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Been A While But Here Again We Go

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I haven't been consistant with my working out and eating for days now. But today I did my Boot Camp workout with Denise Austin and feel tons better. I still fit in my 12s though tight but at least they fit. I'm going for sizes to fit instead of poundage and weight loss I believe. When you shrink into a smaller size that shows whatever you are doing is working.

I have been fighting depression the last few days and that's another reason I wasn't working out. I feel better today. Every day can bring you something different when you are fighting depression. But,hey, today is good so I have to treasure it as a jewel or a gift from God.

I have to work today but then have three days off. I'm so glad. I hope I can make myself get up, put on makeup,and go somewhere instead of sit home in my sweats or nightgown and laying on the couch feeling sad. I will try and blog here every day so I can get these thoughts out of my head. Still no word on my food stamps. I pray they don't get taken away.

Thats all for now. God bless all who read this with love and joy. WW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KERANCE 5/21/2010 1:28PM

    Hey hun - well done for doing your videos.

I'm sure you know this and I don't mean to sound patranising but exercise releases endorphins and maybe if you were to push for a walk when you feel depressed it might help your wellbeing. I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you what to do - just an idea.

Keep up the great work hun and I hope you feel better in yourself

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THENEWCINDY 5/20/2010 10:20AM

    I hope you feel better!!!

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Someone Called Me Chunky Last Night And The Jeans Episode

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I'm covered in sweat and sipping ice water my favorite place and way to be. Last night was horrific. Work was okay I only worked for four hours. In that four hours a co worker came up to me and we were talking about the diet pill supplement I am on and he was telling me they were bad for my health. Exasperated I said "Well what else am I supposed to do? I'm desparate." He said just exercise and eat right and to quit worrying about my weight because I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE CHUNKY HERE AND THERE MY BODY WAS JUST BUILT LIKE THAT. He walked away. Tears were rolling down my face.

Now,I fit into an old size of pair ten petite jeans *Riders,girls,you know the ones made for us with hips and curves,REAL jeans"...and got excited. I wanted to go out and buy another new pair to celebrate. So I went to walmart with the boyfriend and got a pair but all they had was mediums in misses. I figured what the heck they are stretch jeans anyway. I get home and they stretch all right. ONLY TO MY BIG FAT HIPS. I threw them across the room and called my boyfriend crying how I was never going to lose the weight and what a hippo I was. He kept trying to assure me I was beautiful in his eyes but he likes thick women.

I cried so hard last night I got a headache this morning but I worked out to Denise Austin's Blast Away Ten Pounds video. I sure wish ten pounds would blast off of me.

thats all. God bless. And stay away from misses jeans if you are built like a REAL woman should be. WW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATKITA 5/15/2010 11:01PM

    It sucks when other people say mean and thoughtless thing to us. Lord knows I've been there! But what really stuck out to me with your post are the mnean and thoughtless things you've been saying to yourself! If you aren't kind and gentle with yourself, then it won't even matter if everyone else is.

I just saw an episode of Oprah that I had Tivo'd, and she has on the author of "Women, Food, and God". Don't worry if you're not religious, it's really not about that. There was a lot to take away from it, but the biggest thing I got out of it was what I just told you. You have to treat yourself with kindness. Hating and shaming your body is not going to make th weight come off. Trust me, I am not judging you in any way. What I'm saying is I've been there myself...recently...but from this day on, I am making a new commitment to myself each day - a promise to be kinder, gentler, and more loving in the things I say and think about myself. I hope you will make the same commitment to yourself, and keep it.

We are strong, we are beautiful, we are learning to be healthier every day, we are women! We can do this together! emoticon

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RAEVENSWING 5/15/2010 8:13PM

    Your co-worker is a jerk! Is HE perfect ? Don't let other people get
to you. The only person you answer to is yourself.
As for the jeans, I have to try them all on because all sizes are not
created equal. They vary from manufacturer. it's enough to drive you
Never give up and never give in.
You are strong and beautiful.

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    Co-workers are really harsh sometimes!! Ive just stop talking to them about my goals to loose weight because they always say stuff like that!! Its like obviously youve never tried to loose weight and it aint that easy!

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CARAMELANGEL247 5/15/2010 11:48AM

    you are working hard at losing weight and being healthy and you are doing just fine!

nothing wrong with some hips! If you need proof of that then plan a trip to St. Paul and Minneapolis and the men come running just to see hips on a woman. I can't tell you the number of times some guy saw me walking down the street and saw my behind and rushed to pull over and talk to me. Once it was a friends older brother and THAT was embarrassing.

So long as you are taking steps to workout and eat healthy and lose the weight then you are doing good. Better than I am. One step at a time sister. Its a long road but you are walking. Weight is something that you can change- you coworker is likely a dick because he can't change what he dislikes about himself. People can be negative but thats what you have all of us for!

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READNKNIT 5/15/2010 9:05AM

    Don't give up! You CAN DO IT!

You can show that guy that you're a better person than he is. I certainly wouldn't call him a friend. He probably thought he was saving your health from the diet pill. All he really was doing was showing what an insensitive jerk he is.

Ignore him. You are a better person.

You and I both know that they cut jeans in different ways. They might both be size 10, but they won't fit on you the same way. Take those back and find another size 10 that WILL!

We're all in this together!


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KERANCE 5/15/2010 9:01AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Feel better soon chick.
Real women are not sticks - my boyfriend says this too me - I believe him too.

Your co-worker must be a tool but you know what; some people say things and mean them in a completely different way. I'm sure you have done the same sometime, totally upset someone but didn't mean it AT ALL!
Perhaps he was trying to make you feel good (you know what men are like sometimes - backwards some may say)
However you feel just keep working out like you have been - you're so strong and motivated as whatever you feel like you continue to work hard!

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Keep up woth your amazing hardwork!
Love you
Kez xXx

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MLKOLAR 5/15/2010 8:23AM

    Never give up. I've learned that people who feel the need to put us down or make rude comments like your co-worker are people who are insecure and small!! You can do it and don't let anyone tell you that you can't!

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COWBOYMAMA 5/15/2010 8:20AM

    Sorry your co-worker was so rude, he had no right to do that to you. I have been searching for jeans, too, with no success. They are all too stretchy or too tight in all the wrong places, even higher end jeans from Penny's or Sears (those are higher end stores for me, LOL). With summer coming, I won't be wearing jeans much, so I have all summer to find some. Hopefully by fall I can be a smaller size.

I have been frustrated lately too. Doing the right thing most of the time, but still treating once in a while. Hang in there, at least you are trying. you are a beautiful woman!

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Rest Day Today

Friday, May 14, 2010

My muscles and feet are so sore I am taking a rest day today. I have managed to keep off five pounds thank goodness. I fit into my size 10s though they are tight I am wearing them today with a blue gauzy top that's cool in this blazing spring heat.

I have a whole new relationship with food now. I only eat if I am truly hungry and try and pick healthier choices. I had vegetable soup today for lunch and am still full. Lots of water is also doing the trick and also when I have my coffee I somehow don't crave eating at all. I have to make myself.

I feel kind of lonely and sad today. Work is really getting to me. It makes me depressed just getting ready for it and putting on my make up and taking a shower to get ready for it puts me in a sad,depressed state. I just want to feel better so bad. I feel i am only happy on my days off when I don't have to think about it. Anyone who wants to work at Lowe's DONT DO IT!!!!!!! It's a horrible company to work for and gossip everywhere and drama and no one leaves you alone to just do your job. they move you constantly. There I said it. I HATE LOWES AND WORKING THERE!!!! I hope the stinking CEO is reading this. Fine with me!

Sorry had to vent. I feel better now. WW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KERANCE 5/14/2010 3:50PM

    Enjoy your rest day.
Are you looking for a better job?
I hope you get what you want!

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THENEWCINDY 5/14/2010 11:11AM

    Take the rest day and enjoy it!!!

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DEBLYNN323 5/14/2010 10:34AM

    It's hard to be motivated to work when you feel as you do....I wish you luck that another door somewhere else opens for you. But on the brighter side....KUDOS to a 5# loss, keep up the good work! emoticon

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One Day At A Time...It's All I Can Do

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Just worked out,sweat is pouring off me and I have my fav tumbler of ice water by me here. I feel better then yesterday. I wasn't going to work out but I figured it would make me feel better and lessen the depression. I need to stop stressing about so much in my life and remember God always has taken care of me and my family. Forgive me Lord,for doubting You. I will try and do better.

I can only take it one day at a time. That's the best I can do. I have to realize that. When you suffer from anxiety and depression life can be so hard. I have to count my blessings every day and sometimes I forget too. Then I get anxious they will all disappear. Go figure that.

Well,today is today and so far I have done good. Next week we are adding the weights. No excuses. I'm tired of having flabby old lady arms. Yuck. My cute tops shrunk in the wash proving I can wear a 1x but the sleeves shrunk too showing too much of my arms but it was so hot yesterday at work I'm glad I wore it anyway. Today I'm going in my glittery blue t-shirt top I bought. It shrunk too but who cares.

Just rambling today. Had to get my jumbled thoughts out. God bless all who pass here and read this. WW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWOCANS 5/13/2010 9:36AM

    Glad to hear you're re-challenged! It IS a daily commitment, isn't it! Well, for today, I have committed!

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KERANCE 5/13/2010 9:35AM

    One day at a time is we can do - sounds like you're doing well.
Keep it up, Love Kez xXx

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LOLEMA 5/13/2010 9:22AM

  One day at a time is the best

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HAASESH 5/13/2010 9:22AM


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It's Good To Be Back On It

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It's like a project for myself. I just worked out and am now all woken up,quietly sad but ready for the day I guess. My depression seems to come and go more frequently now. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of being a guinea pig on medicines that just seem to make me fat and I'd rather be depressed than gain weight. Like when she put me on Lexapro! What a nightmare!

I worked out to Cardio Bootcamp today,my staple. I took the plunge and weighed myself not as bad as I thought. I should get to where I was by the end of the week if I keep this up. I cancelled my doctor's appointment so I could workout and I have little hope she will help me anyway. I pay ten dollars for the "free" clinic to see someone who pooh poohs all my symptoms like chest pains, shooting pains in the abdomen,she won't listen and only wants to talk about my depression. That's it. And even if she took me seriously what good would it do I have no insurance to get seen at a hospital. Yes I'm whining. My blog.

At least exercise is good for me. I hope losing weight and inches will help with my health. I'm worried. I'm always worried about something. I'm so tired or worrying. That's all. WW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KERANCE 5/12/2010 5:43PM

    Lol "yes I'm winging - my blog" Love it!!
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I hoep you feel better tomorrw. I don't understamd about the US healthcare - I'm from the UK but I do know that it sucks...not that that's any help to you.
Take care and get your fruit and veg for some vitimins.
Do you like Turkey? It's got happy chemicals in it...you should try it.
Love to you

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