Monday, September 10, 2012
I just don't know what to do with my weekends! Since DD has gotten older and is doing her own thing, I have really been trying to focus on my social life. Getting out more, more Q time with friends, more activities (including some local Spark things!). It's too easy for me to be introverted and disengaged from society and I need to work on the inner loner in me, come out of my shell after 46 years! And I know when I do, I have a much more fulfilling life and better life experiences.
That said, I think the only way I can stay on the eating track is to stay sequestered in my home and not go out or do anything all weekend long!
I was losing weight again. Just a few pounds, but I was encouraged for the past couple of weeks........Then this weekend, it all went to pot!
Friday I thought I did OK. I did have some frozen yogurt in the afternoon, but I put it on my food log and then had a very light dinner. Still ended up with 80% carbs for the day-not good!
Saturday I did go to Zumba so started the day off right! Then had lunch with a friend, had fish & chips........then went to the Sausage Fest at St. Joseph's, yeah, had some sausage, what else are you gonna do at the Sausage Fest!.........then went to a poker game at another friend's house, nibbled a few snackies and drank 1/2 a bottle of Bailey's-not bragging, just saying, do you know how many calories are in Bailey's?!!! Good grief Charlie Brown! I did take 2nd place out of 13 at the poker game, so woohoo there!
Sunday had brunch with some friends who were in town. Haven't seen this couple since they moved to the Phoenix area earlier this year. Really great to see them. Brunch consisted of a ham & cheese omelet with sourdough toast. I didn't eat the hash browns so if there's anything good I can say about my horrible eating this weekend, that's about it! Had some teriyaki chicken and rice for dinner so my carb/fat/protein ratio was OK, but I had no fruits or veggies and was a bit over total calories for Sunday and no exercise.
Did NOT weigh in this morning and will not do so again until next Monday morning...........I just don't even want to know!
So, what to do on weekends, eh, what to do? I guess I better figure it out if I want to get back on track!
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Since my last blog in March, I knew adjusting to the empty nest was going to be a challenge. At the time, I had no idea how MUCH of a challenge it was going to be, though!
Since March, I have put back on about 1/2 of the weight I spent the second half of last year losing. I don't know why, but I have lost a lot of my motivation to continue to eat on plan. I ~am~ still eating better during the day-I have a fairly structured schedule at work, or at least I plan my daily schedule in such a way that all of my work gets done ~and~ I eat on schedule-but in the evenings sometimes I just eat too much!
I know part of it is that I am only cooking for myself, I don't really have to watch out for DD's nutrition anymore so it doesn't feel like I need to plan ahead. But the other part is that I have been so busy that I've fallen back into the pattern of eat quick, eat whatever, eat later when I'm hungry again, and then eat a snack before bed!
And it ~IS~ all in what I'm eating. I'm more active now with Zumba classes and walking than I have been in the past 10 years, I know I'm working out and working as hard as ever physically. I really enjoy being active so I'm just fine in that department. So I know it's what I'm eating. Somehow, even though I have broken a lot of the bad habits that I've had most of my life, really broken them, but some other bad habits have crept in to take their place!
So, I am thinking of resetting all of my Spark People stats and starting over-if that's possible. Then I can start completely over. I started SP last July, so it's kind of fitting to reset and try to regroup, get back in the mental spirit and get going again! I'm going to give it 1 more week and if I feel the same or can't break out of this funk, I'm going to RESET and REGROUP!
Friday, March 16, 2012
So, my daughter is leaving tomorrow to move to Las Vegas. We have relatives there so she won't be homeless or friendless, but it's still a long way from home! She's finished with college and I know she just wants to get out and be on her own. I was 23 once, too, so I do understand the desire to get out from under Mom's roof and rules, I just wish she had some sort of plan, other than "I'll find a job somewhere after I get there." ~sigh~ I do wish her all the best, all kinds of personal success and happiness in whatever she does, I am so proud of her for all she has accomplished, but yeah, as someone who is always planning 3 days ahead, I SO wish she had more of a plan!
I have been trying not to think about it, but today it finally hit home. So what did I do? Made a big bowl of rotini & cheddar, yum! Enough for leftovers tomorrow, too! I am not an emotional eater, but when I get upset or feel down, I tend not to care much about what I'm eating. It seems like so little importance in the face of something so major as my daughter leaving home, maybe for the last time! I'm way more worried about her than I am what the scale is going to say on Monday morning!
So, back to the question......how do I cope with this impending lifestyle change? In the past I've coped with stressors like this by just eating quick and easy comfort foods, food prep for dummies, b/c I have so much on my mind, I don't want to think about recipes, eating plans, calorie counting, fat grams, etc! I've already done the damage for today, there's no taking that back. But I have spent the past 8 months changing bad habits and losing weight that I cannot sabotage this effort when I feel down. I cannot do that to myself again! I gained 30 pounds in a little over 6 months when my Mother was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago and passed on. That can't happen again, I ~must~ do something else to cope.
For today, I am giving myself permission to eat the rest of the pasta, I am not going to weigh in again until Monday, no matter what! I am going to get up tomorrow and take my beloved daughter to the airport and say good bye to her. I am going to tell her I love her and I wish her all the best, of course I do! But I am not going to feel sorry for myself while doing it. Then I am going to come home, give my dog a big hug and thank my lucky stars for all the good things in my life. I am going to go to Zumba class and eat properly then go celebrate St. Patrick's Day with my friends. I just have to psyche myself up to make tomorrow a happy day and push the sadness away.
So that's my coping plan, it's the best I can do. This time I will cope with an unhappy event without completely abandoning my health and weight loss goals, I can't fall into that trap again!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Since I've been losing weight these past months, I've been thinking about how much of life is unconscious, how so many things that I do are just habits developed over the years, both positive and negative.
But how do I tell the difference between a good habit and bad habit? How do I break a bad habit if I don't know it's a habit at all? Raising my daughter by myself, I've always been a quick-and-easy cook in the kitchen. I've been busy, I don't have a lot of time to spend in the kitchen! Between DD's swimming, band, drama and other school activities and my sports, quick-and-easy has meant a lot of fast food, a lot of deli stops, and a lot of evenings eating take home pizza! Was that lifestyle habitual, poor planning on my part, or was it something in between? Could I have made better choices along the way? Sure. But the ~habit~ to even think ahead was lost along the way, in between running around to soccer, band, swimming, etc, so how was I supposed to remember whether we had sliced cheese for sandwiches in the fridge?! Coulda, shoulda, woulda! Why didn't I? I don't know.......... I think a lot of it had to do with being in the mindset of being so busy that meals had to be quick, quick, quick. And what is quicker than drive through or pizza delivery? So the pounds crept on, and on.
Today, I am not nearly as busy so I cook a lot more at home and it helps a whole lot! But not only that, I have parted company with some of the habits that took me through the drive through on my way home from work. I believe that a lot of habit breaking is mental and takes a tremendous amount of effort to ~think~ yourself into changing your ways. But it's also one thing to tell yourself to do something different, and it's another to create the situation that results in that change. Instead of waiting until I get home to figure out what to have for dinner, I'm using my planners to work ahead so I never wonder where my next meal is coming from and if I have all the ingredients to make it-and that takes time! That takes more than telling myself to cook at home, it takes planning ahead, it takes having the right food I need at home ready for cooking, and it takes challenging my mind to distract me from thinking about food in the sense of eating quick so I can get back to my activities! I also need to incorporate food prep and eating into my overall day plan as an activity in itself, rather than a nuisance I need to squeeze in in between activities!
I think what I am most interested in knowing about myself is whether I have broken the old, bad habits, or have I developed new, healthier, positive ones in their place? I don't know yet, I guess that's part of the journey of self discovery, along with weight loss! If the old habits aren't broken, I'll gain all the weight back, old habits aren't just hard to break, they're hard to break because they're easier to follow! How will I ever know if they're gone? I don't know yet........So the journey continues!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I was reading a SP article this morning about hitting walls, when I saw this little poll titled "What is your biggest weight loss hurdle?" on the side screen off the article. So I looked over the the button choices: No motivation, No time to work out, Dining out too much, No help from anyone else, Discouragement, Holidays and vacations.
I thought about each of the choices and found that all of the choices except Discouragement were, for me, just excuses for why I haven't done for myself, my weight loss, what I need to do.......So I clicked on it and submitted my "vote."
To my surprise, I saw that Discouragement was second in popular answer only to No motivation. So there must be a lot of other discouraged people besides myself trying to lose weight!
But why do I get discouraged? Why do I get ~so~ discouraged sometimes that I want to quit my diet and just go back to how I was before?
I've been thinking about it all day today....not just because I messed my food plan up yesterday and woke up this morning + 1/2 a pound!.....and I think it has something to do with being competitive. We are all competitive to a certain degree-some more than others-and competition at its base means someone wins and someone loses. It takes a lot, A LOT, for people to get away from that basal human state of win/lose competition to newer "conflict resolution" philosophy of win/win. Growing up I was raised win/lose, I played a lot of sports, so of course always wanted to win! I felt better winning, no matter whether I played well, the team played well, winning ~mattered,~ was encouraged, praised and rewarded. Losing, of course, got the opposite effect. Losing was "bad," it meant failure and I felt bad losing.
Translated into weight loss, "winning" is losing weight if that's the contest I've set for myself, "losing" is gaining, or not reaching my goal. I've been "losing" this battle for a long time. It IS discouraging to lose a contest-I don't like to lose a soccer game in the same way as I don't like to wake up without even .1 pound lost. But weight loss is a game I've been challenging myself to and losing over and over and over again. I've given up so many times in the past, and of course gained whatever meager weight I've lost back. Discouragement goes hand in hand with losing.......
But I ~AM~ losing weight, and I ~AM~ eating better, and I ~HAVE~ found exercise opportunities that challenge only me other than conflict-based sports, so a lot of the win/lose is going away. I retired from soccer earlier this year and picked up Zumba. And this summer, I'm going to start hiking again, not play softball. Why did I ever stop? I love to hike! But I liked softball more, I liked soccer more, no time for hiking, b/c I liked winning! There's no win/lose in Zumba or hiking, there's no feeling like a loser for finishing second, third, not making the playoffs, only me finishing my task at whatever fitness level I can manage. Much less discouragement this way, no "losing" at Zumba! And the pounds are peeling off, slowly but surely, but they are coming off. I should NOT be discouraged about anything I do that pulls me to that outcome!
It's taken my whole 46 years on the planet to get to where I am now. To get away from the trap of win/lose and try very hard to think only in terms of meeting goals! This is not a competition, I am in it just for myself, and I cannot not ~beat~ myself, I will only meet my goals, that's winning and there is no losing! I have come to terms with the new conflict management technique of win/win. Diffuse negative as soon as it creeps into my conscience, find the common ground. If I eat a piece of cake 1 day, I forgive it, not today but I pre-forgive it for tomorrow when I know it will show up on the scale! Praise instead the banana I ate at lunch, the lean chicken I ate for dinner. I do my best to make quick peace with my slip ups and focus on the smallest positive, every day!
So why do I get discouraged? I don't have any reason to be! I'm not going to be discouraged today. I'll work on not being discouraged tomorrow, tomorrow! I think it's just the kind of change I need to make my weight loss journey successful. This time it feels much different, I can't lose! This is a good new way for me to think about it all and prepare for goal achievement!
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