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WANT2INSPIRE's Recent Blog Entries

Real and Surreal

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

That's the only way to describe my life the last few months. At the beginning of November everything seemed to be falling into place. My new house was being renovated, the busy season had just ended and I was taking my first vacation in years (My best friend moved to Maui). I got back, helped finish up the renovations and the day that we were putting the final coat of paint before I could move we go the most surreal news ever... My father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

As for most of us our father's are our Superman, he raised me and my siblings when our mom left, always physically strong and able. Seeing him weak, emotionally raw and helpless is completely unfathomable. And that is what my life became... completely unfathomable and extremely unfair. We've been planning on my father retiring (he turned 65 in January), but he's a farmer. Old farmer's don't retire... they just keep walking around the farm telling you about the old days and how you should be doing something better. He's handling chemo well. We and the doctors are very optimistic. He is feeling almost normal some days and that is just an emotional relief as well.

So on top of the trauma of just my father being ill, the timeline of the business transition has been put on the fast track. I am now the one in charge, the president? Me? True its a small operation, but its the family farm... my future & my family's future. Yeah no pressure! I'm learning to just work through the todo lists. try, Try, TRY not to get overwhelmed. There is a lot of trying involved. :) Luckily we all have positive and happy natures.

I have really learned these last couple of months of what stress does to my body. I won't or can't say I have eaten perfectly. I have had some binges. I have gone into auto pilot some days. I haven't worked out as much as I could have. But I have also been conscious and aware, not falling (or eating) into the blackhole that you surface from months later. What I have witnessed is my body just putting on weight. That stress response that I have read about, but was never really aware of my body or actions enough to fully witness it. I don't really want to think wow... how amazing, but it is in a scientific way... interesting.

My head isn't 100% percent in the game, but most people can't concentrate on only one area of their life at a time. I have to learn to balance now and that isn't a bad thing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYB73 2/21/2012 1:15PM

    !!! My heart goes out to you and your Dad. I hope that with the chemo and treatment he will be around for many years to come, walking the farm and telling you what to do.

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May I have this dance...

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Scale only showed -.5 today. I know it probably is more, but I am trying not to be so scale obsessed. I moved the scale out of the bathroom last week its only allowed in the bathroom for 24 hours. I'm not going to fiddle around seeing if it goes down. I know it will. I feel good about what I've accomplished this week, although I could have fit in some more veggies (so I am glad we have a veggie challenge this week). I'm letting it go... it could be water, it could be that I put in more strength training, it could be breakfast, it could be the scale gods have decided that it wasn't going to happen for me this week. But I know that it will go down, I know that my pants are looser, I know that I had to increase my workout intensity this week, I know that I could handle an increase in my workouts, I know that my cravings are under control, I know that I am stronger, I know my body has changed. Iíve done this dance a thousand times over the years... it feels different now and thatís a good thing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MYOWNHERO 1/20/2011 2:05PM

    There's no stopping you now!

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BECKYB73 1/18/2011 4:33PM

    DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let that scale get you down or stop you from dancing!!!

What's important here is this "But I know that it will go down, I know that my pants are looser, I know that I had to increase my workout intensity this week, I know that I could handle an increase in my workouts, I know that my cravings are under control, I know that I am stronger, I know my body has changed. " See what I did there? Yep, I used your words to convey my point...tricksey, no?

You feel better now, dontcha? Sure sounds like it to me and that matters more than any digits on any scale on any planet in the entire freakin' universe!

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KBARTOW1 1/18/2011 4:23PM

    I know its tough to not pay attention to that scale. I have the same problem. What a great idea moving it out of the bathroom. Every morning when I go to shower it is there staring at me saying "come on and step on and see if yesterday was successful". I just have to do like you say and realize sucess isn't just the number on the scale.

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My First Inspiration

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I want to inspire this girl.

This picture breaks my heart each time I see it. This was her about a year before.

What happened in between that time? Her parents separated and her mom left. I wonder what is going on in her mind because I don't remember. I don't remember a lot about my childhood, it wasn't horrible, it just... was. Communication isn't an often used skill in my family and this picture just painfully reminds me of that. This little girl obviously didn't have the skills or support to deal with what was going on and neither did any of her family members around her. I'm not sure her 36 year old counter part is any better at it, but I am trying to be.

So to you sweet little girl I want you to know that I am proud of the person you have become and now lets get down to becoming the person that I want to be now

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECKYB73 1/15/2011 9:42PM

    I think that by joining this website and starting to put your thoughts and feelings out on the blogs is a great first step in reaching that little girl. You can do it.

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MAYLINGSNW 1/15/2011 8:04PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BEACHSUN 1/15/2011 8:02PM

  I know you can do this. Keep in touch with Spark People every day. There are so many people who believe you can do this!! Good Luck - Stay strong!!

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RINDYS1 1/15/2011 7:53PM

  Honey, you were and are beautiful. Shine on and know you are accepted here.

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