Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I did some spring cleaning and sold a few things that were too small for me and basically brand new, which I had been hoarding in my drawer of "too small but I will fit back into someday soon!" Yeah, I have been saying that for about 2.5 years, and even then, I had another drawer of EVEN SMALLER things, thinking the same thing. The pants I dispatched were really nice, but size 3. Not gonna be any time soon, and I'm not sure I want to be that small again! I deprived myself more then, I guess. I am happier with my body, despite how large it has become, than I was then. I always wanted to be thinner and thinner. I had 0/1 pants I was aiming for then. I would be really happy to be a comfortable size 8 this summer. Now I am a tight 10, sometimes 12.
I wish the nice weather had stayed longer, can't believe it was in the 50's for 2 days and then now we have another winter storm warning. I am ready for spring!
I have done really well eating today. All on-plan foods. I am making Chicken Tortilla soup tonight in the crock pot, it has been cooking all day and smells divine already. I get to eat two bowls of that and have a nice salad for dinner, plus a snack and a ViSalus shake if I want one after my workout, which is getting done!!!!! tonight.
I was really surprised about all the feedback I received on my last blog. I guess I have it easier than many, my stepson is generally good. He does things a lot of kids do, like lying a lot, and not listening to the rules or sneaking around but he doesn't do drugs, have sex, or swear and scream at me. He is a pretty good kid, it is just hard. I don't feel like I can be very authoritative and I don't want him to hate me. I had such a rough time with the step-family that I didn't want to make it like that.
I am going to regroup and try and have a sit-down with my hubby to go over what we each expect from him and see where we can better communicate that and kind of enforce the behavior we want to see more of, and what we want to see less of. It is progress, not perfection...I can't wait to see some.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
I feel like an antisocial loser sometimes. Especially now. I had a breakdown this weekend. I worked, and then came home to my recently mostly spring-cleaned house and found it a disaster. Had stepson this weekend, who contributed most to this mess. He took a 20-30 min shower without the curtain in the shower and the floor was soaking wet along with the bathmat. He wiped it with his towel, which he balled up on the rod and then tried to hide it, as I almost died falling in the bathroom when I came home for my decontamination shower after work. I found sugar all over the kitchen floor because I made him sweet tea, which I asked if it was sweet enough the night before and he said yes, even though I said I could add more sugar, he added himself and got the sugar all over the pantry, kitchen floor, and even in the baby bottle sterilizer. He had some hard boiled eggs, which he got egg shells on the floor in kitchen, by trash can, all into the living room in carpet, and even on couch and couch pillows. Also found nail clippings all over the couch. Not to mention the sink full of dishes, among many other things. All after a terrible shift at work. He isn't permitted to eat in the living room, we do not eat there when he comes because he is known for not eating very neatly. I was nice about making our meals in the dining room. There was peanut butter ice cream all over the baby gate, the cat was licking it off. Nice, someone eating out of carton which we got for my hub and him, but if you get that much on your hands somehow when eating ice cream that I can see and feel it on the baby gate, WTF!!! I don't want my infant ingesting nut butter right now. Thanks.
He is almost 14. I think this is old enough to be better about this...I have to really suggest brushing teeth (or he won't for the 3 days he is here in a row - have to watch him do it or he won't) and washing hands (never does, leaves whatever in toilet all the time, never washes hands). I could die.
I felt like I had a nervous breakdown. I was so upset I didn't even want to drink. There were so many more things that went wrong with him this weekend, things he knows since we have been getting him weekends for over a year. I don't know what to do. He was gone when I got back from work, but I can't take it. He knows the baby can't have germs, yet he puts things in his mouth, bites pillows on the couch which can't be laundered, etc. despite repeatedly telling him about this. I have tried to be nice in the way I tell him, because my step mother was horrible to me and I don't want him to hate me, but I am dying inside.
I don't know what to do. My health is at stake. My anxiety medication isn't helping. My husband has given up on trying to change him since he is already almost 14 and doesn't listen. I don't want him here anymore. I feel bad, and I care for him, but I can't stand this. I spent hours cleaning Friday only to have it be this. I feel like it would be easier to jump off a cliff than deal with all of this stress.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Pretty much sums it up.
Saturday, March 01, 2014
Last week wasn't my best. But today is a new month! I would really like a fresh start. I am not "starting over," because I have lost weight in the past 3 weeks. I just didn't lose anything this past week. A surprise? Heck, no! I ate terribly. I even ate poorly yesterday. SO, today is a new day and I am going to get back on track eating the plan.
Back to more veggies (I felt so much better eating cleaner!). Goals for March!
I lost 6 some pounds in 2 weeks, and I really think I can make a mini-goal to be at a "normal" weight by April 14, 2014! That is 6 weeks, and that gives me time to complete the whole Alpha cycle of workouts again. I am going to re-start at week one, since I moved to week 2 and then never completed it and missed 3 days this past week.
Today is technically "STAT-urday" and I weighed in. No loss, obviously, but I want to lose 12 pounds in the next 6 weeks. I can do it!
Last week I started on an anti-anxiety medication and back on a new birth control after having been on my TOM for almost 3 weeks. If I lost weight while wanting to eat candy every day and still stuck to it, I know I can do it when I am feeling better!
March 1-April 14th Goals:
1. Lose 12 pounds and get into under 140 pounds for the first time in 2+ years.
2. Do the 5 weeks of Alpha cycle workouts as scheduled for Focus T25. I know I can do this! I have done more exercise more consistently than ever since getting this program! I have worked out 10 days and for 300 minutes in 3 weeks. More monthly minutes in 2 weeks than in a month for the past 1.5 years.
3. Do the stretch workout on Sundays, as the program suggests, to prepare me for the next week!
4. Make up any missed workouts (due to any unforeseen circumstances; strive for a perfect adherence to the 5 week program!) the following day with a double workout, as is suggested when one is missed!
5. Eat cleaner! I want to follow the meal plans as closely as my taste and preferences have allowed, as I did in the first and most of the second week! I like this stuff, why not eat it and get results!? 6/7 days per week need to be cleaner! I am leaving room for one day where I still track, as I have been tracking pretty much everything, but if I go out to eat I just choose the healthiest option.
I feel motivated! I am going to start the week off on Sunday with the stretch workout to get back into the groove.
Plan for the week:
Sunday, 3/3: Stretch (25 minutes)
Monday 3/4: Alpha Cardio (25 minutes)
Tuesday 3/5: Speed 1.0 (25 minutes)
Wednesday 3/6: Total Body Circuit (25 minutes)
Thursday 3/7: Ab Intervals (25 minutes)
Friday 3/8: Lower Focus & Alpha Cardio (50 minutes)
Update for the week on Saturday, and record stats! Total weekly minutes: 150!
Cuteness for the weekend:
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