Friday, January 31, 2014
I fully admit that the last couple of weeks I have been completely unmotivated. I've been so focused on finding a job that I have neglected to log in and log my food. As the depression that comes with long searches set in, my urge to emotional eat returned. While I did my best to fight it off, I was not 100% successful, and that's ok. The fact that I even realized I was doing it was a huge step forward, an NSV (Non Scale Victory) of sorts if you will. Breaking the cycle will be easier, or so I tell myself.
What has snapped me out of it this time is my daughter, Boo. She had a Sparkpeople account when we lived up North, but never logged on and never did anything with it. In fact, she couldn't even remember the password to it. However, last week she announced that she was going to start walking every day and eating better. She wants to lose weight, and she is determined to do it right. She has plenty of support, let me tell you!
Her first week has passed. She is drinking water all the time. It's been a bit too cold to walk outside (7 degrees in NC is too cold!), and has instead found different activities indoors to work out. She's been having salad with her evening meal, and she's doing her best to stay in the calorie range SP set for her. She logs all her food as soon as she eats it (she's even better than I ever was at this!), and her efforts brought her a 4 pound loss in her first week. What we see is a young lady who not as moody, is learning her body and what it takes to fuel it properly, a woman who is taking charge. This is a long way from the person she was last year at this time, believe me!
Her grandmother has been supportive and encouraging. She does the majority of the cooking for us, so home based meals that don't come out of the freezer or a box are the staples. It's helping Plex and I as well. She reminds my daughter when she gets discouraged that it's not going to happen overnight and that it's work to lose weight. There is no magic pill or food.
As for me, well, as I have been supporting her I've been learning things about myself and how easy it was to get off track. She's got me thinking again, and I can't thank her enough. She is a wonderful young woman, sometimes a pain in my patooka, but always mine!
So if you see RLParenteau93 around, say hi and give her a bit of encouragement. She will definitely love it!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My mood this weekend can be best described as irritable. Yes, I blog, but for the most part I am an intensely private person. I do not like being watched or questioned at every turn, and I feel like this has been happening all weekend.
Friday morning I set out to finish a sewing project for my BIL. I had one of the items nearly complete, and the second one cut when I left the house to take the younger daughter to pick up her last paycheck from her seasonal job. While we were out, I stopped at the craft store to pick up two items, and decided to go out to lunch. When I got home, my MIL made a comment to the effect that it was a shame I wouldn't have the project done in time for that evening. Negative reinforcement at it's finest. NOT appreciated on my part to say the least. I just shut my mouth and finished the project. I then cleaned up my mess, and said to myself that I would not take out the sewing machine again as long as I live here. A bit extreme reaction, to be sure, on my part, but it's how I feel.
Yesterday, younger daughter kept questioning me while I was on my laptop. She'd look at me and ask "What". When I gave her a confused look she said I was making faces at my laptop. What I was doing in fact was writing a business letter, and I was forming it in my head as I was typing. I didn't realize I was making faces. She got mad at me when I asked her to stop looking at me while I was working after the 10th time she asked me "what". It was distracting me from what I was trying to get accomplished, because I spent more time worried about what my facial expressions were (I'm doing it now as I type this, and it's irritating me!). I decided to lock myself in my room, watch The Borgias on Netflix and stitch for the afternoon so no one would have to look at me. Last night was better with her, but during the football games (Go Pats!), my daughter, who is in fact hyperactive, was telling me everything popping up on her FB feed, which irritated my MIL. I can't win.
This morning, I got up later than I wanted to. My coffee was stronger than usual. My daughter was irritated with UPS (long drama story I won't even get into), she was snapping at me so I left the room to get dressed and make my bed. I came back to her pronouncement that she deleted her FB account for me. WTH. I am done. I will not be the whipping girl for everyone else's moods anymore. I am not a diplomat. I am me.
So for me, I plan on getting outside every afternoon, rain or shine, and go for a walk. ALONE. I want to peace, quiet, and time for inner reflection. ME TIME! That's it. I need to get my balance back.
Saturday, January 04, 2014
Staying positive in an uncertain time is so hard. Yesterday my work contract was cancelled suddenly. I was told that I was not a fit for the job, as I was more geared to a management position than the position I had. Not the way I wanted to start the year. That being said, I found some positive in this event.
The job really wasn't a good fit with my experience and goals, even though I haven't been a manager in 7 years. The company wasn't ready to really get to the next level required for the industry. They will find out the hard way after their first third party audit just how unprepared they are. Pharmaceuticals, whether injectable or OTC, does not have room for a quality group with an attitude of "why should I care". I now have the time to really concentrate on finding a more suitable working environment. There's my positive.
What does this mean for me? More job searches, more resume sending, more time with Nana, no excuses when it comes to exercise, no temptations of junk food, more time for stitching, being home at night with my family. All upsides to me.
It's a setback, but it's not the end of all things. How we look at situations can make the difference between stagnation and success. I am choosing success.
Thursday, January 02, 2014
Yesterday I went outside to stretch my legs for a bit since I'd been sitting, playing a video game with Plex, and I heard the most amazing sound. There was a red tailed hawk perched in the trees lining the driveway, and he was calling out. I've seen hawks flying plenty of times, but to hear one up close and personal like that made me stop and appreciate the world around me.
So many times I'm rushing about and not paying attention to little things. I take them for granted, and I shouldn't do that. I am hoping for more opportunities like the one from yesterday. For this very second, I will be amused by my daughter who is sitting across from me eating lunch (pasta) and wagging her finger in the air in time to the music on the radio. She is such a random person, I swear! She is also quite ecstatic that she made it into my blog LOL
I think I will stretch out for a bit, see if I can't do something for this headache and enjoy the quiet of the house.
Wednesday, January 01, 2014
Welcome to 2014!! Are you ready for a year filled with yourself as a priority? I am!
Halfway through 2013 I lost steam. I had been doing well, and then got bogged down in other things in my life that gave me way too much to worry and stress myself about. The result was not so great weight loss, loss of motivation, the return of being too tired and all the feelings I had before. I recognized this, tried to get myself back on track, but never quite managed to get back that special something that keeps me motivated.
Welp, I started last Saturday to get back on track. I've had screwy hours at work (been called into work early 2 mornings in a row), but I am not backing down. When I got home last night, I still took the dog for a walk. I ate dinner, and yes, I indulged with spinach pie appetizers, pistachios and Cheetos. I also had 2 glasses of champagne at midnight. I'm not hiding that I had some bad food choices, but I am not proud of it either. I had maybe a dozen pistachios. I had way more Cheetos. I have a weakness for those crunchy little bits of cheezy goodness. I have to do better on planning for those moments, and sticking to small portions. Item one for the new year to work on.
Tonight for dinner we'll be having honey baked ham, courtesy of my mother-in-law's friend who brought it this morning as a gift. I love ham, but I will make sure to get the nutritional information from the packaging before I indulge so I can plan the meal. :-)
I have wall push-ups to do this morning, and a walk to get in. I'm making this the year of ME! I'm important enough to do this, and so are you!
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