Saturday, February 19, 2011
My relationship to the scales is hugely difficult for me and, I expect, for lots of people: why else would Beck devote a whole day to preparing for weigh in??
I've been weighing myself every day, and the scales still say 155.5. Arrgh. I know:
"Celebrate. I should celebrate each half-pound lost"
That is, in fact, Beck card 19. I've clipped it out. I've got it in my wallet. I've read it over and over again.
But I don't feel like celebrating.
Beck does not agree that the scales are unimportant. She does NOT advocate (as Spark does) taking into consideration how your clothes fit. Or inches lost. She says it's important to weigh every day (which I have been doing since day 14, the official "start" date) and she says it's important to weigh in officially once a week and to chart the weight loss on a graph provided in the workbook (which I will do tomorrow).
She advocates a very realistic attitude towards weight loss.
She warns that if you are disappointed with your weight loss (and I am, I am) then to guard against the reaction . . "I can't believe it, this is terrible, that's all I lost after all that effort" followed by anger, sadness, hopelessness and "giving up". Might as well binge. I did catch myself this morning not measuring my ounce of light feta, feeling "who cares" and just finishing off the container anyhow. Probably not more than 1.25 ounces (didn't measure, so I won't know) but the attitude is not a good one.
The scales have been tormenting me day after day by flirting lower day after day, then settling at 155.5: just that .5 pound down. That's all. Even though I have been very very compliant with the program.
Of course .5 pounds down for a week is "within the range". I'm very close to maintenance, and it's harder to lose weight when there is less to lose. I can see that at the gym on the elliptical: how much harder I have to work to burn 400 calories at 155 than even at, say, 162 -- it takes longer, it requires more RPM -- significantly greater effort.
Beck says that on any given day, the number on the scale is exactly what it should be given what you ate, how much energy you've expended, the amount of fluid your body is retaining and "other biological influences".
OK, OK. I haven't eaten much; I've expended lots of energy, I've not had a lot of salty foods . . . and I know from the fluttering of my scales that I'm gonna be rewarded soon with another .5 pounds or more . . . yes I will.
But: today it's hard to keep the faith. So I'll be reading and re-reading my Advantage Response Card reasons for losing weight and all my other cards: I'll be sitting down to eat everything; I won't be idly eyeballing anything more that I eat today: I'll be sticking with the plan I prepared yesterday (although may have to substitute an exercise alternative to the cross country skiing scheduled: it's really cold and blowing very hard here . . . ).
Keep on keeping on: yeah!!
This preparing to weigh in is a challenge, always has been and always will be. I want to see those scales MOVE!!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Beck tells us that one of the main ways we can fool ourselves occurs when (not if, when) we fall off the rails. At that point I can decide that I might as well go hog-wild bingeing. Indulge in self-loathing as well as the "mistake" food. Or accept that I made a mistake, in a matter of fact kind of way, and start over again right that moment.
Keeping in mind that it takes 3500 excess calories to gain a pound, one mistake (a 300 calorie cookie shoved into my mouth standing up, for example) is not likely to cause any significant damage -- unless I keep right on eating and compound the problem.
The idea is to "draw a line", change gears, distract myself with a new activity , go for a walk -- whatever: but leave it behind, return to the day's eating plan and forge forward.
The "Get Back on Track" card in the workbook (#18) underscores that message -- and of course I have it in my wallet for regular rereading, along with the ARC Advantage Response Card and all the others I've clipped out so far.
Just as I'm working the "No Choice" when I want to eat something not on the plan, I'm applying the same "No Choice" approach to preplanned exercise. Instead of debating whether to get out of bed to go to the gym: "No Choice". It's in the tracker. SP has given me the points!! Gotta go!! So this morning it was 32 minutes 400 calories on the elliptical and upper body free weights (my fave routine) -- feeling good. Remembered to put my Lindt 85% cocoa chocolate square in my planner so enjoyed that with absolute delight after my gym workout. Shower, home for coffee and Greek omelette -- the universe is unfolding.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Back to Beck -- and thanks so much for all the supportive comments on dealing with our medical emergency yesterday. I'm grateful, and also grateful that DH (very dear) is OK.
I'm still musing over the "redefine full" concept, still working hard on sitting down to eat everything (and mostly succeeding, one licked spoon yesterday . . . ), and still reminding myself constantly that if it's not on my plan I have no choice about eating it. (Forgot to put my square of bittersweet chocolate on my plan for today -- but did in fact have it after the gym. It was "planned", just not entered -- or that's my rationale!! Will put itin for tomorrow).
There are two ways of fooling ourselves, says Beck. The first is the long list of rationalizations as to why it's ok to eat something unplanned. (Ooops!! think I just did that: see above!!) Reasons such as "it's not a whole piece", "I paid for it", "I'm celebrating", "It's free", ""No one will see me eating it" . . . you get the idea. There are an infinite number of "reasons" for deceiving ourselves about eating.
The second way of fooling ourselves is by underestimating portion sizes. So Beck suggests that we make sure we are including every ingredient (the Pam spray, the mayo) and actually weigh or measure each ingredient in the foods we eat until we are really confident that we are "eyeballing" accurately. And even then, to repeat now and again to make sure the portion sizes haven't crept up.
My Greek omelette "grouping" does include the Pam, and does include the Club House Greek seasoning. But this morning, I did measure out the Simply Egg Whites and also the Naturegg fat reduce whole eggs -- 1/4 cup of each -- and I estimated the 1 oz portion of light feta, then weighed in on my scales -- pretty close, 1.15 oz. I'm going to experiment with this all day. I think I 've been pretty accurate but it doesn't hurt to check again.
This "estimating" think is definitely where I was taking in excess calories before staring Beck: my "tablespoons" of peanut butter, my "1 oz" full fat sharp cheddar cheese, eaten standing up of course -- I knew from my pre reading of Beck before I started that this was a major problem area. Even my oatmeal portions were getting pretty hefty: 1/2 cup dry oats is the portion and I was well over that. And given my past history, that's where I'm most likely to fall off the rails again. So I have my measuring cups, spoons, and scales sitting out, ready for use. Have been using them, and will be continuing to use them.
No point in fooling myself -- the scales aren't foooled!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
A small family medical emergency (thankfully, turned out to be small) had me zooming to the emergency department in the early hours of the morning -- and home only at about 2 pm. So needless to say: did not get to the gym for my pre-planned exercise, was not able to follow my preplanned meals for breakfast or lunch. .
That's OK: I just moved everything entered to tomorrow: all preplanning done once more.
And: have not stress eaten, have not over eaten -- skipped breakfast, and when it was clear we were not going anywhere quickly chose the healthiest " lunch" option available about 11 a.m. (whole wheat egg sandwich, Granny Smith apple) -- and otherwise tolerated hunger, which was NOT an emergency.
And: we are OK. YAY!!
Now, to catch up on the ZZZZZZZs.
Back at it tomorrow!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Yesteday's experiement with throwing out excess food went well. It was a very very rushed day at work. I set aside and then threw out a significant portion of my lunch salad: and I did not ahve time to eat my lunch fruit at all (it's waiting foro today's lunhc). My satiety was fine 20 minutes after that reduced lunch and I was right back into busy busy which kept me effectively distracted for the rest of the working afternoon. However, I was very hungry indeed driving home and preparing Valentine's dinner. Managed to remind myself that hunger is not an emergency, and that I could wait for dinner (as preplanned on my tracker).
All of this leads into "redefining full". Full, says Beck, means that after a meal you are still able to go for a brisk walk. She suggests that you look at all the food you are going to eat at any given meal and judge whether it's more than you reallly need by volume, whether or not it's within the plan and the calorie range.
It may be that my lunch time salads -- enormous quantities of spinach, or arugula, or mesclun plus a range of brightly coloured chopped vegetables -- are more than is required by volume. I've never felt too stuffed to go for a walk afterwards. But Beck points out that when you get into the habit of eating a large quantity of foods, then on occasion when your low calorie high volume preferences aren't available (restaurant, friend's place0 you will be tempted to eat a too-large volume of high calorie foods. And I have to say, I am always disappointed by the size of salads others offer, and then tempted to graze in the bread basket!! (I don't have bread with my regular lunch salads, or cookies, or fruit juice etc. Just black coffee).
So I'm going to be thinking about this today -- spreading out my lunch time salad, considring the sheer volume (not calories) of the total lunch with fruit, and reconsidering.
And: I will be taking a brisk short walk after lunch!!
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