Sunday, March 20, 2011
I've been in a deep, dark place. I really thought that I would handle a job loss better than I have been, I've found myself not as strong as I hoped I would be. But, on the other hand, to be kind to myself, I've had a lot else going on, as all of us do.
Dick Bolles said it well in "What Color is Your Parachute?" when he said to the effect that when you lose your job, you want nothing more than to crawl under the covers and turn the electric blanket up to 9. Ah, I couldn't have said it better myself. I borrowed this book from the library and found it so helpful, and with a lot of "homework" to do that I knew I couldn't get full benefit of it just from a three week loan from the library. So I went to Ebay and purchased a used one for a very reasonable price. It hasn't come yet, so I am currently "bookless."
Having said all that, I can't go to the book for reference, but I have two takeaways that smacked me in the face. 1) When you lose your job, get plenty of sleep. I've been working on that and doing better, feeling more rested. Message heard. 2) Don't crawl under that blanket. Walk! No this isn't a healthy living book, but could sound like one, huh? Sleep and walk.
Now I know that exercise is important to handling stress; you know I know this, I've told you myself! But, know it as I might, I've been mentally and emotionally crawling under that blanket. It's time to throw the covers back, turn the electric blanket off and get back to what will truly make me feel better.
Walk! Just do it!
Today, I did it. Only asked 1 mile of myself, but I did it - 1.5 miles. Baby steps! Just do it still works!
And today I hit 250 miles on my virtual walk across America.
Friday, March 18, 2011
I've unconsciously let myself slip into this mentality that "hey, you've been going through some tough times and it's okay to treat yourself."
Every day? to candy? an Arby's turnover? pie at the restaurant? potato chips for an afternoon snack? then an apple on top of it because I feel guilty about the junk food? cookies (notice I said plural)? McDonald's french fries?
Okay, girl - little talk to self here. It's not all about you! Everybody has tough times in life! You don't have to drown yourself in old habits and food to get through this. Other people make it through without the crutch of food. You'll be better equipped to face life if you take care of yourself and eat healthy. And speaking of taking care of yourself - when did you last take a walk? Come on, now, be honest! It's been 2 1/2 weeks, hasn't it? And 1 or 2 weeks before that? Girl! You said a few weeks ago that you were going to be gentle with yourself, but you've been gentle too long. This is only going to take you down! It's not taking you anywhere good, that's for sure! You have come a long way on this journey! But you have a long way to go, and this is not the time for slacking, this is the time for persevering, when the going is tough! And you can do it. You've had some bumps in the road, but don't let them bring you down.
Today, I started with a baby step and I counted my cups of water. Seven down and one to go. I will not wallow in self-pity that ends up resulting in self-loathing. I will face my life like an adult and I will make healthy choices. I can do this! I will!
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
I have been so missing and longing for my mother's prayers with everything going on in my life right now. And guess what my sister found in my mother's Bible today. And look what she underlined. The markings are all hers.
Wow! Did I say WOW?
I hope you can read it. It was the best I could do with the scanned image my sister sent me.
Friday, March 04, 2011
That would describe how I feel today. I've had a very busy and emotional week. I've been taking the work of three and funneling it down to two at work as my right hand assistant's last day was Thursday a week ago, and none of our accounts in my department have yet transitioned to the new teams. I spent one afternoon with job services and work force exchange brushing up my job searching skills, my resume, cover letters, etc. I had one day out of town training. I learned today that one of my other team member's last day would be Tuesday. Knowing this, we did some major scrambling to expedite transition of some of the work quickly to the new teams relieve my work load, which will by Tuesday suddenly increase exponentially with two team members gone. I've spent every spare minute working on resumes, job hunting, etc. Through it all, it's just felt like my mind is in a whirl and I can't focus or concentrate.
And last but not least, I lost a dear friend and co-worker to cancer this week. It has hit me very hard, probably with the grief from my mother's death still fresh in my heart. Joyce was about my age, has a young daughter who just got married. The son-in-law is also a good friend of mine. The funeral was today. We basically closed shop at work for the funeral.
Emotionally, today was a disaster. My emotions were out of control. It is unusual for me to lose control at work, but today I cried more than I got anything else done. I chalk it up to stress over my current work load + concern over losing my job + every spare minute focusing on job search with no time for renewal + renewed grief over my mom + grief over the loss of a friend - my emotions just went into overload. Now I simply feel like the title of my blog says, wrung out, washed up and empty.
I love all of you dearly but right now, I just can't take the time to get around to each of you individually. Like I said in my last blog, I'm going to need to cut back on my sparking for at least several weeks. But my heart is with you.
Just to keep myself accountable, I care about my health, but I'm not making very healthy choices right now. I am in stress overload and to be honest, I don't feel that I'm coping very well. I only got one walk in this week and I haven't tracked my food at all. I've eaten too much junk and not enough wholesome food; also not getting enough water.
Well, on a good note, I am getting or have gotten letters of recommendation from two, possibly three of my directors at work that I can use in my job search, each highlighting my expertise in a different area. Something interesting happened yesterday when I was at our other facility for training, the VP of Operations stopped me in the hall and said "Your name came up today." An interesting discussion followed. I am not currently at liberty to discuss the contents of that. I don't know where it will lead, if anywhere, but time will tell.
I'm trying to remain positive, and sorry to just write such negative blogs recently. Not much progress to show in the way of weight loss, or even healthy living. Please don't give up on me. And I want to get around to all of you sometime soon. Just need some time to get on my feet and re-focus here - and job hunt!
Be blessed with a great weekend. I plan to defrost a refrigerator, finish a job application, resume and cover letter to submit Monday with a company where I'd really, really, really like to work. And I think I really need a bit of extra sleep time, and a few hours of down time just reading, or journaling, or meditating, or watching a movie.
Keep sparking, my friends!
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