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Middle Number 4, GRRRRR!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Changed my weight tracker to 140.5. Up from 138 where it's been (faithfully checked daily because that's what works for me in maintenance) for weeks and weeks.

But today it WAS 140.5. And so I changed it.

I hate to see that middle number 4.

I know, I know. Not a big deal. Probably temporary.

I haven't been exceeding my calorie count. Have been permitting myself 1500 or 1600 calories a day, however. Within my "range" but probably too much for my metabolism.

And: I did have a serving of salted cashews and almonds yesterday. So there might be some "water weight" lurking in there. Nuts good (in moderation); salted nuts not so good.

Today: Will review my Beck cards. *pause: doing that right now* Done.

Where have I been a bit sloppy?

Pretracking nutrition: gotta do this every day, the day before. (Haven't put in today's nutrition yet: will do this immediately after posting my blog). And I will measure portion sizes rather than relying upon the "eyeball method".

Exercise: work has been uber stressful, and I haven't been getting to the gym as much as I need to. Even though the gym (and golf) are excellent means of combating stress. Went to the gym yesterday. I'm playing golf today. And tomorrow.

Eating standing up. There's been a tiny bit of that creeping back in . . . vegetables while preparing salads, a berry or two. Trivial from a calorie count perspective, NOT trivial from a "strengthening the resistance muscle" perspective. No more eating standing up. None. No choice. This is a huge slippery slope for me.

So: I will continue to pretrack diligently: exercise, nutrition.

And measure my portion sizes accurately.

Because: ignoring small weight gains is what got me up to 230 pounds in 2001.

Eternal vigilance is what I require. Beck and SP can help me maintain that.

I want to see a middle number 3 again. Yeah.

When it happens, I will post it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 6/28/2011 6:08PM

    You've got this! I love how meticulous you are... That is way cool.

Go girl.


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CRYSTALJEM 6/27/2011 6:55PM

    Keep up the great work. Deep breath, you have it together - just take it step by step and ease through the stress. However, when you figure out how to ease through that stress, please share because I'm really not passing that life class right now! ;)

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PENNYAN45 6/27/2011 8:41AM

    How good it is to have a Beck's checklist that you can go over in your mind to make improvements when the scale slips up - even if it is ever so slightly.

I have found that eating anything sweet can cause water retention. Don't know why - but it happens.

You are modeling the best behaviors for all of us. Thanks.

emoticon emoticon

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TBANMAN 6/26/2011 8:27PM

    That's the difference between now and back then, isn't it? The ability to catch yourself teetering over that slippery slope. Good on you.

And it is a big deal - if it's a big deal to you. No minimizing allowed.


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BARBIETEC 6/26/2011 7:24PM


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TRYINGHARD1948 6/26/2011 7:05PM

    You are awesome.

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BRIGHTSPARK7 6/26/2011 2:07PM

    I know how you feel, Ellen. I've been stuck at middle number 3 for two months. For my height, I need to be in the 2's. I am on track with my walking goal for the month, though. And it is more than last month. Slow and steady wins the race. And I agree with you about the small changes accumulating to a big difference over time. Let's keep moving in the right direction.
Enjoy your golf!

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CARRAND 6/26/2011 12:49PM

    Sounds like you're back on track. I know it's easy to backslide. That said, I'm blaming the salted nuts.

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NANCY- 6/26/2011 12:15PM

    You are one amazing woman.
Your mindfulness and actions speak volumes as to your commitment of living a healthy lifestyle.

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KRISTI2661 6/26/2011 11:11AM

    You SO impress me. I'm feeling like I haven't been quite faithful enough lately, although the scale is not being unkind to me, it feels odd not doing things as diligently and I worry about that. Thanks for the reminder!

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PHEBESS 6/26/2011 10:30AM

    You CAN do this. And yeah, water weight (and hormonal shifts, slight as they are during our post-50 years) can make a difference. So, you know what to do.

And I'm guessing these are the NOT "oh well" moments.

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SLENDERELLA61 6/26/2011 9:54AM

    Today is an important day for you. Your commitment is high. Your aweness is high. Today is the day to get 100% back on track. Your plan to measure - and to get unsalted nuts for the next time - are both good. Your commitment to pre-plan your food and avoid standing is excellent. You reminded me. I've done a little standing-eating. Need to cut that out. Yesterday I fell back into an old trap. I ate some of Natalie's leftover salmon. I didn't need it, but I just hated to see it go to waste. Better waste than waist. Thanks for reminding me.

Have a great and healthy important back on track day today!! -Marsha

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LEGALLYBLONDE81 6/26/2011 9:42AM

    Do you pre-track every day? Some days I try. If I know I am going out for dinner I'll even try and pick what I'm having ahead of time (if they have an online menu), so I can allocate more or less enough calories. But honestly, if I'm too strict with pre-tracking it makes eating too joyless. I find, especially with snacks, I need a bit of room to go with what my body is wanting.

Do you pre-plan meals?

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Brain Battle: The Process of Motivation

Thursday, June 23, 2011


Today's Toronto Globe and Mail has a great article on how motivation works in the brain, at the level of actual neuro activity in the various structures of the brain. I've provided the link, above, in case you want to read the whole thing. And it's a fascinating story, given that motivation is something that concerns so many of us. However, it's not exactly your "easy read", so here's the condensed version related to the weight loss experience (at least, so far as I'm I'm able to understand it myself).

Essentially, the neuroscience researcher Mark Fenske has discovered that positive motivation arises when the "reward" centres of the brain win out over the "loss" centres of the brain.

In other words, in deciding whether to pursue any particular goal -- including weight loss-- the brain performs a kind of cost/benefit analysis. The motivation story is about an internal battle between various centres of the brain.

We decide to accomplish a goal, such as losing weight. Then our brain considers: How rewarding would it be to accomplish the goal? Some areas of the brain evaluate the rewards (for weight loss, better health, better appearance . . . all the reasons we have to lose weight) -- and a positive evaluation of the rewards associated with a particular goal will result at least initially in motivation. We're gung ho!! We're roaring off all speed ahead to lose a pound a day!! Yay!!

And quickly lose momentum. Because the brain's motivation centres are continually dealing with backtalk from other brain areas. No one likes to be unsuccessful, or to pay more to achieve something than it is worth to him or her.

So these "backtalk" or demotivation brain centres ask other questions designed to protect us from the sting of failure. How likely is it that I will be unable to accomplish the goal? These negative and anxiety-stimulating brain centres evaluate the risks I won't be successful (how many times have I tried in the past and not stuck with the program, or lost weight only to regain it again? and how difficult was it to lose that weight in the first place?)

If these risk and loss factors seem very large, then the brain decides to submit to demotivation rather than experience defeat. The brain determines, for example, that weight loss would require too much effort getting out of bed to exercise, it would require too many sacrifices of delicious foods in social situations, and that in any case I won't be able to keep it up. The result? Giving up. Regaining the weight loss in that first flush of enthusiasm. And probably a few more pounds.

Do it. Don't do it. Do it. Don't do it. When it comes to motivation, or its opposite demotivation, apparently that's what happening inside our brains all of the time. A measurable brain battle of conflicting neuroactivities.

So: how can we strengthen the motivation centres of the brain and weaken the demotivation centres?

This brain battle doesn't need to be an unconscious one.

We can choose quite deliberately to focus on the positive brain signals.

We can deliberately choose to pay greater attention to the positive "do it" signals.

We can deliberately choose to pay less attention to the negative "don't do it" signals.

After all, because I had failed to lose weight up until age 50 did not mean that I was destined never to lose weight. I did lose 80 pounds between 2001 and 2002. I have kept it off, and since January I have lost about 10 pounds more and kept it off. I now weigh more than 90 pounds less than I did in 2002. But: I was yoyoing, fluctuating.

Using the Judith S. Beck Advantage Response cards (from her book, The Diet Solution) was simply a method of focusing my attention on the rewards of losing weight. To adopt her language, it was a method of strengthening the resistance muscles and weakening the giving-in muscles. It was a method of learning to think like a thin person. And for now at least it does seem to have stopped the yo-yoing of that last 10 pounds on/off/on/off.

"Do it" (motivation) is winning: "don't do it" (demotivation) is losing. My brain battle was made manifest in my body: up 10 pounds, down 10 pounds, up 10 pounds, down 10 pounds.

I stopped permitting myself to dwell on fear of failure. I stopped permitting myself to focus on how hard it is to plan my nutrition and exercise.

Instead I have deliberately chosen to pay attention to the rewards of clothing that fits, feeling slim and healthy.

And I've discovered that it isn't that hard to plan nutrition and exercise, especially with the SP trackers. I've learned that sustaining the motivation to maintain weight loss has simply turned out not to be as hard as I had anticipated.

At least most days!!

The Fenske research on the brain battle of motivation reinforces my experience with Judith S. Beck and with SparkPeople.

We're here to pay attention to the centres of the brain that focus on the rewards of weight loss: better health, better appearance . . . . all of that.

On a cost/benefit analysis: yeah. It's worth it. So worth it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELLEFAITH42 6/27/2011 8:36PM

    I saw this last week and didn't have time to read it, but remembered it and had to go back and find and read the whole article tonight. Very fascinating how the brain works. It makes you think of what some of your issues might be and how to change the pattern! Thanks for the link emoticon

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BLUESKY_321 6/24/2011 8:45AM

    Thanks Ellen -a great read for another rainy day! So easy on these days to feel unmotivated! And it's the kiddos first day of summer vaca which means more snack food in the house ... time to exercise my resistance muscle!!!!

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OPHELIA105 6/24/2011 6:34AM

    We can deliberately choose to pay greater attention to the positive "do it" signals.

We can deliberately choose to pay less attention to the negative "don't do it" signals.

I luuuurve this

And think it is so right - it clearly puts the responsibility for our behaviour on our own shoulders - it is very empowering.

We are the masters of our own destiny..

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PENNYAN45 6/24/2011 1:14AM

    This is so interesting. Thanks for the synopsis. It is one more source reinforcing the idea of emphasizing the positive benefits and downplaying the negative arguments. That is the constant battle we deal with. Apparently, just like every other behavior or habit we are trying to change, the more we win that battle, the easier it gets to win.

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BRIGHTSPARK7 6/24/2011 12:17AM

    Cheers and hooray to making the process more conscious! It helps to have a compelling vision to work toward: healthy vibrant body, clarity of thought, positive self-image, being one's best in the world.
I am wondering if it is time for me to read Beck's book. Maybe I can get a used copy on Amazon. I'll take a look.
Thank you, Ellen! You rock!

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TBANMAN 6/23/2011 10:07PM

    Most of the time, if my motivation flags, I can get it back by returning to something that the "demotivating" part of my brain can't argue with, explain away, or wriggle out of:

Eating in my calorie range and meeting my exercise goals leads to weight loss.

Every single time, without fail.

When I do it right, it works.

Kinda hard to get around that.

Besides, nothing tastes as good as healthy feels, right?


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ERIKO1908 6/23/2011 9:33PM

    I'm working hard daily to have the "Do it" win out!!! Thanks for posting the "condensed" version... :)

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SLENDERELLA61 6/23/2011 8:59PM

    You are so right. It is absolutely worth it! And I am doing many of those things to make the debate more conscious. I will continue. Thanks for reminding me and increasing my understanding of motivation and our brain functioning. Good job! -Marsha

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CARRAND 6/23/2011 8:18PM


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PHEBESS 6/23/2011 3:55PM

    I think part of it is also the entire issue of delayed gratification - I can either eat a brownie sundae NOW and enjoy it immediately, or I can NOT eat it now (or any day for a year) and probably be a size or two smaller at the end of the year. The child in us usually kicks and screams and throws a tantrum, and then we relent and eat that brownie sundae NOW for the immediate enjoyment, and hope that we do better and still are a size or two smaller at he end of the year. Which, obviously, doesn't work if we keep giving in to that inner child.

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KALIGIRL 6/23/2011 12:32PM

    Focus on the positive - can't do much better than that!

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PUDLECRAZY 6/23/2011 9:22AM

    Fantastic blog, Ellen!

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NANCY- 6/23/2011 9:02AM

    so true...
At the store, practicing resistance... I ask myself one question:
"Will this take me to my goal?"
Dr. Beck was wonderful in helping me clarify my goal. Knowing what we want gives us that direction .. so we can choose our actions.
Aversion therapy doesn't work for me... I'm all for the benefits side ... what good I am doing for me.
WTG on liking how your clothing fits.

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Back End of a Caterpillar

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Love those tubes of fresh herbs.

Nobody else in my household is really keen on fresh herbs. For me, they add flavour and vitamins and colour to my soups and salad dressings and omelettes without much in the way of additional calories. So I'm a big fan.

But when I buy a whole bunch of dill, or cilantro, then generally speaking I won't get it all used up before it's gone a bit slimy. Which has gotta be sub-optimal. Whereas a tube of fresh chopped cilantro comprises three average bunches and stays fresh to the end. And in addition, if I want, say, "Italian" then I'd have to buy a bunch of basil, and a bunch of rosemary, and a bunch of Italian parsley, and a bunch of . . . you get the idea. Which means that the tube of mixed chopped fresh herbs in whatever "ethnic" variation is also a terrific idea.

So yeah. Getting a tube of fresh chopped herbs is a huge bargain.

And this morning when I was preparing this week's pot of curried lentil soup, I added a big squirt of the fresh cilantro right at the end. Mmmm. Delicious.

As a person who looks for and raises Monarch caterpillars every summer on milkweed leaves until they spin up into their jade green chrysalises, and then ultimately hatch and fly away, I'm really not all that squeamish about the back end of caterpillars either.

Still, while making my soup this morning it did occur to me . . . and I immediately suppressed that thought. Firmly. Because I really like fresh herbs. And am not a vulgar person, not at all!!

Just sayin'.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEGALLYBLONDE81 6/21/2011 7:48AM

    I never even thought of using the tubes. I got so sick of composting 3/4 of a bunch of herbs that I planted cilantro, chives and mint (for mojitos!) in my side garden. I'm going to try this. Where do you get yours? I can't remember where I've seen them.

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PENNYAN45 6/21/2011 7:46AM

    Thanks for the tip. I also like to use fresh herbs when I cook - and often wind up with a slimy bunch of stuff in the bottom of the refrigerator.

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BRIGHTSPARK7 6/20/2011 11:46PM

Thanks for sharing this tip! I'm really enjoying fresh mint from the garden at the moment. It's great minced into yogurt with salt and pepper, eat chilled.
You have also reminded me of the cilantro my mother planted in the garden a couple of years ago. Last summer it reseeded itself. I'll wander out into the corner in the morning and see if it's growing this year.

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NEWKAREN43 6/20/2011 8:39PM

    Thanks for sharing this bit of info and the link. I grow basil and use it all summer but as I get too much, I make pesto from it and freeze it in ice cube trays to use as I want through the fall, it never lasts much into winter, I have a pesto eating family!!! Herbs...love them...I added you as a friend, I hope you'll add me too. Blessings on this journey of health and fitness. Karen

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BARBIETEC 6/19/2011 6:50PM

    omelettes!!!! I have not thought of that!!! Wow I am going to try that out!

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FLOWINGWATER 6/19/2011 5:15PM

    Hmm...gotta check out those tubes. I've never seen them, but herbs are so darn PRICEY! It's a shame when the go slimy. I'm trying to plant as many as I can, so I don't have to buy, but things like cilantro, basil, and parsley are annuals, so they're a pain.

Thanks for the tip!!

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NANCY- 6/19/2011 4:21PM

    Thanks for the info about the tubes. I hate it when good herbs go bad.

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WATERMELLEN 6/19/2011 3:31PM

    The tube herbs I've been buying are called Gourmet Garden, manufactured in Australia and imported into North America through a California distributor:


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IMAGINE_IT 6/19/2011 3:28PM

    I love to experiment with fresh herbs..even though i just started a few months ago...i usually 'throw' a little bit of "this and that" into my soups..and other dishes...and nothing tastes better!! But i am not sure if we have 'Herbs in Tubes'...that is probably another cool Canadian Thing?? emoticon
Ellen..you raise Monarch caterpillars??? Awesome!!
I love Butterflies..and been looking into planting more Butterfly friendly shrubs...etc... emoticon

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CAROLJEAN64 6/19/2011 3:06PM

    Give us some information about how to get these herbs, sounds like just what I am looking for. I love the fresh herbs and hate the slimeys when I don't use them up.

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CARRAND 6/19/2011 2:35PM

    I'll have to look for those fresh herbs in tubes. I don't think I've seen them.

I make a curried lentil soup that I love. I just finished the last bowl of it out of the freezer, so it's time to make more.

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LESLIELENORE 6/19/2011 1:07PM

    I had never heard of fresh herbs packaged like that, so thanks for the info. I love fresh herbs, but usually only get them in the summer from the farmer's market or my parent's garden.

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ONEKIDSMOM 6/19/2011 12:58PM

    LOL... love it! I have a recipe that calls for fresh cilantro but it's rather a big deal when I make it... this suggestion might make me more likely to prep it!


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PHEBESS 6/19/2011 12:36PM


I have to add that certain herbs freeze well, rosemary being a prime example. Also oregano and thyme. Basil, not so much. Not as good as green and fresh, but better than dried. (I LOVE cilantro!!!!! Mmmmmm, so much like the taste of summer!)

And I'm thinking that I need some milkweed in my garden......

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To Waste and Not To Waist: That is the Question!!

Saturday, June 18, 2011


CMRAND54 has a wonderful blog -- link above -- about learning how to waste food. Not eating everything on your plate. Discarding part of the cheese. Setting aside the top half of the bun. Selecting only the most perfect fries, the ones that are "just right": neither too limp or too dark. Then dumping the rest because they're just not good enough to be worth the calories.

This blog reminds me of my mother, who had the same super-efficient metabolism I "enjoy" and that my daughter "enjoys" as well.

Mum was a fitness instructor in the early 50s at the local YWCA, long before fitness classes were the norm. When we went dress shopping together (mother in her girdle and bra and garter belt and nylon stockings and slip and heels and day dress and short white gloves and small hat with a veil: my sister and I in matching Mary Janes and ankle socks and slips and crisp starched hand-smocked cotton dresses), she prided herself on fitting into a size 16. The very same size, she'd tell us, as Marilyn Monroe.

Back home for supper? She did not require us to "eat everything on our plates, or no dessert". She did not entertain us with harrowing tales about the starving children in India.

She'd shake her head when my father offered her a second helping of roast beef and potatoes. Take just a sliver of her own superb home-baked apple pie. Then push aside part of that portion, and sip a cup of black coffee instead.

"Better it should go to waste than to my waist," she'd say.

Self-regulation. That is the question. And the necessity, if that's the reality of your biological legacy.

Unfair? Maybe so. But on the other hand, both my daughter and I also inherited my mother's double cheek dimples!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEGALLYBLONDE81 6/19/2011 10:40PM

    This questions can be rhetorical, but I'd be curious to know whether your mother (or her family) were comfortable during the depression.

Now I'm dreaming up a whole blog on weight and class.

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PHEBESS 6/19/2011 12:39PM

    I always feel so virtuous when I leave something on my plate. Although I don't throw it away, it goes into the fridge for another meal. Even an uneaten baked potato from a restaurant meal comes home and gets scrambled into eggs for dinner in a night or two.

I don't want to waste, but I don't want to waist either!

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BRIGHTSPARK7 6/18/2011 9:52PM

    One of my favorite experiments a couple of weeks ago was to go to an all you can eat soup, salad and bakery bar. I allowed myself a taste of the breads I wanted, the top of a blueberry muffin, a bite of brownie, and let the rest go to waste. A taste was enough. Not all calories are equal in nutritional value, as you know.

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WATERMELLEN 6/18/2011 8:39PM

    Eating food I didn't need is just another kind of waste: a "waisting" waste, in fact, because that's where I'll wear it!!

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CARRAND 6/18/2011 7:42PM

    You're lucky you learned from your mother not to clean your plate. My parents hated to waste food. It took me 60 years to realize that the food is just as gone whether I eat it or toss it.

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INSHAPE2011 6/18/2011 6:04PM

    I tried the Beck suggestion of overloading my plate and eating only what I planned recently and it was amazingly difficult but I did do it and feel proud of it. I was brought up to finish my plate and struggle badly with that. I aim to practice again and as prescribed by Beck before every major outing to strengthen my will. "rather to waste, than to my waist!"... I love this, I'll remember it next time!

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SLENDERELLA61 6/18/2011 2:04PM

    Oh, your mom was wise. Glad you learned the lesson. I had great family that was caring and nuturing, intelligent, responsible and hard working, but no one was wise about food. Sometimes even today I eat more than I truly want because I don't want it to go to "waste". Foolish. Thanks for making me stop and think again.

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REJ7777 6/18/2011 1:44PM

    Thank you for recommending that blog. I'm going to go take a peek at it. You had a good model in your mother, as far as controlling food intake goes!

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FLOWINGWATER 6/18/2011 1:11PM

    I must say, I do struggle with not wasting - especially in restaurants. The other day, at Red Lobster, I asked them to pack up half my meal before they brought it to me. I had heard of that tip, but never had the guts to actually ask for it. I'm glad I did, but, they didn't pack up half the dessert and I couldn't stop eating that little devil!!! emoticon

I like the idea of thinking of food as "not good enough to be worth the calories". I'll have to use that one!

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Friday Evening

Friday, June 17, 2011

Work all done: and it was a fairly tough slog.

Isn't Friday evening one of the best times of the week?

Saturday and Sunday stretch ahead. Twenty-four hours in each one! Chores, sure, they need to get done: and I wanna go to the gym, too.

But there will be time to unwind. Relax. Have fun.

Jammies, a book. No need to set the alarm.

Friday evening. Ahhhhhhh.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 6/18/2011 12:28PM

    YAY for Fridays! There's a whole 48 hours of possibilities ahead!

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IMAGINE_IT 6/18/2011 11:19AM

    Have a wonderful weekend Ellen :)

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NANCY- 6/18/2011 9:36AM

    Each day is a treasure.
Enjoy your weekend.

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MIRAGE727 6/18/2011 7:16AM

    I do look at Friday evening as special too. After dinner, I spent time in my pool and it was wonderful. I slept better because of it. Enjoy the weekend!

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TRYINGHARD1948 6/18/2011 2:28AM


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BRIGHTSPARK7 6/18/2011 12:56AM

    A well deserved rest. Enjoy your weekend!

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CARRAND 6/17/2011 9:21PM

    I love Friday evenings!

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ONEKIDSMOM 6/17/2011 8:05PM

    Ah, sounds like a great Friday evening! Wanna swap? I've got the overnight shift tonight and SHOULD be headed for a nap right now. emoticon

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