Tuesday, December 06, 2011
The motivation behind my recent diet obsession is that last weekend, someone who came in to the bar in which I work said I was fat, that I needed to lose weight, and that my husband was lying when he said he loves how I look, and he'd rather I was thinner. For someone who already has issues, this really blew my mind. I find myself looking fatter and fatter in the mirror, and disgusted with myself. I thought I looked good before he came in, and since he left I feel sick. I cried at work outside and had to pretend it was fine.
Worse yet, it's a small town bar and everyone somehow now knows what happened. At least most people do. I feel really embarrassed and ashamed of my body.
I stayed on the slim-fast type diet yesterday. I watered down my ranch since we don't have light dressings for salads. I drank two of those things. Unfortunately, a woman bought me two shots of tequila, but I was still around 1,000 calories yesterday. I am pretty motivated, I worked out the two days following that fat attack. Going for a walk in a few minutes. I know it seems extreme for me, but I need a change! My anxiety is worsening. I didn't need some guy to say I was fat and needed to lose weight - someone I had to still WAIT ON! My body dismorphia is acting up, I am seeing myself fatter than I did last week. I am also over my highest weight. Time for an intervention!
Monday, December 05, 2011
Well, it's December and I am officially as fat as I've every been 141-144. It fluctuates, I guess. In my desperation, I am resorting to the Wal-mart version of Slim-fast. I have 19 days until the holidays, we will see how that goes.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
That is all.
On the other hand, I am alright at a low-cal and whole grain diet. I will include more vegetables as are in the SB Diet, but somehow I completely blow at this diet. I don't know how to be successful. I read the book, and somehow I just can't stick to it. I decided to just go on dieting as I have in the past for now, and maybe try it later.
I feel like something must be wrong with me, because it seems like I am only gaining weight.
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Well, I blew it. Every other day, in fact. But it's ok! I have totally stuck to the plan so far today, and I have planned my day out in advance as usual. I have had problems due to my new job (yay, job!) being at a restaurant where I can have unlimited fried mozzarella sticks, onion rings, burgers, breakfast things, etc. gratis. I feel like I am getting a workout when I am there, though, as I'm the only waitress. I have never done it before and so far, so good!
I think today I have managed to be pretty good to the plan. I want a piece of dark chocolate. MMmm... 90% Lindt, 1 square. That would be lovely. Maybe after a week of sticking to this thing. It only has 3 carbs, so how bad could it be? 55 calories. I think I might actually be able to eat it on South Beach, but who knows. I have been eating it and I've blown it every day, so maybe that is the problem! I will fight the temptation and, instead, enjoy for sugar-free peach jello. Yum!
Thursday, November 03, 2011
Well, I am starting the "South Beach Diet" tomorrow. I got a job as a waitress at a local diner and will be busy during a period of time now, so hope that will keep me from mindlessly munching.
I read/skimmed the book. My mind is racing, can't sleep. Have to work early tomorrow. I made my egg white omelet in advance according to the book's recipe (plus some extra veggies). I also pre-made a tuna, onion, and green pepper concoction and have that ready to take with me tomorrow. Add that to a sugar free jello cup, and I should be flying high on my new low-carb lifestyle.
Phase 1 consists of no starches whatsoever. No potatoes, rice, wheat, what-have-you. No carrots. No fruit.
I can eat a limited amount of foods, which has worked well for me before. I have a very varied diet, which is good nutrition-wise (usually), but it is mostly high-carb and low in fat. I eat nuts often, and on this diet I can consume 15 almonds or pecans daily, or 2 tbsp. peanut (or, I assume, almond) butter. That, and lean meat (think chicken. fish, or round steak) and vegetables, as well as low-fat or fat-free dairy (cheese, cottage cheese, milk, and plain fat-free yogurt). Pretty excited to get started. The book claims the average weight loss for this first two weeks of Phase 1 is "8 to 13 pounds." Wish me luck.
Get An Email Alert Each Time WHITNEYLD Posts