Saturday, September 21, 2013
I need to take a bit of a spark break. I love SP and I love reaching out to others, sharing in your joys, victories and pain. But my life is overwhelming right now, and I just need to step back a bit from SP and focus on some other things.
I'll try to log on every day, spin the wheel and log my exercise, water and calorie intake, but I'm not going to be very active on reading blogs, feeds and threads. I find this amazingly difficult to do, because I feel like I am letting down my friends as I usually try to be a fairly active participant in the journeys of my friends.
Know that you are part of my anchor in this journey, and I love walking with you, but for the moment, I need to preserve my sanity and step away.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
My Dad is home - a long journey. But he entered rehab in a wheelchair with only one leg. He left today walking on a walker with two legs. Lots of questions, lots of bridges to cross, but we are blessed.
That's the good news.
The bad news is that my husband's knee replacement needs re-done with a different type of prosthesis. His knee is too unstable and ligament surgery will not work as a stand alone surgery. Lots of questions, lots of bridges to cross, but, nevertheless, we are blessed.
Saturday, September 07, 2013
I recall as a little school girl, crossing the icy parking lot of my father's business place to get to the school bus. I was terrified of ice - still am. I got half way across, stopped at a vehicle, hung on for dear life and cried. Unable to go back, too afraid to move on. One of my sisters had to get off the bus and help me across the rest of the way.
New leg of life's journey coming up - a time that should be joyful and I should be feeling blessed. But I am that little girl on the ice. I am terrified, afraid, weak, and tired.
Needing extra grace and courage to lean into life's sharp points.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
I am listening to the audio book Shades of Hope by Tennie McCarty. I am only on chapter three, and find this very painful.
I feel incredible sadness and have cried buckets of tears. I find myself alternating between a feeling of resentment and rebellion - denial, and a great sense of despair. My one glimmer of hope is that if there was hope for Tennie McCarty, surely there is hope for me.
If you have read the book or taken the treatment, I would love to hear from you.
Lots to process and ponder!
Friday, August 23, 2013
I saw a tight wire act today. It was so amazing, I pulled off the side of the road to watch in my rear view mirror. Mid-wire, he paused, seemed unsure, the wire wavered a bit. I silently cheered him on. With fresh determination, he moved ahead, one step at a time. More quickly now, and nearing the end, he gained confidence and finished strong.
From one electric pole to another, a gray squirrel made his way across the wires, plumed tail held high. I smiled, and eased back into traffic and made my way home pondering the sighting of the tight wire squirrel act.
Sometimes I feel like I'm on a tight wire. Things feel unsettled, unstable, my foundation wavers. I fear failure. I'm unsure if I can reach my goal, or even how to go on. The journey looks long, frightening - but really, there is no way to go but forward - backward is just as unsure.
This is the time then, to take one step forward, then another, and keep moving forward, steadily, surely. Confidence and strength will come as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and before I know it, my goal is in sight.
This isn't my photo, but it could have been
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