WILDKAT781   128,801
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Road Block

Monday, September 15, 2014

Wow - what a couple of weeks. First I pull a muscle in my back. That hurt very bad. I couldn’t get up, sit down or anything in between without pain. That is finally getting better.

In the meantime…I started having what I thought was side effects from my anti-depressants… so in a moment of pure stupidity I decided to take myself off of them.

HUGE MISTAKE. I finally got in to see my doctor today and he put me back on one of the meds and changed one of the others to a different one.

I have been trying to eat right but I’ve been hitting the comfort food pretty hard. I’m not giving up though….I AM climbing up and over this mountain.

I have been trying to respond to all the wonderful people on here who are keeping up with me and contacting me….I’ve done a fairly decent job I think…if I’ve missed you I’m very sorry…I’ve read each and every goodie and email and comment…they are what has kept me putting one foot in front of the other the last two weeks.

Depression is a hard thing…you want to “snap out of it” but you just can’t. Without help you just keep getting deeper and deeper. I have a lot of help…I just wasn’t using it…my wonderful hubby has never left my side and one of my friends who happens to be my nurse at my medical doctor was able to get me an earlier appointment with my psych doctor.

I have unfortunately gained. But I want to be honest no matter how much it hurts. I weighed in at the doctors office today and it says 402. So that is a gain of 10 pounds in two weeks…too may almonds of the chocolate covered variety.

I’m sorry I let everyone down. But I am picking my self up and digging my way out of this hole…I hope to have a positive blog for you soon.

Hugs to you all and if you are depressed do not try to fight it alone - get help!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STEPHLOKI 9/25/2014 4:43AM

    Hi my Dear,

so sorry about the depression. Have battled it myself in the past. Hope you get out of the hole, keep plotting on one day at a time, but stay away from the chocolate covered almonts...... LOL
They'd be a temptation for me as well.

Hugs emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CTUPTON 9/24/2014 7:32AM

    You did not "let everybody down!" We love you dearly. We have "been there." Having pain and facing depression are just awful. Food is comforting. We are here to support each other in times exactly like this. So glad we have SP friends to chat with so we can get through the tough times. You now (October) are losing weight again. I am so happy for you. But never feel like you let us down. Just say--hey guys I am having a tough time. SP friends will come running --as you can see by the many comments on this blog. chris

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MRSRIGS1 9/23/2014 7:53PM

    I believe in you! emoticon

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ZAFTIGDIOSA 9/23/2014 5:27PM

    Be easy on yourself and take it one choice at a time. If you have almonds of the chocolate coated variety(lol), simply decide how many you are going to have before even eating them and be proactive about your choices. If you know you would've normally ate 20, eat 10. You've just made a better decision. None of us can keep up a perfect routine nor should we go from one extreme to another. Keep baby stepping your way to where you want to be. You're still on here sharing your truth which is great. You are doing better than those that just quit. Keep pushing. You have a whole squad of cheerleaders on here! Whatever you do, stay active on this site. I wish you all the best!
emoticon emoticon

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IN102WIN 9/23/2014 11:21AM

    You haven't let any of us down.... Each of us are here for some reason or the other and we all have weight and demons to deal with so I am hoping that you have a better week and success, lots of it. emoticon emoticon

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LOVEMAYSWARM 9/23/2014 9:16AM

    You have not let anyone down- you just need to focus on YOU and exactly what YOU need!

Take time for yourself, find out what works, and what doesnt. We all have road blocks and challenges, but what is important is that you keep on, keepin' on. One foot forward, then the other. You can do this! emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 9/22/2014 10:19PM

    So sorry t hear that you are depressed. Follow the doctors orders, get back n your feet and ejoy the sunshine

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KAREN608 9/22/2014 8:15AM

    I regain and lose also.
I find it is the process I go thru as I learn to be more disciplined in my eating.

I need to get myself back into hobbies instead of snacking.
I need to keep at the exercise and pushing myself beyond comfort levels.
Challenge yourself to something this week that will help you!!

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DIASTER 9/21/2014 11:18AM

  Do you have any idea how many of us re-gain some weight and feel as guilty as you indicated?. You have so much company on this journey. Thank you for being so honest. We are all here with you and we will do this together. We will not just retreat into ourselves as that is the easy way, but we will continue to fight this battle together.

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WRITERWANNAB 9/21/2014 1:09AM

    You are doing all the right things by not giving up, seeing your doctor for help, & sharing your feelings & your struggles with the rest of us. You mustn't worry about letting anyone else down; just worry about sorting yourself out. We all have these times. emoticon

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AMBER461 9/20/2014 11:33PM

  I am sorry to hear about your depression, but you are doing the right thing getting help and talking about it. May God grant you the strength and determination to get over it.

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CSDAYS 9/20/2014 6:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAYBER 9/19/2014 8:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TIMEHASCOME56 9/19/2014 3:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MISS_VIV 9/19/2014 1:54PM

    So good to see you out here in the land of SPARK PEOPLE...
emoticon

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RAINBOWMF 9/19/2014 1:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Mary

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LADYBUGSY 9/19/2014 2:23AM

    You didn't let anyone down! You're taking the steps you need to so you can take care of yourself...you're awesome!

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CAROLJ35 9/18/2014 8:12PM

    You WILL get across this bridge!!! We are here to help you as much as possible.
Soon we will see you on the other side!!!



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MCFITZ2 9/18/2014 6:43PM

    You have lots of sparkers wishing you well. I know it can be difficult and also had to get help to get through a rough time. Hugs my friend. emoticon

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CETANISTAWI 9/18/2014 5:34PM

    Sweetheart: you're not letting us down. It's YOUR life, not ours. I have no right to pass any judgement on you, and neither does anyone else. We are here to support each other. And life is what it is. As long as you are doing your best at any given moment, then that is what is most important. And our best is fluid. Just keep trying, momma.

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MAVERICK59 9/18/2014 4:41PM

    Your honesty and integrity have touched my heart.
May God bless and guide you on this very difficult journey.
Hugs,
Belinda

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ROSES4ME1 9/18/2014 3:42PM

    You are amazing - not only for battling through the depression but for reaching out and getting help and searching for what works for you. I know how difficult that can be so just wanted to tell you what a hero you are.
Take care of YOU every day and remember that this will pass.

HUGS!!

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GUITARWOMAN 9/18/2014 3:22PM

    I admire your perseverance and your honesty.

Depression is very real and I hope you find the right combination of doctors and medications!

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SALLYLEE84 9/18/2014 1:50PM

    Depression is one of those things that a lot of people don't get. They think you should just "snap" out of it. So glad you were able to get an earlier appointment & hopefully this new combo of meds will help. emoticon

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BAMAJAM2 9/18/2014 12:39PM

  You have a great group of supporters here, and you have great encouragement from so many caring folks! I truly applaud your honestly and courage in sharing your feelings.
Too, you have given wise advice to those with depression to seek help! Depression affects all family members, so getting treatment benefits children and adults involved. Take each new day as your opportunity to make progress!
HUGS!


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-JAMES- 9/18/2014 11:36AM

    It seems a little simple, but the word depression is from "lack of pressure".

So what one needs are external forces pushing on you to do something. It can seem pointless to do anything. The stupid thing is that just doing things helps. Just going shopping, or just going with someone to a movie.

I can very honestly say that the beginning of my getting out of my mental hole was my wife forcing me to read bedtime stories to the grand kids. I didn't want to do it either.

Comment edited on: 9/18/2014 11:37:05 AM

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DSHONEYC 9/18/2014 11:29AM

    Having gone through two very serious bouts of depression myself, it is so important to get help. I truly believe chemical imbalances are a big part of it, so I encourage you to get the right medication going for you. My last bout in 2000 led me not only to seek medical help but to the cross. I am no longer on medication, but I truly believe that it is the cross that keeps me in balance today.

emoticon emoticon

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KLONG8 9/18/2014 11:26AM

    As others said ahead of me, you SO did not let anyone down. You are doing brave battle, my friend. We are rooting for you and celebrating your strength. You are dealing with a set back but are fighting strong and will prevail.

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BLUEEYESCANADA 9/18/2014 10:55AM

    emoticon for putting this in your blog. You have reached out to your friends who are here to support you. emoticon
emoticon with the help of your family, friends and medical doctors. emoticon
YOU are so worth it! emoticon emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 9/18/2014 10:52AM

    emoticon This journey to good health is just as much about mental health as physical health. They go hand in hand considering our brain tells us what we "need" eat!! Stay here for motivation and support and work one step at a time towards better all around health!! emoticon together!!

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NUTINLOOKSLIKE 9/18/2014 10:09AM

    First, I want to give you a emoticon because you sound like you could DEFINITELY use one. :-) Then, I want to tell you that I personally do not believe that you have let any of us down. You are doing great! The scale went up a little, but it will come back down ;-)

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ANGELAIRENE 9/18/2014 9:00AM

    Here's a emoticon and emoticon so emoticon because you are emoticon

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RITAROSE 9/18/2014 7:43AM

  Good that you blogged about this. You have lots of support here on SP. It took me so many years to learn that when I mess up I shouldn't just throw in the towel and say, might as well eat everything I want. Instead, I endeavor to start anew right then and there. We all mess up. If you can stop the mess up in its tracks so much the better!
I hope you get good help for depression. I have had that too and find that it helps me to go for a walk. Fresh air is a marvelous, uplifting experience and it's exercise too!

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CHERYLHURT 9/18/2014 6:33AM

  emoticon

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-JAMES- 9/18/2014 1:43AM

    Kathy,
Depression.

I don't know if I ever told you this before, because my memory is not very good. In 2007 I started loosing hearing in one ear. That got the doctors suspicious and sure enough an MRI revealed a tumour in my brain. Then my memory issues in the previous few years started making sense, as well as some of my strange behaviour.

With that out I've healed a bit, but I will never be able to do what I used to do. I used to do research in physics, and I was great with computer stuff. I used to write code for IBM, system software, highly efficient code, and customer consulting and training.

But no more. That was pulled away from me. The void left me empty, and a big part of my self worth was my intellectual ability.

I was depressed, and on anti depressants for a short while, but they just made me feel strange, strange and depressed. What really cured me was time, and working through my issues chemical free. Fortunately I have good medical coverage, so I'm on long term disability.

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LINDA! 9/17/2014 10:37PM

    I am sorry about the weight gain. It happens. But I am more worried about your depression. I also have to take meds for it. I am actually on 2 anti depressants. It is a lifetime problem for many of us. But I am happy that you do see a psych doc. I would recommend, if you don't already do so, also seeing a therapist. It is good to discuss issues with a professional.

Keeping you in my prayers. emoticon

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RICKI157 9/17/2014 10:30PM

    You didn't let anyone down!!!! We all have times where we make mistakes, eat the wrong things, binge, don't exercise like we should and gain back weight. The most important thing is to stop the old bad habits and start up the new good habits!!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PYNETREE 9/17/2014 10:28PM

    Wow! Just look at all these people who care. Everyone of them here to support YOU.
And they wouldn't be here if they didn't think you were a pretty special Friend.

So grab all that Love and Well Wishes - and take Strength from it! Everyone wants you to succeed.

Be strong, start trying to eat only clean food that fuels your body. Stay away from junk foods

You Can Do This!

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WILDXANGELS 9/17/2014 8:20PM

    you can do it,never give up,I will pray hard for you

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CHANGING-TURTLE 9/17/2014 4:59PM

    emoticon
Sorry you have been having a bag case of over eating chocolate covered almonds, I can just see myself doing that. Good that you are getting back on track
emoticon emoticon
Depression is an illness that is hard to overcome, good that you are seeking help again. I have been through a lot of counseling to overcome this problem but found that being on the right pills do the best job, good luck

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OKGOATGAL 9/17/2014 4:57PM

  you are not alone. so many are in the same battle. thank you for sharing.

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FINEBABY72 9/17/2014 2:53PM

  I'm still here rooting you on,set backs are apart of the journey. As a matter of fact,I'm still struggling myself,but know this we will make it! emoticon emoticon

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SHANTODD420 9/17/2014 2:04PM

    Keep going you can do this. It can only get better from here hugs.

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AJB121299 9/17/2014 2:03PM

    keep it up

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TJOHNOCONNOR 9/17/2014 1:50PM

    You have not let anyone down. Success is not a linear transition from zero to ten. It is a series of squiggly lines and some pitfalls with the underlying desire to keep moving forward. The whole time you struggle is just to get to the next number in the line. Eventually you will get to where you want to be. Learning from mistakes is just as or even more beneficial than the successes.

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MRSFANCYLADY 9/17/2014 1:49PM

    Your spirit is emoticon . You keep fighting and we'll keep supporting you! We all have set backs and bad days and weeks..... don't let it keep you down! Rise above it with all the fight that you have. God is a great help in the time of need!

emoticon

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JACKIEWALKS4FUN 9/17/2014 1:04PM

    You are emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ONTHEPATH2 9/17/2014 10:04AM

    Girlfriend you are awesome! You did not give up! You are here and THAT is what matters! You certainly didn't let me down! We all stumble and fall (I just did - gained 10 lbs in 3 weeks), the important part is that there are others of us who are able to lend a hand and help those of us who fall. They help us to get back to our feet! We just need to reach out for a hand! That's how it works, someday you may be the one lending another a hand to their feet.

Soooooo - now that you are back on your feet, dust yourself off, put one foot in front of the other, come on, let's go! We have new people to meet and awesome things to experience on this journey! Onward!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSMUFFETT101 9/17/2014 9:37AM

    You have not let anyone down. You are here, you are sharing, you are owning it, and you are moving in the right direction.

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LOSER_ZIMM 9/17/2014 9:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Starting over vs Continuing. A new beginning for me.

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

I’ve said before I would never “start over” - just “continue”. Well, I’m beginning to doubt that strategy.

Last year I lost 98 pounds - I’ve gained 64 pounds of that back.

I’ve messed up so bad in the last few months that to continue as I am now will be slow suicide. I’ve regained most of my weight - that has depressed me terribly. I’ve lost contact with friends because I’ve been ashamed of my weight gain. More depression. Even though spark friends have contacted me - I’ve been “avoiding” them because I am so sure they will be ashamed to know me once they realize how much weight I’ve gained back and how horrible I look.

I’ve always wanted to be an inspiration to people. At this point in my journey I can’t even be an inspiration to my dog.

The only hope I have now is a NEW BEGINNING. I never really thought that you could do that, but I’ve learned through church and my wonderful pastor that you really can have a New beginning. As a matter of fact - the motto of our church is “A place for new beginnings.” Now I know the church is talking about the spiritual but I believe that the same thing holds true for the physical as well. I simply MUST start over with a new beginning because to continue at this point will put me in a very bad place.

I am including a photo here because I desperately need the accountability. After taking screen shots of all the lovely comments - I have deleted all my old photos except those where I weigh more than I do now.

I am hoping that by opening up in this blog that I will be drawn back into the Spark fold. Please bear with me as I try to sort out this mess.

To all my friends….thank you for keeping me in your thoughts - I am going to try to get back to the Sparking level I was before - I miss you “guys”

To anyone reading this that has regained like I have...don’t avoid people like I have. Jump back in and get going again…If you stay away because you have gained you will continue to gain and the only thing you will lose is yourself.

Big Hugs to all


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERSYLPH 9/23/2014 7:15PM

    emoticon

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B-N-ME 9/21/2014 8:14PM

    You are an inspiration. Don't ever let being normal which for many means we take a step backwards once in a while make you feel ashamed or that others will feel that way about you.
Be proud to take the stand you have, know you can do this!
We believe in you!
I look forward to your next blog and next weight loss picture!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 9/19/2014 11:35AM

    Being a friend does not mean only skinny people can have or be friends! Real friends see us from the Inside out. I believe you are one of those Real spark friends and that you have Real spark friends who see you from the inside out!

By the way, I have regained most of my lost wt too but I'm having a new begining and The Lord has been showing me some wt loss secrets one of them being allow Him to change me and my appetites. Just rest in Him.

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SIRENAOFTHESEA 9/17/2014 10:54PM

    I get where you are coming from because I am going to the same thing. If it's okay with you I would to add you as one of my spark friends. Thank you for being saw open about something we are all too familiar with. emoticon

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BABECAVE 9/17/2014 12:30PM

    Don't be so hard on yourself...

Your mind hears everything that you think...

This is something that I learned just a few days ago...

I told myself that...

I was being super hard on my own self... I told myself that I would not be this harsh on another person... so I shouldn't be so hard on own self... with the way that I was thinking inside my own head...

I was really a mess a few days ago... then I finally realize that I needed to be more positive and stop doubting myself... I had a lot of negative thinking as well... I made up my mind to stop doing this... because it was not going to help me out with my goals and weight lost....

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BABECAVE 9/17/2014 12:01PM

    awws...

You know...

I know how it feels with avoiding friends because you gained weight... and hiding out because of being embarrassed... I know more than anyone what your going through... and how your feeling... I lost a lot of weight... than over time which seems like it did not take very long at all.. before I knew it... I gained all the weight that I lost and worked hard for... to only triple my weight gain... in a very very very high number... I also wanted to be an inspiration to others... and I felt like I let a lot of people down... but over time... I got back on track and realized that... its happens to the best of us... because life is a roller coaster.... and it can toss us around and around... I don't understand how people can maintain their weight or even stay at a level with their weight where they don't have to worry about anything... because major things can happen... to put on pounds... then finding time to work out...

But I know how you feel and going through... *Smiles*

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DOTTY7267 9/17/2014 11:20AM

    Congratulations on your New Beginning! You will succeed and reach your goals that you have set forth for yourself. Look forward to your many successes in the future.

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TODDERICKV 9/16/2014 9:52PM

    You can do it. Just never give up!

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ITSMESHE 9/15/2014 9:29AM

    I share your story and am inspired by your words. I have been avoiding friends in real life and in my Spark life! I dropped off Spark for a while and then returned under a different name. I haven't contacted any old friends due to the shame and guilt I feel. I do well for a few days and then fall apart.
Your words have helped me know that I'm not alone in this struggle.
Thank you.


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MRSRIGS1 9/14/2014 10:48PM

    You ARE an inspiration!! emoticon

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2NDCHANCEWITHEY 9/14/2014 1:39AM

    WildKat - Would you believe you are such an inspiration to me and my journey that I was literally drawn back to sparkpeople and the teams because I wanted to see how you were doing? I know that this is a journey about me and in one of area of my life I am suppose to be "selfish" I still wanted to know how you were doing. And guess what you showed you don't have to perfect and on top of things to continue "sparking". Over the last 6 months since I left Sparkpeople I gained 40 pounds. I now have new highest weight but I am slowing finding that I am wanting to do better. And I come on here and see how raw and open you are about what is going one that I am amazed! I wish I could be an inspiration like that. (And I understand if you might not remember me, I'm pretty forgettable)

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EDEN30 9/13/2014 4:54AM

    I have been there done that and I have been there done that too many times. I can't speak for others but there are other people like you that have lost and gained back. Heck I lost almost 100 lbs back in 2009 gained all and more back. And now i am struggling myself but I had a wake up call and I am back to doing what I need to do for health. I would love to be your support and talk to you heck I need all the spark buddies I can get. I can't say it would be easy for me to respond back right away but i am not staying away for the almost year I just did.
You can do it.
I CAN DO IT
We All CAN DO IT emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 9/12/2014 4:13PM

    There is nothing wrong with starting over, it takes courage and determination to pick yourself back up and declare war once again! YOu can do this, you have done it before and I am sure you will do it again! One day at a time, one choice at a time.
Best of luck on your journey!

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2BDYNAMIC 9/12/2014 1:33PM

    Wow---what support you have here ....... (me too) And I have found sparks people to be so NON judgmental but supportive ......... you are never alone and many ........ will always have your back .............. so anything I can do or we .......... I think you have a big base of supporting people .................. emoticon

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CAROL3SAN 9/11/2014 7:51PM

    emoticon I feel as if I am in the same place as you are right now as I move forward in my journey. I will keep in contact with you because I believe we can motivate each other to make our weight loss a reality.
Peace and blessing in your new beginning. emoticon
Carolyn emoticon

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JEB03253 9/11/2014 7:34AM

    I am really good and loosing and gaining weight. I began again 5 days ago and am concentrating on changes that I can live with for life.

emoticon

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LADYSHERRY 9/10/2014 5:18PM

    Everyday we get the chance to start new. A Brand New Day. The Lord does not want us to hold on to our stuff. He wants us to give it to him. Let us be a help to you and then when it's time you can give back. That's how it works we give you give. It can never be one way with each other. Good luck. Glad you're back

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MCHERRY4 9/10/2014 3:54PM

  Never let a set-back be a reason to give up. Giving up is the only failure. We all backslide sometimes. Welcome back to the program. Just keep looking toward your goal and eventually you will get there!

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G33K10V3 9/10/2014 9:04AM

    Every day is a new day and a new chance to go the right direction. Focus on TODAY and making the right choices. You can do it! Don't be ashamed just learn from your mistakes and stop repeating them. You do have the power inside you to change your life forever! emoticon

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GOOFYSMILE 9/10/2014 8:19AM

  I have been at the same weight for a year, I lost 58 lbs. the gained back 37lbs. Now I am back down 19 lbs. and still working on the loss. Its back and forth each week, but just stick to it and it will come off. Good luck! emoticon

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ZELDA13 9/9/2014 9:48PM

    OK. But you are starting again! Kudos to you for doing that. I have a hard time staying motivated. I have gained 8 pounds and am embarrassed by that. I do not want to adjust my tracker, I want to lose it again and go on from there. If I don't do it now it will be 12 then 15 then 20 pounds. I give you credit. We all have some glitches and you'll overcome this one.
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BREADBAKING4ME 9/9/2014 5:03PM

    I could have written this too. I'm on my final weight loss journey! I am running out of time. You see I turned 59+1 in February and was "encouraged" by two wonderful doctors to "work" on my weight. I left the doctor's office that day and cried all the way home - I hated myself that much but it stirred something in me. I knew at that moment that God was leading me in the right direction. I'm sorry to say I'm not a religious person but the feeling was so strong I couldn't ignore it. I made a vow to myself at that moment that I would not leave this earth a morbidly obese person. That was 58 pounds and seven months ago and I've never looked back. I realized I don't have forever to get healthy - where did sixty years go?

My point here is that for me I had to find a place in my heart and mind that I could go to when I needed strength. For me that was a humiliating experience with my weight that so affected me that it changed the way I look at food. Now when necessary I go there to push me forward - works every time!

Find something in your life that you never want to revisit again and use that as your motivator. You can do this because believe me, if I can do it, so can you! Know that fluctuating is absolutely normal and move past it, eventually the numbers will drop but really don't make it about the number - make it about regaining your health.

Good luck to you!👍

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ANGELAIRENE 9/9/2014 3:47PM

    emoticon emoticon We are all human.

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KILIKI 9/9/2014 1:48PM

    I understand what you're going through all too well. I'm actually starting over too-as of yesterday. You're not alone. Just know that you have TONS of support here on SP as well as motivation to help keep you going!! We're all here for each other! YOU CAN DO THIS! emoticon emoticon

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OKGOATGAL 9/9/2014 12:34PM

  Hey, the only failure is one who never tries to begin with. So you got off track. We all do from time to time. Sometimes it's laziness, sometimes it's depression, job loss, new job, commute, kids, pregnancy, injury. All kinds of things get us off track. That's just how life is. Recognizing we got off track and taking those steps to get back on track-that's SUCCESS! Every single time we do something "RIGHT" we are a success at that moment in time. I teach Special education in a "Behavior" classroom. We celebrate every success in my classroom, regardless of how big or how small that success may be. (For example-"you chose to do your work while standing-thank you for doing your work-I'm proud of you!" or "You chose to go to the chill center instead of hitting your peer. Awesome job!") EVERY SINGLE positive step is just that. POSITIVE! YOU can do it! Every day is a new day to START OVER! YOU can do it!

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MOINSDEMOI 9/9/2014 8:35AM

    You go girl! What courage it took for you to write this blog. Weight loss is a painful journey because of the underlying emotional issues that got us into this mess to begin with. Dealing with those issues is tough and you, my dear, are an inspiration.

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SHARILYNN468 9/9/2014 2:34AM

    emoticon

I have done this as well.. I "started new" - threw all the past failures behind me, and went only forward.. in 1 1/2 yrs, I have lost so far, 129 lbs on my own, with SparkPeople.. I still have a ways to go, but I know I will succeed this time~ You CAN do this.. this -is- your new beginning.. you already know how to lose the weight, we're experts at it by now.. :) - I gained and lost so many times in my life I lost track.. -- you have laid it all out in the open, the hard part is over.. the rest, you already have the knowledge and tools to accomplish your NEW goals~ :) Good luck on your journey, dear.. if I can be of any help at any time, please message me~ :)

`Shari
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LAJH1973 9/8/2014 7:50PM

  I have also lost and regained weight for the past 30 years. I started Spark people and was doing a good job of tracking everything, THEN I WENT ON VACATION! To say the least I really messed up. So today Sept. 8th I'm starting this journey. We can do this together!
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LORNE67 9/8/2014 1:53PM

    I lost 27 pounds a years ago and gained 24 pounds back. I also need to lose another 50 to 74 pounds. I am trying to start over as well. Since I started over I have lost 2.3 pounds. emoticon

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ALWAYSFROG247 9/8/2014 1:35PM

    WILDKAT781-
I have lost and regained weight so many times, I have literally lost count. It has been for various reasons, financial, pregnancy, depression, and just life. Finally I got to the point where I wanted to lose weight to be healthy. Not to fit into a smaller size. Not to look thinner. Not to feel "normal." When I got to that point, I lost over 40 pounds. Then I lost my job, had no health insurance, and couldn't afford my depression medication. Needless to say, I gained most of the weight back. Now, here I am, working the most enjoyable job I've ever had, back on insurance (thanks to Obamacare), and back on my meds. I lost a few pounds naturally (not turning to junk food when stressed) and have, within the past several weeks, started actively tracking again. So far I've lost 26 lbs. Thankfully, every day we have a chance to start over. Each year we are, by the grace of God, given 365 chances to start over. What's up to us is to decide to take those chances. Even if we have to start over 365 times.

Don't be discouraged, you're not the only one & you can do it! emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/8/2014 1:36:14 PM

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GWENALYN 9/8/2014 1:12AM

    You are a great inspiration to all of us. While my weight loss needs are less than yours the experience you describe is totally me. I've been traveling for the last month and had made the decision to begin again today but I think I'll start over instead. Thank you.

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SUSIEMT 9/7/2014 9:47PM

    Yes, I too have been there and done that! The hardest part was my avoidance of the people I love! Did I think they couldn't see my weight gain? I was always hopeful! LOL! When I came to spark I found my way home. I have been fortunate in that I have not known Failure this time around. I am never perfect! I always log my nutrition and exercise. No matter how bad I am. But my most powerful tool has been my spark diet and exercise buddy Thoms1. I live with my sister so that makes it that much easier!
Good luck on your new beginning! You can do this!

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KIMBALLITE 9/7/2014 11:45AM

  Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We have all been there and it does not matter how much/little a person has to lose..the internal struggle is the same. I take it one day at a time now, trust God and surround myself with supportive friends. I am subscribing to your blog to share in your journey. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OREGONMOM4 9/7/2014 11:32AM

    You are not alone as you can see by all the comments you have received. I agree with someone above that purging your negative emotions is a big part of your new beginnings, keep getting rid of the negative and open to the positive. You can do it emoticon !

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KIMBERLYKJONES 9/6/2014 10:57PM

    Thank you for sharing your experience. You are not alone and should know that your journey both the good and the bad motivates us all.

I've been struggling for over 20 years with both positive and negative results. I'm currently on an upswing (note that I've had my downswings too) due to working closely with my doctor who has provided healthy lifestyle changes in the form of nutritional guidelines (literature specific to my health needs) and exercise encouragement. I'm sharing this hoping that maybe you'll find a supportive doctor (who lives what she preaches) that can help you as well.

One other difference this time around is that I've also surrounded myself with friends who are also exercising regularly which makes me accountable. These friends aren't working against my plans by enticing me with unhealthy foods or unhealthy habits. Their conversations and lifestyle serve as positive reinforcement.

Take care. I hope to hear more from you about how your New Beginning has been a positive one! :-)



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SCOOTERGIRL777 9/6/2014 3:00PM

    THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HONESTY. I HAVE DONE THE SAME THING + WAS FEELING LIKE I WAS A BIT OF A FAILURE BUT THANKS TO YOU, I KNOW I WAS NOT ! I JUST NEED A NEW BEGINNING . GOOD LUCK TO YOU + ME AND EVERYONE ON THE DAY TO DAY, JOURNEY , TO A HEALTHIER LIFESTYLE emoticon emoticon

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THENEWKAREN 9/6/2014 2:11PM

    I am rooting for you!

I have started and stopped the weight loss thing so many times and what I have discovered is perhaps all those other times when I tried and failed, I just wasn't ready yet.

This time when I began again on Labor Day 2012 just by recording everything I ate in the MyFitnessPal app on my phone, it clicked. I made a deal with myself that I didn't have to stay within my calorie budget each day but I absolutely DID have to be completely honest with myself and record accurately EVERYTHING I ate. Here I am 2 years later with success to show for the effort.

I still record everything I eat because I know if I didn't, I would begin fooling myself about how much I was really eating and how many calories it was.

I can't say I haven't gained back any of the weight I lost but I am holding it to a 10 pound range and fighting to keep it there. I weigh every day so I cannot use the excuse that I didn't know I was regaining. If the scale goes up, I work a little harder at it that day, try to get more sleep, drink more water, eat more fiber, etc.

You are in the right place. You can't beat SparkPeople for community support and its vast amounts of information articles and video workouts, etc.

I think you just have to find what works for you and expand on that. Each person is different. We all know how we should eat and that we should exercise, what we are really fighting is the negative voices in our heads. Sometimes you just have to bully those voices into silence so you can do what you know you need to do.

Good luck and keep us all posted. I am subscribing so I can keep track of your progress, and I know there will be progress because YOU CAN DO THIS!
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EVERARD8 9/6/2014 2:03PM

    I fell like I could have written this blog myself. I too have lost and gained back plenty of weight over the years. Its always a struggle. I'm proud that you are starting anew and not giving up.

P.S. Being heavy does not equal looking horrible. I think you're beautiful.

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BOCCATAGHNA1955 9/6/2014 5:09AM

    I am feeling the same as you and 1st September was my new start date but it has come and gone, now I feel impelled to get started over and you are the main reason why. Thank you for your courage and for your strength.

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PK2H2000 9/5/2014 10:26PM

    emoticon

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PK2H2000 9/5/2014 10:26PM

    emoticon

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AMYSYOKO 9/5/2014 8:46PM

  never give up, best of luck to you...glad you are back on track, you know we all have your back emoticon

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AMBER461 9/5/2014 8:35PM

  I do love your attitude, you can do it. Thanks for sharing.

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 9/5/2014 8:28PM

    I went through a similar experience. After having my son I felt so guilty that I had gained weight. I was embarrassed and avoided social situations because of it. At some point I realized that this was hurting me and I was missing out on my life [again]. I was focusing so much on the past. I, too, deleted my old sparkpeople pictures and started fresh. That was exactly what I needed. I had to "let go" and move on. Even though this is a new leg of my journey, the knowledge and lessons of the past will bring more insight this time. Its a lifelong battle, each time I learn more and I will never stop fighting.

Comment edited on: 9/5/2014 8:29:46 PM

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SIMONEKP 9/5/2014 8:27PM

    emoticon

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CYN5200 9/5/2014 8:21PM

    You are an inspiration to me. You are an honest, sensitive, caring person. I'm glad your church is helping you to see yourself enveloped in God's love. I have been struggling with my weight for years, and I am very concerned with my health. I have put it all in God's hands, we can all help and support each other on this journey. It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up. We believe in you! emoticon

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ZAFTIGDIOSA 9/5/2014 7:42PM

    We have ALL been there or at least I can attest to that. I understand the feeling of wanting to hide yourself from those that actually care about you because you are ashamed of where you have back peddled to but by you making the bold moves of taking a current picture and writing this blog and expressing such deep emotions, shows that you are already halfway to your victory! I know how hard it was for you to take that picture AND post it. I went through that same fear, disappointment in self and shame. But it's something freeing about saying in words and actions that 'This is where I am today.' It's out there. The covers blown. NOW you can move forward and begin anew, no longer being held hostage by your own negative thoughts. I'm glad you're here!
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HYATTI1 9/5/2014 5:39PM

    I know you can do it...its going to be hard but you know that too. I am keeping my fingers crossed and my eyes open as I watch you gain steps along the way on your journey for a better healthier life.

Joanna

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ARTJAC 9/5/2014 5:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BERTA48 9/5/2014 2:23PM

    WildKat
This post as I was reading was as if I had written it myself.
I too have started over.MANY TIMES.

I started at 275.8 three yrs ago and lost down to 239.8. and then stopped trying after vacation this year.Well I weighed in at 253.8 and decided it was time to get back at it. SO this past Tuesday I began and today I weighed in at 249.6 So that is less than a week.
Spark People does work if we do it and keep at it. I seem to always do great at the beginning and then in a few months I am going right back at my old habits.
But with the Lords help this time I will make it to goal. emoticon

The enemy knows our weaknesses and that is where he attacks us. Also everything begins with a thought. SO if we can pray through those thoughts of that cake or ice cream or bagel and cream cheese whatever the enemy is tempting us with we can make it!!!!

I will be praying for your journey . With our hand in HIS hand together we can make it!!!

Also if we take two steps forward and one backward we will still get there we just cannot give up! emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/5/2014 2:35:51 PM

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Life Changes

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Wow- so much has happened in the last couple of months….where do I start…..

Lets start with the latest first shall we….here meet Turbo


my brand new kitten….my new friend and companion…I wanted a lap cat…I GOT a lap cat…he stays either in my lap or hubbys unless eating or using litter pan. He is sitting on my shoulder as I type this!!!! He is my buddy - I love him very much!


2nd thing going on - hubby started a new job!!!!



it is a paper route and believe it or not - he makes more money at that than he does at the garage where he is a mechanic!!!! He will be giving up the mechanic job soon and we will be able to spend more time together! and the route itself allows us time together as I ride along in the car with him as he delivers.

Now - for the most important thing…the thing I NEVER thought would be part of my life again (since I was a small child) I started going back to CHURCH!

A friend invited me to go to her church on Easter Sunday and I just couldn’t tell her no…she wanted us to go so badly. Well, we went, thinking that we were just being polite and would explain to her that we wouldn’t be going again…Surprise on us!!!! We loved it and everyone there. I am fairly convinced that Daddy caused this. He wanted me to go to church so badly - well I finally found one I am comfortable with! I am so happy to be a part of the church family now!



So as you can see - I have a whole lot of irons in the fire right now…I simply have not had time to devote to Spark People like I should….that will be changing because I MUST get back in gear before I regain all that I have lost!!!!!


ps....I just talked to Letha on the phone and she is doing fine and appreciates everyone asking about her....she is just taking a little break from Spark right now


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TODDERICKV 9/16/2014 9:53PM

    Welcome to the family Turbo!

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LIVINTODAY 7/8/2014 10:03PM

    I enjoyed this blog, Kat! Turbo is beautiful; the news about your husband's new job is super especially since it is something you can do together. Wow, a new church home too; that is just great and I would feel, as you do, that your Daddy's been stirring the pot up there.
Both my parents are gone but I still feel their active presence in my life.
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DALMOM2007 6/25/2014 10:28AM

    Wow...I see by the date that I've been very out of touch. Loved the blog and hearing about all the good things happening in your life. Congratulations on the adorable kitty!

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LINDA! 5/25/2014 3:32PM

    emoticon You have a lot of positive changes in your life. I am so happy for you. Going to a good church and having a great church family is so important in our life. Glad that you and hubby are finding fellowship there. Also, the newspaper route and all of the other positives are wonderful.

I must say...if I could grab onto little Turbo, I would not let go. What a beauty.

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MPETERSON2311 5/24/2014 12:36PM

    I'm glad things are looking up!

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ALIHIKES 5/23/2014 7:47PM

    Congratulations on all the good news! (the lovable little kitty, the new job for DH, and finding a church that feels like home)

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KOHINOOR2 5/21/2014 7:35PM

    Great news. So happy Things are going well for you. emoticon emoticon Thank for sharing.

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ENG_TV 5/21/2014 1:31PM

    I'm so glad to see you back! And that things are looking up for you and your hubby. The kitty is adorable and offers some much needed comfort, I'm sure. emoticon

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IDICEM 5/21/2014 7:21AM

  Turbo is adorable! Congrats on hubby's new job!!

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ARTJAC 5/20/2014 11:43PM

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REGILIEH 5/20/2014 11:36PM

    FABULOUS!!!

So HAPPY for YOU!!!

Turbo is darling and I love his name!

It is wonderful to have a church home!

I love your husband's new job and you can help! Really great!

Hugs!

Anne

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JAMER123 5/20/2014 11:29PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon To all the newsy items you shared! Turbo is really cute! We wanted a lap dog and boy did we get 2 of them!! Chihuahuas about like Turbo and wanting laps!! Enjoy!!

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ANGELBELIEVER 5/20/2014 10:43PM

    Turbo is adorable. I want to hold him too and have him sit on my lap. Max is not a lap cat at all, but he will sleep next to me every night.

I am so happy things have turned around for you and your hubby. God is so good. Having a church family is so very important. May God continue to bless you and DH emoticon .

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123ELAINE456 5/20/2014 10:27PM

  Awesome Blog and News. A Wonderful Change all the way around. Turbo is so very Cute and Sweet. Love his Name. God Blessings Always. Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care.

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COLOR-BLUE 5/20/2014 10:21PM

    Kathy,

You have a lot of irons in the fire, but they're the irons of LIFE!!! Girl, you did it! Things have turned around for you and your DH, and I'm over the moon! I can just see you and he riding together on the paper route and having so much fun, and catching up on all the lost time, from you previous season. God has just ushered you and your DH, into a brand new LIFE, with HIM!!!

Be blessed,

-Nancy Jean -
GA

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NASFKAB 5/20/2014 10:11PM

  great to hear from you love Turbo please post some more pics

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JUNEAU2010 5/20/2014 9:49PM

    Wonderful news all the way around! I love the name Turbo! what a cutie.

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EJB2801 5/20/2014 9:24PM

    What a treat to read your blog and see the new happenings in your life! I know you will soon find a good Spark path, too.

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MCFITZ2 5/20/2014 8:20PM

    I am so happy for you. You have been bless with some wonderful changes.
I know you still miss your dad. That is a tribute to him and the influence and love he gave you. emoticon

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GLORIAMAJDI 5/20/2014 8:08PM

    Wow, this is all great news! Just keep trying to find your balance so that you can keep off what you have lost, you have come so far and it is so worth it to have your health! And Turbo is pretty sweet looking, I am a major fan of kitties, having three myself. I think that they are great stress relievers too!

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MOM2ACAT 5/20/2014 6:58PM

    It's so great to see you blogging again!

Turbo is adorable! My Timmy use to sit on my shoulder when he was that age too; now he's 14 years old and around 13 pounds, so he's too big for that now, but he's still a lap cat, as is my Kallie. I know not all cats like to sit on laps so I feel blessed that both of mine do. It's a real comfort.

I stopped going to church after I graduated high school, but I also started going back to church after I lost my dad. It was my parent's church, and I got to know the pastor when we were planning my dad's services, and I was really touched by how welcoming and caring the other members were to me, and most of them barely knew me at that time. I decided to join that church then because of the people there. Being part of a church family helped to heal after losing my dad.

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CELLOPLAYER1 5/20/2014 6:40PM

    emoticon

Turbo is cute!

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4RASCALS 5/20/2014 5:55PM

    Love your good news. emoticon that hubby got a new job, even better that it allows you to spend more time together. Glad you accepted your friends invite to church. It's something I've been thinking about, just haven't did yet. As for turbo he is adorable. Sounds like a perfect match.




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JACKIE542 5/20/2014 5:39PM

    Great news

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KING_SLAYER 5/20/2014 5:21PM

    Lots of things going on in your life and the best part is that they're all good! Far too often we are overwhelmed with negative issues, I'm glad that some good things are happening for you. :)

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WILLOW49 5/20/2014 4:26PM

    I love your new kitty :) So glad he now has a great forever home! And congrats to hubby on his new job! Even better that you can ride along and spend time together :) And how wonderful you found a new church that you like! All wonderful news!

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THINFITFEMINIST 5/20/2014 4:05PM

    We'll the kittie is too cute. Meeooww! Congrats on all the great news.

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KAREN608 5/20/2014 4:01PM

    Great name for your kitten!

Congrats on hubby's job!

and I smiled biggest at you finding a church!!!
It is so important to rub elbows with other believers.

Thank you for update on Letha, I know she went off line for Spark.
I was just hoping she was okay.

Keep Sparking!

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MARUKI52 5/20/2014 3:39PM

    I love Turbo, lovely looking cat. I'm glad you have found a Church you are happy with and that your DH has a new job that he, too, likes. Good news.

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NHEMBERGER 5/20/2014 3:31PM

    Cute kitten! (I'm a cat lover!)
Great life changes!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 5/20/2014 3:25PM

    glad the things keeping you away from sp are good things not bad.keep on keeping on you can do this emoticon emoticon

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WALNUTT1961 5/20/2014 3:08PM

    Glad everything is going so well for you!

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NHES220 5/20/2014 2:58PM

    Wow, lots of changes! Turbo is a cutie. Glad all is going well.


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CAROL_31649731 5/20/2014 2:55PM

    So happy for you! I've been thinking of you a lot lately!!! Glad you're back & so glad for the changes going on in your life (more time with hubby's, with new job & new church family--wonderful). Love your little furry friend, too. You have your spark back--yay! emoticon emoticon

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LYNETTEMOM 5/20/2014 2:55PM

    Thanks for sharing all this good news. And so glad to see you back Sparking again.
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SCOTMAMA 5/20/2014 2:43PM

    You've made some excellent changes in your life. Turbo is adorable -- looks like he is a long-haired cat, right? And the name is so cute -- I know why you chose that. You are always doing the "Turbo Exercises." lol

Good job on starting to go to church. It usually dawns on us about this time in our lives, if we were not previous church-goers, that we really and truly should be more serious about that aspect of our lives!

Hugs, Eve

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LOOD1962 5/20/2014 2:22PM

    Congrats on all the new things going on. So glad you found a church to go to and hubby got a new job. Love your adorable little kitten. I wish my cats would be lap cats. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEWAND1 5/20/2014 2:20PM

    Hello there: wonderful news - life has its little surprises doesn't it? I like to call them God appointments. It is exciting to see what is going to happen next. Life is somewhat like a roller coaster up and down and up again. I sure know what it is like to lose family members and it hurts long and hard. I have lost two sisters and a brother since 2007, 2008 and 2013. Enough I said, but life does go on. I like to count my blessings and I do have so many.

Look at you, a new cat to love and hug, and more time to spend with your hubby and he is making more money and warm memories of our lost ones will be cherished forever. I like to think they would want me to enjoy life and carry on. I am sure that is true in your life too.

You have a Father in heaven who loves you with such a big love....as you discover Him even more you will be sure to agree. I know I lean on Him big time.! Blessings to you even more, boomerang blessings are sure you come your way! emoticon

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IDLETYME 5/20/2014 2:10PM

    Congratulations on your new "start over" with Hubby"s job, beautiful Turbo and your new church! All best wishes to you all. Super blog!!!!! emoticon

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RICKI157 5/20/2014 2:06PM

    I am Very Happy for all the Wonderful Changes in Your Life!!!!!! Your new kitty is Adorable!!!!!! Congrats on Hubby's new job!!!!!!!
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AHORSEY1 5/20/2014 2:03PM

    Congrats! Your stars are aligning emoticon and life is good. Your dear Turbo is adorable! emoticon (My hubby would be so jealous!)

Glad things are going well for you.

Happy Sparking!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Moving forward

Thursday, April 03, 2014



Well, I am trying to move forward anyway. I am very slowly starting to lose all I have gained. I have continued on with my exercise and am back on track with it, so that will help.

It is hard without Daddy but I am slowly learning to get through the day without him. It helps that I have the best husband in the world…I just don’t know what I would do without my James.

I am also slowly starting to take care of my teams again….I have one less team now so I am not spread so thin…..and I asked for and got help on two other teams. It makes a big difference.

Something I have learned through all of this…I have far more friends than I ever realized I had. Internet and real life both. It was really strengthening to have so much support around me when I needed it so much. I hope I have moved beyond being quite so “needy” and am able to get back into the grove of helping others again. No, needy is not quite the right word…but I’m not sure what is…needy has a negative connotation to it and I don’t think of myself or others that need help in that way. I just like to be on the helping end instead of the needing help end.

I do hope by letting you see my struggles that I have helped someone here. I am not perfect by any means…I went WAY off plan when Daddy died. Thankfully I was lucky enough to realize it wasn’t really helping me to cope and have been able to get a handle on it quickly. I did some damage – but am working on it to get the weight back off. You have to just keep moving forward. I know there are many, many bad things that can happen to a person that makes the idea of weight loss seem unimportant for a time, but you have to understand that YOU count, and EVERYTHING is easier the healthier you are. Sometimes you have to put yourself first to be able to care for others or cope with grief.

Please – each of you - take care of yourself - and thank you all again for your wonderful support.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMANDANCES 5/15/2014 12:08PM

    It isn't being "needy" to want support and companionship -- and you've certainly been supportive of others! You are an inspiration, truly. Never forget that!

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PATRICIA-CR 5/7/2014 11:00AM

    Not easy, I know. Cherish the memories of a life well spent and the love and care we gave (Daddy). But we have to go forward indeed!
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IDLETYME 5/6/2014 1:14PM

    Thoughts and prayers for the loss of your Father. You will honor him by getting back on track and building a healthy happy you!!!! emoticon

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MYAKAYAH 5/6/2014 2:54AM

    I hope day by day you are feeling better and remembering your great times with your daddy. Be well~

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1BEACHWALKER 5/4/2014 12:46AM

    Sorry for your loss and glad to see you back. One day at a time and you will get there! emoticon

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STARLITNIGHT 4/24/2014 5:46PM

    emoticon Hope you are finding your strength and focus to take good care of you. emoticon

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SLLYONS51 4/15/2014 6:31PM

  emoticon

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WHYTEBROWN 4/9/2014 3:25AM

    emoticon about all that you've been through. I'm happy though that you felt supported during your grief. Nobody can be the "helper" 100 per cent of the time because there comes a point when we ALL need help. emoticon I'm happy also that you've been able to get back on track emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVINTODAY 4/6/2014 10:47PM

    Go Kat! You are right; we must keep going forward in whichever way we can. Your dad is proud that you are doing just that. You DO count and you are important to many people. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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ARTJAC 4/4/2014 5:20PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BETTERHEALTH123 4/4/2014 9:04AM

    Hang in there. I don't post very much...but you are an "inspiration" to me. Perks me up when I see your "happy picture" on sparkspeople....Sorry to hear about your father passing away.

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JAMER123 4/3/2014 11:22PM

    emoticon Good to see you back.
I understand the loss you have felt and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for healing of the soul. Blessings to you and your family.
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CAROL_31649731 4/3/2014 11:12PM

    emoticon YOU still need to take care of yourself. Glad to see you sparking more! emoticon

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DEWAND1 4/3/2014 9:43PM

    Best wishes to you along your journey. I lost three family members in the last few years and it hurts, darn it! I guess there is only one way through it and it is through it. Remember to inspire others you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be a human who is being herself plus willing to be transparent and honest along the way. Each day does bring its surprises and I have found that joy is just around the corner. In a beautiful sunrise, a child's laughter, a chance meeting of an old friend. emoticon Blessings to you today!

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AMBERBREEZE 4/3/2014 7:50PM

    emoticon Keep taking care of yourself. emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 4/3/2014 7:49PM

    emoticon

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4RASCALS 4/3/2014 7:26PM

    You are such an inspiration. It's great news that your pushing yourself forward.
I continue to keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers.

emoticon

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4KWALK 4/3/2014 7:25PM

    emoticon

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CELLOPLAYER1 4/3/2014 6:47PM

    emoticon

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PENNYPEARLS 4/3/2014 4:57PM

    emoticon

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WALNUTT1961 4/3/2014 4:34PM

    Glad you are going forward. Thank you for your message.

My MIL is not well I am her caregiver. It has been hard not to turn to food to help with the stress.



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SHARON10002 4/3/2014 4:21PM

    You are not alone in feeling this way. Losing a parent leaves such a hole, not only in our hearts, but our very being. The void will be filled again with loving, happy, memories. Just give it time. We all need time to grieve in our own way, and no apologies are necessary.

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MOM2ACAT 4/3/2014 3:12PM

    emoticon It took me a long time to get over that "lost" feeling after I lost my dad. You are in my prayers.

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LKG9999 4/3/2014 3:02PM

    Kathy, you are a great inspiration. I know losing your father has been very hard for you (as it will be for me when the time comes) so it's entirely understandable that you lost some focus. The inspiring thing to me is seeing you get back to it and not use it as a reason to give up altogether. We are all here for you!

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WILLOW49 4/3/2014 12:29PM

    emoticon

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KITT52 4/3/2014 12:25PM

    Kathy you have my prayers...It is hard to loose a parent....so must of us know how you feel...take time to take care of yourself....

HUGS

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MCFITZ2 4/3/2014 11:30AM

    Your needs are not needy. Your father was a big part of your daily life. So much of everything is changed. Change is stressful. Small changes take time to adjust to. A change (a sudden one at that) this large is an even bigger challenge. You are re-weaving the pattern of your life.
Prayers and hugs. Those of us who have walked a similar path know it takes time
and slowly the good memories will come when you think of him instead of the pain you now feel. Be gentle with yourself. emoticon emoticon

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RAESUN54 4/3/2014 11:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

This was a great blog. Keep moving forward is great advice. I tell myself that everyday. I have had lots of ups and lots of Downs, but I am getting back up and moving on. It is difficult when you lose someone, your Dad, your sister, etc.
You are so strong Kathy. God bless you and your husband James.

You do have friends, here and in real life. Keep on moving.

emoticon

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RICKI157 4/3/2014 11:17AM

    emoticon

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MPETERSON2311 4/3/2014 10:25AM

    emoticon

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LETHA_ 4/3/2014 10:18AM

    Hi Kathy,
Good to see you posting in your blog. I'm glad you felt supported by your friends in recent weeks. Take care.
emoticon

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2HAMSDIET 4/3/2014 8:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

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I_R_WORTH_IT 4/3/2014 7:57AM

    Well said...

One day at a time, one step at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, is all we can do!

Keep up working to make YOU the best YOU ever!

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TERI-RIFIC 4/3/2014 7:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CFMOSS 4/3/2014 7:12AM

    Forgiving ourselves for our weaknesses and imperfections and very humanness is sometimes harder than anything else. "Nooneelse seems to struggle like I do" "Everyoneelse seems to get it together" thoughts always go through my brain. Your father, your "daddy" was a powerful part of your life to which I say hallelujah; his absence takes time - restoring your "norm" takes time. You have made wise choices in the midst of pain, in the midst of being "off track"...glad you've relocated the tracks, so that you can get on track. You are worth it and your daddy would have wanted you to be the best you possible.

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123ELAINE456 4/3/2014 6:33AM

  Glad that you are back on your program and moving forward. May God continue to give you the comfort and peace you need. You Can Do It. God Blessings Always. Have a Wonderful Week. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take Care.

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THINFITFEMINIST 4/3/2014 6:21AM

    Glad you are back on your program. A past lifetime of coping with food, as I have done also, is our go-to when we don't know how to handle life. You've brushed yourself off and are on the path again.

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NASFKAB 4/3/2014 6:01AM

  understand how you feel without your Daddy but you are going forward all the best

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IMLOCOLINDA 4/3/2014 5:21AM

    emoticon

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MICKEYH 4/3/2014 4:57AM

    emoticon emoticon you can do it!

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COLOR-BLUE 4/3/2014 4:51AM

    My dear, dear friend, emoticon your my shelter, that God has given me, as you do help me through whatever I'm going through! Yes, I have my ups and downs, also, but I know I can reach out to you, if I need someone to talk with.

You're really blessed to have James with you, to gird you up. I do wish that I had someone like that in my life, living with me. However I know that God gives me what I need when I need it, and that's okay, as I get surprised all the time. You're one of my surprises!

God bless you, just for being you! Continue to walk after Him, for He wil make your paths straight!

Be blessed, emoticon

- Nancy Jean -
GA

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EVER-HOPEFUL 4/3/2014 3:27AM

    emoticon your daddy is proud of you that you are getting back on track.remember he will always be there in your heart when you need him.take care and keep smiling emoticon

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POUTINGPEGGY 4/3/2014 3:09AM

    Your Dad would be very proud of you. I always find you inspirational. Thank God for good emoticon friends and a great husband.

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KING_SLAYER 4/3/2014 2:55AM

    We all face hardships that knock us down for a while, but with a little determination and some people cheering us on, we get back up and continue on our path. You've gone through a very painful time and I bet your daddy would want you to dust yourself off and get back to work! I think you honor him by taking care of yourself and finishing what you've started. I know you can do it!

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WITCHYLADY6 4/3/2014 2:16AM

  emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Daddy, Food, Gain and Thank you

Wednesday, March 12, 2014


My Daddy - Hunter Thomas


Where do I start?....My Daddy is gone. He left this world at 11:45 am on Monday the 10th of March 2014. His service will be Saturday the 15th as he wanted to be cremated and that takes a couple of days and it can’t be done till we get the death certificate and that takes a couple of days too. The support I have received has been phenomenal. You Spark folks are simply the best. I’ve gotten so many goodies and condolences and thinking of you notes that it has really helped me through this. I wish I could respond to each individually but I’m just not up to that yet. Know that I am reading them all and every single note means a huge deal to me. Thank you ALL so much for caring about me and my family. I hope to be back in the Spark world very soon.

Next – well – what’s one of the things that goes along with a good ole southern grieving family time (probably everywhere really) well – it’s food…people don’t know how to help and they really want to…so they bring food…lots and lots and LOTS of food. Lots of really good food that I don’t usually eat….and I am not supposed to eat with my diabetes…like pies and cookies and cakes and on and on and on…..Well, I’ve been eating it the last few days and I’ve gained a ton – 9 pounds – A little of it may be water weight but most of it is good old fashion fat. And I really paid for it today – my sugar skyrocketed to over twice my normal reading…I got so dizzy and felt so ill that I won’t be eating like that again…I gave most of the food to my mother in law – I kept some chicken and some luncheon meat trays but will not be eating any more of what ran my sugar so high and piled on so much weight. I have been exercising a little, not much, but a little…I hope to get back in to the swing of that soon too. It’s hard for me to see that I have gained so much weight so fast. I don’t want to let anyone down. I just lost control over the last 50 some hours. I am only human and I reverted to my old comfort foods the last night I spent with Daddy in the nursing home. And also when he died the nursing home brought in a tray of food for those of us that were there…cookies and brownies! The thing is – it really wasn’t comforting…it was depressing. I knew as I was eating it what I was doing to myself and my health and I hated myself for it. The same feeling came over me today as I was eating the food that my neighbors had brought. I kept thinking “why am I doing this…it is not helping me to feel any better”…then I got terribly sick from it because it ran my sugar so high! I have learned my lesson…I simply can NOT deviate that far from my plan, my body simply can’t handle it anymore. At least I have learned that so called comfort food doesn’t really comfort me anymore…took me three days to figure it out, but at least I stopped before a huge amount of damage was done. I will lose the weight soon and be back to my old self…I must do this for myself, I have come too far to let go now.

So I do not believe in “restarting” only in continuing, I hit a bump in the road but it was the biggest bump I’ve ever had to deal with. I have had my fall and now I have gotten back up and am continuing on my journey to a healthier weight and life in general. It will be another short while before I am up to Sparking on as much of a schedule as I used to but I will be back soon, in the meantime, I am logging in every day and reading all my messages, and if any of my teams or friends needs me just give me a yell on Spark mail…I check that several times a day.

Thanks and BIG HUGS to you all

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TODDERICKV 9/16/2014 9:54PM

    So sorry for your loss. :(

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RADOOGA 9/3/2014 5:31AM

    Ahh lovely lady, I have just read your sad blog. I lost my mum in January, after nursing her through cancer. It has left an enormous hole in my life, we were very close. I hope that you have had the love and support you need to deal with your grief. You obviously have a strong faith too, I hope you have found comfort in that. My thoughts are with you. x x

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TERRIJ7 7/2/2014 12:03AM

    I hope that you are doing better now. I'm sure you still miss him, but he would want you to be healthy!

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GRAMPIAN 6/9/2014 6:04AM

  I admire your spirit.

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AMANDANCES 5/15/2014 12:06PM

    Oh hon, I just saw this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and yours in my prayers. You're a beautiful and fabulous person, and I know you will press on. HUG HUGS to you, sweetie!!

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KREBECCA75 5/10/2014 11:20AM

    Kathy, Im only just now seeing this. My condolences to you on the loss of your dad. He was a great guy that I liked. Hugs to you and I wish you all the love and comfort in this hard time. emoticon

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SNKZTN04 4/2/2014 7:08AM

    I know there isn't much any of us can do or say during this time of grief to make you feel better, but know you're in our thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself. The diet will take care of itself along the way.

Comment edited on: 4/2/2014 7:08:56 AM

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PJB145 3/26/2014 2:35AM

    God bless you and your family during this trying time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Be well.

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QUIETCHAOS1 3/25/2014 10:34PM

    Very sorry for your loss
{{{hugs}}}

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MSLADYBUG3 3/21/2014 10:23PM

    So sorry for the loss of your dear father. May Peace be with you!

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KIN59VARA 3/20/2014 2:56PM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Our fathers are so much a part of who we are. I cried reading your blog. My father also passed away March 10 but in 2011. There are so many days that I talk to him. I hope that his memories continue to bless you.

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LISASGONNADOIT 3/20/2014 12:41PM

    So sorry for the loss of your dad! What a sad and difficult time. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. A day at a time and a step at a time. Your dad is so handsome and looks like a sweetie. Hugs! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GSEATON 3/20/2014 11:08AM

    Kathy, thinking of you during this terribly sad time. Hugs.

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BUCKEYEMOM9 3/20/2014 10:55AM

  I am so very sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly seven years ago and since then I gained 50 pounds trying to fill the void and deal with the pain and the challenge of helping my mom who has Alzheimer's. Please do not make my mistake and turn to food for comfort. Your dad wants you to be healthy not overweight, sick, or depressed. Remember that food should nourish you not destroy you and that your dad is an angel watching over you to help you regain your health. emoticon

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SUPERDAD55 3/20/2014 6:27AM

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Time heals all wounds.
Remember the good times.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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-JAMES- 3/20/2014 2:06AM

    Words can't say it. You have my deepest sympathy.

James

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RUNNINGYOGINIRE 3/18/2014 3:28PM

  Sorry for your loss.

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WHITNEYTEACHER 3/18/2014 7:58AM

    My thoughts are with you emoticon

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ROXYCARIN 3/18/2014 1:02AM

  Sorry for your loss

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AMANDACOETZER 3/17/2014 9:44AM

    emoticon

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-JAMES- 3/17/2014 1:46AM

    Wow!

I knew you've been quiet on the Spark teams, but I didn't read your personal blog until now.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

James

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DAWNFIRE72 3/16/2014 11:55PM

    So sorry to hear of the loss of your father. I am glad to hear that you realized that food was not going to comfort you. Please take care of yourself during this difficult time. emoticon

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BRIALLA 3/16/2014 3:23PM

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I remember what it was like when I lost mine - it will get better

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LIVINTODAY 3/16/2014 2:03PM

    Kathy, your Daddy will always be with you and I say that with experience since it is 20 years since I lost my Daddy. Go forward knowing that he was proud of the effort you are making to be healthy. Go forward knowing that you loved him and he knew it, knowing that you couldn't have done more, and knowing that he will continue with you on your journey to better health.

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PEGGY11 3/16/2014 11:59AM

    His physical body is not with you any more, but I know that his spiritual body is with you. emoticon After my dad died I would often feel his chin on my shoulder like he used to do when he came to visit emoticon . It has been over 45 years now and since I am much more contented these days he does not seem to feel I need his presence as much. emoticon But he is ever at the ready when I do need him. emoticon Your dad is with you still too. emoticon

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COLLEENROSTE 3/15/2014 11:11PM

    Kathy, so sorry for your loss. You will always hold your daddy in a special part of your heart. So many emotions in a short space of time... Taking care of details, family, and your own health. Keep making your healthiest choice in the moment. Things will settle down in time. Praying peace and comfort to wrap around you today.. emoticon
Colleen

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SCOTMAMA 3/15/2014 11:00PM

    I know it's not much consolation, but your Daddy is now in a better place, where there is no pain, and no chemo. It is the people who are left behind that are in pain from mourning over a loved one who has passed.

You are strong, you've demonstrated it to us daily -- it will be good to see you back on our posts.

Love & Prayers, Eve

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MINDYJ1 3/15/2014 7:35PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DIANNEMT 3/15/2014 4:13PM

    So sorry for your loss. You have already learned to take care of yourself. I'm sure your daddy was proud of your accomplishments!

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LADYSTARWIND 3/15/2014 4:08PM

    emoticon From an old poem I have known and loved:

"Man, fulfilled of all he has taken of Life from Dawn until Dusk,
serenely folds his robes about him.
The Morning Star will shine again,
But Man will greet the new day in Eternity."

In memory of our parents, who have gone before us....
All the Best,
patti



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REDSPIRALWOMAN 3/15/2014 11:33AM

    Such a hard time, such a hard loss. And yes, you've joined in the way many families mark these hard times. But at the very same time, there is that 'spark' that let's you see things, that helped you find time to share, right here with your Spark Friends and reminds you that as you said, you won't be restarting, you find the next step on your journey and continue. You ABSOLUTELY will. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRLTAZ 3/15/2014 10:51AM

    Kathy you are doing the best you can. I cried for several days when my dad died and I know I will be worse when mom passes as I am much closer to her. Just do what you have to do and concentrate on you the best you can. What insight just being able to recognize those feelings among all the grief. emoticon friend

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QUADCMOM 3/15/2014 8:16AM

    I'm sorry for your loss of your Daddy. Thank you for taking the time to blog to Sparkpeople friends. Through your grief you are learning to look at food differently and by your sharing, others can learn too. I'm proud of you and I have said a prayer for you and your family today. I pray that you will find piece and comfort in each other.
I like how you are "continuing your journey" not "starting over". That is how I look at my journey as well.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KMRJPR 3/15/2014 2:09AM

    I'm sorry for your loss. May you and your family know peace during this time.

Glad you recognized that in difficult times, things can go haywire and we just lose sight of things. But it's, as you said, just a bump. Things will be back to your normal routine in no time.

For now, just take care of yourself and your heart.

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KATTREE 3/15/2014 1:35AM

    emoticon I'm so sorry, its so hard to loose a loved one. just try to take it one day at a time.

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MRSRIGS1 3/14/2014 4:09PM

    Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. May your daddy rest in peace and may you find comfort knowing he is in a better place. You will always carry him in your heart! My prayers go out to you and your family.

Take care of you now. emoticon

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HWELSH74 3/14/2014 2:38PM

    Sincere condolences on the loss of your father. I know how hard it is to lose a parent. My father passed away at the age of 61. It has been nearly 12 years and I still miss him just as much today. Praying for strength for you as you lay your father to rest tomorrow.

Hugs
Heather

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NASFKAB 3/14/2014 11:30AM

  am so sorry my deepest condolence so hard to lose a parent may he rest in peace

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CORNERKICK 3/14/2014 1:59AM

  emoticon

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BLUEJEAN99 3/14/2014 1:39AM

    emoticon

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LIVELYGIRL2 3/14/2014 12:33AM

  I'm sorry that you lost your beloved Dad. It's hard losing a family member.

Probably after the service and sometime within a month, people will stop bringing emoticon emoticon mountains of food.

You know they want to do something tagible. Maybe some will help you sort things eventually , or do some other act of service, which will be more helpful right now... Of course depending on the weather.. soup or sandwiches keep one nourished, without so much damage.

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ROCKYCPA 3/13/2014 11:08PM

    So sorry for your loss!

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MARYJEANSL 3/13/2014 11:05PM

  Please accept my sympathy at the loss of your beloved father. May your memories be a blessing.

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JSEATTLE 3/13/2014 9:50PM

  I am so sorry for your great loss. No one will ever replace Dear Dad and no food will ever replace him either. But you have your memories and you are so on the right track! Blessings to you.

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ACHANSO 3/13/2014 9:15PM

    I'm sorry for your loss.
You're definitely not alone: I also stress eat, only to realize later that the food that I thought "in the moment" would comfort me, only stressed me out more because then I also had the food guilt on top of my original stress

But you are right: you will be able to loose the weight, much of it was probably water weight, and in the grand scheme of things, it was only a couple of days. You've got this! You can do it!! :)

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NEWTINK 3/13/2014 5:50PM

    I am so sorry sweetie emoticon You take the time you need and heal then worry with the rest.

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2HAMSDIET 3/13/2014 4:22PM

    emoticon

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MIMIDOT 3/13/2014 3:38PM

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your Dad. He looks like a real good guy in the picture. I'm sure you'll miss him a lot. But keep on and keep your faith. Bless you!

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NONNAOF2 3/13/2014 2:48PM

  Kathy,
It is a difficult time in losing a parent, we are never prepared for when it happens. Do not beat up on yourself, things happen and then we somehow learn to move on. It is now time for you to take care of yourself and get back on track, especially with your diabetes. I'm sure that your father was proud of you and the efforts you have done to better your health. My thoughts are prayers are with you!

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JUSGETTENBY42 3/13/2014 2:18PM

    emoticon

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