Wednesday, January 20, 2010
So, in order to stop obsessing with the scale per my last blog, I am looking for signs of progress other than the scale. Not to diminish the value and importance of the scale, but there are lots of other signs of progress, and I am trying to learn to watch for them.
So this morning, I have two more:
* I am being brave and daring and wearing an old, new dress to work. I have been digging some old clothes out of my closet, but have not been brave enough to wear them outside of the house or with family, or else covered over with a baggy sweatshirt/sweater. They seem to fit nicely, but yet they feel a bit snug to me; but I think it is because all of my other clothes have gotten so baggy that anything that fits well just feels wrong. But my husband says they look fine, so today I'm doing it. One of my co-workers has said she will honestly tell me if it looks too tight. So I'm eager to see her response. Okay, so I'm not at a skinny dress yet; but I am at a skinnier dress. That's progress!
* We are in the middle of our January thaw and I thought today for the first time since the snow has begun that I can wear shoes instead of boots. So I pulled out my favorite shoes, that I haven't worn for several months, to wear for work and put them on. SURPRISE! Even my shoes feel loose! Who'd have thought it? I might even go down in shoe size by the feel of it. That's progress!
On a side note, I am still in the midst of what feels like a catastrophic storm, but God is faithful. He gave me this verse for today: ". . . In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength . . . " Isaiah 30:15
To learn to rest in Him in quietness and confidence - that's progress!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I have this love/hate obsessive relationship with my scale. For starters, my scale is grossly inaccurate by about 15 pounds. But I use it on a regular basis to track my progress and keep myself in check. In fact, I have this bad habit of thinking I need to step on it nearly every day. I suppose this could be good and could be bad, but right now, to me, I think it is obsessive.
My true weigh in comes when I visit my mother as she has a very accurate digital scale. This is what I use to post my actual weight. Well, yesterday, I went to my mother's for a short visit. As I drove away, it hit me like a bolt that I totally forgot about weighing myself. Granted, it was a bit of a rushed visit. But usually, the first thing I do when I arrive is hit the scale.
I am learning that there are so many ways to check my progress besides the scale and, although a bit disappointed that I did not weigh in (because I think I have dropped a few pounds), I am somewhat excited that I forgot. I am hoping that this is an indication of simply getting used to my healthy lifestyle and knowing that it will yield results and I don't need to be in constant stress if the scale doesn't move.
What other ways can I tell that I am healthier than I was 9 months ago and that I am on my way to a healthier lifestyle?
* I have a much higher energy level - much, much higher!
* I can go up a flight of steps and answer the phone without sounding like I just ran a mile.
* My clothes need to be taken in and I am starting to pull clothes out of my closet that I haven't worn for years - smaller clothes. I am down from a snug size 28 to a loose 24 dress, from a snug 3X (should probably have been 4X, but I refused to buy 4X clothes), to a comfortable 2X.
* People are starting to comment that I "look good." Sometimes they can't put their finger on what it is. They think I got new glasses, or changed my hair style, or it is the dress I am wearing. Sometimes I tell them and sometimes I let them think what they will. But inside I smile because I know it is because of the 51.5 pounds I have lost over the last 9 months. Well,, had I weighed myself yesterday, I could probably say something like 53 or 55, but . . .
* Some of my undergarments have gone down several sizes - TMI? LOL
* I seldom go to bed with heartburn anymore - last night was the exception - I ate Chinese buffet for dinner.
* And speaking of buffet, instead of just loading my plate with piles of everything I love, I find myself trying to choose healthier items, picking out lots of veggies in the stir fries, going for some broiled salmon instead of the battered and deep fried sweet/sour chicken; choosing a healthy serving of fruit off of the dessert buffet, then stopping with one or two small items from the desserts; choosing steamed shrimp instead of deep fried, etc. Of course, I haven't yet given up my small bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate pudding over top. Keeps my yearning for a hot fudge sundae at bay - yum.
* I can walk at least three miles at a clip (could probably walk farther, but haven't tried because of time constraints.)
* I find myself looking for ways to get in my calorie burn since the snow has not allowed me to walk outside - shoveling snow, turning cleaning into a workout, helping my husband stack firewood, etc. I would rather do things like that than walking in place, treadmill, etc.
* I can let my husband eat the whole box of Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies over a 2 week period and not touch a one. In fact, I find sweet things, although I enjoy them and allow myself some, do not hold the same appeal as they once did and if I eat more than a small amount, I don't feel well on them. I find I can usually stop after one fun size candy bar when getting into the treats. This is a major accomplishment. I will admit that I still struggle with the potato chips, though!
* I constantly evaluate my diet to see what I can eat that is nutritious and fits into my diet plan for the day. Have I had all my veggies today? What about my fruit? Have I had any milk? Have I eaten too many carbs or too many proteins? How much of that chicken can I have for dinner, 3 oz. or 4? Can I have 1/2 cup or 3/4 cup of brown rice? Peas would be so good with this dinner, but although they are healthy for me, they are a starch, not a vegetable; what veggie can I cook instead? On a side note, I find this a challenge in the winter. In the summer, you have asparagus, summer squash, fresh tomatoes, etc. and in the winter - hmm, green beans, broccoli, the occasional brussel sprouts, and what else?
* I fairly consistently consume 8 - 8 oz. glasses of water per day.
* I find myself choosing a handful of baby carrots for a snack after work instead of a cookie (or two or three).
* I find myself watchful of the amount of butter or oil I put on my breads, my veggies, etc.
These are all things that the scale can't tell me, but show huge signs of progress. So just maybe that obsession with the scale is dwindling. The balance to this is that I keep my eye on the goal, but I don't want to be in the panic mode that I was several months ago when I hit a plateau and put myself into stress mode daily because that scale wasn't moving.
What is your relationship with your scale? Is it a love/hate relationship? Do you obsess with the scale? Do you weigh daily? If so, is that a healthy thing for you or an obsession?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The past few days I have succumbed to a situation of overwhelming pain. This is not really like me to write a blog like this, and some that I have written in the past, I have deleted. I'm not meaning to cry a sob story, but it is where I am.
I'm struggling just to make it through my days, let alone stay on top of my exercise and healthy eating. In fact, I'm not hungry and barely able to eat at all. I've probably eaten 500 calories today. Shouldn't have any trouble losing weight like this.
If you are a person of prayer to the living God, Jehovah, I could use a prayer right now. I need peace, rest, joy, forgiveness, trust, hope, wisdom and the strength to maintain as best of a healthy lifestyle as I can during this crisis.
Life will get better, it always does. And the valleys we must cross only make us stronger.
God is in control!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I have just been hit with a situation that has opened a lot of old wounds that I thought were healing and has raised a lot of trust and forgiveness questions.
Dealing with hurt can be a lifelong process. I am learning that every time I feel the hurt, I must forgive. Forgiveness is not a once and done thing I am finding. I can say I have forgiven, but when the hurt hits anew, I must forgive anew. Also, God may be using it to lead me into a deeper level of forgiveness than I experienced before.
The Bible warns us not to fail the grace God offers us, but to be careful least a root of bitterness spring up within us and trouble or defile us.
Today, I need to renew my acceptance of the grace of God and forgive once again. It is what he calls me to do. And "faithful is he who calleth you, who also will do it."
Lord, today I purpose to accept your grace. Remove any bitterness from my heart, heal me and fill with forgiveness. You have called me to this and you have promised that you will perform it in me.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
I am feeling so defeated, so blue, so disappointed in myself! I ate it all - every bite! And it wasn't even all that good! How disgusting!
So, to back up, today in going through my emails from a friend, I came across an email I had saved that I thought sounded like a cute idea - a cake in a mug baked in the microwave. Well, it so happens that right now my oven is on the blink (or at least I'm afraid to use it), but that's another story! So I saw this little recipe and thought that would be a sweet little treat for my husband who loves cupcakes. So this afternoon, I tested it.
I baked up that little cake and it looked rather cute, but I thought I should taste it before I serve it to my husband later when he comes home. So taste it I did. It was quite disappointing and more like a chocolate bread pudding consistency - very heavy and not quite sweet enough. So I cut a little bit more and thought it might be good with milk on it. Better. But by now, I know I can't serve this thing to my husband; but it has such good ingredients in it, I hate to pitch it. So I ate a little bit more, this time putting a little bit of sugar on it to make it sweeter. And a little bit more and a little bit more and suddenly, it was all gone.
I stood and looked at that coffee mug that held the treacherous cake and my stomach started rolling and my eyes filled with tears. In the nine months that I have been on this journey, I can't remember once that I felt like I absolutely binged like this - and even for something that I didn't like all that much.
I'm trying to sort through what bad choices I made this afternoon and what prompted me to make them. I haven't sorted yet, and I'm still feeling blue, but I have the rest of the evening to make good choices and tomorrow is another day. My perfectionist tendencies want to beat myself up, punish myself, make myself do penance; but this will do no good.
So the rational side of me is trying to evaluate and learn from the whole thing so that I don't repeat this again.
Better choices ahead!
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