Saturday, January 26, 2013
All I want to do is eat. Thatís it. Food is always on my mind. In fact, right now Iím thinking about going to church with Linda tomorrow and hopefully weíll go to Friendlyís after or something.
I hate to admit it, but Iím in love with food. Yes, you heard right.
I donít just love food.
Iím in love with food.
And thinking about trying to lose weight and how I wonít be able to eat whatever I want of however much I want stinks, totally stinks.
In fact, my eyes are tearing up just thinking about it.
Food is my friend. A good one too. Ití s always there for me, within my grasp. It never lets me down. It always makes me feel better in that moment. It says: yea Renee, címon, stuff your face!
And usually, I listen to that voice.
Today we were at the Hometown Buffet which I call ďfat peopleís paradiseĒ because you can get as much food as you want. How fat can you get?? (Don't worry, I'm one of those fat people too.)
And trust me, every time I go there Iím embarrassed because I realize gee Iím fat. Actually we went there one time for Motherís Day and Grampy commented on my weight, it was a few years back.
I think now heís stopped talking about it because he realizes, what good is it?
It hasnít always been like this.
I actually was losing weight. I started March 2012 and I was doing so great.
And now Iím at my highest weight.
And itís all me, there is no one else to blame but me.
Why am I not doing anything about this?
Why am I constantly dreaming, thinking and talking about losing weight rather than actually doing it???
I need to go back to that place.
I need help.