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Hit a wall

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

So i have officially hit a wall. Up until now the weight loss has been easy and I havent feel like I was struggling with it. Then all of sudden I feel like I am eating, and eating and eating and having no remorse about it until its too late. I still work out HARD but if I am not eating right then it makes no real difference. I am still losing weight but I feel like mentally I need to fix this. I know my TOM is coming and that might be a large part of why I feel this way but I cant continue feeling this way. I hope it's a fluke and I will wake up in a few days back to my chipper happy self but if not I am gonna lose it. I know how bad it felt to weigh what I did and I really want this to tbe the time it changes for good but when I hit this wall and feel the way I do I lose faith. I feel like it's easier to just go backwards rtaher than forwards. Maybe I just need to sleep on this and not stress today. Stressing makes it worse because then I cant focus on anything. GAHHHHHHHH

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHITEJM11 9/17/2009 4:34PM

    Thanks I needed to hear that. It's just hard once you get down to not stay down. I am also sick today so I am sure that had a lot to do with it. Tomorrow is a new day

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TAMBERTRAND 9/16/2009 6:18PM

    Its easy to justify eating badly when you are exercising. And, every once in a while you need to allow yourself a "cheat" day. I'm sure TOM is adding pressure. Just move on after you feel as if you've eaten everything in sight. Don't look back just keep looking forward.

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What a year!

Monday, July 13, 2009

I know that it's July and not January but I wanted to reflect back on the last year. A lot has changed and looking back always helps me look forward.

This time last year Tom and I had just bought and moved into our first home. It was an incredible feeling to be our age and feel like we owned a piece of something. We love our townhouse although we have yet to finish decorating(it's a work in progress).

Then in July we had our first ever vacation together(without parents). We had an incredible time in Hilton Head Island with our dear friends Carmella and Jason. A week on the beach is a perfect vacation for me. Tom spent time reading under an umbrella and relaxing since he knew that would all change when we got home. After a great vacation coming home to an empty house didn't seem right luckily our puppy would be back from her stay in Pittsburgh with my parents(or so we thought).
On July 12 last year our puppy was struck by a car in Pittsburgh while my mom was watching her. Of course this was unexpected and threw us through a loop. After several surgeries some in Pittsburgh, some here in Maryland and countless hours of physical therapy, and thousands of dollars her poor leg could not be saved. We amputated the leg and she went through more therapy and ultimately is as good as new.

August brough on some welcomed changes. Tom started his career with the Howard County Police department. He started the police academy the first week of August and although the hours were long, and the training rigorous he graduated in February 2009 and is now a full blown police office. I also started a new job at the end of August. I left my job in Property Management to come and work for a company that sells fundraisers. At first it was rough since I started in the busiest season and there was little time to get me up and running. However, things turned out great and now I love my position, the people I work with and the job. Leaving the old job and the stress behind definitely helped me have a more positive outlook on making friends and learning to love living in Maryland.

Thanksgiving we hosted our first dinner at our house with my sisters, nephew, mom and soon to be stepdad coming for a few days. We had delicous food, spent some time showing them our new city and more importantly had our house feel like a home filled with family. Tom was wigging out the entire time they were here since he thought the house was too small to have us all jammed inside but I can't begin to explain how great it felt to have a house full of noise for once.

Christmas was wonderful as it always is with our families. We both have incredibly generous families who spoil us and who we love to spend time with. We found out on Christmas morning that my sister was pregnant with a second child finally answering all of our pleas to have another baby. The pregnancy has not been without some minor issues though. At first she was not gaining weight and after a series of tests they thought the baby may have a chromosomal disorder which would have ended the pregnancy. Luckily after more and more testing things turned out fine and she is now gaining weight and looking great. Then they thought she may have gestational diabetes triggering 2 of the tests(which are apparently no fun since you have to drink a gallon of sugar water and not pee?) which also turned out negative. We are very excited to have a new nephew in August and even Pete my nephew is excited for Baby Max or Baby Owen.

The new year started off with a bang including weddings in Pittsburgh, a new position at work, and lots of other fun stuff. This all led to a really crappy February. My grandfather passed away early in the month. Luckily I got home in enough time to say goodbye before he passed but it didn't make saying goodbye any easier. He was our last grandparent and it feels weird that he's not here. I'm always glad that February is a shorter month but even more so this year.

Easter was fantastic. We planned a trip up to Pittsburgh to visit my family, I'm obsessed with my nephew and when we are in town I spend every waking minute hanging with him. We planned on leaving at 5 am Friday morning so we could beat all the major traffic on the turnpike. It turned out to be a great morning when Tom proposed in bed. He had the sweetest most personal proposal ever and it didn't help that he gave me a beautiful ring as well. His mother had given him her engagement ring and he had it reset to fit my tastes(she told him to change it). It was a perfect time for us especially since we were on our way home to see family.

The last few months have been filled with wedding planning, which is not my favorite thing in the world. Since Tom and I decided we would be paying for our wedding we had planned on something small with just family and a few friends. Ultimately this led to a destination wedding in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Deciding on a destination wedding is what jumpstarted my dieting. I have put off taking care of myself for so long that I feel like now is my time. If i don't start now I never will. As frustrating as being overweight is it usually is just easier. Why eat the healthy stuff when you could just as easily eat the bad stuff. So far my motivation level is high and my mindset is right. Now is my time. I refuse to be an overweight bride and more importantly I can not imagine spending my life with Tom as an overweight person.

THIS IS MY TIME

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMBERTRAND 7/13/2009 2:08PM

    What a nice way to remember the year! You can do this...you will be a beautiful bride!

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