Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So, today is New Year's Eve. Wow, 2013 went fast! It's been a pretty good year for me overall. Family is happy and healthy, job is going well, and I've learned some things about myself.
Weight.....ah, the weight I've battled since I was 5. That has been an adventure indeed. I just reviewed the calendar I use to keep track of my weight and exercise minutes. I weigh 16 pounds more than I did last New Year's Eve. Most of the year I've hovered around that Dec 31, 2012 weight, until about September, when it started to climb.
What I've learned is not about the numbers on the scale. I spent most of 2013 trying to "get away with" eating more food than I need. I ate "off program" frequently. WHEEE!!!! Like a little kid doing something their parents don't know about. That's exactly the feeling. That's why the secret eating I realized I do is so fun at the time. I'm getting away with something. I'm off plan.
In the past couple of weeks I looked at what it is, exactly, I am actually getting away with by going off plan. Couldn't find a thing except the joy of breaking the rules. I've gotten away from the clothes in my closet, that's for sure. They do not fit, and if they do, they don't fit the way I want them to.
Mostly I'm a rule follower, so breaking rules is a heady thing. At least it used to be. I've never broken serious rules. Never robbed any person place, never harmed anything, at least not intentionally or enough to recall. I don't break rules that will hurt someone else, just ones that will hurt me, apparently.
Hmmm I deserve to be safe from harm from myself, too!
I've realized it doesn't matter which program I'm on, or even if I'm on a program. It's just food and it all counts whether I track it or not or eat it in front of people or not. If I eat it, it counts! For most people that's not a new thing, and it's not like I didn't know that fact myself. Knowing something is a fact is one thing. GETTING it is another. Follow a plan, don't follow a plan...it really is irrelevant. Your body just takes in the food you give it and does what it does. The results are just data.
I feel like I get it now. And, I believe I will achieve my goal of getting to a weight at which I feel good in every way.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Thanksgiving is speeding towards us! I have nothing ready but the menu is pretty much set in stone by my daughter so that will be easy!
Turkey: simply cannot go without that! Simply roasted with garlic, lemon, and rosemary.
Stuffing: I've made all types, mostly from scratch, but she likes Stovetop best. Seriously! To keep it simple I just may use Stovetop this year. In the past I've made polenta and flavored it so it tastes like cornbread stuffing, which is my favorite. I might do that for me but the Stovetop needs to be there for her.
Green Beans: No, not the casserole! Just green beans. Sometimes I do then with almonds sauteed in butter but DH prefers olive oil and garlic on his. We like garlic so that's what we'll likely go with.
Mashed Potatoes: I do them with sauteed mushrooms, chives, sour cream, and garlic. YUM!
Cranberry relish: I make a red wine orange cranberry marmalade that is phenomenal! My mouth just watered thinking about it!
Pumpkin pie: MUCH cheaper to buy already made, and Sam's club makes a great one. However, this year DD has requested one made from actual pumpkins. Seriously! So, we will make it from scratch this year.
After the meal we always go for a walk. That way we earn our leftovers!
Yes, much of our holiday is determined by DD. That's okay. Our kids are with us such a short time! DH is from another country and has no prior experience with Thanksgiving and my own childhood memories of any holiday are unpleasant at best so I'm fine with creating traditions she can carry with her.
Guess I should get started on that pumpkin puree.......
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Yes, I know, the month is 1/3 over already, but that's the way things have been going lately!
October was not a fabulous month for me as far as putting my healthy habits in the forefront. I ended up gaining 0.3 pounds which isn't bad considering it was the month of birthdays and our wedding anniversary. My exercise minutes weren't even at 1,000 total, which is way down from the past year. As far as food goes, I was only actually within range or on plan 12 of 31 days. It's a miracle I didn't gain more!
For November I want to be within my range/on plan 80% of the time. That means 24 of 30 days. That was the goal I set November 1. Looking at my data at this point I would have to be 100% on plan every single remaining day of this month to meet that goal so I am reevaluating. I am now aiming to beat October's OP (on plan) percentage, which was 39%. I can do it!
The exercise goal I set November 1 was 1200 minutes of exercise. I'm keeping that even though I'm off to a very slow start. If I can break 1000 I'll be happy, but 1200 isn't that far so I will aim for that.
For the portion of my overall health plan that involves feeding my soul, work is really getting in the way. I swear, I could work every waking minute of every day and still not get it all done! And I deserve more than zero time for me and my family! I will continue to prioritize and do what I can. I will set time limits for work on the weekends and try to get as much done as I can before I leave during the week so I'm not working at home in the evenings. I will also take a bit of time each evening to sit with the family and read something not for work, even if it's just a magazine.
So that's my plan for this busy month of food. I can do better than last month, which is all that matters!
Thursday, July 18, 2013
For the past year or so I've been gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds. I'll get serious, then get down to the low 180s and decide I "deserve" to try this or I want to eat that. As a result, I'm where I was a year ago. I look at it as practice for maintenance, which is good, except I'm not in a healthy weight range yet, which is not good. I did have several doctors tell me, as a 280-300 pound woman in my 20s, 30s and 40s that I would NEVER weigh less than 200 pounds since I'd been over that number since I was a child. Now, they were obviously wrong, but why do I still think about that?
I AM under 200 pounds. I have been for over a year. So, the answer lies less in my body and more in my mind. I am the one keeping myself from reaching goal at this point. (Notice I didn't say forever. That's an important distinction. I WILL get to my goal. I do believe I can do it.) No one makes me engage in unplanned eating. I do that. I get in my own way. No one is stopping me from getting to a healthy weight except for me.
I keep trying to figure out why I don't seem to want to finish the job. The only thing I can figure is that I lived my whole life, since I was 5, as the fat girl. If I'm not the fat girl, who am I? I don't think I see myself the way I look now because photos still surprise me, and if I hold up a pair of size 12 pants or a medium shirt I think they cannot possibly fit me. But they do fit me. What doesn't fit me is the image of me in my head. I never thought I even saw myself as the fat girl...I was always surprised by how fat I looked in pictures before because in my head I was thin. But people called me fat. I heard it, I saw it in their eyes. For 40 years.
Some people call me skinny now, but for a split second after they say it I don't believe them. I know it's more about what I say to myself than what others say.
One piece of advice I got about seeing yourself as the person you are now, not the one you used to be, was to try new things, thin person things. I had always exercised but I started buying form-fitting clothes, mostly shirts because my legs still look really fat to me even though measurements say they are thinner than they were. Last summer I would get up and go walking outside. On the route there would come a time when the sun was behind me and I could see my shadow walking in front of me. That was my favorite part because my waist looked so tiny! I would just stare at my shadow and think "That's what I look like" over and over.
Then it got too hot to walk outside. And I just haven't done it since for whatever reason. I guess I need to find a new thing to do that will reinforce the vision of myself as just ME, not some girl defined by her size. None of us are defined by our size, and I never thought I'd done it to myself. Is it truly the result of decades of programming from the outside world? And how do I un-program? Is it as simple as affirmations? Hypnosis?
I believe that once I get this figured out I will be able to get out of my own way and just do what needs to be done, over and over. I am certainly not giving up! No way!
I read on a board somewhere that giving up after you make a mistake is like dropping your cell phone then stomping on it till it breaks. I liked that one better than the falling down one stair then throwing yourself down the rest. I haven't fallen down many flights of stairs (thankfully!) but I drop my cell phone with enough regularity that I put a protective case around it.
Hmmmm, if my weight loss/healthy lifestyle program is my cell phone and slips ups are dropping it, it seems I need to find a protective case for the weight loss/healthy lifestyle program. Bingo! One step closer!
Now, what IS the "protective case"..... Something new to think about.
It could be as as simple as just doing it anyway, getting right back on plan. Track it, move on, do better. Or, it could be as simple as fake it till you make it. Do it anyway.
For today, I choose to do it anyway.
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