Saturday, April 09, 2011
Thank you again for the support that I received from my meltdown. I wrote my blog so that I could start to own what I was feeling. I realise now why they recommend to write and keep in contact with members on this site. For the support and encouragement. Members are so positive.
What I have noticed before when I was more positive I was blogging and being more active with lots of teams. However in the last month the blogging has started to fall off. Also the interaction has fallen away slightly. To my detriment. By keeping involved does keep you motivated.
When I wrote the blog I actually did not know what was wrong. I realised what the problem yesterday. Yesterday was my niece's graduation from university. So proud of her.
But the history behind is I actually talked her into joining me to start uni together. (Best thing I ever did because we now have a fantastic relationship, not as Aunt and niece but as best friends). I had to pull out because of sickness and the operations that I have written about in the past.
I did actually withdraw at the start of this year. I have accepted the fact that now it would be too hard to start studying again. But I really think it was that last little bit of letting go.
Went over to see her graduate. So happy and proud and I am glad that I went.
One of my lecturers asked how I was and when I said "really good now", she asked me to come back and continue. My answer was "no, I am going to have a life". This is when I realised that I had completely let go of this part of my life, with no regrets. I felt the weight lifting from my shoulders.
Had a beautiful day, went to the graduation, then went out for dinner to celebrate. I had nice clothes on, makeup (I don't wear makeup often) had my hair straighten by a friend. After she finished my hair I went into her bedroom to look at myself in full length mirror and DRUMROLL (shock horror) I thought I looked nice and actually did admit it. This is a big moment because I have never thought that before.
I am glad I attempted to do a degree, it has helped me in lots of different ways. I am a lot stronger person than before.
Now I am back to being positive and concentrating on myself. I ended up putting on weight (2 1/2kgs) in the last 2 weeks because of the emotional eating and not weighing. But at least I have stopped eating.
Another thing what was worrying me was my hot air balloon ride. I feel that I was being too rigid in saying I have to lose another 15kgs. I have lost 14kgs now. But now think I deserve it if I lose between a total of 25 to 30kgs. I am still going to aim for the 15kgs but was thinking what if I only lose another 14kgs, I will miss out. I still need to earn it, but need to have a little bit of a leeway and flexibility because I am not perfect.
Now I start on my next chapter in my life.
Short term goals.
1. Post regular blogs.
2 take a more active role in the teams that I am on.
3 lose weight 500grams per week or 1lb per week.
4 eat healthy, not to emotionally eat
5. do exercise every day.
Still aiming to lose 15kgs (30 od lbs) by November
Get back to living an enjoyable time. Back to being positive.
I want my balloon ride in November, this is with my niece.
Then I need to make more goals for next year, I will need to aim for a total of 50 to 60 kg loss of weight.
I am not perfect
I can't expect my weight loss to be perfect
I am only human.
I need to be more flexible.
I need to enjoy my decisions to lose weight.
I need to be honest with myself.
Don't let my emotions consume me or control me.
Grandchildren will be here tonight so I am going to have an enjoyable weekend.
Friday, February 18, 2011
As many of you know that I had major head surgery in November 2009 due to problems with fluid build-up and the hind brain was being squashed. This caused me many problems such losing balance and falling over, choking when eating, problems drinking, speech was affected, headaches, breathing difficulties to name a few.
The neurosurgeon had to put a hole in the back of my head just above the spine. It was about a 6 hour operation. I was told that I may not survive and that it may not work.
I do remember that when I saw him in recovery he was happy and explained that he actually saw my brain expand. He said then that he thinks the operation worked.
Which brings us up to today.
Today when I saw him, he asked how I was doing, told him that everything is ok. Which has improved by about 95/98%.
He then said he needed to tell you this. He started by saying "that he played God when I operated on you". He said that they rarely do these operations as in most cases they do not work. He also said "that in most cases they actually let "nature takes it coarse" his words. In other words you die.
WOW what a thing to have said to you. I thanked him very much for taking a risk to operate on me.
He commented on my weight loss. I do not need to see him anymore unless there is any problems, I have to phone and he will see me. He feels as though there will be none because it be over 12 months.
I thanked him again and shook his hand.
What a privileged to be told this.
It makes it more important and more determined to lose the weight I have had for so long. I feel as though I need to repay him for saving my life. I also need to live my life that he gave back to me by losing more weight, become healthier, fitter and stronger.
Friday, December 17, 2010
I thought this was awesome.. You might have seen it before.
LET IT REALLY SINK IN.......
THEN CHOOSE .
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'
He was a natural motivator.
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it!'
'You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'
He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or...you can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.'
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it..
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.
'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choic e. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood....
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved i n a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins....Wanna see my scars?'
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or......I could choose to die. I chose to live.'
'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked.
He continued, '...the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.'
'What did you do?' I asked.
'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity''
Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'
He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude....I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully..
Attitude, after all, is everything.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34
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