

They wanted me to be admitted but there were no beds in the hospital that would hold me. They placed a special order for one and said they had to wait for it to be delivered. My first 2 days of my hospital stay was in the ER. I don't remember much, they had me on morphine. I do recall screaming in pain the first night. After loosing all the fluid my legs were cramping with charlie horses and the ER stretcher was so uncomfortable. The bed finally came and it was brought in. This bed was SO big. 2 of me could have fit in it. I felt like a kid in a playpen. It had a scale on the bed as well and this is when they told me I was 535.

Once I was moved upstairs to a regular room they put me on IV antibiotics had specialist come in to help with my foot ulcer and I had a cut on my other foot from the robe the Paramedics used. A few days later a respritory doctor came in and said I needed a Bipap machine. When I tried to use it I had a terrible claustrophobia from it. This doctor was a real idiot too. He said "Well if you don't use it we will have to put a tracia in" as in cutting my throat. I am very stubborn. I was like I am here for my foot. Why would you cut my throat?. He said when I slept my pulse ox which should be 90 or above was dropping to 60. A few nurses said they thought I was dead or dieing.
This mask for the bipap was so bad I tried quite a few times to wear it. I just couldn't. It made me hyperventalate. So this "mean" doctor as I called him for lack of a better name. He said he would send a surgeon to talk to me.

When the surgeon came he said that they would put a tracia in if my breathing went low again. The morphine slowed my pulse ox. So I asked for a different pain med. I promised I would come for a sleep study after I was released. The surgeon also said the previous doctor does that all the time as a scare tatic.

I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. During that time they had a social worker come in a access me. They had a hospital bed, comode and oxygen machine sent to my house. When they went to release me I told them my stomach was still really swollen and red. Each time I complained of this they said it was just fat. I was SO frustrated. They insisted I was ready to go home.

So off to home I went. From being off my feet for 2 weeks I was so weak. I could only move a foot or so with my walker then have to sit. It is hard to explain. I was so afraid of falling. From my ordeal before I was terrified. I had trouble getting into our mini-van. I couldn't boost myself up into it. Took my husband and an ordorly to get me in the seat. When I got home my house was so weird. My husband had thrown out our couch. In it's place was my hospital bed and comode. I couldn't clean myself at all when I went to the bathroom. My husband had to. (you know your husband loves you when he has to do this). They set up an in home nurse to come as well as a nurse to bathe me.

When the in home nurses came I still was complaining about my stomach. It was so bloated and red. The Medical nurse I knew didn't believe me when I said this isn't all me, pointing to my stomach. I was still running a fever. I didn't feel right. She said sarcasticly "it is just fat". While I do believe I didn't like to think I had gotten that big, I knew something else was wrong.
When I laid on the bed I felt like I would fall any minute. If I dropped anything I was afraid to even lean over to get it.

After my first hospital stay my husband had to go to work on my first day home. My sister brought my 12 yr old niece to stay with me to help. My husband was on 3rd shift at that time. You can imagine my embarrassment at having to ask my Niece to help me with the comode. She is such a sweetie. She said it was no problem. She has always been and will always be my heart of hearts.

The 2nd day home I had to be left alone my niece had school. When I had to use the comode I set a towel on my bed to sit on to dry myself. I was laying there half in and out of sleep and I felt so bad. My heart was beating weird. I felt so bad I was starting to scaring myself. I called my doctor and the covering doctor told me to go to the hospital. My husband was at work and I didn't want to go back to the same hospital.

My cousin called to check on me and she could hear in my voice my fear as well as my tears. I didn't want to trouble anyone. She said she was coming to take me to the hospital in the city. I could have gone by ambulance but they would take me to the same one I was just release from.

I went to the University of Pennsylvania hospital they are in the top 5 hospitals in the country. It was 11:30 pm when I got to the emergency room. This time when I told the ER Doctor he said "Yes your stomach isn't right". Thank God! Someone listened to me. I spent 2 day in the ER this time cause they were full. Once I got a room I had wanted a regular bed. I got my wish but the Nurse supervisor later said I would be more comfortable in the larger one.

Along came my Big bed again. It was a pain. It was so big no fitted sheets would fit. So they had to put regular sheets on it. So it would slip down. Even if I didn't move it would slip down. In order for the nurses to get it back in place with out me moving they would tilt it head down / feet up. Then 4 nurses would slide me.

They put me on IV Antibiotics again. This time the strongest they had. I had to be put in a single room cause of my "Playpen" bed. I remember being very Lonely at that hospital. No one came to visit cause I was so far away. My husband came as often as he could but his working and taking care of our "kids" it was every other day. Parking and Gas was running us $20. each visit as well.

I had way too much time to think. I came to the conclusion not to sweat the small stuff. I wanted to live! I was so scared of what was going on. They sent in a Dermatologist team and they did a biopsy and test on my stomach. They didn't find anything. They wanted to do a Catscan but the machine couldn't hold me. They did x-rays and such. After about 2 weeks I was much better. My foot was healing nicely and my stomach had gone down and the redness disappeared. They weren't sure if the infection had affected that or not.

The day before release they put me in the sleep center for a sleep test. Before I went there they weighed me I was 495. When I got home I was put on a bipap machine at night. It was so cute. My husband for about a week after I came home slept on the floor by my bed, in case I woke up and needed anything. I really think God had my husband and I fated to be together. Mind you he is human and we have our ups and downs. But nice to know he is a stayer.

I had 4 nurses visiting me during the day then. The RN, the bathing nurse, Physical therapist and an Occupational therapist. The Occupational Therapist was great. She knew of my bathroom situation and bought me a swifter wand. I bunch up the paper and use it as a reaching tool. They sell a professional one but $5. was a lot cheaper than the $70 one.
After 6 wks all the nurses were gone and I had to apply for an addition aide at home.

They never did find me an nurses aide. I recently reapplied. It seems I am not close to public transportation. My husband has help me to do my baths. I wash my hair in the kitchen sink. Due to my house I can't get into our downstairs bathroom. My walker doesn't fit through the door. He does the cleaning, meals and more. Sometimes I feel guilty cause I am sure when he married me he wasn't expecting this. Having the pinched nerve or siadica pain has me on a stronger medication. But it is controlable. I make sure I am "present" in my life.

So I have 2 sets of goals. One is to get the weight down so I can move more. So then the more I move the more I lose. I want to get out of this house. So much I would like to do.

On a selfish note one goal is to get over these money problems before I die. I want to be completely wet all over all at once. I would love to be able to afford a walk in shower in my first floor bathroom that I can fit in.

Sometimes it can become so overwelming. It is a struggle some days to be positive. How I look at it is Problems will always be there. I can be all grumpy and depressed or Happy and optimistic. Either way all those problems will still be there. I will get to my goals and it is a long hard journey but it is one that will be so worth it.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRY666 6/14/2009 5:42PM

This is such a great blog............ I commented the other day here........... but I just noticed this blog is under........... " popular blog posts"............. and yes it was a favorite of mine too.......... Again.......... Thanks for sharing this with us Willow... Report Inappropriate Comment

LADYSUNBEAM 6/13/2009 11:41PM

You and I are just starting our journey, I too am at 545 lbs right now, down from a little over 600 lbs. So many of your experiences and physical/health issues I can relate to. Mobility is such an issue, going anywhere is difficult, I can't drive right now because my legs are so swollen that I don't feel that it is safe for me to be behind the wheel. We have so many things in common... remember it is not where we have been or how we got there, it's where we are going that really matters! Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest and open about your life and your experiences. God bless you and your husband and I hope you will stay in touch so we can support one another as we go on our journey to regaining our mobility and getting our life back! Have a blessed day! Sandra Report Inappropriate Comment

MSLZZY 6/13/2009 11:01PM

You've had quite a life. Thanks for sharing and making me count my blessings over and over. You never know what another person has gone through until you walk a mile in their shoes. Report Inappropriate Comment

BOBBI97 6/13/2009 9:00PM

Thanks for sharing this with all of us here on sparkspeople some of it I can relate to it @ times I have falling problems and my hubby helps me with alot of things and I for one is tring to get this weight off soon as I can this is not a good time to deal with everything but I also cry from all this I thought to myself that I would never ever be like my cousin but here I am and guess what my weight is up there like hers was grrr so thanks again for sharing... "BiG HuGs" "B0BBI" Report Inappropriate Comment

FORMERTEACHER 6/13/2009 8:21PM

WOW! Your story is SO moving! I don't know what to say, other than you have been through a lot and face so much. I certainly wish you the BEST as you do this weight loss journey. Stories like yours ARE an inspiration to others and so THANK YOU so much for sharing. Also, your story reminds me of some I have listened to on the health channel, and like one person said maybe you can get help from them if you are accepted to tell your story on TV. It would be an inspiration to all who watched and it would also help teach others in our obese society. Especially parents need to know what to do to help their children. Report Inappropriate Comment

SCIENCE_WRITER 6/13/2009 7:31PM

Thank you so much for sharing this. I am glad that you can talk about it, and I am proud to have encountered such a strong person. Report Inappropriate Comment

SHERRY666 6/13/2009 6:25PM

Wow Willow.............. You have been through a lot.............. I have never heard a story like yours.......... Thanks so much for sharing it................ I can relate to some of the things......... But you went through so much..................... I have to give you credit for moving a head and wanting to make your life better................. We are here for you............... I really enjoyed reading this... Report Inappropriate Comment

CELTICMOTOCAT 6/13/2009 5:44PM

I am proud to have you as a friend. I also agree, you are a very strong woman. You know what they say when coal turns into under pressure? A Diamond. I so feel those emotions, I cried during the reading of your blog, as some of this is what my mother is going thru. Kudos to your DH. Mine had to do the commode issue when i had the fusion so I know exactly what you are talking about. We will do this journey together one small goal and step at a time to a better us. Report Inappropriate Comment

LIVEN2BPINK 6/13/2009 5:23PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will inspire someone to reach for a healthy life...move forward to make it happen. We all know what it's like to feel overwhelmed but nothing will happend without the right attitude. My Mother in law is having the fluid weeping and celulitis right now. My sis in law I think could be in the 400 range....Diabetes is a uncontrolled issue with both as well as being on the TRY plan and NOT on the DO one. I dont know what can be more motivating than feeling better and healthier! I too have neuopathy in my feet and the pain is extreme. I get my exercise but have to be careful not to over do on my feet. Family and friends are great but they don't really understand. Thank you again for your story, Spark Your Day! Deb Report Inappropriate Comment

HEALTHLIFELOVE 6/13/2009 5:01PM

I love your post. We can do this one step at a time. We're all here for you. Comment edited on: 6/13/2009 5:02:36 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

TNTERRI 6/13/2009 3:07PM

Amazing story. There is a "friend of the family" that is living your life.. The weight & Medical history alike. She has a daughter that became over weigh around age 6 and at 20 weighed in at over 600 pounds. The daughter has since had gastric bypass and lost mega weigh and has gave birth to a baby girl. Just remember you are not alone. Thanks for sharing your life with me... Report Inappropriate Comment

PINK-PEONY 6/13/2009 3:06PM

What an amazing story. I look for your blogs to see what you are writing just about every time I get on the site, but this one knocked my socks off. Wow. I hope you include this in your book. Melissa Report Inappropriate Comment

SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 6/13/2009 2:44PM

Blogging is therapy and the fact that you recognize all that you have lived and manage to stay positive is amazing! On a day where I felt down - you posted a blog that same day that just 'fit' my mood. I don't know where you are at with your goal at this point, but you've certainly inspired many people here on SP. and wishing you the best of luck in your journey! You are not alone - ever here!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

DITRYING 6/13/2009 2:24PM

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it will help you in your continued healing and, as you said, touch others with the same struggles. Good on you for persevering and making youerself a priority. You can do this! Report Inappropriate Comment

FITKAT2010 6/13/2009 2:19PM

Wow, what a story. Report Inappropriate Comment

SPARROW147 6/13/2009 12:42PM

What a heartbreaking story, but from heartbreak comes hope. That is what you have alive in you now. The hope for money problems to ease, and the hope to LIVE. You are as trong woman, and your husband is strong as well. He has stuck by you through the worst, and will be there for the best. You can do this! I am adding you as a friend, as well. I want to watch your metamorphasis into the beautiful butterfly waiting to spread her wings. Report Inappropriate Comment

JUSTSTARTINGOUT 6/13/2009 12:17PM

Willow - thank you for sharing your story. What an strong woman you are! Having perservered through everything you have, I have no doubt you'll be able to lose the weight, and be the healthier person you want to be. Your husband clearly sees the wonderful woman you are, as well. Let us know how you're doing. I've added you as a Sparkfriend; get in touch any time! Barbara Report Inappropriate Comment

WRITER2B 6/13/2009 12:13PM

Hi WillowWind, First off I want to commend you for sharing such a personal story with everyone. Anyone that reads this would benefit from it. We are all working to lose weight here. You are very brave to post your whole story. The detail you explained everything in shows you are honestly wanting to lose weight. You want this. I believe you can achieve this. You have been through a lot lately. Just use it to keep up your motivation. I am here for you anytime you need to vent, brag on yourself, cry, whatever. SparkMail me at any time. I wish you the best and am adding you as my friend. I hope you do the same. I care about you and your progress. Sincerely Your new friend Becky Report Inappropriate Comment

ONEREALLYBIGDOG 6/13/2009 11:47AM

Willow, I thought ALL your stories were powerful, but they were just fluff, when you compare this one. I, like you, hope that someone else out in SP land can read this and wake them up BEFORE they get to this point. Trouble is, I too, was quite similar in many ways. If you wrote this with blanks to fill in, I could change a few of the specifics and have a similar story to tell. I too, had a story that I will keep short. Back in December 2008, turns out I walked on a nail for 10 days. I have diabetic neurapathy of the feet, so I could not tell that I was walking on a nail. I ended up in the hospital and had surgery on the bottom of the foot and even cut from the top of the foot too. I was lucky, not to have the infection go to the bone. That took most of three months to really get back on my feet. Happy New Year, HUH? Enough about me, just that I can totally relate to your situation Thank you for taking the time and effort to reduce your story into writing. It had to be hard to do yet probably liberating, to be able to tell others your "real story". I think you would be a great candidate for the TV show that Ty Pennington hosts, America's Extreme Make Over. They could come in and get you some of the latest technologies to make your life and your DH's easier. I've seen episodes where they built bathrooms for the totally handicapped that would move a person via harness, from their wheelchair down the hall to the shower, then to the toilet, wash basin, etc. I know that you are doing your best to win this battle and yet I know that you probably need more help in addition to your own self help. Will you consider looking into putting in an application for this TV show? If need be, I'll be happy to do some leg work to find out how to go about getting the process started. YOU DESERVE IT. Thanks again for the interesting, soul waking story. Your other biggest supporter, Tony Report Inappropriate Comment

~*~FAILURE ~ TEARS ~BLAHS & LOSING YOUR BEST FRIEND.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I have been having a great time now that my internet is fixed. Yah!!!

I think I burst into tears like 8 times yesterday. To tell you the truth if I were to be compared to a food I would say I am a marshmellow. Either that or a very absorbant paper towel or sponge.

Ok! So your sitting there reading this thinking....Ok this woman is nuts. On to next blog.
WAIT! STOP! DON'T GO!.
I will explain since that is my middle name. Well, not my middle name but it should be. I can be irritating too in real life. I can drive my DH nuts. He bares with me at times. Ha!

Sorry getting off track now. AnyWho I am a Marshmellow as in I am a big softie. I tend to cry at the drop of a hat. I even cry over coffee commercials at times. I absorb peoples pain as well. This isn't a good quality I don't think. I get embarrassed over keeping control with my emotions. I swear my husband and I would be watching a movie or show and it will get said he looks at me and says "Here she goes".

So here is my problem. I read how one person lost her best friend. Her friend said things to her that a friend wouldn't say. I could relate so much with her. I have a cousin who was more like my Best Friend growing up who as an adult has done some really bad stuff to me and not very friendly. This coming from a person who I could talk to for hours on end and never have nothing to say. I still talk to her but don't share things as I use to. Only reason I still talk to her is that she is my family. But we hardly talk for long or as much.

Now not working I have really have no "friends". Only real communication other than my Husband is my sister every once in a while. All my freinds I knew when I worked have faded away from me. It is a very lonely feeling.

I by mistake closed that window on that blog. It nagged at me all day. I wanted in some way to help easy her pain. I looked on Joel Osteen website for something I heard him say about God sometimes brings people into our life for a time or season. That sometimes you grow apart and it was an ending to that season in your life.

Well I couldn't find it. Then I looked for a parable or something to help her and found nothing appropriate. So I figured I would just comment or send her an email to let her know how sorry I was for her. BUT....I lost her blog. I search for over 2 hours yesterday and found zip. So if this person reads this I am sorry and have her in my prayers.

I have been reading all sorts of blogs and pages. I loved doing my "Happy Dance" for those who have been having such sucess. Mind you a "Snoopy Happy Dance" is a thing to see in my wheelchair. Ha ha!

I have read a lot about failure, frustration, giving up, upset and even Blahs.
To you I say you the only failure is when you stop trying. You are a child of God and he never makes mistakes. Keep striving, keep moving, keep on keeping on!!
We can SO do this!

This is a great post by Ralph Marston on Failure.


~*~Failure~*~

If you do not ever fail, then your goals are not nearly ambitious enough. If you do not come across new challenges on a regular basis, your abilities and effectiveness will become stale and weak.

Comfort is a good state in which to find rest, renewal and refuge for a while. It is a dreary and dismal place to take up permanent residence.

The reason life can be so rich is precisely because it can be so difficult. You cannot possibly appreciate or fully benefit from the good things if you have no experience with the bad things.

When your efforts are met with failure, you know you are on to something. Because on the other side of that failure is real and substantive accomplishment.

Seek not to create failure, nor to avoid failure. Seek instead to allow failure, when it comes, to keep you moving on the path to greater success.

Failure confirms that you are reaching higher. And higher is always the best direction to reach.
-- Ralph Marston

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TNTERRI 6/13/2009 10:36AM

Willow you amaze me.. When I read your blogs I feel like we are the same person or that you are blogging about me. I am blessed to have found you among all these amazing people on Spark. I too cry at everything (even though I have a hard exterior). Things to do with kids, I cry, commercials I cry, movies, I have even teared up reading your blog..... I do agree with GETHEALTHY231 comment from her teacher. When I am hurt, I am hurt deeply, When I am excited EVERYONE knows it, Worry is probably the only thing I have learned to hide. I am everyone else's marshmallow, my friends and family calls on me to unload about everything, work, friend, spouses, kids, family pet, whatever. Now I am not complaining I actually enjoy it for the most part. I figure it they can unload on me about work I can keep them from going Postal..lol Willow you have friends here! Have a wonderful Day Report Inappropriate Comment

SEPTEMBERSPIRIT 6/12/2009 11:49AM

I love Ralph Marston's Daily Quotes (read them every morning with Louise Hay's). I had neglected doing this for the past while and got caught up this morning and perhaps that's why I'm feeling better. I truly believe that we must keep trying and if we fall - then we go again! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and sense of humour! Your blogs are truly great to read! Hélène Report Inappropriate Comment

I-CAN-DO-IT-2 6/12/2009 9:23AM

Thank you for the poem about striving for one's goals and not letting failure/obstacles stop you. Report Inappropriate Comment

ONEREALLYBIGDOG 6/12/2009 9:03AM

Willow, Either you or it could be me, is a two timer! I laughed so hard at the beginning of your blog, I might be married to you, or maybe your sister, my wife, LOL. She is the same way as far as crying at the drop of a hat. We too, can be watching TV and I know when to look at her and call her "my cry baby"LOL, and it works EVERY time. She blames it on menopause, heck, I call it "menoquit" LOL. Thanks for the chuckle and the tears from my laughing at you and my wife this morning. You gals must be birds of a feather. Whatever the reason behind it, your DH and I will keep our respective brides anyway, and I'll keep you as a dear cherished friend too. You have a wonderful outlook on life and I, personally love it. Keep being your same sweet self! Tony Report Inappropriate Comment

FREEBIRD1018 6/12/2009 9:02AM

I am the one who posted about losing my best friend. It does break my heart, but I was feeling a little silly this morning about posting it on SP, so thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry ab9ut your friend also. I found this quote: "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." - Sent by Donna Roberts Apparently our friends never learned our heart song. I think you found someone who did learn yours in your husband. Thank you so much for the poem also. Report Inappropriate Comment

GETHEALTHY231 6/12/2009 8:34AM

Ok, I'm only going to address one aspect of your blog or this could become a blog unto itself... Dear fellow "Marshmallow" - I had a teacher my senior year in high school that had us keep journals for the year. I wrote one time how I hated crying at the drop of the hat and feeling others pain so intensely. It can be exhausting as well as embarassing. She periodically collected the journals to make sure we were actually keeping them and if we didn't want her to read something, we just covered the pages we had written with blank paper. I hadn't covered that particular entry and so she read it. She wrote a reply that has stuck with me ever since. She wrote: What a privilege and blessing you have to feel so intensely. When you are able to feel pain and sadness and empathy so much - you also feel such intense joy. The world needs people like you because you can truly share what they are going through. She was right. I don't just feel the sad things. I also enj0y such small things in life with pure joy. Whenever I am overcome with emotion (sadness or joy), I remember her words and it is ok to feel that way. Drives my family nuts sometimes, but I'm ok with that. I count myself very blessed to have a teacher that was able to show me that this is a blessing not a curse. I hope you treasure your unique ability also. Report Inappropriate Comment

POMLADY1 6/12/2009 8:26AM

I too am a marshmallow. God put us here for a reason. We need to feel each others' pain so we can offer comfort and support. Without us action would not be taken to help others. Report Inappropriate Comment

MSLZZY 6/12/2009 7:05AM

Wonderful and thought provoking! You are such an inspiration! We touch many lives in our days and it is sad when one person steps away from us by accident or design. We learn, we grow and we move on. Relationships change and we adapt. But we can make new friends and still have a rich, full life. Make new friends, keep the old, the one is silver, the other is gold! Not sure if this fits but an old poem that speaks volumes. Have a good day! Report Inappropriate Comment

ZVER1028 6/12/2009 6:41AM

Thanks so much for sharing!!! Us Marshmallows need to stick together!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment