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What Goes Up Must Come Down . . . .

Friday, April 01, 2011

OK, probably a blip.

Maybe there will be a full 24 hours at this "new weight" -- and maybe tomorrow I'll have to put the weight tracker back up again.

And I will. If necessary. Really.

And maybe it will be Sunday morning which will require the adjustment upwards. After tomorrow's planned "sisters' day (postponed from last Saturday) which is likely to involve caffeine, shopping and maybe a pastry or two??? Yeah!

And that will be OK too.

So I'm just enjoying the 143.5 for today. That's all. And not attaching too much "weight" to it either. Information only, Which can change. Which will change.

All right!! Feels good though, feels good!! And the Beck program continues with the focus on finding "lowest achievable"/"lowest sustainable" weight while retaining excellent nutrition and exercise.

(Did NOT make it to gym this morning for planned cardio and ST: tossed and turned all night after a hugely stressful day at work. No sleep, then finally caught a few zzzzzs between 3 and 7 a.m. Oh, well. Lunch time walk? It's a possibility. And in the alternative, tomorrow will offer lots of walking and lots of weight lifting related likely to shopping bags!!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRYINGHARD1948 4/2/2011 1:26AM

    Ellen, enjoy your day with your sister. I love the way you are going to do your weight training, LOL - so enjoyable. Hugs, my friend.

PS - Love your commitment but do take care.

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BRIGHTSPARK7 4/2/2011 12:55AM

    Yay for the downward movement! Wooo Hooo! Sista time soundz like fun.
And I have thanked you in my lemon pickle blog, posted today. I have two jars going. After you sent me the link, I was inspired to do more research until I felt a creative surge that convinced me it was possible. Thanks for being there!

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FREELADY 4/1/2011 10:48PM

    It is part of an authentic downward trend! Let yourself enjoy it!

Sisters day! Cool! Have a wonderful time!

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JOHAL52 4/1/2011 10:37PM

    Enjoy today's number! Maybe it will go up tomorrow and maybe it won't. But look at the long term graphs and revel in the fact that the majority of times it's been good news emoticon

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SHECHAM 4/1/2011 9:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SLENDERELLA61 4/1/2011 9:02PM

    Congrats on the weight loss! Enjoy that new number. You are absolutely correct not to attach too much "weight" to it. But don't discount it, either. I personally think that when I track my lowest weight of each month I get the most useful comparative data. -Marsha

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VALERIEMAHA 4/1/2011 11:13AM

    Though in my warped and humble opinion Beck's daily weighing policy is "over the top" and I think it provides inaccurate information, being too microcosmic, MANY disagree. Case in point:

"By far, one of the BEST ways that I have found to stay on track is to make a spreadsheet in Excel. It's so simple!! Make a 'Date' column and a 'Weight' column. Every day, as soon as you wake up, weigh yourself. Write the date and your weight in the spreadsheet. After a few weeks, make a graph using the two columns. For me, it's SO much easier to see my progress when I can actually visualize it. You can see even the slightest drop on a graph, when you may not be able to see it in the way your clothes fit or how you feel. It has helped me get back on track after re-gaining 15 lbs since last summer.

"TRY IT!! :) It's not about being obsessed with numbers, but I definitely feel like I'm making progress when I can see that little dip in the graph. Works wonders, and it's a little reminder of how far you've come!"


I do though deeply admire your relentless commitment to and focus on good health and your cheerful attitude through it all, not to mention our mutual love of that beautiful sliver-of-a-moon!

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CMB2048 4/1/2011 10:30AM

    I know those restless nights! Congratulations on the hitting the new weight. I have the Beck book but I just can't seem to stick with it for more than a day or two at a time. Enjoy your time tomorrow!

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NANCY- 4/1/2011 8:45AM

    You have a great attitude about the weight, Your body will find it's comfortable weight range.
You are making great strides.

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BLUESKY_321 4/1/2011 8:21AM

    It is so much fun to see the numbers on the scale move down ... good for you to be able to enjoy it while realistically acknowledging that it might not stay there!

Have fun shopping tomorrow - my guess is that the nice number on the scale will help you make good choices about the treats you allow your self!

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TOOKES519 4/1/2011 8:18AM

    Isn't that the most wonderful feeling when the scale moves downward!!!! You really floored me though when you said you actually move your ticker up when you gain the weight. I however... will not do that...you know why? Because it makes me accountable to get back down to the weight that I had actually posted. There has not been one week that has gone by that I had not been able to do that either.(Knock on wood) The part that sucks for me is I usually get my weight down just to see it spike again on the weekends. It seems like a never ending battle. Oh well I must be doing something right.

Take care and have a blast shopping tomorrow!!!



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New Moon

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

There it was, floating free above the tree branches in the rosy sky.

(View from the weights room, 6:30 a.m. this morning).

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUNADRAGON 3/31/2011 2:16PM

    Sounds inspiring!

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IMAGINE_IT 3/31/2011 9:18AM

    I work nights as you know..and i always have a beautiful view of the Moon..and i love it!!! emoticon Thank Goodness for simple pleasures and breathtaking Nature that is still all around us!!

Comment edited on: 3/31/2011 9:20:04 AM

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BRIGHTSPARK7 3/30/2011 11:56PM

    And your sliver of a blog is evocative of the new moon, too: Says so much with so little.
xx Usha.

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TRYINGHARD1948 3/30/2011 7:15PM

    So romantic!

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KALIGIRL 3/30/2011 1:10PM

    Sounds wonderful!

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TRAVELGRRL 3/30/2011 11:48AM

    I LOVE ValerieMaha's educational posting, but all I want to say is:

"Better you than me, in the weight room at 6:30 am!!!!"

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VALERIEMAHA 3/30/2011 10:43AM

    All you ever wanted to know about the April New Moon (and a bunch more, I'm sure!). The Sun and Moon are exactly aligned on April 3rd, 2011 at 10:32 AM Eastern US time.

Wide Awake

With so much and so many on edge, this New Moon in Aries looks like a push over that edge. This is the Aries experience, being in the moment, relying on your wits, instincts, and trusting life enough to let go. The Dark of the Moon finds us dying to who we've been, and preparing for a totally new cycle. At the New Moon, we surrender, and here it's the purifying fire of Aries.

Six major planets in fire sign Aries means high spirits and stimulation. And yet, something tells me, on the other side of this, many more of us will be living moment-to-moment. And rediscovering the truest, most alive version of who we are.

What's great about Aries is it burns off the inessential, the trivial, or what covers up your original radiance. You see through to the searing truth. It's about direct engagement with life. New Moons are fresh starts, making this one the Grand Opening to a new epoch and identity that holds the element of surprise.

In this stellium, we have the Sun and Moon meeting at 13 degrees, with Jupiter at 15, Mercury (in retrograde at 23 and Uranus-Mars conjunct at 1 degree Aries. It's a volatile New Moon, and I have to admit, the unstable situation in Japan, with these aspects, adds an explosive factor that makes it feel mighty dangerous. In Lynda Hill's Aries New Moon commentary she calls it incendiary.

Make Room for the Fool

At this New Moon, you can feel like You, only concentrated. And this gives you courage to find your chances to grow and expand in the now. The daunting task, in a fear-driven world, is to clear psychic space for the Fool's journey. The first card in the Tarot, the Fool, is a youth who has very little baggage, and is leaning into the future.

The New Moon is often a time to reflect, and go deep within. Give yourself time away from noise and the opinions of others. The most fearsome shadows of the psyche are rising to be purified in the flames.

There's a wide square from the luminaries (Sun-Moon) to Pluto in Capricorn. You might find yourself seeing what's ingrained, or from your ancestral/family line, and crack the code for your release from programming. I recommend this show on The Holographic Canvas, for "far out" ideas to claim sovereignty over your mind. This is a big part of the Uranus Aries transit, and the interruption of regular programming, in favor of thoughts that are alive, instead of a replay/remake/repeat from the external environment.

Find some freedom this New Moon. Much is rising to be healed, and believe me, I'm right there facing core fears, and attempting this New Moon to do something different with my own intensity. This special time can be a portal to move away from the complex and superficial, into the clear and true, the simple. To come out of hiding, or uncover your own light.

Saturn as Holder of Fire

There's an exact opposition between Saturn Libra and the Sun-Moon at 13 degrees, with Jupiter still opposite as well (at 15 degrees). I found insights on this in Per Henrik Gullfoss' Complete Book of Spiritual Astrology. Saturn is holder of the fire in this opposition, seeing that it's neither stifled or blazes out of control.

On Uranus in fire signs, he writes of the danger, of not considering limits of the body and material world. "It can crave freedom so much that it loses it because of an unwillingness to accept the realities of life." This can lead, he says to exploding in "meaningless acts of stupid rebellion."

Saturn Libra is the moderator with a built-in instinct for setting the balance. If things feel out-of-control, you can follow the dictates of your conscience. Your own moral code, and sense of what's fair comes into play, to weigh against radical actions in the moment.
Some Themes:

* Your luck turns when you take a risk to express yourself in the moment.
* One inspired person makes a big impact, with a ripple effect.
* Mercury is Retrograde in Aries, so be alert to distortions that trigger action. Give yourself time to get places.
* Be alert to fire hazards.
* If you sense your spirited self, give it room to grow Big.
* Rekindle a dream from your youth that's still alive (if barely).
* Love yourself enough to allow for a fresh start.


Comment edited on: 3/30/2011 11:30:27 AM

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NANCY- 3/30/2011 9:32AM

    Gotta love inspiration sights like that.
Excellent way to start a new day.

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GYPSYROSEANN 3/30/2011 9:11AM

    What a wonderful way to start your day! emoticon

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Moving My Weight Tracker -- UP!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Oh, my, how I hate to do this.

From my low of 145 to 146 a few days ago: and today up another half pound to 146.5.

But: I promised myself to weigh myself every day (that's what it takes for me: not everybody); and that I would faithfully move my weight tracker every time there was a change in weight.

No more "maintenance range" allowance not "requiring" me to change my weight tracker -- because my weight tracker had stayed at 153 and my actual weight (not weighing) had probably gone up to 162 or 163 before I started my pre-Beck program. And my weight was at 156 on the first Beck weigh-in after 14 days pre-Beck.

So: why am I up 1.5 pounds?

Probably the 145 was a blip not really achieved: a blip downwards.

So that might explain the move to 146. And the additional half pound today?

Last night was a "professional dinner" but I ate carefully, had pre-planned ("guessing" at the likely menu pretty accurately) , and the total calories for the day I estimate at under 1300. Always hard to say if you haven't prepared the food yourself what might be lurking in the braised chopped cabbage or the sauce under the chicken (most of which I left on the plate). Did have a glass of red wine (tracked); did have one bite of the carrot cake (tracked) before sliding the rest of the portion across to my partner in crime (DH, actually!! He can "afford" it!!).

So: maybe last night's dinner just more salty than I'm used to? Maybe a little fluid retention?

Not going to worry about it.

Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

Have my food all tracked for today. Will eat sitting down, mindfully. Remind myself that hunger is not an emergency.

But: I am keeping an eye on the situation. And dealing with the sabotaging thought: "It doesn't matter. You didn't need to change your tracker. You didn't need to call attention to the increase with this blog".

Because: sure I did. For me. I know that not weighing, not tracking, is a slippery slope to putting on that 10 pounds of yo-yo weight all over again. And that's not happening.

Will slip into my black leather pencil skirt just to keep reminding myself all day long: this matters. To me. This does.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERIKO1908 3/30/2011 11:32PM

    What a fresh attitude. I love it...as of Friday I am back to my daily weigh-ins...only report once a week, but weighing in daily keeps me on track. It is an instant answer to what I did to/for my body the day before. If you consume the sodium it shows the next day & reminds you that more mindfulness & concentration is probably needed...

Keep up all of your hard work...you got this!!

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NANCY- 3/30/2011 10:12AM

    What a wonderful attitude and approach!

Oooo black leather!Talk about incentive. You go GF!


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BRIGHTSPARK7 3/29/2011 11:39PM

    Thanks for keeping it real, Ellen. I'm keeping my weight tracker honest for the same reason: every change counts: up or down I want to record it. I also weigh every day and note all the changes.
And that black skirt sounds yummy.
xx Usha.

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FREELADY 3/29/2011 9:38PM

    Not long ago I was in major denial, so this blog really speaks to me. I will forge on with my quest for honesty and reality.

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QUEENMINA 3/29/2011 6:09PM

  I do the same thing!!! I weigh everyday and I record even the flunctuations. I've sorta, kinda learned to tell weight gains, TALK TO THE HAND, and when the weigh losses happen, I'm ALL OVER THEM.

I don't know about you, but the more used to the numbers I get, the less affected I am by them. Like you, I tried on this old pair of jeans, and they fit so well - were loose even. So I say skinny jeans, trump numbers. Proof's in the Puddin', right?

Also, I read somewhere that dieters who weigh themselves daily lose more weight than those who weigh weekly, monthly and not at all. So Yay for us!

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KRISTI2661 3/29/2011 4:56PM

    Knowing what works for you is what's important. Others may say this is not necessary but we all have to do what we have to do. I admire the fact that you are willing to put it out there - it shows how determined you are and will help you succeed!


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JHADZHIA 3/29/2011 12:46PM

    You are very much reminding me of Marsha in this blog. Micro managing small weight gains. But that can be viewed as being very disciplined and behavior like that will work well in the long run. You will no doubt get this extra weight off in short order.

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TRAVELGRRL 3/29/2011 8:15AM

    Wow, you are a force to be reckoned with!

I admire your fortitude and "no exceptions" approach. I think we all have experienced an increase in weight and have NOT tracked it upward. I myself have 1.5 pounds until I reach what my tracker says! emoticon But at least it's not the 4.5 pounds it once was!

Honesty in this journey is EVERYTHING, and you are definitely setting an example we all need to emulate.

I'm sure the dinner last night was simply saltier than you are used to. Our bodies really react to food we normally don't eat.

Wear that pencil skirt proudly; I'm there with you in my mind!!

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BUSYGRANNY5 3/29/2011 8:11AM

    You have the tools you need to monitor your weight and are wise to know what works for you! I'm confident that you will reach your goals!!


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Chocolate Raspberry Souffle Omelette

Sunday, March 27, 2011

For the last several weeks I've been deliberately upping my protein intake (thanks SWEETIKINS, for the tip) by making Greek style omelettes most mornings for breakfast: a mixture of Naturegg Omega 3 and Simply Egg Whites with low fat feta cheese, Greek seasoning, spinach and hot hot salsa on the side, just to keep things "fusion". Love them -- and I use my folding microwave omelette pan, which makes it all happen fast.

But this morning I was thinking about Professor G, for whom I worked as a young philosophy student; he was close to blind, and needed someone to read his student papers aloud to him for purposes of grading.

I was hired. It was a great job and taught me more about philosophy than any course I ever took: I wrote on his comments (and he was patiently prepared to engage in discussion with me if I had the temerity to disagree!!).

These sessions took place at the university in his office -- with meal breaks for "pizza pie" or "hamburger sandwiches": really, that's what he called them!!

Or, more often, at his home on the weekends. Where he had a beguiling Scottish terrier puppy. And a harpsichord and a clavichord, which he played -- inviting me to play too.

And where he regularly prepared for me incredibly strong coffee in a French plunge coffee maker (that's what started my coffee addiction) with glorious French pastries from a local bakery. Or whipped up sweet dessert style omelettes when more substantial sustenance was required, moving deftly around his kitchen.

What kindness, what sophisticated hospitality to extend to an impoverished young student supporting herself through school! Did I mention he also paid me generously for these services? Amazing!! I'd have been more than happy to do it for food or for nothing at all, and I'm sure that he knew that. (I remembered Professor G during my own teaching years and tried to extend comparable kindness to a number of my own students . . . a far more important lesson even than whatever I'd learned from those asymmetrical philosophy debates! Which he tactfully pretended were occurring between equals).

So this Sunday morning, with extra time on my hands, I decided to experiment with a Professor G-style sweet souffle omelette: chocolate and raspberry.

And then input it into the Spark recipe calculator -- if you eat it all yourself (I did offer to share a bite with DH . . . just one . . . and it wasn't to his taste, too bad so sad) then it's 216 calories and 16 gm of protein per serving. And . . . so so delicious. Mmmmmmmm!!

I believe it would work in a regular omelette pan if you can't find the folding microwave type -- but how easy it is in the microwave. Here's the link:


If you try it, I hope you like it -- some harpsichord music in the background would really help capture the appropriate ambiance!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

XENAMY 3/31/2011 7:43PM

  Wow! This just has to be against some rule somewhere... it sounds so decadent... so yummy! And what a beautiful story... thanks for sharing :)

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IMAGINE_IT 3/31/2011 9:13AM

    What a kind Professor you had..and what a Blessing he helped you in so many ways...Hurray for Great Teachers..adn Professors!!
I had to laugh how you quickly shrugged off your Husbands dislike for the Omelette..hahaha..more for you..right?? emoticon
The Omelette sounds like it could be made just for me...love Chocolate..love Raspberries..and all inside an Omelette and only 216cal per serving..plus the Protein (which i need right now!!) PERFECT!! And thank you for sharing the link with us emoticon

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PHEBESS 3/30/2011 12:11PM

    That sounds like an incredible souffle omelette!!!!

And what a sweet sweet prof to work with!!!!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/28/2011 9:57PM

    Great story! I'm sure the recipe is great, too. I am going to try it. Thanks.

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TRYINGHARD1948 3/28/2011 6:00PM

    You brought tears to my eyes Ellen, a delightful and wonderful story. What a wonderful role model the Professor was.

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NANCY- 3/28/2011 9:52AM

    I read the recipe, sounds divine. Love the back story. It is amazing what we can learn from others.

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FREELADY 3/27/2011 4:38PM

    Lovely, lovely story. You made it so vivid. What a feast of memories for all the senses. Reading this was better than a Sunday afternoon classic film.

I love your healthy, generous response, repeating the pattern to bless others. Too often in the past I have stuffed myself , trying to recapture a special experience or setting that is associated with that food. Watching you savor a memory in your balanced relationship with food helps me keep working out of that skewed pattern.

Applause for enjoying this treat without a binge. I am inspired.

It was a pleasure to read this; thank you.

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TBANMAN 3/27/2011 3:21PM

    You had me at "chocolate ..."

Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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FLORABEL 3/27/2011 2:59PM

    "some harpsichord music in the background would really help capture the appropriate ambiance" = LOL!

That's great, your memories + experimenting with your own recipe.

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JHADZHIA 3/27/2011 11:49AM

    What a heart warming story! Enjoy reading this! A wonderful professor and you are paying it forward. A nice legacy!
This recipe sounds wonderful, but too rich for me. I do love how fast eggs cook up in the microwave :)
Enjoy your Sunday!

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Body Proud

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sing it out loud
You should be proud!

And *blushes* yes, I am.

OK, my body is by no means perfect. It's almost 60, after all. And a decade ago, was some 85 pounds heavier. It's borne two babies. Endured serious illness, and a number of surgeries.

So of course it has some wrinkles, and it has some stretchy saggy stuff.

But still.

I'm enjoying living in my body.

I'm enjoying moving my body.

I'm enjoying dressing my body.

Some of you will know e.e. cummings' great poem, "i like my body . . ." : it's somewhat erotic, so I won't copy and paste it here.

If you'd like to read it, here's the link:


But -- erotic situations aside -- it's good to be in this space. This body. Feeling strong, lean, fluid and flexible.

We sometimes think of ourselves as "ghosts in the machine" -- spiritual or intellectual or emotional entities inside a shell. Truth is, the quality of our spiritual experience, our intellectual prowess, our emotional intensity: all of these are inextricably intertwined with the physical embodiment that moves us -- moves us literally and moves us metaphorically.

Am I an intellectual type? Yup, card carrying and fully credentialed: there is no denying it.

But (and just as important): I like my body. I like being a body.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELGRRL 3/29/2011 10:40AM

    What a great blog! Enjoying success through your eyes. Can't wait to be the one writing this blog in a few months. ;-)

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PENNYAN45 3/28/2011 8:44AM

    You are in an good place - both literally and metaphorically.

It couldn't be better.

I am very happy for you.


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FLORABEL 3/27/2011 2:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Love this blog! I forgot that maybe at the end of all this effort, I might feel better, too (versus just be healthier). Thanks for the reminder.

ps: anything by Cummings = instant love. He's amazing.

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PHEBESS 3/27/2011 9:18AM

    SO right! Don't you sometimes feel those thighs and calves working working working and just rejoice in the muscles?? I love that feeling!!!!

I also like that poem - abstractly erotic!

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FREELADY 3/26/2011 10:09PM

    Beautiful ideas, beautifully written.

Rejoicing with you!!

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YOGATIME 3/26/2011 9:39PM

    Hurray for saying this so well!! It is amazing and liberating to be able to live in a body that was and is totally created just for you!

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TRYINGHARD1948 3/26/2011 8:35PM

    You are so right, we are body and soul - just totally miraculous creations - no matter what age, weight, looks or temperament - and you are so right, it is great to celebrate and recognize what we are. Loved this joyous blog.

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ONEKIDSMOM 3/26/2011 8:06PM

    This really resonated, and I'm grateful to you for saying it right out. I'm hearing echoes in my intellectual brain, inside a body I like. Well said, and a great blog! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 3/26/2011 6:31PM

    "Feeling strong, lean, fluid and flexible."
Doesn't get much better than that!

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KRISTI2661 3/26/2011 5:12PM

    Love it! I'm working on getting there - although, I do find myself catching extra glimpses in the mirror as I walk by, so maybe it's closer than I thought.

Excellent blog!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/26/2011 5:10PM

    Awesome!! Feel so good for you! I understand. As a kid I lived so much in my head. I had success in the academic arena, so I left the physical for others. Now I am so much more comfortaxle. I really like living in this xody. Sometimes I get a little sad that I didn't figure it out sooner, yet mostly I'm just glad to xe me now!! (Excuse me - my second letter isn't working, so I'm suxstituting an x!!) -Marsha

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REILLYGIRRRL 3/26/2011 4:58PM

  Great blog.

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