WILDFIREKRISTIN   5,488
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WILDFIREKRISTIN's Recent Blog Entries

25 pounds down..wow

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I forgot how great Spark People is and how well I can track everything. This past week, I came home and already lost 25pounds. Amazing I know, but honestly I have done this before and wasn't sure how much I was going to lose.
Next week will be the hardest, staying and watching the scale stay the same, which always happen.

I wanted to say THANK YOU MY FRIENDSSSSSSSS, HAPPY TO BE HOME AND LOVE AND NEEDED YOUR SUPPORT!

I am back!! Ready to go!

Love,

K

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEAUTY_WITHIN 8/25/2014 3:06AM

    Congrats on the loss!

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MISSROCKABILLY 8/3/2014 4:42PM

    Congrats on the loss, that's fantastic! I know that you can do this...log on here and reach out when the scale doesn't move and you need encouragement!

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TRACYZABELLE 7/25/2014 3:08PM

    I need to blog again.... so good to see you!


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LIZZABETH1986 7/24/2014 11:53AM

    Awesome! What a great start. Keep it up!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/23/2014 5:46AM

    great,way to go

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/23/2014 5:46AM

    great,way to go

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/23/2014 5:46AM

    great,way to go

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LIVIN4LISH 7/22/2014 10:29PM

    That is an amazing start! I'm so happy you're back, and so admire your efforts emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ARCHIMEDESII 7/22/2014 4:12PM

    emoticon

It's good to see you posting again. I'd wondered how you've been doing. You've made great strides with your weight loss before, you will do it again.

As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Keep giving yourself credit for all the positive things you do for yourself and don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy.







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LIONESS822 7/22/2014 4:06PM

    I am so proud of you that you are back & ready to go! Im here for you 24/7! You have all my numbers!!! I love you & am very proud & happy to be your Friend &m Sister!

emoticon emoticon

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CINDHOLM 7/22/2014 12:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MYRTROSE 7/22/2014 8:23AM

    Great start! Let it be your motivation when the scale won't move.
My body does the same thing: huge loss one week, nothing the next!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/22/2014 8:25:59 AM

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SHINETIME36 7/22/2014 12:47AM

    That's awesome!!! Way to go!!:)

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UKNOWITNOW 7/22/2014 12:36AM

  emoticon I have lost a total of 25 pounds so far and still have a hundred to go.

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SUSIEPH1 7/22/2014 12:26AM

    Welcome home Kristin .. My, that's a enormous amount of weight to lose .. How long did that take you? ..
Would be interested in how you did that .. Hugs Susie ... emoticon emoticon

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Fat Lady Sings outta tune

Monday, July 14, 2014

If you had told me a couple of years ago I would have gained all kinds of weight back, I would have laughed and said, Heck no! Friends, I came back because I have lost sight of what I was doing, my goals and everything else you can imagine. I NEED HELP!

What happened, is simple, I became depressed and shut down. I didn't do one very important thing...stay in therapy!!! This time, I am changing that.

I am doing a baby step, but I need support of my friends, if you still believe in me.

This is one of the hardest days of my life...coming back and saying OMG...I am so fat!

But I am here!!!

Good to be home,

Love Kristin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FANGFACEKITTY 7/25/2014 12:23AM

    emoticon never be ashamed to ask for help. No one is perfect, no one can do it all alone.

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CRESHA20 7/21/2014 8:15AM

    emoticon I am so excited that you are back. At least you know you're in the right place to have support while making your changes.

Most of us have had those moments of regaining. I know there was a time I got down to 285, which is the lowest I have ever been in my adult life. That was at a time where I had made significant changes. Well, those numbers didn't last long, and I reached my highest weight of 345 at the time. I did lose down to nearly 300. When I got pregnant last year I was 310, and I made it up to 367, and I thought for sure I wouldn't lose any of the weight after having the baby. It's been 2 and a half months and I am down 44 pounds, still not where I was prepregnancy, but I am having a difficult time with working out. I haven't gotten into a routine yet. I am also working on my eating, but I have really been struggling. I said all that to say, I know I can do it, and you can too.

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/20/2014 3:58AM

    hi kristin,susie said it best when she wrote,welcome home as that is what spark is it is like family.sorry i took so long getting round to this blog but still playing catch up from the hospital and the computer conection here at rehab is pretty much hit and miss because of the mountains,lol.first of all never say omg i am fat,would you say that to your friend?no,then why say it to yourself.ok.you have stumbelled a bit,now pick yourself up,brush your self off,and learn from your mistakes and continue down on this road of life.know i am here for you love just let us know how i can help.i am also going to have to reset when i get out of rehab.as what with the pain and the missing my husband and kids especially when my son zakariya was is hospital and i wasnīt there for him(he cameout yesturday)i have been what i call stress eating.just remember you have the power within you.you can do this,you have done it befoe so you know it can be down.look back at your old blogs.see what helped and didnīthelp last time use that knowledge.experiment if nessacary but most of all donīt give up emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon have faith in yourself like i have faith in you and your abilities

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NEWMOM20121 7/17/2014 11:34PM

    Welcome back. emoticon

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CATS_MEOW_0911 7/16/2014 5:41AM

    Glad to see you back, Kristin! emoticon

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LOTUSFLOWER 7/15/2014 11:14PM

    Welcome back, you can do it!

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SUSIEPH1 7/15/2014 12:51PM

    Welcome home Kristin ... Great to see you back ..
Never ever beat yourself up my friend, it is just wasted energy ..
Today is a new day ..a new beginning .. Lets do this together .. Love Susie. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MISSROCKABILLY 7/15/2014 10:31AM

    emoticon Kristin! It is not easy to come on here and admit that you have regained weight, I am proud of you for taking that step! Also glad to hear that you are getting treatment for your depression.

Just know that we are always here for you! You can do this!
emoticon
Laura

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HEALTHYMAINEMOM 7/15/2014 9:48AM

    Kristin, I rarely log in to Sparkpeople. I am at my heaviest weight ever. I knew to login because I had set up email notifications to let me know if you posted anything. You are the only person I've ever done that for. It's because I found myself loving your posts and rooting for you! You have amazing spirit! I'm happy for you that you are taking baby steps and getting therapy. Hugs ~Julie

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LIZZABETH1986 7/15/2014 9:10AM

    Good luck, Kristin! I recently returned after a pretty long hiatus, too. Don't worry. What's done is done... now it's time to make some changes. Stick with it -- you can do it! Glad to see you back.

Comment edited on: 7/15/2014 9:10:41 AM

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MYRTROSE 7/15/2014 9:09AM

    You can do it. Just start with the basics. I'm just starting back after having a baby...and gaining over 30 pounds back after having her! I'm up 52 pounds from my prepregnancy weight and 9 pounds shy of my all time high of 350. Sucks, and I feel totally overwhelmed, but I'm sick of feeling like garbage.

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LIVIN4LISH 7/14/2014 10:38PM

    So nice to see you again! I also am back after a long hiatus, so cheers to us emoticon I know you can do it, you've already proved that, and I'm rooting for you now emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CINDHOLM 7/14/2014 10:24PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Walking the FAT LINE and SPARK RALLY..pictures

Monday, July 16, 2012

Walking the Fat Line with Pictures!!!

Sorry for below this blog on the comments, I had to edit a former blog and add it here and ended up leaving the comments. My blog button refuses to work to allow me to add a new blog. Thanks in advance! Kristin

Please let me say first, I am sorry that I haven't been on spark in a very long time! I have missed each of you very much!

I went to the Spark Rally, hosted by Indygirl and it was wonderful to meet many new people. I know Indygirl has posted

a blog and if you haven't yet seen it, please drop by and check it out. I am going to post a few pictures here just in case

you haven't seen it.

I was a speaker, and true confessions had to come out. I had gained back weight and I didn't want to go in front of my

fellow Sparkers and admit defeat, but truth is, not one of us is perfect and I felt I had to be honest and say, yes, I have

lost a lot of weight, but in the long run, I gained back a lot too. Yes, I have still lost 200 pounds and I am proud of that,

however, I have gained back 35 ugly pounds that brought me to my knees and did this within six weeks. I can't tell you what

a huge difference this has made in my body! My back hurts again, I feel sluggish, worn to the bone and let us not talk

about the guilt and shame I allowed to swallow me! I know what my body needs and it isn't these unwanted blubber parts!

How did I manage that after maintaining after months of weight loss? It was easy, I gave way to my old eating habits and I stopped

exercising. Foolish girl I was! The only people that were happy were Dairy Queen and McDonalds to see their old fat girl back!

However, I am not here to beat myself up, nor am I here to make excuses! I am back and ready to start

again with the baby steps I have preached over and over about. Somehow, I thought I could go along and not

do the things I knew were best for me!!! I don't know how or why that happened, but I am taking control back

over my life. Actually, sitting here, I can tell you why it happened, but like I said, no excuses allowed!

I have ate clean for the past two days now and I am happy about that. I am planning clean days and of course

I am planning to eat things that I want too. I have to remember, moderation, moderation, moderation!

This has been one heck of a year and I promise myself and you, I am going to end it on a good note!

GREAT NEWS!!! Website and Support Groups coming soon!!!

Myself and a fellow Sparker are joining forces and we are going to start weekly support groups in our

area. We feel we need the added support of friends that are close and it will help us reach our goals

in helping with others. I am also starting a website that I have had in the works for over a year, called,

Losing4me.com . This is in NO WAY to compete with SparkPeople.com in fact, this will be only a

local meeting place for locals or anyone who wishes to read our blogs, or updates. I am doing this more

for myself then anyone, as I feel it is a great tool to help me continue on the road to successful weight loss!


I hope you enjoy the pictures...and please, please, if I haven't spoken to you in awhile, please, know I still

am here and loving you very much! I wish you all the very best in life and I am back to help support you on

this lifestyle journey!

Step ONE, go back to Spark People and begin ...... Check@

My son Zac, has lost 50lbs this year and is running like mad daily..five miles..I am the proud mama!!!! Even if he is wearing his goofy hat and glasses!



Me at the rally!



My sista and I at the rally!


My best friend and I at rally!!


The four Spark Girlies together again!



Spark Picture of group from the Rally! A couple pics to share!





Love ya all,

Kristin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUCCEED621 4/8/2014 2:50PM

    Good luck to you! I know how you feel. BUT!!! you lost 200 lbs.......Consentrate on the positive and let the rest go! You can do it!
emoticon

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MYHUBBYISMYHERO 11/29/2012 1:42PM

    Kristin,
Good luck on your journey. You can do this.
sharon

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KATWOMAN234 11/25/2012 6:03PM

    Trying to get back on track also. Breaking my wrist put a damper on my exercising so I also have regained about 20lbs. But what is important is picking ourselves back up and starting again. Hope all is well with you my friend!!

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YATMAMA 10/1/2012 2:40PM

    What awesome pics, my beautiful friend! I, too, have regained some of my hard lost weight and I'm ready to kick butt again. How EASY it is to start driving through again. Right? grrrrrrrrrrrr We are gonna make it OUT of the fat cycle forever!! Kudos on your support group. How I wish, wish, wish you were closer so I could attend them!! I love you, sweetpea. You are my hero forever.

HUGS

Missy

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LLINDY65 9/30/2012 10:17PM

    Was nice to meet you thanks for posting pics

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SHEENADEE 9/30/2012 9:35PM

    Hello! It was so nice to meet you at the rally. I hope to see you at the next one too.

emoticon

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HOLLYM48 9/30/2012 9:40AM

    I think we all need to here that we are not perfect and we will have setbacks but to see the courage of those that have lost so much weight and to see that it is a struggle for you everyday not to go back to the old ways is a reality check for us as well to say, watch out, those old ways are easy to fall back into but tomorrow is another day to get back on track. Sounds like a fun time at the rally and your webpage sounds like a great idea. It is people like you that make this website so inspirational! Great job.

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NEWMOM20121 9/30/2012 9:12AM

    Thank you for sharing. Love the pictures.



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~INDYGIRL 9/30/2012 5:05AM

    The rally was such fun! Post more pics! YAY!

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LUCYLU22 9/29/2012 12:55AM

    Missed you sweetie! Glad to see you back and ready to get to it!!! Love the pictures, I am so glad you had a great time at the rally.

emoticon
Lisa

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COOKWITHME65 9/28/2012 7:08PM

    You are glowing Kristin! so glad to here about your upcoming group meetings and website. Of course I will be bookmarking it and checking it out regularly. A Big emoticon to your son Zac. You tell him show him my sparkpage and tell him Chloe and I thing he is just emoticon to be be be out there exercising and taking good care of his body. You have every right to be proud Kristin. You have done a fine job in raising your sons.

Love ya - K

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CINDHOLM 9/28/2012 4:45PM

    emoticon Thanx for posting the pix..The rally was fun and it was GREAT seeing you again!! emoticon

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MILLIE5522 9/28/2012 2:13PM

    So good to hear from you again! emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 9/28/2012 1:10PM

    hi love it is great hearng from you again ,whatever size you are lol.looks like a great time at the spark rally i wished i lived near enough to go lol.also like your meeting idea,again wished i lived closer but if i can i would love to read your blogs on your website when you set it up.take care love and keep on keeping on everyone is rootin for ruby i am rooting for you love. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CRESHA20 9/28/2012 1:03PM

    I am glad that you're back on here. There is nothing wrong with slipping as long as you recognize and get back up and keep it moving. This journey is not meant to be perfect. Those times when we slip will be the times we will probably learn from the most. It is very easy to slip back into old habits. Knowing that will help you to recognize the habits as you forge ahead on this journey. Welcome Back, and you still look great!

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 9/28/2012 12:47PM

    I am sorry about the comments below this blog, because I couldn't use my spark blog button to add a blog, I had to use an old blog and edit it and put the new blog in its place. I love you all!

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RISINGBLUESTAR 9/28/2012 6:46AM

    I enjoyed this blog so much. Nobody likes ugly pounds but you know exactly what you need to do and you will do it, I have no doubts. You are one of my favorite sparkers and you are very inspiring. When I felt down and hopeless, you reminded me that there is always hope.
I will NEVER forget those words. :)

emoticon emoticon emoticon



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DTYUNGU 8/15/2012 9:53AM

    coming from oklahoma! :) excited to you meet you all!

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HDANGELB4U 8/5/2012 6:18PM

    emoticon

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SANDRA2BSKINNY 7/28/2012 11:11AM

    I live in California so will have to read about.

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HDANGELB4U 7/22/2012 11:13PM

    will be there


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TEENY_BIKINI 7/20/2012 8:56AM

    Thanks for sharing the info. I am sure it will be a blast!!

emoticon

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NEWMOM20121 7/19/2012 10:55PM

    Sounds like a lot of fun and I would love to meet spark friends. However I am in California, I will have to look forward to reading about it.

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SNOWANGELDIVA 7/17/2012 3:02PM

    9.5 hour drive...that would be so awesome though...Have a SPARKtastic time, Diva!!

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MISSROCKABILLY 7/17/2012 1:29PM

    I'm going to have to see how my school schedule pans out for fall before I can commit to making it, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It's only 3.5 hours or so from me, and I would love to be able to come and meet you and more sparkers in person!

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SUSIEPH1 7/17/2012 5:43AM

    Hi Kristin !!
sounds like a wonderful meet up .. wish I could come .. but I am a bit far away ... enjoy my friend !!
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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CINDHOLM 7/16/2012 8:17PM

    I WILL be seeing you there!!! emoticon

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WILDFLOWERMA 7/16/2012 6:10PM

    Aww too far for me, but have a wonderful time!

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BMCKEOW1 7/16/2012 4:19PM

    Wish I was closer I would love to go.

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ASHIKIME 7/16/2012 3:15PM

    I wish I was anywhere close to there!

btw, love the wedding dress in your background.. I wish it was bigger so I could see it better lol

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GARDENQE2 7/16/2012 1:31PM

    I will be in Chicago August 23-27. AWW! I'll miss your rally, but be with you in spirit! emoticon

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FLPALM 7/16/2012 1:17PM

    Kristen, I soooo wish, I was closer! We are on the EAST COAST, approximately 1500-1600 miles away! But, I can't wait for all your input AFTER the RALLY! Photos, stories, inspirations, this would be GREAT!


Hugs,

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PAMNANGEL 7/16/2012 1:02PM

    It'd be nice to have a rally in the Sacramento, Ca area. Good luck with your rally.

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 7/16/2012 12:40PM

    Thank you ladies!!!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/16/2012 12:36PM

    Very much out of my area, but I will like it for you emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/16/2012 12:28PM

    wish i could join you love.get someon to tape your speach so i can see it.canīt wait and i am so excited for you love.you will be great. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

240 pounds GONE! 5, 4, 3, 2...here I come finish line! I ROCK!!!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

OMG..can you believe this?

When I started Spark, I was full of hope, but short on belief in myself. I had lost a few pounds on my own, always to gain them back.

My total weight balloned quickly to 536 pounds and I couldn't walk, couldn't breath without oxygen and ate to help myself to an early grave.

I am so happy to announce that I busted through the 5's..4's and 3's

I AM OFFICALLY 294!

Okay, I know some of you are thinking...good lord...she is happy about being 294 pounds?????

DARN TOOTIN' I AM AND I AM RAISING THE ROOF IN HAPPINESS!

Lately so many people have asked me to be friends, they say I inspire them and they feel hopeless on their own journeys to health, but I don't want to inspire, I want to help

EMPOWER them on their own success story. Everyone has a success story in them and I hope to help each of you find that story within yourselves.

Thank you for all the frienship adds, motivational messages, lovely heart felt emails and for the constant support

here on SPARK PEOPLE.

My life is changing everyday and I am proud to call SPARK PEOPLE my home and so THANKFUL for all my friends here who accept

me for the person I WAS and for NEW the person that is unfolding before your eyes.

I love you all and remember..................................
......

We can do anything we put our minds too...YOU GOT THIS BABY!

Much love and hugs,


Kristin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IM_POSSIBLE 7/25/2012 1:10PM

    What an amazing story you have!!! Thank you for sharing it!! And I agree...YOU are an inspiration!!

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BOBBBI_97 7/18/2012 9:16PM

    I am so proud to call you my friend...and I will be in the 2's one day and I am
hoping that I am by my b-day on 10-28 and I will be so thrilled...I hope you won't
mind if I add you because you have done and awesome job...and congrats on
getting married in december of 2012...you deserve it.


emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LYNSEY723 7/17/2012 11:23AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJADERUN 7/17/2012 5:02AM

    Thank you for justifying everything I have ever said about people complaining about being too fat to lose weight: No one is too fat to lose weight. If you want it, just work at it, and you'll get there.

And you did! I don't even know who you ARE and I'm proud of you! This is amazing! Congratulations!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NASFKAB 7/16/2012 7:53PM

  CONGRATULATIONS have to shout it

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WILDFLOWERMA 7/16/2012 6:13PM

    You are incredible, amazing, phenomenal...so many more adjectives to go!!! Congratulations!

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CONNIEKANDOIT 7/6/2012 9:57PM

    That is incredible. emoticon

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EMILYDOODLE 6/24/2012 9:55PM

  congrats, great job, way to go!

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PURPLEPEONY 6/23/2012 12:00PM

    well you inspired me and I`d love for you to help me. emoticon

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THISISGREAT2 6/23/2012 12:16AM

  Wow!! Your amazing! Good for you!

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RANDOM00B 6/22/2012 9:53PM

    Congratulations on your success!!

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JACKIEMOMOF3 6/21/2012 1:33PM

    I am in awe of you....You've accomplished so much even though you haven't reached your goal. I felt exactly the same when the weight started coming off. I started out at 328 lbs and when I entered the 200's I was happy and when I hit the 100's I was ecstatic. I'm 196 and have a ways to go but I don't think people would understand how happy I am to be 196 and some probably think I'm nuts but OH WELL!! My hats off to you. Take a bow!! You have achieved so much and I commend you and congratulate you. So, I'm gonna celebrate right along with you!! Best Wishes!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
~Jackie

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CATDUG19 6/20/2012 1:07PM

    You deserve to raise the roof!! What a really motivation you are, keep going you r worth it!

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CULAINA 6/20/2012 8:02AM

    Wow, it sounds like so much has changed in your life whilst I have been away from spark. I am soooooo happy for you. Congratulations!

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NOTGIVINGUP49 6/19/2012 10:03PM

    emoticon Keep on going! Onederland is the next hurdle. I KNOW emoticon

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DOTSLADY 6/19/2012 10:44AM

    Hi Kristen - haven't stopped by in a while and thought I would ... but where is she? I don't recognize her. ;0)

WAY TO GO! You're amazing and kicking butt!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMALYNROSE 6/17/2012 3:43PM

    Wow that is AMAZING! YOU are amazing!

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MAESMOM100 6/17/2012 12:04AM

    Good job just keep on going.

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SERENEART 6/16/2012 8:48AM

    emoticon emoticon Congrats! I'm celebrating with you! It's so awesome. Thank you for being here.

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DEE797 6/15/2012 12:49PM

    You are such an inspiration and I want to thank you for sharing your journey with us. emoticon

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MAGGIEVAN 6/15/2012 3:37AM

    Fantastic! I am sooo happy for you. You are living proof that keeping on keeping on is working. Nothing can stop you now.

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LUCYLU22 6/15/2012 1:49AM

    emoticon Girl!! You deserve a BIG congrats!!! WTG keep on rockin' it, and you do EMPOWER us all!!

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WANNABFIT34 6/14/2012 7:44PM

    That is great!! Keep it up!

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SIBLEYHONEYBEE 6/14/2012 7:14PM

    Wow! Amazing! Keep Sparkin' Who knows? - maybe we can even make it to One-derland!

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DIDMIS 6/14/2012 6:50PM

    You are emoticon

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ILOVEJIM851991 6/14/2012 4:21PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATS_MEOW_0911 6/13/2012 11:33PM

    Fantastic, Kristin--just fantastic. What positive changes you have made for your health! Rock on, woman!
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RESTORETOSANITY 6/13/2012 2:09PM

  LOL, that's how I feel about leaving 288 behind and reaching 230...I know I'm still big but at the same time, I'm not as big as I was! Read through every blog, thank you so much for putting yourself out there. And it really is like every pound lost is opening a new drawer of emotional stuff...Thank you for being there for us.

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THE_COUNTESS 6/13/2012 12:53PM

    HOORAY! Toot that horn girl! That's great! emoticon

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ERLYWA 6/13/2012 12:45PM

    You are absolutely amazing! Inspirational AND definitely helping others by sharing your journey :)

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RIET69 6/13/2012 10:43AM

  Wonderful accomplishment!! You are to be congratulated and I encourage you to keep going. I could easily have become what you were because I love food so much. Thanks for you and people like you. emoticon

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SLEEPTALKS 6/13/2012 8:17AM

  You are truly amazing! Congratulations! I wish there were a bigger word than Congratulations, this is such an amazing achievement! Wow!

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TIRED49 6/13/2012 12:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon all rolled into one!
So happy you are seeing the twos!

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RICHILA 6/12/2012 8:57PM

    Woo Hoo! I know what it means to see a number that starts with a 2 instead of a 3.
Spark On! We Got this! emoticon

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EMILYDOODLE 6/12/2012 3:14PM

  congrats and keep up the good work!

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MYBLUEIRIS 6/12/2012 12:48PM

    You are fabulous! Keep on going! Keep on taking care of you, keep on being strong, keep on being fit! You are such an inspiration! I am so proud of you! emoticon

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RICCILYNN 6/12/2012 11:52AM

    wow!! Congratulations and keep up the good work!!!

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_CYNDY55_ 6/11/2012 11:34PM

    emoticon
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HDANGELB4U 6/11/2012 7:38PM

    you are the magic behind the way you feel and you rock love you always sis emoticon

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 6/11/2012 7:36PM

    You go friend! That is something to be PROUD of! You SHOULD be raising the roof! You ROCK! :) Congratulations!

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CHEEKY1000 6/11/2012 7:13PM

    You have every right to raise the roof! Break it open, in fact! Congrats! Hard work DOES pay off.

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TAMIPCHICAGO 6/11/2012 6:01PM

    Just awesome! You should be crowing about that. It's fantastic.

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KERLIN26 6/11/2012 5:46PM

  I'm so proud of you, my friend!

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 6/11/2012 5:28PM

    Not only have you totally changed your life, yoyu are inspiring so many people to change theirs. God bless you - - - keep on keeping on! You are SO worth it!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 6/11/2012 1:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

Way to go! You are doing an amazing job!! I am so proud of what you have accomplished!

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ANTOSZEWSKIA 6/11/2012 12:57PM

    I wish I could LOVE this! CONGRATS!

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COOKWITHME65 6/11/2012 12:43PM

    Awesome news! You are amazing.

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BAREFOOTMTNGIRL 6/11/2012 9:05AM

    Are you serious? Inspiring people IS helping them! And I'm sorry, but you are an inspiration. Congratulations on your success!

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GEMINISUE 6/10/2012 4:38PM

    So Happy for You!

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MEESHINTHEUK 6/10/2012 2:09PM

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Living for ONE day..today

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Please, find Inspiration in my blog..it is meant to inspire you.

Last night I stood next to my mother's hospital bed, holding her hand and crying, with her. In one of the rare moments yesterday, my mother recognized me long enough to say that she loved me and didn't want to go. She hasn't gone as of yet, she remains stable, but the doctor has given me two days to make a choice, she lives on a machine or I let her go naturally. She has about 5% chance of living without the machine.

Have you ever been in this position? This is terrible drama for a fat person with an emotion eating disorder. You may be asking yourself how I could write such a blog detailing my life. Like Snowangeldiva who dances when sad, happy and for pure joy, I write. I suppose it is therapeutic for me just as her dancing is to my dear friend. Even with that said my eyes are blinding me with tears so it is a good thing I can type without looking at the keys. My friends, I hurt so bad I can't stand it. I am scared to lose the one constant person who has loved me unconditionally my whole life. My mother is not just my mama, she is my best friend, she is the one person who stood by me when I was raped, through my addictions of drugs, alcohol.and my ever present food addiction. When I was 536 pounds, my mother was the only person, besides my children, who looked at me without disgust and didn't treat me as if I didn't matter.

One of my mother's last wishes has been for me to get my life back. At 536 pounds my life wasn't a life. I sat day after day on the couch, sleeping on the couch and eating on the couch, because that is what I could do. My mother believed in me that I could do more, but I didn't believe I could. About a year ago, just after all this began, my journey of a healthier lifestyle, she confided in me that she was afraid to die due to the fact she no longer thought I could take care of myself and that I would leave my children motherless. I can't begin to tell you how much joy my mother has had seeing me drop over 200 pounds, because I can get up without crying in pain, I can go into places...most of that is due to self esteem, my drive for life is coming back slowly but for sure, I get up when something is needed...this used to be a real issue. Everyone had to cater to me, now I can cater to everyone and wow is that a good feeling.

When people look at me they do see someone who is over 300 pounds, but now they are starting to open up to me, confide in me and I finally have a friend here, Martina. Martina is a person I have grown to adore as my newest and only friend in this town. She sees me for me, just like mom. I need that now more then ever. I know that 300 pounds is HUGE to anyone, but to me I feel so darn skinny compared to what I once was.


Okay, now I am rambling. If you only read one part of my blog, PLEASE READ THIS PART.

Living for one day!


My mother, who had a very hard life, taught me to be tough on the outside. Most people are scared to death of me, to me this is so silly, but my outside doesn't match my insides of who I am. My mother was so hurt in her life that she became a fierce storm to be reckoned with. No matter what happened in my mother's life she would be ready to take it on, never once did I see her back down or run and hide from anything or anyone. Me? The chicken of it all really, I would rather bury my head in sand and let her tackle those issues for me. Imagine how I gained all this weight?!

My mother was never happy. I don't think ever in her life honestly. She was in a car accident with her younger brothers and sisters, her mother and her drunken father. Everyone was killed except her father and her. She wasn't allowed as a child to talk to her father and was given to her grandparents that even at that time were elderly and had grown senile by the time she was preteen age. No one to take her or able to take her, she ended up in an orphanage and alone. By the time she was 17 yrs old she lived on the streets and learned how to do odd jobs to make money and live. Then she had me, I am sure one of her biggest regrets due to the fact she had such a hard time taking care of herself and then adding me on to it as well. My father, no help to her, was a drunk, a mobster and unknown to her at the time was a married man. I guess you can see her life just didn't get easier.

She was always, and I do mean always living for the big "ONE" day, when our lives would change for the good. When we wouldn't have to worry about how to not go hungry, which she did often to feed her children.


Her ONE day never came. She married a man who ultimately ruined the rest of her life. He beat her severely making her wear black and blue glasses daily and refused to let her go until the day he died. She had to move just to get any relief from him, but he would follow her and move around the corner from her, as crazy as he was he thought this was love. She never allowed herself to fall in love or have a relationship again in her life. This was her choice, one she made on conscience level, but one I know she must have regretted at some point in her life as she was young when she made this choice. For someone to do this, you know she must have gone through some real hell that I can't explain to you here without it being ten blogs long. I can only tell you that the life we had at that time was beyond terrifying, beyond explanation because very few people no what it is to live a life with that kind of monster and be fearful of every move you made not to set the monster in motion. In motion meant beatings and rapes for my dear mother. If you read a previous blog of mine, I explain this monster as being the one who would lock me into the closet when my mother wasn't home and would hang me with a belt, just enough so I wouldn't die. Even now as I write this I can feel the coldness and darkness of the closet and the fear I felt knowing he could do much worse and often told me how that much worse could or would be.

In the past week, I have gorged myself with food. Anything to help forget and comfort me. I have regained seven previous pounds I had lost. My mind knew better, but my body wanted a release, it was either that or go back to drinking the bottle of rum I bought that sits here in my hand. One drink of this and I will lose my ONE day. One more drop of bad food and I will lose my ONE day.

Last night I cried, God, what else do you want from me and mama? In the past two and a half months I have lost my stable home, lost of one my best friends, lost a nursing home patient I dearly loved, and now my mama which is by far the biggest loss I will have lost thus far in my life. How am I to make choices that I don't think I can live with? Where or what is the lesson here?

God answered me this morning. He made me get up out of bed even though I didn't want to. He made me feel pain, even though I didn't want to. He is making me confront my choices and made me realize today is a new day and eating unhealthy is not going to change the choices in front of me.
All of a sudden I remembered the conversation my mother had with me about living and one day I would be happy and healthy again. I didn't tell her at the time, I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. Then like a ton of brick it came to me...her one day would never ever be there for her. She knew this..knows this. This is why she kept pushing for me to have a chance to have one more day.

You may say this is a sad blog, but this blog is NOT sad darlings. It is a renew of everything good that can happen. I am going to make that ONE day happen, for me, my children and my dearest mother.

After everything I just poured out of my heart and laid on the line in this blog, I hope you too will feel inspired to stand up and take your ONE day. Start living for today, even if you are 500 pounds. We don't have much time in life, so feeling regrets is not going to make life better...we need to reach for life NOW, because your ONE day could slip by like mama's has. YOU must start taking care of YOU! Never allow yourself to live the life of regrets I have. Please, don't beat yourself up over a few pounds..just get back on track...stay on track or whatever makes you happy.

Am I happy? NO, I am not. I have to make a choice in the next couple of days that could end my mother's life. No one in her right mind would be happy. My comfort no matter what is knowing that my mother's ONE day will happen in heaven, that GOD will give her that ONE day, because she has lived hell already and she deserves so much more.


I find myself at the Fork in the road. In a few weeks from now, I believe my mother, my best friend, will be gone, my housing will vanish and I will find myself on the ONE day trip. When I have the last talk with my mother..even if she can't respond, I am going to tell her that my ONE day is coming, that I am going to find a new house, find someone that is willing to give me a chance again to work and a road to happiness and success. I am most of all going to beat this weight loss battle and I am going to do that right here at Spark People, which by the way she LOVES. She has it linked to her personal page and reads everything she can on it. She feels like Spark really helped save my life and the friends that I have found here are invaluable assets to my life. She is right.

I love Spark People, I adore all my friends here and most of all I love the support, friendship and the constant unconditional friendship you provide me. No one makes me feel as if I am not good enough, in fact, you make me feel like a super star, so all in all I would say that having my one day starts right here with Spark People.

I hope that if you read this to the end you will feel inspired to keep moving on in your life, grab your ONE day, that is today and live NOW no matter what your size, your issues, addictions or personal life. YOU and I are going to be here and we are going to make our ONE days..everyday.

Most likely, I won't be one after today for some time, due to all the things in my life. However, I want you to know that I am here in spirit and that I am thinking, praying and holding each of you in my heart. I can't tell you how much I miss you all and watching and sharing your life and journey. Please give me time to return, BUT please don't leave me by the waste side. I will be back..

Love to all and God Bless!

Your dear friend always,

Kristin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLIMBERS_ROCK 5/8/2013 12:42PM

    emoticon

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LOVE7755 7/13/2012 7:35PM

    Wow. You posted this blog some time ago and I read it today. Thank you I needed this.

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MANILUS 6/6/2012 4:49AM

    This is an amazing blog, it is right to the core of the heart! Thank you so much for sharing, the essence of change is present and we have to make it happen. All the best!

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SPARKLISE 4/19/2012 9:54PM

    That is what i'm trying to do now!
Your story inspires many!
Thank you for being so honest!
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1COUNTRY_GAL 4/17/2012 3:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonI am lost for words,so many emotions I feel from this blog.So much sadness and yet hopeful,inspirational and I read this when I really needed to get on track.I am so sorry about your Dear Mom,my beautiful MOm passed in 2006 and I cannot even begin to imagine having to make that kind of decision for your Mom.The test of your Faith must have been very difficult,you loved your Mom and still do.Love is sometimes Letting Go,even when you don't want to.I know I wouldn't have,I would have wanted My Mom to live longer.You beautiful dear women,such a special friend to so many.I wish I could visit you and give you real Hugs,virtual HUGS emoticon emoticonMY thoughts and prayers are always with you.My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Mom.She will always Love you,even from heaven and you will once again be united,What a gift and treasure heaven has received a dear Women who was/is your Mom! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonAlways your friend,Diana

Comment edited on: 4/17/2012 3:27:35 PM

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LIZGILB 3/26/2012 10:15PM

    Kristen, My thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I faced this same decision 8yrs ago with my mom. The hardest thing I had to do. But I know in my heart that it was the right decision. Your mom will always be with you as you are with SP now...in Spirit . Please stay strong as we know you are. Your ONE day will be here soon. Will be thinking of you...Liz

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TINNATEE 3/25/2012 9:14AM

    My prayers are with you and your family. You will come thru this stronger than ever and you sound very determined. Your ONE DAY is just around the corner......My heart aches for what you are going thru and what you have gone thru in the past. You are so brave and you are such a loving person. You have overcome so much and you will overcome this with your head held high and know that you are loved and you have so many friends here. I may not know you personally, but if not in person, what better, truer friendship is there than having people know what's in your heart. No one knows us here so we are safe to just "put it out there" and know that there are others who care. Stay strong for you and for your son.

Your friend,
Tina

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FAERY_FACE 3/13/2012 8:52AM

    Dear Kristin. I am praying for you. I trust that your one day will be even more beautiful than you could ever imagine. emoticon

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CAROLANN27 3/11/2012 2:31PM

    Dear Kristen,

I pray for you as you go through this horrifically lonely and difficult time. I saw so much beauty and strength in your blog. Your mother's love for you, and your love for your mother is a beautiful gift for each of you, as well as for us to observe. This love has carried you both through a lot.

We have seen your strength and self-esteem grow over the last year, fed by the love you share with your mom and your sons. I remember how excited I was when I read about you going to your son's ball game for the first time. You are living the example of love and strength for them in a bright and beautiful way.

Remember the power and love of God are in you---we can see it. You have an endless number of friends here who never forget you whether we see you online or not.

God's peace be with you.

Love,

Carol
<
BR>

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 3/2/2012 7:43PM

    emoticon

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 3/2/2012 12:40PM

    I found this blog today - oh, I hope you are here to see that there are more prayers coming your way, and that God is helping you find some of the peace you SO deserve. Your dear mother had joy in her life - she had YOU to love and care for, and has the knowledge she is loved, too. I don't have the right words - but then there are no words for this - just the traveling warmth of heartfelt prayers. Know that you are precious, you are loved, you are needed, you are special - and you are one h*** of a great writer! God bless you. emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/2/2012 12:40:30 PM

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DRAGONFLY126 2/25/2012 12:31AM

    My Dear Spark Sister, My heart goes out to you. Just 3 short years ago I had to make a similar choice. It was not an easy one. It did not matter that I was Daddy's little girl. I had to take a step back and ask what is in the best interest for my Dad? I had to know what ever the choice it was not done out of selflessness. As you contemplate your choices know we are all praying for you and your family. Sending all our love to you. Please hurry back, we will miss you !!! Remember your ONE DAY is here waiting for you.

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SANDRA2BSLIM 2/22/2012 3:21PM

    My dear friend I have no words of wisdom and I have never had to make choice like you do. But I know you will make the right one. You are so strong and such an inspiration to me. Your mother is one of a kind who loves you as you do her. My prayers are with you. . emoticon

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SHELBY2050 2/22/2012 11:57AM

    Your last paragraph posted "I am here in spirit and that I am thinking, praying and holding each of you in my heart". Dear, sweet daughter - even when your mother has passed - that is exactly how she will be as well. She will never truly be gone from your life. Her voice will echo in your head every decision you make, every goal you meet, etc.

I'm posting my favorite poem for you, what little comfort it may provide when the time does come. Be strong and remind yourself your mother is very proud of where you are and what you will become. She obviously has faith in you.

HER JOURNEY

Don’t think of her as gone away,
her journey’s just begun,
life holds so many facets
this earth is only one.
Just think of her as resting
from the sorrow and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort,
where there are no days and years.
Think how she must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.
And think of her as living
in the hearts of those she touched,
for nothing loved is ever lost,
and she was loved so much.

Prayers and hugs to you as you struggle with life. You are stronger than you know and you matter to so many.


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JAZZEJR 2/22/2012 11:39AM

    I know this is not a happy time, but I am so hoping you'll some peace. I know you will have your one day...after after that many more happier days :)

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TRACYZABELLE 2/22/2012 2:06AM

    My heart goes out to you my dear friend... it is never easy to let go of the ones we love but we must so they can be in peace.. peace be with you my friend emoticon

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TREASUREDBYGOD 2/21/2012 9:06PM

    I have unfortunately had to make the same decision that you are faced with. It was one of the darkest time of my life. Take care of yourself and don't allow yourself to become isolated.

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BMCKEOW1 2/21/2012 4:08PM

    I am so sorry about all the things going on in your life right now. I don't have any great words of wisedom, but it would seem like your mother does. She wouldn't want you to to seek comfort in food or the bottle. She'd want you to be striving for that one day, please take comfort in that. I pray that you come through all this stronger then you ever thought you were. I also pray that your mother finds her one day, even if it's not here with us.

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WOMANCHEF 2/20/2012 8:16AM

    Kristin,
Thank you for sharing. You are so strong in your journey. Don't think your mom never had joy because she has you and your love. Whatever choice you make will be the right one. God will show you the way.

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STFRENCH 2/20/2012 7:31AM

    All my thoughts are with you and your family emoticon

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SPARKLESHELL11 2/19/2012 8:46PM

    We love you hang in there. GOD will give us all our day. emoticon

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TINASDUNWELL 2/19/2012 5:54PM

  Oh my... I just don't know what to say. I wish I could just give you a hug and hold your hand a while, as you face these days.

You have been really blessed with a mom like yours, and I do think you're giving her the best possible gift of all, with taking care of her baby. It's the most precious thing, to a mother, to know her children are well.

saying a little prayer for all of your family.

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NINNY165 2/19/2012 12:44PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticontake care my friend....peace be with you

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BE-THE-CHANGE 2/19/2012 7:43AM

    Kristin, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. You have lots of friends here sending their prayers for you both. We will be here when you return.

And thanks for sharing all that with us. I need to hear it today.

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RINA2002 2/19/2012 2:01AM

  Kristin - I have no words. God bless you; my prayers are with you for God to comfort you in this time of great loss. I pray that you will find that special someone that loves you unconditionally, and admires your tough will to live and overcome your circumstances. Hugs to you.

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DUNLAPMOM 2/18/2012 10:05PM

    Moved to tears. I can not even imagin how you muct be feeling. I have never been there and all i can think of to say is how sorry I am for what is happening in your life. Id like to say somethhng helpful and profound but all i can think of is that stinks! I believe your faith will get you through! I know we dont know each other but i will be checking in on you again. Love and prayers sent your way for you and your momma.
jay

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NEWMOM20121 2/18/2012 6:17PM

    Thank you for sharing. I wish I was one of those really wise people that always has something great to say, I am not. So I can say I will pray for you and the decisions you have to make.
God Bless you and your family.

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LEETIDLER 2/18/2012 5:12PM

    Hugs and prayers. You are making the BEST decisions even when they are "impossible." We'll watch for your return.

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GOING-STRONG 2/18/2012 4:27PM

    Sending angel wing hugs your way which I hope helps hold you up and makes your journey a bit easier. YOU are an inspiration to what the human spirit is able to endure and overcome. God Bless you. Hugs, Rhonda

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 2/18/2012 1:44PM

    Hugs Kirsten and thankyou, you may never realise how much you have helpe me, but sometimes God leads to you to places for a reason, and your blog was that reason, be strong in God, and I pray that not only will you have your one day, but many many one days, I pray for your mama, that God will wrap his loving arms around her and give her her one day, that being eternity.
Your are not alone, remember we are here for you we are your Sparks family!!!!
Hugs

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KIPPER15 2/18/2012 1:37PM

    I lost my mom in a similar fashion, having to make the choice. It is not easy,but it was the best way. I send prayers and good thoughts your way. Keep on taking care of yourself. You have come far. emoticon emoticon

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SPARKLISE 2/18/2012 1:28PM

    Take time for yourself but please come back.
Don't stay away too long.
I'm so sorry about you mom. It must be really hard for you!
emoticon emoticon
I'll still be here when you come back! emoticon emoticon
I wish I could take away your pain and make it all better!
Lots of hugs,prayers and love for you and you children!
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REBECCA431 2/18/2012 1:27PM

    Kristen ...Be still in a corner each day and allow God to wrap his arms around you. It is an experience that once you have it you will seek it daily. Allow God to comfort you after all he knew you before you were born and he knows the number of hairs on your head. Keep blogging don't quit emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FANGFACEKITTY 2/18/2012 12:29PM

    emoticon I am so sorry for everything you have gone through and sill have to face.

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UHLWENDY 2/18/2012 11:25AM

  God bless you. You can overcome!

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WSHAYES1 2/18/2012 10:30AM

    My prayers go out to you and your family during this difficult time. It is never easy to make choices like this. My family had to make a similar decision about our Father and unless you have had this discussion with them prior it is a very hard one. No amount of love and support will make it an easy one for you.

May God Bless and guide you through these difficult times. His love and support will get you through.
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HEALTHY4ME 2/18/2012 8:06AM

    OH my dear girl!!! what a lot to face, just know that your mum will be proud of you and she knows you can do this. I pray that you don't stay away from us long,and even though the road is going to be harder than I can imagine, try hard wiith whatever you have inside to keep on that ONE road.... HUGS you have acome a very very long way, and that proves you know it can be done. HUGS to you and your mama. She will be so proud of you, knowing you can take care of you and yours.
HUGS again.

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BARRISTER2011 2/18/2012 2:09AM

  Peace be with you

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MAMAJELLYBEAN 2/18/2012 12:05AM

    Hi Kristin. This is my first time reading your blog. Thank you so much for putting your heart out there and using the pain you are going through to help inspire others. I know how you are feeling. My ex-husband had a stroke the week before Christmas. The family all had to make the decision to turn off life support, including my children and myself. It was so hard but I know that is what he wanted. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'm here and will pray for you and your family. I'll be checking back again soon.
Christie

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GODSBEST 2/18/2012 12:02AM

    May God bless you with the peace that surpasses all understanding during this time in your life. We'll be here waiting for you and our "One Day".

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DOODIE59 2/17/2012 11:54PM

    Hi Kristin,
I am so sorry for your situation and very impressed by your courage. You will make the right decision and you're going to be hurting for awhile but the most amazing thing you can do for yourself and your boys is to hold true to your commitment to a healthy life. This will help sustain you in the hard days ahead and keep you on your mission to a life of ONEderful days;)

Lots of hugs
Deirdre

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TRULYVISIBLE 2/17/2012 11:51PM

  My Mother was on life support. The doctor said there are people who live on life support for years and the family visits and interacts with them. They said my Mother would only have a week or so if taken off. I did not think is was my decision or my brothers so I asked her what she wanted and told her exactly what the doctor told me. I did what I wanted someone to do for me, treat me like an adult and make my own decision on my life. She opted to be taken off and lived the last two months in my house. It was a gift to have her die in my arms.

I feel for you. I know first hand what an extremely difficult and painful situation this is. No one is ever ready to lose their mother no matter how old we are.

All I can do is send you my love and offer you some strength. Your Mom is so proud of you for losing all that weight and you have given her peace of mind. The best gift you could give anyone.
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LUVMYCRAZYKIDS 2/17/2012 11:24PM

    May God help you and your mom through this difficult time. You must know what an inspiration you are to many on this site. You have already achieved success. To be where you are in such a short period of time takes hard work. What a great feeling to live out your mom's wish for you. It is so understandable that you will need time...but, make sure you come back. Your friends WANT to support you through your UPS and DOWNS. You are strong and you WILL have your ONE day. I have faith that you know how to work hard to achieve your dreams...you can!

Prayers to your and your family during this difficult period. God Bless you and keep your close!



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GOIN4GR8 2/17/2012 11:23PM

    My heart goes out to you. Thank you so much for sharing all this. I can't imagine making the decision you are faced with ... God bless you. I will be praying for you and your mom.

I just posted a blog about getting bacn on the wagon--and then I came to your blog. It was exactly what I needed.

I wish you God's peace, strength, and love. Take care, and we'll be here when you get back.

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MOSTMOM1 2/17/2012 10:53PM

    Our thoughts and prayers are with you. My husband and I had to make that choice with both our moms. I can appreciate the difficulty of your situation. I'm so glad you can be with your mom right now. And you are right--you're going to have your ONE day and you can have it for your mama too. God bless you, dear Sparker.
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LADYGSC 2/17/2012 10:21PM

    Saying prayers for you. How wonderful to loose 200 + pounds, keep on sparking!

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JANARAMMA 2/17/2012 5:51PM

  Thank you for sharing your mother's story, it has truly inspired me. Sending thoughts and prayers to you both

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CYNTSATIONAL 2/17/2012 4:37PM

    My prayers are with you. Sending you peace, blessings and joy in such an emotionally hard time. God will sustain you. You are an inspiration to stay on this journey. You are strong beyond your wildest imagintion. Keep on SPARKing! emoticon

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TIFFY0906 2/17/2012 4:17PM

    Wow - this was such a touching and inspirational story. My heart and prayers go out to you. May GOD bless you and keep you.

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CM_GARDNER78 2/17/2012 3:30PM

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Oh my gosh! What a horrible thing to have to be faced with!! You have come so far! I am rooting you on to keep going even farther! Praying for you that you have peace with the days to come.

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