Monday, January 25, 2010
I have been having a weird go of things lately. I have been feeling down for no real reason and although I haven't binged too much or at all really I just haven't been in the mood for calorie counting or working out. I do it anyways and always feel better afterwards but I guess I am experiencing something a lot of us seem to be going through. I just feel fed up some days. I'm not ready to throw the towel in yet because I have had a ton of success I just wish all the days were easy or at least easier than they have been.
I think alot to do with my mood has to do with some of the girls in my life. I have a few girls that I work with that haven't been the best friends in the world when it comes to weight loss. For example 1 girl who is 6 years older than me never gives me a straight compliment, everything is done in a backhanded manner. For example she'll say "You are doing so great, but of course you can you're only 25" or "I'm proud of you(and then muttering under her breath "You skinny B". Normally this wouldn't bother me, let the haters hate, but there comes a point when I realize I am the 25 year old, I should be the one acting like that and I'm not. She should be acting better and setting a better example and she doesn't. To top it all off she has the nerve to ask me for advice on losing weight so she can get pregnant. Part of me wants to sabotage her and part of me(the bigger person part) is helpful and encourages her. It just sucks when I get treated like crap but always let people do it. GRRR
The other girl at work is actually a close friend outside of work as well. She and I get along great, our husbands are good friends and the 4 of us go out often. They were the only friends invited to our wedding, so they are very important to us. However this woman all of the sudden has been making me feel bad about myself. She will make offhanded comments about what I'm eating, especially if it's something I wouldn't usually eat- candy, cookies, pizza, you get the point. The thing that kills me here is that she eats this crap all day long but has the nerve to say something to me. ANNOYING. Just like my other frienemy she also wants advice on dieting and has started this new phrase "I will lose the last 50 lbs with you" WHOOOAA WHOOOAAA WHOOOAAAA I don't need anyone to lose the last 50lbs with me. I lost the first 90 on my own and I certainly can lose these last few all on my own. Not to mention I don't even have 50 left to lose. She should lose the weight for herself, not to compete with me and that;s what it is. It's not like she wants a diet and excercise buddy, she wants to compete and she doesn't do it the right way. She'll take Stackers, eat no dinner and work out like a nut just to win and I am not interested in getting sucked into that terrible cycle with her. She's done it before and obviously gained it all back which is a sign that it doesn't work. I dunno maybe I just let too much of this get to me.
Let me tell you about these crazy dreams I had last night. To begin with anyone down in the MD/DC/VA area is probably having the outrageous wind going on currently. This wind was so strong it has pulled trees down all over my neighborhood- big healthy trees. In any case it also happened to pull a shutter off of my house at 3 am and bang it against the house for a solid hour. I was freaked out because it sounded like someone had broken into our home and was rummaging through drawers. I wasn't aware how windy it was outside, hubby works nights so he was gone and it was just me and the puppies in bed. They were freaking out too which is what really sent me into a panic. Needless to say I had a restless sleep after that and I had to pee but was too scared to leave our bedroom so it didn't make for the best night's sleep. In any case when I did fall asleep I had 2 terrible nightmares. The first was actually about people breaking into the house. I dreamt that they took my engagement ring(I can't wear it currently because it's too big) which was in it's box on my bureau(it's now locked in our gun safe). They also took misc items like hubby's Playstation 3 but not his Xbox 360 and in my dream I rationalized this by saying that everyone already has an Xbox so why would they steal that? It was just weird and made me uneasy. That's one of my biggest fears on the nights that Tom isn't home. I don't know many neighbors and I doubt they would come running if they heard me screaming anyway.
My second dream was worse. I have a beautiful long haired dachshund, Sophie, that hubby got for my birthday 2 years ago. She was hit by a car July 2008 and had to have her back leg amputated. I treat her like a princess because I feel bad for all that we put her through but I couldn't imagine my life without her. In any case in this dream my mom convinced me that Sophie had Sepsis and that she was going to die a painful death. She encouraged me to put her out of her misery by stabbing her with a butcher knife. I did it but didn't kill her. The rest of the dream was spent trying to find someone to help me finish killing her, finding out that she didn't have the disease, and then ultimately damaging her spinal cord so she partially paralyzed. Yikes what a dream. I think I watch Snapped too late at night or something. It was weird because I could never put that dog to sleep or hurt her. That was why we opted to amputate the leg, they encouraged us to save the money and put her to sleep and I couldn't do it. I am very attached to our pets. All this led to me waking up in a crummy mood.
On a brighter note, we did adopt a new dog about 3 weeks ago. He is too cute for words. He's a 5 month old Papillion mix and we named him Remington- Remi for short. He and Sophie wrestle all day long and still bicker a little but are learning to love one another. He doesn't have too many bad habits to break and so far we couldn't be happier to have him. Adopting him was one of our new year's resolutions and I'm happy to have one checked off before the first month is even over.
I think I need to blog more that way every entry isn't this long.
Friday, January 01, 2010
I am taking a cue from everyone else, although mine is a little late, and putting my New Year's resolutions out there. A friend of mine once told me that she believed that in order for things to happen you needed to put them out there in the universe. The best is obviously paper and pen so that there is something to hold you accountable to so here goes.
1. Weight loss- I want to continue on the path that I am heading and get to my goal weight and maintain it. I want to focus on truly becoming a healthy person, with a healthy mind and body. Tom and I both made this a focus this year and I know that we will accomplish this together.
2. Money- pay off as much debt as we can this year- hopefully about 1/3 and also start saving money. I want us to build up our savings, which we depleted when we had to put Sophie through so many surgeries. I know that we can pay this debt off we just need to buckle down and do it.
3. Wife- work on building our relationship as husband and wife. Take time each week/day to show Tom my appreciation of him and all that he does. I want to spend time doing the little things that I know make him happy, even if it's just making him a delicious dessert. He is a great man and an awesome husband so far and I don't think I tell him often enough that he is amazing.
4. House- finish painting the rooms of the house and work on hanging things up so this looks like our home and not a rental. Determine what changes we want to make this year if any- flooring, appliances, etc. We have lived in our house for almost 2 years and have only 1 room completely finished. Sometimes working on the house takes a back burner to other things going on, so I want us to make this a priority. I will never consider Baltimore my home, especially if our house doesn't feel like it's ours.
5. Puppy- adopt or purchase a dog and get them adjusted to our home life. We have been scouring the ASPCA websites as well as contacting breeders. I would love to have another mini dachshund, mainly because as silly as it sounds, Sophie does recognize other dogs of the same breed. She gravitates towards them, probably because they are on her level. I really want to find a puppy friend for her to help us make this family more complete.
6. Baby- start trying for baby Seftick #1 before the end of the year- begin the process in October 2010. October is a tentative date for us. We know we want to start a family we just aren't ready at this moment. Tom wants to make sure he is secure in his job, he is always so practical and we want to make sure we don't rush into anything, especially since we have been married less than a month. Regardless I am excited to bring a baby into this world, especially if they look like him, I think he's gorgeous.
7. Dates- really make good use of the time Tom and I have together. Plan dates, vacations, weekends away so that we can spend quality time together. We have limited time together. Since he works nights his schedule is weird and we don't often end up with 3 weekend days together. I really want us to focus on having quality time together even when the quantity isn't much. We often just spend a night on the couch watching movies and I think we should focus on getting out more, especially since we haven't done much exploring of Baltimore.
8. 5k- run at least 1 5k this year and encourage Tom to run it with me. This is self explanatory. I have been upping my mileage on the treadmill and have been running 3-5 miles at least 3 days a week so I know I can do it, it's a matter of committing to a date now. YIKES
9. Housework- get better at managing my time and housecleaning so that I donít have to spend an entire day cleaning. Truly strive for the clean 1 room a day plan so that I donít have to spend 8 hours cleaning on a Saturday. This is something I worked on for awhile and when it was getting done it was beautiful, but then Tom started working nights, making it me cleaning all the time. Not to mention when is home I would rather sit and cuddle with him than run the vaccum. This will be a big one for us this year, working on balancing it all.
10. Family and Friends- be a better friend, daughter, daughter in law, sister, aunt, etc. I didn't get to spend nearly as much time in Pittsburgh in 2009 and I want to spend more in 2010. My family and I are very close and when I only get to see them 1 time every 3 months it takes a toll on me and my relationship with them and Tom. I want to encourage them to come visit me more often as well.
This is a lot to strive for this year but I know that I can do it. Looking back at all that I accomplished in 2009 proves to me that I am ready for all that life has to give me. Good luck to everyone and their goals, it's time to get fired up for a great 2010.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
It seems like a lot of people on here write a blog everyday. I guess it's my turn to jump on board.
I will recap my questionable weekend and crappy start to the week.
Saturday Tom took me shopping at the outlets near us. I was so excited to finally buy some new clothes. All of my work clothes are huge and quite honestly embarassing to wear. I am a firm believer that you feel good when you look good. Although it feels nice to know that clothes that were once too tight are now huge it doesn't feel good to think you look sloppy and unkept. When I began my journey I was squeezing myself into an 18-20 (I really probably should have been wearing a 22) and was excited when 18's I haven't worn in over a year became too big to wear. This all seemed great especially when I considered clothing shopping. It did not turn out that way however. Within an hour of arriving at the outlets and trying things on I became discouraged and gave up. It appears that I am in between an 18 and a 16 now(YAY) which is great on the surface but crappy in general. I refuse to buy 18 which are already a little too big because I KNOW they will be too big soon enough and 16's are too tight to make me feel comfortable. After going to the Gap, Banana Republic, Levis, and countless other clothing stores and finding nothing that I thought looked "good" I gave up. Needless to say I didn't leave the outlets with much in hand, which is rare for me because I always find deals.
Sunday Tom and I went to the Renaissance Festival. I was not looking forward to this at all. I had been forewarned about the types of people who frequent the festival and although I applaude them for living in their own fantasy world I just do not get it. I knew there would be people dressed up and getting into and it is not my cup of tea(I hated playing Barbies when I was young) Regardless I put a smile on my face and got out there with Tom. The weather was fantastic and we were out in the woods with the sun shining. Tom had some beer and turkey legs while we watched the Joust- which was awesome. We walked around and browsed the shops and other food vendors before I chose to eat a piece of chicken on a stick and a pickle. Tom then ate regular chip french fries(I ate some-yummy) and funnel cake french fries. He drives me crazy eating whatever he wants all the time. Regardless after a few hours even he had had enough of the festival and we left. There wasn't much in the way of entertainment, it was mostly shopping and that wasn't the kind of shopping I enjoy.
Monday would have been fine if I wasn't up almost 2 lbs from my Friday weigh in. That started me off on a bad foot and made me cranky. I generally do not like Mondays as it is but especially not when I am up in the lbs. Work was busy as it always is on Mondays and everyone- I MEAN EVERYONE is sick breathing their germs all over the place. I hate being sick, most people do, and can not figure out why everyone doesn't stay home when they are sick. No no they would rather come to work and blow their noses and germs all over the rest of us who are not sick. It's gross. I don't feel sick yet- knock on wood and hope that I do not catch these nasty germs. Last night we went over to one of Tom's coworkers house for a cookout and to watch the GreenBay/VIkings game. I do not typically watch or follow football other than keeping an eye on whether the Steeler's won or not so I don't know how I got roped into going. I baked cupcakes to take with us for their kids and thought it would be good for us to meet other couples. Needless to say besides the hostess I was the only other female. Apparently the other ladies backed out, which would have been fine but seriously who wants to watch football with a bunch of guys. Especially when the guys were seriously into the game and I was more concerned with the fact they were wearing pink for Breast Cancer month. We left at half time and that was already way past my bedtime. I was tired and cranky this morning because I didn't make it to the gym and now I just feel blah.
I was hoping this would get this blahness out of my system and make me feel better. It did help a little. I am looking forward to getting home and getting some heavy duty cleaning done. Cleaning always makes me feel better. It gives me a sense of control and I love having a freshly cleaned room. Tonight is also catch up on Girly TiVo Tv shows since Tom is working. YAY for Gossip Girl.
AT least tomorrow is HUMP DAY
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