Monday, June 12, 2006
I just weighed myself and just want to cry/scream.
Because of my stupid,STUPID, being depressed the last four days my weight has ballooned from 128 to 134. I feel so disgusting. I dont understand it.
I work out EVERY damn day. HOW could this happen?
I've had a lot of really nice people Im getting to know message me about how I could feel bad cause though Im in a 6. Its not about being a size 6.
I used to be with a man for over five years and if you were any bigger than a size 4 he considered it fat. I've never lived that image down. I feel if I dont get to my goal weight I won't find someone to love me. Now I kinda feel stupid even joining mysparks.
Maybe I really just need to see a shrink. I dont DO this for attention...I really DO have goals and want to do them healthy. I WANT to be happy with my body and with myself so I can go ON with my life and triumph over this self hatred.
I feel like all the hard work I've done this past month was worthless now. Everyone I meet here is so positive and I'm just a whiner.
Okay...enough rambling...I guess Ineed to go to bed.