Sunday, December 15, 2013
I sat down the other night to look at my spark page and started wondering back to the beginning. I was a skinny kid till I hit 8th grade. Then I started to gain. I am fully responsible for all the weight I gained and the way I gained it, but there were a few catalysts. My mother for one. May she rest in peace (if I ever let her) When I started gaining weight she used to tell me how fat I was and how I was never going to get a husband or good life being that fat. I believe she meant well. I believe she was trying in her own messed up way to motivate me to lose weight. It didn’t work. It did just the opposite. I decided since I was so fat there was no point in curbing what I ate because it was pointless and I was a miserable failure. This attitude carried with me for years and years. Long after my mother passed away when I was 18.
I finally decided to do something about my weight in 2001 and joined TOPS (Taking off pounds sensibly) I lost 58 pounds that first year and another 20 the next year. It was during this time, right after my grandmother passed away, that I met my husband. He was the first man in my life that treated me like a human being and didn’t judge my weight. He lifted my self esteem higher than I thought possible. I fell head over heals and accepted his marriage proposal less than a month after our first date. (We’ve been married over 10 years so it worked out well)
Well, at first I was able to keep off the weight I had lost, even though I quit TOPS. But my new husband loved finding new places to eat out. We would drive for hours just to try out a restaurant he had heard about. I slowly gained and gained. I always wore stretchy clothes so I did not comprehend just how much I was gaining. My scale at the time would not measure me…it only went to 350, but I honestly thought I was just barely above that. Then I had to quit work due to health issues not related to my weight. Now I went nowhere and with my agoraphobia, well…it just got worse and worse. I ballooned to 426 lbs. I had to go on metformin for my diabetes and lost about 40 pounds. Then I put THOSE back on!
At the beginning of 2013 I decided a couple of things had to happen. I needed to quit smoking and I needed to lose weight and get control of my diabetes. I was able to quit smoking on February 22, 2013. I was also slowly losing some of my weight through diet alone. Then in May of 2013 my Daddy was diagnosed with cancer. I knew he would need help, and I knew it had to be me. I got serious in Spark People again at this time. (I’ve been a member since 2006 but never really tried before) I started doing chair aerobics because I could not do regular aerobics. I was finally able to start walking to take Daddy to his appointments and treatments at the hospital.
This has been my year. The year I finally put so many bad decisions behind me. I put the teenage hurt behind me and relished in the love of my family now.
I still have a ways to go. I’ve lost 84 pounds so far. When I finally get to goal I will have lost over 200 pounds. But you know what???? The time is going to pass anyway…I might as well spend it getting healthy. And now instead of finding new places to eat out, my husband spends hours learning new healthy recipes to cook for us and experimenting in the kitchen…he has been my rock through out this journey.
I think reflecting on what started my journey to 426 pounds has helped me. There are other things that factored…things I won’t go into on a public forum. But I’ve come to realize and accept that the past is just that…PAST. I can’t continue living there…I want to live in the present and I want to be healthy for the future.