WICKED_WORDS87   19,199
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Rough Start to August

Monday, August 13, 2012

Went to see the spinal specialist and I have a severely herniated disc. Surgery isn't an option just epidural steroid injections 3 times a year and some physical therapy. Doc said it will heal itself..in two years. Disappointed but really nothing I can do about it. The doctor didn't really give me any clear do's and don'ts about exercise mainly pushed that off to physical therapy but walking is ok as long as I don't tax myself...whatever that means.

Had a rough weekend. Went out to listen to a friend's band playing at a local bar and ended up running into an old love. My star-crossed love. It never would have worked out. Logic tells me this every time he trickles through my mind, but logic has such a tiny voice when the ghost of that old love suddenly becomes flesh and blood before your eyes. We had a good little catch-up session and hugged and went our separate ways. I drank more than I should have and ended up having a little over-emotional cry fest on the way home. Spent today in a hung over pity party. Head clouded from the booze and the haze of things I don't let myself think about any more. I stayed in bed too long. Ate whatever would stay down.

Finally started feeling human again after dinner and managed to get out and walk my dog. The cool air and overcast sky was just what I needed to get out of my funk. I live a blessed life. I'm blessed to have loved someone so much that they linger with me still. I'm blessed to have new love on my door step. I'm blessed to have friends who wipe away my mascara stained tears when I'm being a hot-mess. I'm blessed to have another day to make better mistakes tomorrow.


Little bit broken

Monday, July 30, 2012

Had an Mri for my back last week. Got a phone call the very next morning, which is always disconcerting considering how slow they normally are. I have a severe spinal stenosis (narrowing of the spinal cavity) caused by a disc being pushed into the spinal cavity between the L4 and L5 vertebrae. I go see the spinal specialist on Friday to see what this means as far as therapy or surgery to correct. I start school on the 27th so I'm really going to fight any surgery that isn't 100% necessary.

Lesson learned. Chiropractors are worthless. I'm so very happy that my doctor recommended the mri otherwise I'd still be in the dark about this mess. I'm not allowed to do anything involving lifting or aerobic movement. Gentle walking without incline for less than 15 minutes is the only alternative they gave me. Aka my nutrition is going to be my only salvation through this if I have any hope of not gaining/maybe losing a pound or two. Super bummed out. I just want to be fully able bodied again. I want to play tennis, and go for 10 mile hikes, and kill the mountain mode on the elliptical! I can't though. I'm broken and it sucks. At least it's (hopefully) a temporary situation. I have a lot to be grateful for and no reason to carry on this pout.

August is almost here and although I'm starting to panic about starting grad school, at least fall is that much closer. School supplies are filling the stores and soon those will give way to my favorite holiday, Halloween. I'm planning on going as Velma from Scooby Doo this year. I haven't decided whether or not she's going to be zombified. I have so much fun zombie make-up it'd be a shame not to put it to good use. So that's where I'm at right now. I'll update again when I know what my fate will be after my appointment on Friday. Keep your fingers crossed that I haven't injured myself too much ;)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUZZYBEEZ 7/30/2012 8:48PM

    I feel your pain and understand what you are going through. I had mri's back in Dec. I have spinal stenosis in 2 spots, one between my shoulders and one spot in my L spine. I also have several bulging and protruding disc spaces. I was told for stenosis I have to have surgery because it will just continue to get worse until it does permanent damage. I am having to exercise through the pain right now though because I have to get 50 pounds off before they will even do my surgeries. I'm still allowed to use my elliptical and go walking(as long as it's an even surface, no graveled roads or uneven sidewalks).

I've been down this road before though so know what to expect.

I've had prior back surgery for a herniated/bulging disc. It was a simple surgery but I was on restrictions for 3 months afterwards.....no lifting over 5 pounds, no bending at the waist, no twisting, no reaching over my head, not sitting or standing for more than 15 minutes at a time. They do these restrictions so that your disc space heals completely without you doing something to blow it out completely.....as you can imagine that's not a good thing.

I hope this all doesn't scare you, as everyone is different and their doctors have different rules. I hope you get it taken care of before irreversible damage is done though. Good luck and keep us all updated.

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BECKYSFRIEND 7/30/2012 7:41PM

    Fingers are crossed. Hoping you hear only good and encouraging news.

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Too young to feel this old

Friday, July 13, 2012

Just a quick update on my little life.

I've been having lower back and hip pain for most of this year (I'm the only 25 year old who can predict the weather with her hip). I've seen two chiropractors and they did help some, but things are getting worse not better. Middle of June I take a walk with my newly reinstated significant other and about 6 blocks away from my house my entire right leg goes numb. I'm not TOO panicked because my foot had been going numb on and off since this whole back/hip pain thing had started, but still highly weirded out. Go back to the chiropractor he resets me again and bans the elliptical along with lower body workouts this time stating an injured sacrum. He doesn't want to say it's a pinched nerve or bluging disc because the numbness isn't present all the time. So where does that leave me? Confused and with a mild limp when there's going to be rain. (luckily, we're in a drought) I see my regular doctor next week for my yearly appointment so I think I will see what she thinks and if she wants to recommend me to a specialist.

In the mean time, all I can do is walk. So I walk. After being adjusted by the chiropractor the last time my leg hasn't gone numb again so I just hop on the treadmill at the gym and I walk as fast as I can without complaint from either my lower back or hip for as long as I can. It is quite literally better than nothing and that's all I have right now.

On a brighter note, I got the internship that I wanted right here in town. I'm very excited to be working with a young MSW. She's been working in the field long enough to know her way around but has recent memories of the grad program so she can give me some pointers in that area as well.

I haven't been on sparkpeople as much as I had promised I would be and I apologize for that. I really do appreciate everyone who comments here and all the support that I find on the message boards. Recently, I've been doing most of my tracking on myfitnesspal (bettermistakes87 if you happen to log there as well) because their application is just so much nicer to use, but I will always stay with spark for the community. With that I need to head to bed as I am many hours over due for some sleep.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKYDUCK2 7/13/2012 11:23PM

    I am so sorry to read that you are still having such frustrating issues with your back and hip. :( You are way to young to have to deal with this and I hope the Dr. has some answers for you that help.

I am so glad you are still coming here and using the blogs. It does not matter what program we use...only that we use them, right? I use CalorieKing and sparkpeople. Love both sites for different reasons. :)

I love the story you shared about Grams advice on my thread. SOUND ADVICE and I am going to use it again. I use to meditate . I would practice gratitude and think along the lines of "as if". Hard to explain but you let your mind travel as if everything is as it should be or you want it to be. You release all negative thoughts.

Congrats on the internship!! That is wonderful. Very happy for you. And I am happy to read that you have your relationship back on line also. HUGS

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Rainy Day Reflections

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I hope everyone had a very productive and safe Memorial Weekend. Although there was a bit of drinking and less than 100% healthy eats, I feel I kept active enough to balance out the splurge. Hiked through the cemeteries in the tri-county area laying out memorial flowers, went fishing all of Saturday afternoon (No fish, but no sunburn either. We'll file that under breaking even), and we had a huge badminton tournament (I lack the coordination, but I was given honorable mention for not tripping over my own feet...much). There was also an impromptu game of hide and seek in Walmart with some friends and a few less than sober dance-offs, but I wouldn't know where to begin tracking that lol

Currently it's one of those drizzly on and off again rainy days that I enjoy so much. A taste of fall in the middle of a heatwave is always welcome. I'm sitting here with my cup of green tea and honey with two dogs cuddled in next to me listening to my rainy day play list. I need more Imogen Heap and Neko Case in my life.

I'm still adjusting to my lack of lower body workouts (aka missing my Jillian Michael's DvD's like crazy and pouting about it mercilessly). My plan for the last few weeks has involved 30 minutes of cardio a day plus a strength training routine that I put together all on my lonesome. I basically watched a few free youtube upper body/ab workout vids, took screen shots, and pasted them into an excel document with a description of what they're doing. I printed this out and keep it on a clipboard that I take with me to the gym. It's not quite as clean and quick as my 30 day Shred or Ripped in 30 but it gets the job done. I can feel my triceps again and I don't shake when doing a plank so little drops of progress.

I've stopped weighing myself three times a week. It started making me obsessive and started putting negative thoughts in my head so now I only weigh in on Fridays. It gives me motivation for the weekend and a whole week to make up for any sins I may commit in that time frame ;)

It's slow going...extremely slow going. I take three steps forward and two and a half steps back. Injuries and plain ol lack of discipline have put the brakes on a few times this year, but there are people with more dire injuries and far better reasons to slack off and they're lapping me. I never want to admit that it's my diet that needs work. I've always prided myself on choosing good things to keep in the house and tracking what I put in my body, but sometimes I don't measure and sometimes I sneak bites and then there's alcohol which is a whole new rodeo of failure. I need to come to terms with the fact that I can't out exercise all these 'sometimes' activities. I'm wasting my time at the gym by cheating myself in the kitchen. I'm going to have to put a mental muzzle on myself when I'm not suppose to be eating.

I really wanted to be back to my fighting weight (185) by my birthday this year (June 24) but I just don't know if that's going to happen. It's a slow process, but I have to remember that I've lost ten pounds this year (started this year at 202...eeek!) so far and that's nothing to sniff at. Had I lost ten pounds when I was at my fighting weight (weight that I plateaued at and felt pretty good at last time around) I'd be only ten pounds from my UGW. Now THAT is something to think about. I can do this. It's going to take time, it's going to take a rededication to myself, and a lot more discipline.

Sorry for the long post, but I feel much better having written all of that down. Thank you for reading, thank you for being on this journey with me. Take care, friends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARL_73 6/7/2012 10:52AM

    blogging is a great way to cleanse your mind, organize your thoughts.

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LUCKYDUCK2 5/31/2012 8:13PM

    I'm wasting my time at the gym by cheating myself in the kitchen." OMG...what an AWESOME analogy and lightbulb moment!! You have summed up a problem area for me too and I love the simplicity of this. I am going to post this on my fridge. :)

Your blog was total yes and inspiration. It really was a good read for me today.

Sounds like you had an awesome Holiday and wtg for working around the obstacles and looking for solutions.

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KEMEKI3 5/31/2012 9:54AM


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Just wanted to share this

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Someone on my facebook had a link to this article and it was exactly what I needed to read tonight. Whenever the scale isn't moving my mind always turns against me and this article helped to remind me of the things you need to let go of. Nothing particularly earth shattering but a nice little read to calm the mental storm.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKYDUCK2 5/18/2012 2:31PM

    THANK YOU so much for sharing. A good read for me also. You should share this on the team page. It will help so many. HUGS

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BRADOS 5/16/2012 1:22PM


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KEMEKI3 5/16/2012 12:23PM

    Words to live by! I've been working hard on giving up self-defeating self-talk and the past - it's hard, but slowly becoming easier!

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TIGGER2908 5/16/2012 10:51AM

    emoticon I needed that today.


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