WARRIORWOMAN90   2,089
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WARRIORWOMAN90's Recent Blog Entries

Taking It One Day At A Time

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

I spent all day on the couch covered up and crying. My depression really wrecks me sometimes. I miss my best friend so much it hurts. Every time I think about it I cry because she is gone.

I got up today early thanking God for another jewel of a day. I did my chair a cise workout. I cant wait to buy another dvd from the series to help me lose this weight. I will be thrilled to be in onederland again. But we have to do this is bits and pieces. One day at a time. I am cleaning my kitchen to day to give me something to do.

I don't want to cry anymore. I'm tired of being sad. WW.

  


Seven Pounds Down and I'm So Glad

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I lost seven pounds now. My weight was fluctuating with my cycle but I weighed in today first thing in the morning. I worked out to my chair a cise and am drinking my water and took my multivitamin like the doctor wants me too.

The new med Elavil has helped me so much. I can get through my cycle without being a complete wreck. Maybe just a little blue. I'll take that any day.

I want to be down a jean size by the end of April. I really think I can do this now God willing. I'm getting more sleep and feeling better in my head most days. I eat what I want basically but added more fruits and drink more water. My weights seem to be getting lighter so I may now add three pound weights to my chair a cise routine. I'm so GLAD there is a workout I can do from a chair since I cant do my Denise Austin or turbojam or tae bo anymore. I sure do miss those workouts but I have to adapt.

That's about it. God bless you for stopping by to read my blog. G.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROUD-GRANDMA 3/27/2013 8:20AM

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PATTYKLAVER 3/27/2013 8:12AM

    Doing good! Congratulations.

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RIDLEYRIDER 3/27/2013 7:25AM

  Congrats on the loss! emoticon

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DMEYER4 3/27/2013 6:55AM

  congrats on your weight loss emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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So Down On Myself Today

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I feel like such a cow. I can't cross my legs or walk without getting winded. Somehow my knee is hurt and I can't do my Denise Austin workouts or turbojam it makes it swell up and hurt for days. I even went to the hospital and they took xrays and could not find anything wrong with it.

I have been doing chair a cise and at first lost six pounds now the scale says I gained five pounds but its my cycle and could be water weight. I want to cry. I feel like I will never reach my goal of one fifty. I'd settle for one sixty even. I want to just have confidence again. Why can't I?

I join a lot of BBW facebook groups to see how these beautiful bigger women can post pics of themselves and they are so confident. I envy confidence more than I envy someone being skinny. How am I ever going to love myself? I've spent forty four years hating myself thanks to my parents and abusive relationships even when I was thin I didn't like myself. What do I do?

I hate me today. WW.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OOLALA53 3/26/2013 2:45PM

    These thoughts about yourself are just a habit, much as eating is. You know by now they don't carry any truth to them.

I, too, envy confidence more than being skinny. I've seen too many thin women who hate their bodies, too. Lucky for me, I'm older now and it's easier for me to be more forgiving. I wish I could give you some of that, as I could have used it earlier as well.

This doesn't mean I didn't want to change my overeating, and for the most part, I have, and have lost nearly 40 pounds over three years. But I've actually felt I looked good the whole way down! Of course, if I look at the media photos and listen to people here or on TV about their routines, I can always feel inferior. But I'm not going to compete with them, especially when I don't know what they say to themselves off camera. My self worth is not going to hinge on those outer things. But my physical comfort may rest more on my eating so that I'm not overfull. We can sometimes equate that overfull feeling with being immoral. It's not.

You may not get to a weight goal, but you can reach habit goals. If your eating revolves around reaching a certain weight, it can really mess you up. (Sounds like heresy here at Spark, but they also promote just good eating and exercise. You don't have to choose a weight goal if you don't want to.) I focused on habits and I've continued to lose each year. I'm not longing to eat more and don't fine maintenance hard, but it's not mindless, either.

Never believe negative thoughts when you haven't been eating well or exercising, esp, if you're hurt and can't exercise. Just get back to it right at the next meal. And don't eat anything until it's time for that meal. Then enjoy every bite.

Comment edited on: 3/26/2013 2:54:38 PM

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VIXSTERLU 3/26/2013 2:20PM

    I am so proud of you for posting this blog! I have days where I am feeling down and all I do is crawl into a little ball and cry and completely disconnect from the world. To be able to put your thoughts and feelings into words and share here is incredible! Kudos to you for that.

I agree with SWIMMAN, find a few little things to work on today. When you do accomplish even a little thing (doing 5 minutes of walking or drinking that full glass of water), pat yourself on the back for it! Start small and build from there. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

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SWIMMAN 3/26/2013 12:29PM

    Hey. You definetely are having a "bad" day. Recognize it and go easy on yourself today. Get a good night's sleep, and go from there.
I'd suggest that you concentrate on at least a few small steps to improve your health like what you are doing already, your chair exercising for example! Way to go!! Keep it up!
You have also reached some great conclusions too, that being thin doesn't mean necessarily being happy or healthy for that matter.
Drinking water and eating fruit and tracking your food may not seem like signs of self love but they are.
You can do it, but remember to give yourself the time - Hang in there
Thomas

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DLDROST 3/26/2013 8:23AM

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Being Big Really Sucks

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

I hate my size. I can't bend over hardly or lift my legs to cross them. I huff and puff going up and down stairs. I can't get on the floor to play with my daughter and her video games that she wants me to play with her SO much. I can't walk around the block evein without just about fainting and thats only ONE mile!

But I CAN do something about it. Like I'm doing now. Doing my chair a cise dvd. Drinking a ton of water to ward off hunger. Get more sleep so I feel better in my head thanks to God and my medication. I can set little goals and reach them like setting a goal of losing ten pounds by Valentine's day God willing.

Yeah being big sucks. But at least my fiance thinks I"m beautiful. He told me the other day "No you are NOT fat you are BEAUTIFUL." How can I respond to that? He hates it that I hate myself and my body. I just want some self esteem back. I want my hair to grow back where its fallen out due to my medication and stress.

I just want to be the old ME again. Happy healthy and confident. I miss her. WW.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNA1968 1/9/2013 10:25PM

    you are working on change so you are ahead of the game! Give that man a big squeeze lol

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BROADBRUSH 1/9/2013 11:15AM

    it is good that you feel all the discomfort - and that you have decided you have had enough. enlist the help of everyone around you - fiance, kids, people you work and play with, etc.
one step at a time - don't give up on walking - just do what you can - and in a short time you will be able to do more. write down your progress on the calendar and track it - you will be amazed. same for foods - journal daily -
be kind to yourself too - have things you can snack on - fruit, veggies etc -
water is important - but learn to recognize true hunger - you should eat something every 3 hours to keep fueled.
keep in touch - you will do well - BB


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WIDELOADROAD 1/9/2013 9:22AM

    You're fighting the good fight. You can do it!

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SADWHITEWOLF 1/9/2013 8:43AM

    You can do something about! You are strong!


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GARDENCHRIS 1/9/2013 8:30AM

    One day you will be..... keep doing what you are doing BBCAUSE of your daughter

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SNS1968 1/9/2013 8:27AM

  One day at a time.

For me, the aches & pains, the ill-fitting clothes, the getting winded after one flight of stairs, etc. were what pushed me to lose some weight. The appearance thing was secondary, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't important.

emoticon emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 1/9/2013 8:14AM

  We are all beautiful, but we can be beautiful and HEALTHY too! That's what you need to be working for! emoticon

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MSKRIS7 1/9/2013 8:12AM

    You are beautiful!!!

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Doing Everything I Can To Do This

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

I see it is a new year and I want a NEW ME. I want to be a more compassionate person and love other people and also learn to love MYSELF. I just did my chair a cise dvd and feel awesome...almost like I CAN do this God willing.

Something about working out with weights even the two pound ones that make you feel really good. Toning and doing aerobic work as well on this dvd that has changed how I feel slowly bit by bit. I'm starting to get a little bit of biceps praise the Lord!

Now for the diet. To eat less and portions smaller. Give up sugary snacks and too much salt. Drink LOTS and LOTS of water. I'm drinking some now. I'm going to be running to the bathroom all day with as much as I plan to drink.

I give all glory to God. For finding me a workout dvd I can do. For letting me wake up PRAISE HIS NAME. For hopefully a decent year where I can get healthy and go on walks with my daughter and play on the floor with her and keep up with my fiance and not slow him down while we walk in the mall.

Thank YOU GOD. I am humbly grateful. WW.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NESARIAN 1/1/2013 11:05PM

    I also feel so proud of myself when I work out. I feel less hungry also, which is a welcomed bonus!

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ZENXB! 1/1/2013 9:37AM

    emoticon You can do this!!

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