It's been too long

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Life has been busy, I guess that comes with the season. Summer seems to suck time into a super vacuum. I never seem to have enough time for anything, and typically the first things to go when I am super busy are laundry/cleaning and social networking. I wish it weren’t the case, because my house is filthy and I feel like a bad friend/sparker. In any case I figure now is as good a time as any to catch up on life and the goings on.

Firstly, as of June 23, 2010 I officially marked the one year anniversary of joining spark. That’s a huge accomplishment for anyone, especially someone with diet and exercise ADD like myself. I never stuck to any one thing for a year, not even most of my former jobs(haha, only semi true) so a 1 year anniversary is a big deal to me. The past year has been awesome and full of life. Yes that sounds cliché but I finally feel like I am living and that I have a real life, a healthy one. In the past year I have lost almost 120 lbs, depends on the day of the week and when I feel like weighing myself. Losing that weight was definitely not easy and not something I ever thought would happen for me. For a very long time I always sat back saying “Someday I will be thin, someday I will be that girl” but sitting back and waiting for it to happen to you is ridiculous. You have to get out there and make it happen. I can remember times as a teenager(I wasn’t as overweight then) thinking to myself “It’s ok to be overweight now you will be thin in your 20’s.” What the hell kind of thinking is that? If I hadn’t stepped up and taken on the challenge of getting fit I would probably have spent my 20’s, 30’s and more than likely the rest of my life as an obese woman. Sure I would have still had my husband, family and friends but would I really have had a great life? No probably not. My life feels complete now. I feel like I am finally the person on the outside that I have always been on the inside. I have confidence in myself and know that people aren’t going to misjudge me as lazy, unmotivated or just plain sloppy because I take pride in myself and my appearance now. Not only have I lost a majority of the weight this year but I have gained a healthy mindset. When I first started the job I’m at now they were focused on the idea that changing your mindset can change the success you achieve. Tell that to a bunch of sales people and they think you’re crazy but since I’m not a sales person it makes sense. You can’t expect to continue living and thinking the way you do and have success and results. For me changing my thinking was harder than losing the weight. Losing weight is easy- exercise regularly and eat healthy(DUH why didn’t anyone tell me that 5 years ago) it was changing how I thought and felt about myself, food, and life in general that required the work. When you go through 24 years of thinking about yourself one way and just living life in a certain way, a change can cause major ripples in the rest of your life. It certainly did for me and I am still learning, growing and adjusting as I go. I still catch myself thinking as a heavy person would, “Will I break that chair?” “Why is that guy looking at me, is it because I’m heavy?” I know that with time I will be less conscience of those things so I take it a day at a time.

Another awesome change was being motivated as a Sparkpeople motivator. Holy cow when I got that email I literally cried at my desk. When I first started on Sparkpeople I was envious of the people who had been on here and nominated as a motivator. Those were the people whose stories I wanted to read, whose logs I wanted to see and whose advice I was interested in. Obviously they had done something right and achieved success whether small or large. To think that someone may have felt that way about me blew my mind. I still sit in shock sometimes and wonder how I got so lucky? My husband was super pumped too. I don’t let him on here often because I don’t want to become obsessed and spend our quality time on here but as soon as I told him he insisted I show him everything. He was so giddy about the little icon and seeing my name pop up when you clicked on weight loss motivators. He was more excited than me, which was a big deal since I was sooooo pumped about it. It made me feel so happy to see that I motivated people who I never met or may never have even spoken to. It’s so important to feel like you are connected to other people who are going through the same things you are going through and that’s why Sparkpeople works for so many people. I struggled before I found the site and I think it was because I didn’t have anyone out there to talk to about what I was going through. I needed someone to bounce ideas off of and someone to show me that even though I ate 3 candy bars my whole plan wouldn’t be derailed and I could move on and still be successful. That’s hugely important in the grand scheme or weight loss, feeling like someone else has gone through it and will be there for you. Hopefully I can be there for someone, even if it is just 1 person, know that I am here and you can reach out to me for anything(it may just take me 2 days to get back to you, haha- busy remember). Regardless big thank you to everyone who nominated me and more importantly thank you to all of you for motivating me in the first place!!

This is getting long quickly, yikes. I may need to break these up into a few posts because I certainly don’t want to overwhelm anyone. I guess the last thing I wanted to write about in this post is criticism and negativity. I know it seems counter productive to what I wrote above but I need to get this off my chest and out there so that I feel less stressed about it. Lately I have been getting some not so nice emails from people on the site and I just don’t understand it. Prior to making my food logs private I got a lot of comments on how I wasn’t eating enough and that my calorie intake was too low. However these people were not approaching in a kind way, trying to ensure my health and safety but rather from a place of spitefulness. This is why my food logs are private. Not to mention that these people never bothered to ask me if I tracked everything or not. There were days when my calories were really low and you know why? Because I was too lazy or busy to come back on and finish what I ate for the day so it was only showing a partial days food. Not tracking every single bite is my business and food logs should be looked at as a general example of how someone’s eating and not a rule to follow. In any case in more recent days I have been getting hit with mail about why I lost weight so fast and questions about whether I used laxatives, diet pills, had surgery, etc? Again these are not purely inquisitive(and the emails I do get that are just inquisitive do get responded to and I appreciate them) but spiteful and malicious, assuming that I could not possible have been so successful withot some type of help. I am here to tell you that I am proof that diet and exercise DO WORK. I have not once taken a diet pill, had an eating disorder, had surgery or used any other form of weight loss help. I did this the old fashioned way and I am proud of that. If you choose to use a supplement to help you that’s your prerogative but I am here because of the work I did and do not want anyone to put me down for that. The point of this rant is that we need to be nicer to one another. Life is too short to be spent picking on one another and being negative. Live your life for you and don’t waste the time or energy being so down about someone else’s lifestyle. END OF RANT.

Thanks for everything guys and girls. I really do appreciate it and I hope we can all work on our journey together!

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I can't believe I am doing this

Friday, March 26, 2010

Registration Confirmation for:
2010 Baltimore Running Festival
Dear Juliene,
Congratulations! You are now registered for 2010 Baltimore Running Festival. Please check the event's official website for updates: http://www.thebaltimoremarathon.com

That's right folks I just registered for my first race, a half marathon. I have a ton of time to train but honestly I am freaking out a little bit. As soon as I hit send my heart started racing and hasn't stopped yet. I worry that I won't be able to do it. Or that I will be slow, or that I can't do it alone.

But I am going to push through and come October I will be a half marathoner. YAY

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Random Juliene Facts-Stolen from ANEWAMANDA

Friday, March 19, 2010

I cry everytime I see someone else crying- even if I don;t know why they are crying.

I love the junk emails with the funny animal pictures-especially the ones with the animals thoughts. they crack me up

I spent 21 days in Japan in college and ate things that would make people cringe.

I have a pin in my hip that I got when I was 13 and I always joke that I have a fake hip.

I have 2 tattoos- angel wings on my back with my dad's initials and a ladybug on my foot. I want more but just don't know what exactly

I have 2 sisters who I am super close with and a brother who I love but have a weird relationship with.

I have weird dreams almost nightly. The most recent included my grandfather as a zombie and we ran him over with an 18 wheeler.

I am learning to love running outside and now dread the treadmill.

I own more sneakers than any other type of shoe- including some that have never been worn.

I let my dog sophie kiss my on the mouth and I don't think it's gross.

I am allergic to a ton of raw fruits and veggies- apples, pears, nectarines, peaches, carrots, celery, peppers, sprouts, etc. but can eat them cooked

I can not stand clutter or collections of things. My house is sparse for a reason

I have a nighttime routine that drives my hubby insane and it includes me checking my alarm clock 6 times.

I love cooking and more importantly baking. My dream is to open a baking business someday

I went to a small liberal arts college and have a BA in English but no idea what I want to do with it

I imagine our children as blonde hair blue eyed babies but both of us are dark hair.

I am the only one of my close high school and college friends that moved further than 30 minutes away.

I was a member of a sorority for a year, it was the best and worst year of my life

I have never done a drug- not even smoking pot which no one believes.

All of my friends in Maryland are at least 6 years older than me, I don't know how to make friends my own age

I am obsessed with lotion- especially vaseline cocoa butter, i have to put it on all the time

I can not stand when my hands get pruny from being wet- like when you wash dishes or are in the pool too long. YUCK

I hate when people scrape their fork or spoon on their teeth, that's like nails on a chalkboard for me.

I love chocolate- especially peanut butter cups. My newest obsession are the mini tiny pb cups from Trader Joe's

I think it's humorous that my mom text messages and is on facebook but can;t figure out how to save contacts to her email

I love teenybopper movies- like Princess Diaries and Cinderalla story, they make me miss being a teenager.

I love the Twilight series books because my Edward is not Robert Pattinson

I love to read and will read almost anything

I love marshmallow peeps, i torture them before i eat them.

i love flowers but hate spending money on them. especially peonies and hydrangeas

my hubby once covered my floor in 10 lbs of hershey kisses- which i obviously ate(thanks for making me fat hunny)

i am not musically inclined at all, except for music trivia. i could play name that tune and kick just about anyones butt



I think that's all for now
Back to work, have a happy Friday all

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Randomness

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I just wanted to write down some of the nonsense going around in my head right now.

This week has been much better than last as far as the family situation. The situation is still not resolved and will not be for a very long time, if it ever does get resolved, but I am feeling better about it. I don't think I will ever understand or be "ok" with it but it's all about learning to come to terms with things that I can not control. Life throws things at us and it's a matter of dealing with them so that's what I intend to do.

St. Patrick's Day always makes me a litte sad. My grandmother, who I was very close with, was born on St. Patrick's Day and she always made such a huge fuss about her birthday. I remember going to her house for cake on her birthdays and she would literally be decked head to to in green. She had every single St. Patrick's Day knick knack she could get her hands on and she always made a point to give us kids something themed, a clover, a leprachaun, a lucky penny, etc. She was a really special person in my life and someone who I truly still think about daily. She had a huge impact on my life and the person I became. She was an excellent cook and baker and I think I learned a lot from her, I loooove to cook and bake. She really was the glue that held my dad's side of the family together. She hosted all the holiday functions and brought us together for special dinners. Now that she is gone it's sad to say but we are not as close a family as we once were. We rarely see each other, minus major holidays, and even those are not as fun as when she was around. She was the best. My sisters always tease me because even though grandparents shouldn't have a favorite, everyone said I was hers. She just made me feel so special and loved growing up and I can only hope that my kids will have that same relationship with my mom some day. I do have regrets about our relationship though. She definitely impacted my relationship with food. She loved to eat and cook and like any good grandmother she didn't always cook the healthiest food. She was overweight and had diabetes and I'm sure if I had continued on the path I was on that I would have ended up just like her. I also wish I had spent more time with her in the end. That is one of the biggest regrets in my life. She developed liver cancer and although they gave her 6 months to live she died much sooner. It killed me to be around her and see her sick so I just tended to stay away. Now looking back I wish I had taken advantage of having her around even for the short amount of time just to get to know her better. I try and explain to Tom everyday how lucky he is to have 3 grandparents still alive and that now is the time to learn everything about them. I know life is too short for regrets but sometimes I can't help it. In any case today made me think of her and I made sure to look back at some pictures and think of her fondly.

Today I woke up cranky, did you ever have one of those days where you just wake up and want to kill someone? That was me this morning and it took me until just now to realize that I am PMSing. Yikes. Tom and I went for a run on a trail last night, which we have never done before, and I enjoyed it. It was so much more relaxing than running in our neighborhood. When we run the streets in our neighborhood I am always worried about getting run over by a car. We live in a really busy development of condos and townhomes so there are 2 times as many cars as there is space and it makes me nervous. The trail was perfect minus almost getting run down by bikes. That was a new experience for me and since I couldn't hear them say "On the Left" with my headphones in I almost got plowed down a few times. I learned to just run with one ear phone in and it wasn't too bad. The weather was beautiful and we will definitely be running the trails again soon. Speaking of running I have been toying with running the Baltimore Half Marathon in October. I just feel compelled to register and give it a shot but I am feeling anxious about it. The longest distance I am currently running is 5 miles and I am nervous that a half is more than double that. I know that I have a ton of time to train too which is helpful but I just worry that I won't be able to do it. So we will see, early registration ends April 1, so I have to have a decision by then.

Hubby and I are finally taking our belated honeymoon in May. Money has been tight since we have been working really hard to pay off some of our debt before we consider having children. This is a lot of the reason we had such a small wedding and the reason we put off a big honeymoon. We are still not doing a huge honeymoon. We are going to Florida to stay in his grandparent's condo and spend a few days at Disney. Unfortunately the hubby and I can not agree on a perfect vacation. Mine is laying on the beach for a week and his is running around doing jet skiing, snorkeling, hang gliding, parasailing anything he can do that isn't sitting still. We compromised on Florida because it's inexpensive and I get a few days on the beach and he gets a few days of running around at Disney. HE LOOOVES DISNEY. Seriously he would take every vacation there if he could. We have gone almost every year since we started dating and I do have wonderful memories there with him so it's the best of both worlds. Anyway the honeymoon is on the books for May 15-22 which is when we initially planned on getting married in Jamaica. Should be a good time and I am thrilled to be going on vacation at almost half the size I was on our last vacation. YAY

I think that's it for today, back to work

Survey Bandwagoner

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Where is your cell phone?
Desk

Spouse?
Wonderful

Your hair?
Dirty!!

Your mother?
Selfless

Your father?
MIssed

Your favorite thing?
Puppies

Your dream last night?
Nightmares

Favorite drink?
Water

What room are you in?
Cubicle

Your hobby?
Reading

Your fear?
Alone

Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Mommy

Where were you last night?
Couch

Something that you aren't?
Lazy

Muffins?
Yuck

Wish list item?
Ticket

Last thing you did?
Drank

What are you wearing?
Dress

Your pets?
Puppies

Friends?
More

Your life?
Stressful

Your mood?
Anxious

Missing someone?
Certainly

Drinking?
Water

Your car?
Cobalt

Something you're not wearing?
Socks

Your favorite store?
Target

Your favorite color?
Blue

When is the last time you cried?
Today

Where do you go over and over?
Starbucks

Favorite place to eat?
Bonefish

Favorite place I'd like to be right now?
Pittsburgh

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