Thursday, August 28, 2014
Well. I would call it an epiphany. Yet it is so obvious, I should have arrived at it a long time ago. That is, I spend a lot of my days and nights getting up and doing things. I am the sole caregiver for my severely disabled wife. I do for her and I do for me, much of the time. That includes all shopping and anything out of the house for both of us. I am the only one who drives her. I also drink a lot of liquids during the day and night, and I am just up and down a lot. It results in muscle tightness and fatigue in my legs. A day doesn't go by that I don't have that in the evening. So, recently I was at a neurologist's office and told him about the problem, and at my request, he prescribed a muscle relaxer. He said it would be good for me to take it.
Today, I was laying in bed, muscles fatigued, and I thought about the drug and how I should be taking it, and haven't. Then, I started thinking, "what else could I do for my muscle fatigue?", when it occurred to me, "I'm carrying around about 70 extra pounds of weight! What about taking that off? DUH!" It started to sound like a pretty good idea, and I started planning my grocery list for tomorrow, cutting calories from what I would normally buy. I was thinking, after all of my resistance for these many years, I could use the nutrition tracker to document what I've eaten, and to see where I might sometimes go over on calories.
Why hadn't I thought of this previously? I have been ambling along, cutting small amounts of calories here and there, but to no avail. I am about the same weight I was at Christmas. So it's going to take some good planning. And I will up my efforts to keep my gym attendance consistent. But as of tonight, I am definitely on a new path. With 70 less pounds to lug around all day long, let's see about that muscle fatigue. Thanks for listening, Glenn
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Just read of yet another suicide. This was the percussionist for a band in Portland, OR. 43 years old. Shot himself. Even prior to the suicide of Mr. Williams, this has been a year of an uncommon amount of those in the spotlight taking their lives. It is almost becoming as common place a the proverbial showing off of the baby bump. And it is very sad. These lives were as yet undetermined as to the amount of joy they could have and bring to this world. It is only in the bleakest moments that such acts are initiated. Yet life has so much more to offer for those who can see past the haze.
1974. I was 23 years old. Had just suffered through an agonizing hospitalization, and was given a major mental health diagnosis. I felt okay when I left the hospital, and while at home with my parents for awhile, but the diagnosis was figuratively killing me. I saw no one like me in the world who would ever amount to anything. I was almost totally helpless when one night, alone in our lower level bathroom, I grabbed a bottle of my mom's pills that she was using for anxiety. I downed more than half of them, and went to bed. That was it for me. My way out from my new disturbing and impossible circumstance. Only thing was, I think now that they were placebos. I woke up the next morning. Sun was shining brightly, air was warm. I was feeling fine. No ill effects. AND I DIDN'T DIE! I was alive. I was kind of a confessional sort of kid, so I told my mom I took them. Nothing seemed to change between us. I had been seeing a psychiatrist, and continued seeing him. I had a very good relationship with a psychiatric social worker. I felt very much that she was on my side.
Shortly after that I met my wife, who was also in my corner. Years of work in therapy and in nightly coffee trips out with my then girlfriend led to me moving on, albeit slowly, with my career. There was a major geographical move to just leave the past behind. Eventually my wife and I had a child, and then he had two children, and now, there is a beautiful 3 year old girl and her younger brother who bring joy to the world and who wouldn't be here today had I been successful on that evening in 1974, or on any subsequent night.
LIfe has innumerable ways to reward you for sticking around. Of course life has setbacks, but there is a resiliency anyone can develop that pulls you through the tough times, and there are lots of people along the way who you wouldn't want to have missed out on.
Let's not let this become more of a trend. Seek help from whomever you can trust. It takes a lot of work, but it so much more interesting to see just what's around the bend. Glenn
Saturday, August 23, 2014
But one that did smooth out. Spark people deserve all the credit they are given. Thanks to all for some great rewards (and awards). Glenn
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Just as I giving up on all new weight loss attempts, and stated that I would still exercise and still initiate the changes for consumption that are already in practice. At that time I stated I would give up on the scale and measuring for while. Today was planned to be my last day of measuring, but my waist came down. Small though it was (1/2 inch), it gave me a total of 1.5 inches lost in my waist since I started measuring about 6 or 7 weeks ago. This means, with my weight loss stable, there appears to be proof of some redistributing going on of my body composition. It tells me, for the first time that I can really see it, that I might be building muscle and losing fat. It was a highlight for my day, and made me realize I might not be so quick to drop all measurement. Inside, I'm doing the Lithuanian dance of joy, and I can get away with saying that, because I am a large part Lithuanian. @@ ## $$ %% ^^ && !!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Okay. I've certainly tried. I had a problem getting my weight down. 8 months ago I started eating only when hungry, and only till satisfied. Then, after that didn't work on it's own, I started at the gym three days per week 18 weeks ago. Then, when that didn't bring my weight down, I lowered my sugar and white flour consumption. I also, 5 weeks ago gave up drinking alcohol. Still, the scale hangs around between 288 and 290. (I am 6'4"). I just made the decision today, that I will be doing no more new stuff to lose weight. I feel maxed out in terms of what I'm willing to change for a lighter body. I will be keeping these new measures in place, and will still work out. I'm likely to quit weighing and measuring, but may check in on those things from time to time. I think I'll still be Sparking, but am giving up the idea of making any more changes. This is it! If the weight comes off, so be it, and I'll be happy for that. But nothing new will be tried. Thanks Spark friends, for all of your kind support and knowledgeable advice. Glenn
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