Thursday, January 15, 2009
When reflecting upon the changes that have occurred in me during the past 8 1/2 months, I realized that there are other physical changes that are reflected in my health. They are:
1. My left hip hurts a lot less. (I have an artificial right hip and arthritis in the left hip.)
2. My right ankle is stronger and hurts far less. (My ankle was badly broken in college. My doctor thinks it was re-broken at some point. Previously there we times when it would feel like I was walking on broken bone. It will still need repair at some point, but less weight on it has helped and walking on the treadmill has strengthened it.)
3. For the first time in 13 years I recovered from a cold without it turning into an infection that then needed antibiotics for treatment. (I have an immune deficiency that isn't going to go away because of a change in my lifestyle, but my overall health has clearly improved enough that I can fight a common cold with just my monthly infusions.)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
This morning was my weekly weigh-in day. I stepped on the scale and prayed (as usual) that I would see a slight movement in the right direction. Last week I had weighed in at 202.8. I wanted to see at least a few ounces gone. Instead I looked down to see a full 2.2 pounds gone from the scale. The scale read 200.6. I stepped off of my digital scale, let it power down, touched it to re-power it, stepped up again and saw that it still said 200.6! I was in shock. I was in awe. For 8 1/2 months I have worked to see my body change. I have worked to watch the inches decrease. And I have worked to see the numbers on the scale decline. Still, I was blown away to see that I am in my last days in the 200s. Soon I will step upon that scale and see 100+. It truly shocked me that it has really come. I am about to enter one-derland.
Friday, January 09, 2009
I don't know what is keeping you from giving it your all, but I know what it was for me. I never truly believed in myself as a thin person. I had some sense of who the fat girl/woman was. I knew how to navigate through life in that form. I had never been thin for any great length of time and I didn't know how to live in that body. I didn't know who I was or how to act. I could imagine getting thin (and I did, a number of times), but I couldn't live thin. My whole life had revolved around food, either the eating of it or the not eating it. I didn't know how to fill my life up with other things and put food in its proper place in my life. Because of that I reached a point where I didn't BELIEVE in me. I thought it was absolutely not possible for me to lose weight. When I came to SP I felt pretty desperate, but I had just enough hope to give it one more try and I stuck with the basics long enough (tracking my food, exercising, drinking enough water, getting enough rest) that I began to FEEL different. I actually began to WANT to exercise (an absolutely foreign concept to my 51-year-old body --- I recall many times when I would be with friends who WANTED to take a walk. I would go with them, but only because I WANTED to be with them. I had no desire to take a walk --- unless it was because I thought I SHOULD.) Now I have done this program long enough that I can FEEL the changes in my body and in me. In the past I have lost weight by reducing the amount of food that I eat. This time I haven't just taken something away. I have added other things that fill me up in a different way. I am now getting to know the thinner (not thin, yet) me and I BELIEVE!
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