Wednesday, March 09, 2011
I have been so missing and longing for my mother's prayers with everything going on in my life right now. And guess what my sister found in my mother's Bible today. And look what she underlined. The markings are all hers.
Wow! Did I say WOW?
I hope you can read it. It was the best I could do with the scanned image my sister sent me.
Friday, March 04, 2011
That would describe how I feel today. I've had a very busy and emotional week. I've been taking the work of three and funneling it down to two at work as my right hand assistant's last day was Thursday a week ago, and none of our accounts in my department have yet transitioned to the new teams. I spent one afternoon with job services and work force exchange brushing up my job searching skills, my resume, cover letters, etc. I had one day out of town training. I learned today that one of my other team member's last day would be Tuesday. Knowing this, we did some major scrambling to expedite transition of some of the work quickly to the new teams relieve my work load, which will by Tuesday suddenly increase exponentially with two team members gone. I've spent every spare minute working on resumes, job hunting, etc. Through it all, it's just felt like my mind is in a whirl and I can't focus or concentrate.
And last but not least, I lost a dear friend and co-worker to cancer this week. It has hit me very hard, probably with the grief from my mother's death still fresh in my heart. Joyce was about my age, has a young daughter who just got married. The son-in-law is also a good friend of mine. The funeral was today. We basically closed shop at work for the funeral.
Emotionally, today was a disaster. My emotions were out of control. It is unusual for me to lose control at work, but today I cried more than I got anything else done. I chalk it up to stress over my current work load + concern over losing my job + every spare minute focusing on job search with no time for renewal + renewed grief over my mom + grief over the loss of a friend - my emotions just went into overload. Now I simply feel like the title of my blog says, wrung out, washed up and empty.
I love all of you dearly but right now, I just can't take the time to get around to each of you individually. Like I said in my last blog, I'm going to need to cut back on my sparking for at least several weeks. But my heart is with you.
Just to keep myself accountable, I care about my health, but I'm not making very healthy choices right now. I am in stress overload and to be honest, I don't feel that I'm coping very well. I only got one walk in this week and I haven't tracked my food at all. I've eaten too much junk and not enough wholesome food; also not getting enough water.
Well, on a good note, I am getting or have gotten letters of recommendation from two, possibly three of my directors at work that I can use in my job search, each highlighting my expertise in a different area. Something interesting happened yesterday when I was at our other facility for training, the VP of Operations stopped me in the hall and said "Your name came up today." An interesting discussion followed. I am not currently at liberty to discuss the contents of that. I don't know where it will lead, if anywhere, but time will tell.
I'm trying to remain positive, and sorry to just write such negative blogs recently. Not much progress to show in the way of weight loss, or even healthy living. Please don't give up on me. And I want to get around to all of you sometime soon. Just need some time to get on my feet and re-focus here - and job hunt!
Be blessed with a great weekend. I plan to defrost a refrigerator, finish a job application, resume and cover letter to submit Monday with a company where I'd really, really, really like to work. And I think I really need a bit of extra sleep time, and a few hours of down time just reading, or journaling, or meditating, or watching a movie.
Keep sparking, my friends!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friends, here is a quick update on my job status. As I said in my last blog, next step regarding my job was a decision as to whether I would make the commute 90 miles one way to keep a position with the company I currently work for.
I appreciate all the words of support and advice I have received, even though I have not been able to get back to all of you as I had hoped I would. I've read them all and considered the things you had to offer.
Thursday, human resources presented me the information regarding the position that they had for me at the other facility. This information was key to my decision. I had boiled everything down to two criteria that needed to be met in order for me to respond in the affirmative.
Yesterday was the day I had to respond to their job offer. The two criteria were not met, so after 11 years with the same company, I turned down the job offer. I think the time is here for a clean break. What a journey it has been!
The winds of fear buffet me, but I purpose to hang my trust on the almighty God. I claim that he has plans of a future and hope for me and that ultimately he will bring about his purposes for my good. (Jeremiah 29:11 & Romans 8:28)
The past two weeks have been very difficult for me and I've not done well on my healthy living journey on most aspects. I've also gotten far behind in my sparking. In fact, this morning, I decided I need to delete a lot of emails that I was holding on to respond to; so many of you that have commented on my blogs and given support. Please know I have read and appreciate it even if I have not given you my normal thank you and personal response.
I hope that you can understand that for right now, my job search must take priority. I have cut back on the action I see on my friend feed, the team message board subscriptions and SP emails. I hope to check in every day and spin that wheel. The only update you may see for a time is the points I got on the wheel. But if you see only that, know that my heart is still here with you dear people and my goal is to continue on this journey. Outside of that, I will check in as I am able.
The last while, it seems every time I feel that I am on my way again, I get off on a detour. I am determined to stay the course, but once again, I may need to readjust my sails a bit.
I love my Spark friends. Thank you.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friends, I am so sorry I've been kind of absent on SP the last week or so. I am so far behind in my sparking, I don't know if I'll ever catch up. I've been working 10 hours per day and working in all my spare time on my resume`, setting up online job searches, putting feelers out, etc.
I sent out an update via email to my family this evening on my work situation and thought the quickest thing for me to do in the time crunch I'm under right now is copy and past the info to you and condense it a wee bit where there is TMI.
I submitted a proposal to work from home. Spent some long hours and late nights working on it to get it ready quickly. I heard back from my boss today. He reviewed my proposal with the company management. He said I had a well prepared proposal and am a valuable employee, but all of them felt that it was not in the best interest of the company, and the duties of the job were best performed on site. Although I am disappointed, I am not heartbroken, upset or angry. I submitted it and rested in God to work as is best. So I take this as his answer. To be honest, if I were in their shoes, I would have made the same decision. I knew that my proposal needed some oomph in the benefits to the company, but I had to try. I've said from the beginning I will explore all options.
So, with that behind me, I move forward to pursue other options. I have not totally ruled out making the commute for a time until I find something else, if it would ultimately put more money in the bank after gas, etc. than an unemployment check. I'm doing some major number crunching and reviewing all options. The unemployment check looks pretty slim, but then so does the check after paying for gas commuting 90 miles one way every day; the up side of the commute is that I would still have the benefits, whereas unemployment offers nothing in that regard - a lot of things to weigh all around. The commute would not be feasible unless there are others that I could carpool with. They are currently holding jobs open until Friday. At that point, they will be hiring to fill the positions needed in the main office. So that's the time frame I have for making that decision. They have still to get back to me with a wage and exactly which position(s) would be open for me, which I suspect will come from the HR department when they are there Thursday. It would not be my ideal choice, but sometimes one does what one needs to do.
There is a part of me that thinks the time may have come to make a clean break from the company for reasons I choose not to discuss here. But I'm still reviewing my options.
They tell me the job market is a tough one out there, but I'm brushing up my resume`; started email notifications to receive some online job searches and will start beating the bushes. The labor board will be at our work place on Thursday to review unemployment options, and staff will be available to help us write resume`s; so I plan to have them look at mine see how I can beef it up.
At this point, I am exploring all options and closing no doors until they are closed to me or the time is here to close them.
I simply ask that, if you pray, pray as God reminds you or leads you. I miss my mother's prayers. I won't bore you with my feelings on the whole matter, but have tried to stick to the facts for the most part.
On the healthy lifestyle journey, I'm moving from day to day in somewhat of a daze and just doing the best I can with the situation I find myself in, tight time schecule and very tight financially; haven't done grocery shopping for quite some time; so one day at a time we journey on.
Hope I haven't bored you to tears, but I didn't really have time to write a separate blog for SP.
I hope to catch up with all my friends some day soon.
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