Saturday, January 29, 2011
We don't use the word "diet" much at SP -- right? Because we're making life style changes and not temporarily depriving ourselves.
But I'm adopting the language of Judith S. Beck in her book, "The Beck Diet Solution, train your brain to think like a thin person". The incomparable SLENDERELLA has been blogging about Beck -- and got me totally intrigued. So I bought the book and the workbook, have read through both, gathered my tools (sticky notes, food scales/measuring cups, bathroom scales, index cards) and am ready to roar.
Beck doesn't provide a diet plan: she says any reasonable diet will work. She provides tools derived from cognitive psychology to train the brain so we can stick with that diet, or eating plan. There are two weeks of preparation before commencing a diet; she says that you would not sign up for a marathon and expect to be able to run it tomorrow, and similarly it makes no sense to launch right into a diet before learning how to stick with an eating plan for life.
The first step is to Review the Advantages of Dieting -- in a chart in the workbook -- ticking off the applicable ones.
Most important for me: to reduce the likelihood of recurrence of breast cancer.
But I ticked off 18 more from her list -- and also added that I want to be able to wear everything in my closet -- not just the 10s and the 8s but the challenging 6s --
I'd lost 80 pounds in 2001-2002 and kept it off, then gained 20 with the cancer dx in 2009: and took it off again in months with the support and resources of Spark People. And I've been consistently within that maintenance range and healthy BMI since September 2009, never once going over. SLENDERELLA's a maintainer too. And Beck is all about maintenance.
However, I've become concerned about how hard I have to struggle to stay within that maintenance range, and the number of times I've had to peel off the same 5 or so pounds. With a history of an estrogen positive tumour, even mild yo-yoing is not what I want. When I'm up in weight, I can't wear everything in my closet and that annoys me. With Beck, I'm hoping to explore the psychology of maintenance more thoroughly and feel in better control of the life long maintenance which is my goal. I want to be more confident that I am maintaining, rather than panicking with every fluctuation. I want to see whether I'd be more comfortable at a lower weight than my maintenance range.
Yup: I want to learn to think like a thin person!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
It's the hyacinths, pale pink, fully in bloom: spritely posture; star-shaped blossoms; scent above all.
It's the glorious cross country ski: feels like flying (briefly, when the coordination works in synch).
It's the gently falling snow and the sound of an owl in a bare tree: I looked for him, couldn't see him, but he was there.
Next up: a glass of wine in front of the fire.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
My light box seems to be changing my attitude towards winter!
And -- perhaps as a result of that -- we've dug our very very old cross country skis out of the garage and put them back in action!!
DH and I skied when we were dating. And then we had had five years after marriage and BK (before kids) during which we skied even more! And had just bought new skis when -- baby number one arrived.
Then baby number two.
And then both kids out with their dad every weekend downhill skiing. While I went back to school. Started my new profession, Went through various health care blips which made skiing not really possible.
So those 26+ year old skis had scarcely ever been used. The boots (never replaced, really really old) had disintegrated. So we had to get new ones. What an advance in cross country boot technology over the past several decades -- they are as comfortable as running shoes, totally flexible, warm, and with built-in gaiters that keep the snow out. (Quite a leap in boot price point too).
New boots meant of course new bindings. Step-in!! Quick release with the tip of the ski pole!! Super for my arthritic hands, so easy.
But then I discovered that the leather hand grip straps on my poles and one of the pole baskets had also disintegrated! New poles -- not expensive -- are so light and comfortable.
The grip and glide waxes seem to have improved as well.
Best of all -- our golf club is now laying down cross country ski tracks. So it's the deeply familiar landscape where we've chased small white balls for over 30 years, now draped in white stuff -- last weekend it was sparkling in the sun. Yesterday the snow was falling softly and continuously.
We've got our ski legs back: kick, glide. What a workout -- the equivalent of running outside which I discovered, despite best efforts, knees won't permit me to do. But the cross country ski movement is almost identical to the elliptical cross trainer, my main cardio go-to at the gym.
Cross country skiing gets me outside in the winter and I'm loving it. Silent except for the chickadees and the wind in the trees; and the occasional gasp from me, of course, catching my breath!! It's really vigorous: about 5 below C yesterday, and everything I had on was soaking wet to the skin after 90 minutes of whoosh whoosh whoosh (up hill all the way to the club house). I'd forgotten how much I loved cross country skiing, and winter when I was skiing.
Dogs aren't permitted on the golf course during the summer -- but there's an exception for winter ski dogs. So today's plan is to experiment by taking Charlie along.
Charlie loves the snow, and we'll love having him with us. Winter: not a bad thing. Really.
Friday, January 07, 2011
Several of us post-holidays have been kicking around the perennial issue of giving into temptation --and since this is Spark People, that would be primarily in the context of food, of course.
Let me be frank: I don't have any will power. And probably for that reason -- because I prefer to make excuses for my own moral weakness -- I like to believe that will power is highly over-rated.
For me, it's all about evading temptation. Avoiding it. Because it's been well established. I can resist. Anything. But. Temptation.
But if the tempting food is in the house --if I've bought it at the grocery store, or brought it home when someone gave it to me, or failed to throw it out when someone brought it to me -- then I intend to eat it.
I've already decided. It will happen.
It's not a question of "if". It's a question of "when".
And the answer to when is probably late at night. Furtively. And guiltily. Without a whole lot of pleasure. On automatic pilot. Which is, come to think about it, such a waste of calories!!
Remember the baseball movie, "Field of Dreams" and the inspiring message that "if you build it they will come"?
Well in the context of food, if I've bought it, I will eat it. For me, the chow down will be a completely predictable variant on that field of dreams doctrine. Just not so inspiring. And then I'll try to tell myself I'm not culpable because . . . . I didn't mean to do it. I just gave into temptation. As we all do.
But of course I did mean to, at least at some level. And I am culpable. I meant to eat it and I had decided I would eat it because I had brought it home knowing I cannot resist temptation. Just like the drunk driver is culpable because he had too many drinks. He may not have planned to drive after all of those drinks, but the drinks impaired his judgment before he got behind the wheel. And he knew they would. So, knowing that about himself, he knew or reasonably ought to have known that the time to establish an alternative driver was before he had the drinks. And for me, knowing what I know about myself, the time to say no was before I permitted those irresistble trigger high fat/salt/simple carb foods into my house.
Who am I kidding when I buy the stuff? Or fail to throw out trigger gift foods? I can leave it at the store. I can thank the (sabotaging) food givers politely and pitch it out in the office dumpster. Or donate the items to the food bank. Or wrap it up in the garbage after they've gone home. I don't have to hurt anyone's feelings. And I don't have to keep the food. But if I keep it I will eat it.
Do I really believe I've gotta have it in the house because all the neighbours are going to show up at my door this evening demanding fattening stuff? Quantities sufficient for 12 or 20? Ooey gooey triple cheese pizza, chips and dip, whatever? No. They won't. And I don't really believe I have a duty to have all the ooey gooey stuff in stock for my family members either: they're adults, if they want it they can go out and get it for themselves. And then they can eat it, please, somewhere else. Somewhere I don't have to see it. Or smell it. Or hear it crunching.
Think about all the other situations in which we might be tempted. Situations in which because we know we'll be tempted and might give in to the temptation, we don't ever put ourselves to the test. Would not dream of it, in fact. Never.
I don't slide that pretty one carat ring into my pocket and edge nonchalantly towards the door of the jewellery store just to see if I could get away with shoplifting it -- and then put it back before the alarms go off -- all to persuade myself of my superior moral powers of resisting the temptation to be a thief. I don't check into a motel with that attractive stranger I picked up in a bar and then wave a cheery goodbye and exit at the very last moment possible before . . . um . . . well you know. Just to persuade myself I'm not a . . um . . well you know. Not happening!!
So: do I need to bring home the chocolate brownie cheesecake icecream and bury it in the back of the fridge and try to persuade myself it's not there until . . . it really isn't there . . . because I've eaten it?? Using the rationalization that if I don't eat it I'll be demonstrating to someone how strong and determined and morally superior I am because I didn't?
No. I don't. A results-based analysis coupled with a little probability prediction tells me that I shouldn't bury the cheesecake in the freezer because more often than not I will eat it. In fact, almost all of the time. And the results will be self-loathing, rage, despair, a downward spiral. Plus, did I mention, weight gain?? Which I'll wear around my waist and my hips and my thighs?
(I might get away with stealing the ring or . . . the other. But the evidence I've given into food tempation is going to be apparent to everyone. And most of all, apparent to me.)
I can resist anything but temptation. So I have to avoid it. And avoiding temptation is quite likely the best I can do.
Which is, actually OK. Because nobody is twisting my arm and making me buy the chocolate cheesecake icecream and bury it in the freezer. All I've gotta do is leave it at the store and refuse to let it into my house.
Avoiding temptation might not make me virtuous: I'm not fooling myself about that. But avoiding temptation is doable; more doable than resisting temptation. And that's (most of the time) good enough.
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