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Soothing Emotions Without Food: Beck Day 33

Friday, March 04, 2011

If Beck's musings on drinking and travel were perhaps not so immediately useful to me, this chapter has huge resonance.

Like most people who've been around as long as I have (!) there have been many emotional challenges in my life and for many many years I believe that I did soothe emotion with food.

Stress? Eat.

Anger? Eat.

Fear? Eat.

Boredom? Eat.

But (and Beck doesn't entirely capture this, especially in the context of social get-togethers, travel and so on) food was the treatment of choice for dealing with positive emotion too. So:

Celebrating? Eat.

Happy? Eat.

Content? Eat.

And so on.

Beck has persuaded me that hunger is not an emergency requiring immediate treatment with food. (When I'm "hungry" now, I sometimes imagine the sound of an ambulance siren: "BEE-BOP BEE-BOP BEE-BOP" speeding towards me with emergency life-saving supplies of potato chips, yeah right).

And emotion in general is not an emergency which I need to soothe with eating. Eating doesn't work. When the emotion is negative, the excess eating makes me feel worse. Even a little excess eating -- 100 excess calories a day -- packs on 10 extra pounds a year. But worse than that -- since SP is about more than weight loss/maintenance -- eating actually distracts me from dealing with the underlying problem (if it's possible to deal with it). Or in the alternative, it prevents me from achieving that "oh well" equilibrium which matter-of-factly accepts that disappointments and failures are part of human existence.

Beck doesn't write about this, but I think it's equally important: when the emotion is positive, the excess eating takes the edge off it, dulls the happy times. I want to feel the euphoria, not the cheesecake. I want to experience joy, not indigestion. Yeah.

OK, I'm getting it. If emotion is the problem, eating isn't the answer.

And emotion shouldn't be a problem anyhow -- I wanna take a closer look at that!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROSTIERACES 3/7/2011 8:38AM

    Emotions lead to so many decisions in our lives it's amazing. Food intake is definitely one of them and exercise is right there too. I find it extremely difficult to make good sound food decisions when I'm overwhelmed with stress. My appetite will disappear completely or sore to new levels of hey lets order pizza for 3 days straight! (did this recently) Coping with food choices and remembering that it's not an emergency cure our stress is a huge challenge. Nor should it ever be an emergency just to eat something....unless of course it's nutritional! I agree totally! Great blog.

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JHADZHIA 3/5/2011 9:13PM

    So true about emotional eating comforting us with the negative, but I never thought it of dulling the happy celebrations too. Food for thought! Thanks for bringing this to our much needed attention!
I for one, would love to get away from food driven celebrations!

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CRYSTALJEM 3/5/2011 7:15PM

    I really had not thought about the "positive emotion" side of eating. You are so right! Thank you again for giving my mind a workout! Have an awesome day!


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CELLISTA1 3/5/2011 12:45PM

    I think you are right on target. We all love food or we wouldn't be here, but JOY is even better!

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ERIKO1908 3/5/2011 11:56AM

    Great blog! You have such a wonderful way with words & you delve in deep giving us all something to think about. Thank you!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/4/2011 8:26PM

    Great blog, Ellen! You totally understand Beck and have added valuable insight on the positive emotions. I had thought about that. But I had not thought about fooding numbing the positive emotions. You are right. I want to feel the joy, not the cheesecake. I just might have to needlepoint that on a pillow. It's profound!! Thanks, Marsha

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TRYINGHARD1948 3/4/2011 6:03PM

    I wonder if anything will ever take the place of food (and alcohol) when people want to celebrate. Maybe we will all just have to get on the ether and celebrate that way with no calorific side effects, but perhaps that will spawn a whole new set of problems. This being human is so.o.o complicated.

At the moment I am studying the art of mindfulness and find that I am just a thought-butterfly, flitting from one thought to the next, unless I have to concentrate on something specifically important. No matter how old we are, there is always something challenging to be achieved. Sigh!

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    Makes a lot of sense...thanks for sharing your words of wisdom. I agree...I want to pay more attention to my eating "reasons".

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ELLE1955 3/4/2011 8:14AM

    I can sure relate -- I know this is my underlying problem - food as a comfort response to almost anything. I just started reading Shring Yourself and hoping to find some guidance there.

I hope we both find other ways to cope during stressful times and other ways to celebrate in happy times.

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Travels with Aunt Judith: Beck Day 32

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Beck asks us to anticipate how we'll deal with the Beck program while on the road.

I've kept off an 80 pound weight loss for almost a decade (with a few small blips here and there) so I've travelled quite a bit during that period of time.

And I know what I do: stick with the program. Track my calories. Probably exercise more than usual because we tend to be active while we're away: more walking, golf, swimming, kayaking, birdwatching, shelling, galleries, museums. And we typically stay at condos/small houses/apartments for rent by owner (there is a great selection on the internet) and continue to prepare our own meals because we prefer it. So I have often come home down a pound or even two after a week away. Last summer when I took a course in Toronto, I rented a small apartment close to campus, prepared my own meals, walked everywhere, and easily maintained my weight. I just don't like restaurant food enough to "spend the calories" on it: would rather buy local produce and fish in the market, experiment with a bottle of local wine, see what local spices/seasonings are available -- it's part of the holiday experience. Makes me feel like a "native" of wherever we are. I even buy local flowers for the table!

Beck suggests some people may like to add 300 planned calories every day; or a minor splurge of 500 calories on several days; or a major splurge of 1000 calories on one day: and expect to gain a pound or two as the "price" of the holiday. Good strategy for lots of folks, better than unrestrained eating on a 12 day cruise -- but not my style. The thought of an all-inclusive with free bar etc. where many people are eating and drinking with abandon to "get their money's worth": arrgh.

I sympathize that people want full value, but I don't wanna be there.

Don't wanna do it myself, don't wanna see it either.

Don't want to travel to a compound surrounded by barbed wire patrolled by people on golf carts with guns keeping the locals out. Would rather meet the locals on their own turf, buying fresh mangoes or snapper from them or whatever -- not in a situation where they are waiting on me or cleaning my room.

What I will add to my usual travel routine from Beck will be: Sitting down every time; Eating slowly and mindfully; Reminding myself that hunger is not an emergency. These strategies are new additions to my repertoire and will stick.

Today's weight: 148.5. Probably a temporary blip down, but nice to see that middle number 4. Hip measurement 38. Waist measurement at 28. I've got a challenging skirt for this occasion which is pleated and full but quite snug through the middle . . .

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROSTIERACES 3/7/2011 8:42AM

    CONGRATS...a little late - you dipped into the 140's!! Yay :) I know somewhere this had to make your feel powerful and in control of all of this! Measurements help me a lot too...when those numbers begin to change, your heart will soar! It's exciting to track measurements too. I'm very proud and happy for you!

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FREELADY 3/4/2011 12:00AM

    Reading this was a real treat.

You make the healthy lifestyle so vivid and concrete. I still have so much to learn. It really helps me to hear all about how you handle these things.

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FRACTALMYTH 3/3/2011 4:35PM

    Brilliant! You are going to rock that skirt!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/3/2011 2:28PM

    CONGRATS on another impressive weight loss!! Yes, you could write a better chapter than Beck. Although her way may work for many, I think your way is far better and many people would choose it. You are an expert at eating healthy and maintaining (or even losing) during trips and holidays!! That is great! -Marsha

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PHEBESS 3/3/2011 11:17AM

    You and I would make great travel companions!!!!!!

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JHADZHIA 3/3/2011 10:22AM

    You are doing fabulous!! Well done!! You have the right idea renting your own place and eating your own food. And it would be way more fun interacting with the locals. I didn't injoy my Hawaii trip as much as one would expect. Stayed in a dingy hotel room, stuck eating nothing but fast food (that is all the restaurants that were within walking distance of my hotel, and all my brother and his family were interested in eating in). They went to a McDonalds the first meal they had.
I ended up gaining 11 lbs, and of course, other than pineapple and some local kind of banana, fruits and veggies were non -existent in these meals. Was able to do some hiking trips and I made it to a Curves in the morning, but it wasn't enough. As I don't drive, I am pretty much stuck to places in popular areas where I can walk to everything (or get a bus that runs reguarly) It was an hour and a half bus trip one way to get to the Hawaii Curves.. Most exercise places tend to be on the outer edges of a city..
Keep up the great work!!

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TRAVELGRRL 3/3/2011 10:12AM

    Girl, you have blogged about a subject close to my heart, hence my sparkname!

I SO agree with you on your style of travel! When we went to Malaysia we stayed with my brother in Kuala Lumpur, but he had to work each day. So every morning we set out on our own. We walked everywhere, took the subway, taxis, went to the grocery stores & open-air markets, etc. It was a blast. We ate from food stalls on the streets and never had a bad experience. We never once set foot in an expensive hotel or restaurant. We traveled outside KL by bus to various tourist spots (their tourist spots, where we were the only Caucasians). We met a ton of interesting people and were humbled by how much they knew about America when Americans don't even know where Malaysia is.

At any rate, this is definitely the way we want to travel when we go to Europe. We'd like to rent a flat outside each major city and then take public transportation in to see the sites. We're kicking around the idea of renting/buying a "caravan" (trailer) and going that way.

Traveling this way is not only better for the diet as you've proven, but also easier on the wallet! A big reason we enjoy our travel trailer is so we can prepare our own food. This year's trip will be mostly about the populated east coast and south because we are visiting family, but we are looking forward to traveling west where we can spend a lot of time in national parks. We'd love to take a trip to Canadian Rockies, which I hear are unparalleled in their beauty.

So do you find all your rentals on the internet? We plan to go to Europe in 2012 and we've not really figured out how to begin to make our plans!

Thanks for sharing your experiences and reinforcing that we aren't the only ones who don't think a vacation has to include 5-star hotels and restaurants!

Now I've got to get my head back into the real world and get ready for work! But thanks for the reverie!!!

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NANCY- 3/3/2011 9:49AM

    Love your attitude.

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Deciding about Drinking: Beck Day 31

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Not a big deal for me: nice to know there is one aspect of weight maintenance which isn't troublesome!

Beck advises that we consider carefully whether the calories in alcoholic beverages are "worth the price" -- given that those calories will eliminate other foods with better nutrients --; and also to consider that drinking alcohol tends to loosen inhibitions which can result in unrestrained eating.

Got that.

I'm generally a "glass of wine once in a while" kind of person-- maybe once a week, or twice a month -- and i've been logging those glasses, keeping them to a moderate 3.5 ounces, almost never having more than one. I like the colour of wine (red, white, rose) almost as much as the taste. And yes, I do love wine, but not enough to "spend the calories" on it very often. Since I started Beck, I've been tracking my glass of wine in advance, just like everything else. Which does mean no more "spontaneous" glasses of wine added on to my meals! So I plan Thursday for Friday night's glass of wine, or plan Tuesday for the glass of wine I might be having at a professional social gathering . . . Other than that, might have a couple tall gins and tonics after golf at the club . . . over the entire summer. Not a big drinker. Not a problem.

Weight has stayed steady today at 150.5. Gonna try a "challenging" navy suit (very slim pants, no stretch) today: really enjoyed wearing a "challenging" black skirt suit yesterday!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRACTALMYTH 3/2/2011 6:31PM

    Yay for challenging outfits!

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TRAVELGRRL 3/2/2011 4:19PM

    Lucky you! I love the wine but can take or leave desserts. Go figure.

I love your analysis and need to do the same thing -- think: Is this worth the price?

Don't you feel like a million $$ in your challenging pantsuit? I JUST KNOW YOU DO -- AND YOU DESERVE IT!!

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SLENDERELLA61 3/2/2011 1:49PM

    Glad this one area that is not too challenging to you.

CONGRATS on the weight loss and wearing the skinny clothes!! That is just great. So proud of you!!! -Marsha

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CRYSTALJEM 3/2/2011 11:37AM

    Way to go! It is wonderful to find something that is actually a natural fit for you. Hope you feel great in that pant suit!

emoticon you can enjoy this wine, no calories or alcohol to worry about! emoticon Cheers!

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NANCY- 3/2/2011 10:12AM

    That's one thing that is sticking with me about my choices.... "worth the price".
I ask myself "Is it worth it ?" I use it for just about anything I consume.

For dinner I make myself a nice cup of rose hip tea... looks like a rose wine. I'm not too fond of drinking wine... but a vodka tonic some good to me, sometimes I just skip the vodka.

You are doing great!!! emoticon

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JHADZHIA 3/2/2011 8:13AM

    Good for you! Although they are touting a glass a wine a day as being good for you1 I never drink alcohol, doesn't appeal to me what so ever so this is an easy one for me, maybe the only one lol..
Would be nice to see a photo of these challenging outfits :) I am still uncomfortable in fitted clothing because I still have a 'pot' in spite of being at goal weight..
Keep up the great work!

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Staying in Control While Eating Out: Beck Day 30

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

In the workbook, Beck calls this chapter "eating out with ease" whereas the book uses the "staying in control" title. In both places she offers plenty of useful tips applicable to a certain type of "eating out" -- that is, eating in restaurants or at larger parties. You can check the restaurant menu on line in advance and preplan what you're going to eat. You can preplan what you will nibble on at a large party where you're basically wandering around with a drink (might be non alcoholic) in the left hand, keeping the right hand free for shaking. I do these things and most of us who have been fighting in the trenches for any period of time have adopted such strategies for a long time.

But Beck does not, in my opinion, adequately address the issue of going to people's houses for meals: formal sit down dinner where the hostess has planned a menu, shopped for food, prepared several courses (appetizer, soup, main, dessert plus plus plus) and expects you to eat. Her suggestion that you take along a platter of something -- (raw veggies??) -- and provide that for the "feast" is frankly not one that is going to go down well in most instances. Asking the hostess to cook in accordance with your requirements, saying nothing and shoving a portion off to one side, skipping several courses that the hostess places in front of you -- none of this is conventional social behaviour.

And if you accept formal social invitations, you must reciprocate by having people back to your own home for a similar type event. Offering them a huge green salad and a little chopped fruit, or a bowl of homemade soup and some fat free yogourt with berries, will seem just slightly weird. Really. And if I spend the time reciprocating with a comparable meal (I'm actually a pretty decent cook when I turn my mind to it) that means I'll have spent the better part of a weekend handling high calorie, high fat, high sugar foods -- planning, preparing, serving, cleaning up, eating at least some of it -- triggering a craving for these foods which can derail my eating plans for weeks.

So: if the sabotaging thought is "I should be able to enjoy myself on special occasions" and the helpful response is "I can enjoy other aspects of the special occasion, but not the food so much", then I think that's right. And this approach works perfectly well for restaurants, large professional type dinners and cocktail hours, buffets and so on. But I also think (from my own experience) it does not work well for the kind of formal sit down dinner party with 6 or 8 people which was a staple of my social life for many many years; accepting invitations, reciprocating invitations. I don't do that any more. I try to substitute other social events -- the golf games, the walks in the woods, the trip to the gym, the gallery, the concert, the play -- with more and less success. Some people simply will be offended if you do not want to make a formal sit down dinner the focus of social get togethers: that's what they're used to offering, that's what they're used to receiving.

Beck glosses over this very real difficulty, rather than meeting it head on. Social life will change when food cannot be the focus of every social occasion with friends. And some friends won't accept that.

Scales today: 150.5. Go figure!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRIGHTSPARK7 3/1/2011 9:53PM

    Hello Ellen!
I have created 'theme' sit down dinners, low-fat vegetarian, for example -- sometimes potlucks (less preparation for me, woo-hoo!) and these seem to go down very well. Of course, it helps that I have friends who have similar tastes to mine. I'm grateful for that. Healthy eating when I visit them too.
I always enjoy reading your thoughtful blogs.

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SLENDERELLA61 3/1/2011 9:28PM

    Cooking at home I have found excellent choices that allow me to eat just the way I want. Rock Cornish Game Hens are one selection I like and tastes great with wild rice pilaf. I have a vegetable medley recipe, glazy with tapioca. I sometimes serve angel food cake, pass pretty fresh mixed fruit (pineapple, kiwi, strawberries, for example) to go on it, and a lemon sauce. I often have a low fat/low sugar version of the sauce I use and most people don't even realize mine is different -- unless I know someone else wants it, too. Sometimes I have leftover ingredients or leftover foods that really don't fit into my plan for the rest of the week. Sometimes I give them to my daughter or niece, freeze them for later, or even throw them out. At Thanksgiving and family dinners, I send lots of the food home with people who will appreciate it.

Eating at other people's homes can be trickier, although the once or twice a month I do it is really not a problem. When I have no choice about what I eat, I still have total control of the amount. I just don't have to overeat. I find I can take small servings, sip water, put my fork down between bites, push the food around on my plate a lot, talk a lot, be appreciative, and no one notices if I don't eat much. I just don't go too hungry so I'm not so tempted. It's rare that I go to a dinner party that someone else doesn't turn down dessert as well.

I have a friend who handles dinner parties differently. The high calorie stuff she'll say she is allergic to it, because she breaks out in fat!!

Could be the circles you run in expect far more and your challenges are just far greater than mine in this area. I strongly suspect, though, that you can have the social and professional life you want, eat in a manner that would be acceptable, and keep maintaining your weight in that tight range you want.

If Beck doesn't have the solution, it doesn't matter. You are smart. You can figure this one out.

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CAROLINE1000 3/1/2011 9:25PM

    I agree with you on this. I am a big cook and people expect it, I have set myself up for it. They give me lovely dinners and I always eat more than I should because I know that it took work and people are really sensitive to my reaction esp. because of the training I have had and stuff.

I don't know if this is a "healthy" suggestion but I usually fast except for maybe a piece of fruit the day of such an event - either one I am hosting or going to. It's too emotionally fraught for me any other way (plus,if I dare say anything I get food pushers who say I am thin enough and that zaps the fun out of any occasion for me).

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MTP717 3/1/2011 4:52PM

  Very valid points. I agree with TRYINGHARD60 in possibly pointing this out to Dr. Beck. I found this on the www.beckdietsolution.com:

We would love to hear your feedback about the program (or the website):

If you do contact her, keep us posted on the response.

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TRYINGHARD1948 3/1/2011 4:13PM

    Is there any way to get in touch with Beck and point out this omission?

Short of stopping all friends' social gatherings, is it possible to explain to host/hostess prior to the dinner what you are doing and why, so that you can surreptitiously choose what you eat from the choices offered beforehand. It might be an excellent way to spread the healthy living advice. You never know they might all be glad to hear it.

For your own dinners there are some great recipes that are not high calorie with good nutritional value. I've started putting a lot more vegetables, lean meats and salads out in a smorgasbord way so that friends can choose what they want and then bring their plates to the table where no-one comments on the choices that have been made, especially if the conversation starts with something that is interesting to all.

It's quite a dilemma.

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CRYSTALJEM 3/1/2011 11:59AM

    You've got really valid points here. People never think I eat a lot because I prefer a number of smaller meals over the day. I have struggled because people assume (especially if they don't know me well) that I don't like what they've cooked. I let the hostess know how good everything smells and looks. I also make no bones about the fact that I eat small meals more often in the day. I am sincere in my compliments about the meal etc, but at the same time I expect people to respect my choices as well. I take what I feel is best for me to eat given the meal in front of me. I also try very hard to find one thing at least that I can take a little of and then even have a small seconds of (say a veggie dish or salad, or a small piece of meat) and let the hostess know that I really did enjoy it. I also make it a point not to pick much at munchies (even healthy ones) later so that it doesn't look like I didn't enjoy the meal and am now making up for it. If a hostess takes offense, sorry, I've decided that's her problem, not mine.

Once people eat with me once or twice they know and are comfortable that it's just the way I am, it's nothing to do with them. I'm trying to eat to feel well, not eat to feel full after all. In a worst case, I eat more than I should, or higher calories and remind myself that it is truly only one meal. If it only happens once in awhile, I can deal with it in the big picture. The problem comes, like with restaurants, I think, when it becomes almost a daily occurrence.

When I cook for others, I put on a regular spread and eat like I always do. There's lots of selection for everyone, but I still eat my way.

I hope you find some really good ways to be able to enjoy the dinners out, after all they should be a cause of celebration and fun, not worry and stress. Happy eating.

Comment edited on: 3/1/2011 12:54:12 PM

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JHADZHIA 3/1/2011 10:49AM

    That certainly is a very big factor of formal social dinners and its disappointing Beck doesn't really address this..
I don't have a social life and don't go to dinner parties so I am lucky not to have this trial. I also don't eat out much either -its been months since Mom and I went out. Living at opposite ends of the city and neither of us driving makes get togethers difficult.
Looking things up online is fine if you are going to a chain restaurant (and when we got a Chili's in the city and Mom wanted to go to that with my sister, I was shocked by the high calorie meals, couldn't even get a salad that wasn't 1,000 calories!!), but Mom and I prefer small, one owner Asian restaurants. I don't like Mexican food as a rule, although I like Mom's home made chili.
You can actually make normal food using lighter ingredients and get the same flavors and textures using Spark recipes..They seem to have revamped all the old style meals into healthier versions..
Good luck with this difficult part of eating..

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Weigh In, Saying No to Food Pushers: Beck Day 29

Monday, February 28, 2011

Weight: 153.


Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

I'm over it now. Up a pound from last week, just like Beck told me was possible. With the exception of eating those roasted veggies standing up (could not have been even 300 calories, probably less than half that) I was completely compliant with the program all week: measuring food, within calorie range, exercising diligently.

So be it. My ticker is changed. I've graphed it in my workbook. The scales will come down again. And lower. Yes they will.

Beck is launching into a week of solving "real life" problems -- the first of which is dealing with food pushers.

Food pushers are not too much of a problem for me, really. I refuse to socialize with people who make me eat. I refuse to entertain people who require to be fed elaborately in my home. I would prefer social events to be focused on something other than eating: a trip to an art gallery, or a play, or out shopping, or to the gym, or a walk in the woods, or a cross country ski, or golfing. There are lots of terrific options. Then I'm happy to pick up the cheque in a restaurant afterwards and my guest is certainly encouraged to order whatever he or she wants -- so long as I am accorded the same respect about what I choose to eat for myself. Which will be soup, or a salad. And fruit or yogourt if available. And black coffee. Lots of that.

But I'm not going to eat stuff I don't want to make someone happy. Which includes treats brought into work (fortunately, something that doesn't occur very often) or boxes of doughnuts from Tim Horton's delivered by grateful clients. Sorry if it hurts your feelings . . . really , I am sorry . . . but it's not just the calories at the time, it's the "trigger" effect of the fats/sugars/salts.

Would you force alcohol on an alcoholic? No? Then don't expect me to eat what I've decided already is not good for me. The fact that my breast cancer was a high estrogen tumour associated with excess weight, and that my chances of recurrence go up with an increase in weight: that to me is my paramount reason for weight control. I'm not going to force that uncomfortable explanation on someone in a social situation -- but just accept the "No thanks". "Looks great, but no thanks". "Not just now, thanks". Because I am. Not. Eating. It.


Card Four: "It's OK to disappoint people".

Yup, it is. And although dealing with food pushers is not a problem for me, their response can be.

I'm generally very friendly and sociable. People generally like me and I generally like people. But my refusal to eat socially in the conventional manner can be a stumbling block. It puzzles people. Espcially people who are themselves overweight and perceive me as thin. And who perceive my self control around eating as a rebuke or criticism of them.

They want to order the greasy fries or the ooey gooey nachos or whatever -- and they feel uncomfortable because I'm not. I've lost friends over my refusal to be compelled to participate in social eating situations.

Too bad. That's the way it is, and the way it has been for a very very long time. I'm not available for stuffing. It's not my idea of a good time, and submitting to force feeding doesn't cohere with my notion of what constitutes friendship. If you make me choose between your company, and my adherence to my eating plan: well, sorry, but that choice has already been made. NO CHOICE.

And it won't be you, babe.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GABY1948 11/11/2014 8:16AM

    I am so thankful that you post links to both your blogs for the day....they help me SO much. I learn by reading....visual things. Cannot thank you enough for ALL your influence and help!

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FREELADY 2/28/2011 5:02PM

    What you wrote is a big help to me.

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FRACTALMYTH 2/28/2011 2:21PM

    That blip on the scales is just temporary :D

And yay for not being a goose (ie allowing yourself to be stuffed with food... after all, they just want to eat your liver :P)

(OK that sounded like a great joke in my head and now it seems like a crass response to your thoughtful commentary... possibly too much time spent communicating with under 5s lately :P)

Oh Well.

Comment edited on: 2/28/2011 2:21:32 PM

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CRYSTALJEM 2/28/2011 11:05AM

    You said it! Something we all need to think about I think, regardless of our weight issues, is why we eat. I agree totally, you should not eat to please someone else. My mother in law is a wonderful woman but a food pusher so I can relate to some degree. I also agree that we need to ensure we don't have unfair expectations of people with regard to food.

I can also relate about other people saying "you're thin enough or thinner than (fill in name) so what do you have to worry about syndrome." We each have our own goals, needs and reasons. We need to each learn to be respectful of these in each other, and not take our differences as personal attacks or for that matter even comments. I think, after all, that is part of friendship and being ourselves. I guess that's why SP is so important to so many of us.

You make me think every day. Thank you for that friend! (Plus thinking uses some calories... doesn't it?!)


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BARBIETEC 2/28/2011 10:57AM

    Well done my friend!!!

"Food pushers" is a good word, I have never heard that before.

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SLENDERELLA61 2/28/2011 10:49AM

    You are 100% correct. You have already addressed the food pusher issue and you stand squarely for good health and healthy eating. a BIG Good For You!!

I don't know that I will ever be good at the disappointment at the scale. I'm definitely still working on that one. I like what you have written. It makes sense. I hope you did grieve your temporary gain and let it go. It is just that -- temporary. As long as you don't let it discourage you, it will be gone next week, probably with more of its companions.

Keep up the good work! You are doing great!!

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LUNADRAGON 2/28/2011 9:25AM

    Very interesting thought. I think we can teach something when we entertain a food pusher. We might be able to alter their thinking. They may not visit us again, but it is possible!

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JHADZHIA 2/28/2011 8:56AM

    Well done Ellen, standing up for your rights to eat what you choose and refuse what you don't want..That is a very big accomplishment! Sorry you had to lose friends over it, but it may be for the best. I read a Spark article where it was discussed how your friends influence you and if you have overweight friends, you tend to get that way too. I would like very much to participate in activities that don't involve food, and I am lucky my Mom enjoys walking/hiking so much :))
Keep up the great work!!

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