Monday, January 28, 2013
Growing up, I was never Ďfatí per se, just always a tad chunky. But when I got to the middle school, I became obsessed with losing weight. I would count points on Weight Watchers, and avoid junk food, and walk like crazy up at Wickham Park. But then came the weekends and I would go overboard and pig out on pizza and whatever else. One day I just decided that I was going to eat junk food and think nothing of it. So I did.
But let me go back all the way to childhood. My sister and I werenít really taught good eating habits. I remember we would have soda out of a baby bottle! My grandma would give us whatever food we wanted, like McDonaldís all the time after school. There were no rules around food; basically we ate whatever we wanted.
So back to high school. Thatís when my weight really started to go up. Every year I got bigger, wondering if my classmates would know or tell. It was also embarrassing to walk into a room thinking, do I make the floor shake? It also didnít help that a lot of my classmates talked about junk food 24/7! And in senior year we were surrounded by junk food all the time in the senior lounge, which didnít help. I would have a can of Coke and UTZ BBQ chips many times a week. When it came to Junior/Senior Banquets, thanks to God I found dresses that fit! And I did feel beautiful, especially senior banquet.
But anyways, my weight has always been an issue. Me and my sister would talk and dream about losing weight ALL THE TIME. We would say: maybe after this trip to DQ, mom this will be our last time, we promise! Because back when my mom used to be able to drive we would have her go buy us fast food and give her a tip for going and trust me she was at fast food places a lot! I still tend to waste and spend money on junk food, and I like to joke that Iíd be rich if I didnít do that! Every person goes through this: they say Iíll start Monday, or next week, but another day goes by and nothing happens. And then next thing you know, theyíre at their heaviest in weight.
Thatís what has happened to me.
But let me back up a few months.
It all started in early March 2012. I went out to Friendlyís (my absolute favorite!!!!) with my friend Jackie, and I just felt so utterly fat and my clothes felt all tight and what not. And then that Friday we got Chinese takeout, and my sister made a comment about her thinking about the future where she would be the skinny sister getting me junk food. And my grandpa repeatedly makes comments about do you want to end up big like some of our family members? (um no!) So those comments stuck with me and I thought ďRight now is the right time. If not now, when?Ē Because I would always (and sometimes still think) that there has to be a right time to lose weight but thatís not true!
The ironic thing is, is that I knew about weight loss, I loved weight loss! I subscribed to health magazines, read through countless success stories, and was knowledgeable about weight loss. But I wasnít doing anything with that knowledge. I would watch the Biggest Loser and eat junk food. Or just dream about losing weight.
But I made that dream into a reality. I started my journey officially on March 11,2012, with my first goal being to drink only water.
And let me tell you, itís tough at the start!
I LOVE food! Pizza, fries, frostys, Coke! Reeseís, chips, basically junk food hello!
But as I started to make goals and accomplish them, I was feeling so good!
And not to mention that everyone was noticing how I was doing!
I was losing weight!
After doing well for a few months, summer came, more specifically, Grammyís beach came.
And I blew it.
That whole week, I blew it.
There was tons of junk food! A person whoís trying to lose weightís worst nightmare ever!
But I gave in. I gave in to my flesh rather than what I knew to do.
So it was all a downward spiral from then on.
And now, Iíve gained back all the weight, plus some more.
I now weigh 234 pounds with a BMI of 40.2, which puts me in the morbidly obese category!
I was like no no no no no no nawww nahh! This canít be real!
But it is; this is reality.
And I can try to deny or cover up myself with clothes that will hide my fat but the truth is Iím fat.
But I know I can do it because I did it!
I have to tap back into that place and see what I did and see what I can do again.
History seems to repeat itself because I am swearing off sugary drinks- theyíre all empty calories and just by doing so I can lose weight, or not gain any!
Iím going back to that healthy place, and this time Iím not going to rush.
Iím going to learn, grow, change, and enjoy the journey, and I want you to do the same!