When Something Is A Dream....

Saturday, June 17, 2006

I really fucked up this week on my eating. I was depressed and really binged. Also....didnt get to work out yesterday.

But today is another day. God was kind to let me wake up. I need to start praying and maybe find a good church again. I wonder if that would help with some of the self hate.

Also..I remembered something today. Of when I was 187 and the thought of the weight of 133 was a DREAM to me.

Kind of the way 125 is NOW.

I don't want to be PERFECT. I just want to LIKE me again. I sure would LOVE to be able to go to the ocean in the DAY for once and wear a swimsuit. I've lived here two years and only go to the ocean at NIGHT...where no one can see me.

I'm really pissed at that guy who turned me down even after we went on that date. What a loser! I talked to one of my ex bf's *friends now with benefits* and he said that guy must have *gender identity issues*. HA HA HA! It got me laughing.

Have a ton of places to go today. Gotta go.
Namaste..M.

Really HATE myself right now...

Monday, June 12, 2006

I just weighed myself and just want to cry/scream.

Because of my stupid,STUPID, being depressed the last four days my weight has ballooned from 128 to 134. I feel so disgusting. I dont understand it.

I work out EVERY damn day. HOW could this happen?

I've had a lot of really nice people Im getting to know message me about how I could feel bad cause though Im in a 6. Its not about being a size 6.

I used to be with a man for over five years and if you were any bigger than a size 4 he considered it fat. I've never lived that image down. I feel if I dont get to my goal weight I won't find someone to love me. Now I kinda feel stupid even joining mysparks.

Maybe I really just need to see a shrink. I dont DO this for attention...I really DO have goals and want to do them healthy. I WANT to be happy with my body and with myself so I can go ON with my life and triumph over this self hatred.

I feel like all the hard work I've done this past month was worthless now. Everyone I meet here is so positive and I'm just a whiner.

Okay...enough rambling...I guess Ineed to go to bed.
M.

Fell Off but back on now...

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I ate like a horse for four days but Im up and running again. Trying too....:(

I got up and did my Tae Bo Cardio 1 then I did the 8 minute Tae Bo workout after that to help blast off this stupid fat.

Did 60 stomach crunches.

Drank six cups of water so far and took my Trimspa.

There is another diet supplement I want to try that has Advantra Z in it. Since I had my heart checked out I think I will go back on it again to get to my goal weight of 120-115.

PRAYER:PLEASE GOD DON"T LET ME FAIL!
Amen.
M.

Tae Bo

Saturday, June 10, 2006

I really love my tae bo. I did the Cardio Circuit 2 today and 60 tummy crunches. I am still sore from last nights four mile walk in the sand at night on the beach with Chris.

It wasn't meant to be that long a walk but we got lost...ha ha!

I had a diet setback but I'm back on track.
M.

Upped Cardio Workouts

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I pigged out late last night while on the computer while talking on the phone. So this morning I took two Trimspa and drank my water then did Denise Austins Blast Away Ten Pounds..then...

I went on to do The Tae-Bo 8 minute workout to add on to it.

Then did 85 crunches.

It's been such a long journey. But things worthwhile are worth working for. I need to keep this in my head while working towards other goals.
M.

First Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 Last Page

Get An Email Alert Each Time WARRIORWOMAN91 Posts