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I've been slacking on the blogging this week...

Thursday, April 29, 2010

And there is a reason.

I had some moments of introspection.
I'm totally an emotional eater. I fully admit that.

I had a day yesterday where all I wanted to do was eat. I was distraught. I felt like a terrible mom. But I DID NOT EAT.

Without getting into the nitty gritty details, the school district had discharged my son from physical therapy. When they did this, it was all champagne and roses about how far he'd come since his kidney transplant and what wonderful gains he had made. As a mom looking back now, I KNEW there were still some areas that he needed help, but I was so relieved to hear NORMAL that I pushed those doubts down deep. I now know that the school district's responsibility is to get kids to a place where they can get around the school safely, and they don't have the funds or the time to act as "full" physical therapists. The problem is that I didn't know this, and no one told me.

Fast forward 3 years. There are some things that my 5-year-old can't do that most others can. I started bringing up the idea of pool therapy for toning and strengthening. The doctors thought it "couldn't hurt" so yeah, let's go for it. We went to have my son assessed this week by a physical therapist who works in a hospital setting. Let's just say I was shocked at just how much help my son needs, and should have been getting--things I feel I should have fought for, for HIM.

Yesterday was a really dark day for me. I spent the day blaming myself, feeling guilty--like I'd failed him somehow. My husband helped put it in perspective for me. I had NO WAY of knowing. We've never done this before, and we've always wanted him to have as normal a life as possible. I can't get that time back, but I CAN move forward with the pool therapy and do everything in my power MOVING FORWARD to be sure he gets the proper therapy.

All I wanted to do yesterday was eat. Today I'm so thankful that I didn't, and SO THANKFUL for my kitchen overhaul that I did when I first joined spark...there wasn't anything in the kitchen that could have been too damaging.

So I channeled that bad day into a 3 mile run. I thought about it while it was just my and the open road, and when I got home I felt better.

I'm hoping this is the first of many times that I use exercise instead of food to get through a rough spot.

Thanks for reading this!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 5/3/2010 4:58AM

    You did great! Both as a parent and as an emotional eater! It's hard to stay away from comfort food in difficult times, especially when it's about our children. Don't blame yourself. I'm sure you did great as a mother. That's what parenthood is all about: not knowing. When you're a parent, you do everything for the first time. And when there's time and the opportunity to correct possible mistakes, I'm sure you'll do everything in your power to do so.

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FOOFIT1 5/1/2010 4:09PM

    You are an AMAZING person! Way to go on keeping your wits and NOT turning to food even in such a tough time.

Don't worry about what's past. Now you know what you should do, and you will. You are fantastic mother, if nothing else because you care.

Congrats on channeling your feelings into something completely positive. You are an inspiration!!!

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DANCENTHERAIN 4/30/2010 7:25PM

    WOW! Great job dealing with all of that stress in a positive way! emoticon

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ROWDYRILEY 4/30/2010 6:54AM

    First, emoticon on turning to exercise rather than food to deal with your stress and emotions. Not only was that good for you but a great way to be a role model for your children.

Second, I work for a school district....You're husband is right. You had no way of knowing. Chances are, the people at your son's school had no way of knowing either. The goal is to put a child in the least restrictive environment. They most likely thought they were doing what was best for your son. My advice is to get information from your doctor as to your son's progress and what he still needs. Then get an advocate. Advocates are people who know the laws and what school districts can and can't do. Then ask for another meeting with the school and take your doctor's info and the advocate with you.

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ROOT4HOME 4/29/2010 10:59PM

    You did great not giving into food yesterday and the 3mi run is a credit to you, you've come a long way and you'll reach your goals even when life gets tough. So PROUD of you!!

Parenting is TOUGH - we never always know what to do or ask. Don't beat yourself up, your son is still young and children are resiliant, especially now that you know what he needs!! I felt so guilty too when I found out in the 3rd grade that my son needed speech therapy...something that should have been caught and worked on when he was in K5!! He got the help he needed but it's still a struggle sometimes and we still work with him...but thats ok, he knows we're always here for him. You're there for your son and he knows it. Hang in there!! emoticon

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OBXFIREGUY 4/29/2010 7:53PM

    We all have to learn.... You have not failed your son. He is better off having someone who will fight for him. Many children don't have that. Isn't amazing how you can sort problems on a run. You have taken a bad habit and replaced it with a good one.

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MNNURSEKATIE 4/29/2010 7:13PM

    Wow that is a tough one. Dealing with that has to be so hard. Way too go on not eating. I always feel great when I make it through a tough time without a binge. Running is such a great help. I did four miles today & man I tell ya I sure felt great after. Much better than after a binge. I hope everything works out with your 5 year old. At least you are aware now. Isn't it funny how we as parents can so easily blame our selves for everything.

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Shifting my goals a tad

Saturday, April 24, 2010

If you've seen my status updates the last couple of days, you could tell I was in a bit of a funk. I'm a pretty positive person, so it was unusual for me to be so ornery. I tried to figure out what was different. My husband was the one to point out that my calories had been on the really low end since my last weigh in. Spark had my high end at 1450. I was CRABBY. I was ALWAYS hungry. And let's face it, I'd been miserable all week. My husband suggested that maybe I should consider pushing my date to hit my "goal weight" out a bit. I had originally put it for May 31st. After mulling it over, I've decided to change it to June 30th. I'm finding that especially on the days that I do a long distance run, I need to consume more than 1450 calories. I seem to do best (hunger-wise) when I'm able to consume around 1600. So anyway, although I was initially disappointed at moving that goal date, I'm okay with it. I had a 4 mile run to think about it. This is what I came up with

~Hitting my goal weight IS IMPORTANT to me, but I don't want to be miserable for the next 6 weeks to do it.

~No one knows what my current weight is except me. People that haven't seen me in awhile tell me that I look great and that I've lost a lot of weight. I'm the ONLY PERSON that knows I'm not at my goal.

~Limiting my calories that much is only going to put me at risk for a binge. It's better to feel satisfied. Slow and steady will win this race.

~I have come A LONG WAY. 39 Pounds is an awesome accomplishment. Just because I *might* not hit my goal weight on my initial goal date, it doesn't negate all of my hard work.

At any rate, I had a great 4 mile run in the rain. It felt really good to just hit the open road and think. I've been using the motion traxx podcasts and kicked it up a notch. It felt really good! I even had 2 people stop to ask me if I needed a ride. NO THANKS! I AM A RUNNER!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LULUTHELEO 4/27/2010 9:59AM

    Atta girl!!!! Sounds like a great idea, I just changed my dates and goals around a bit too. You are on such an amazing journey, and running takes a LOT of calories, as I am learning!!! Keep up the great work!! And you are an amazing runner!!! I love it!!

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LIFE-FAITH 4/25/2010 11:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You are doing great!
Listen to your body and take care of yourself.
You will get there! You are doing great!

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SOCKS117 4/25/2010 10:23AM

  Also, are making sure that you tell it more accurately how much you plan to burn exercising? Exercising extra and then not eating the calories won't necessarily help you - even if it does keep your report saying "Good job!"

You should be aiming for a "net calories" sort of thing. Once you hit your fitness goal for the day, any above and beyond you should consider eating if you are still "in range" pre-snack, since your fitness allowed you some room.

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ROWDYRILEY 4/25/2010 9:49AM

    You need to listen to your body. Your crabbiness and acting in ways that aren't typical for you is your body telling you that you needed more calories. Running really requires a lot more calories.

You really have come a long way. It's not just about the weight that you've lost. It's about the healthy habits you have ingrained into your every day life. That's what matters. The scale is something that (as much as we'd like to) we have absolutely no control over. As much as we'd like to step on the scale on said date and have it shows us a certain number, doesn't mean it will. Even though we've worked our butts off, literally!

I was talking with a friend of mine who is big into nutrition, exercise etc. She was commenting on how good I was looking. I thanked her but told her how much more weight I was going to have to lose in order to get into my healthy bmi. She reminded me that I probably don't need to lose that much because I'm exchanging fat for muscle and muscle weighs more. So consider that as you step on the scale. Possibly not only does your goal date need to change but maybe your goal weight too. Or instead of focusing on your weight shift it to your % body fat. Which according to my friend is better than the bmi and more accurate.

You've been doing such a great job and are such an inspiration to me. You ROCK!!!!

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ROOT4HOME 4/24/2010 10:45PM

    What a grat attitude!! I think it's great that you're pushing back your goal date...it'll make you feel better and run more efficiently if you're fueled properly than to deny yourself and not have enough energy to complete the longer runs.

You have come a long way in your wt loss and you should feel proud - no one else need know what the scale says!! emoticon

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ROCKSTARK8 4/24/2010 10:38PM

    I like my method: I never make a date, only a goal. I think this has helped immensely along the way. Because what's the point of and end date? There is no end. If I missed the "goal date" I'd keep going, right? My short term goal is always to lose ONE pound. And I celebrate every single one of them :)

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CKAYT56 4/24/2010 4:54PM

    Nothing wrong with changing your date to reach your goal weight. I ate between 1200 and 1550, had my exercise set to burn 3,000 calories each week, and on those crabby days I ate the 1550 and the good days I was down by the 1200. If you keep running a lot, you may not be eating enough calories to support your exercise. I am glad that your DH was so in tune with you and brought it to your attention! Make that change and see what happens...nothing is written in stone here. Good luck!

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AMYSUE20 4/24/2010 4:35PM

    Yes to that running meditation! It deffinately my time to recoop with my self and get a little centered. And the cardio benefits are great too :) Great job!

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LEAG0628 4/24/2010 3:31PM

    I, too, have to look at adjusting one of my goals. Doesn't mean I've failed, just means my initial target was too ambitious.

Keep up the good work!

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THENEWCINDY 4/24/2010 2:07PM

    Its better to be happy than crabby for that time!!! Pushing it out seems like the right move!!!!!!!!

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    Sounds like you have set great goals and realistic. I hate those funks, but you seem to have a good plan to get out of that. I did the same with my goal weight, becasue at this point there is nothing showing that i will get there anytime soon and it will just frustrate me more knowing I can't reacht he time goal. I have only lost 5 pounds and techinically I have 13 more to reach my goal. I honestly just want to get fit and feel/look good and be healthy and think healthy.
So, what have you been eating for calories if you you were eating under 1450? It definitely sounds like for what you do you should be eating 1450 and no less.
Awesome run. 4 miles is so inspiring. I have only ran 3.1 miles and today I did that.
You are doing great, Jess.
Molly emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 4/24/2010 1:22PM

    Sometimes it takes someone else to point out to us what we should see ourselves. Good luck.

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Yesterday I had to eat 2 meals away from home--

Thursday, April 22, 2010

And I did great! We were on the road for some medical appointments and I knew I was going to be tempted to just eat whatever I wanted.

Instead, 2 pre-packed snacks, a water bottle, and some research, and I was able to stay within my calorie goal for the day.

We ate lunch at Noodles & Company--YUM. I purposely ate a lighter breakfast than normal so I'd have more calories to use at lunch. I opted for the small portion of their Pasta Fresca and enjoyed every bite.

Supper we opted for Subway, and that's an easy place to make smart decisions.

My pre-packed snacks were trail mix and a Luna Bar.

It's surprisingly easy to be healthy with a little planning ahead!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROWDYRILEY 4/23/2010 6:46AM

    emoticon emoticon You are doing such a great job and now you've got great healthy habits. emoticon

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CKAYT56 4/22/2010 9:25PM

    Pre-planning is really the way to go! And it makes you feel so good about yourself when you eat right and stay within your range and still enjoy the outing! I eat Luna bars too, really like them. Congrats on your success!



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JLGGLASS 4/22/2010 2:12PM


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ROOT4HOME 4/22/2010 12:57PM

    emoticon on good food choices away from home!! emoticon

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NIELSENSLADY 4/22/2010 12:03PM


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THENEWCINDY 4/22/2010 11:59AM

    great job!!!

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LULUTHELEO 4/22/2010 11:58AM

    NIce job Jess!! Eating out can be hard but you are a master!!

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FOOFIT1 4/22/2010 11:37AM

    I completely agree! I ate at Subway yesterday TOO and was able to eat a foot long sub for 460 calories... How awesome is that? I've gotten used to a little planning before going out on days when I don't have any other choice, and I save up my splurge days for days that I go places where I know I'm not going to be able to resist the less healthy options. I still mess up sometimes, even with a little planning, but at least it's not *every* time! Great job on sticking to your ranges for the day! I know how hard it can be hard to eat healthy on the road!


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GERIKRAGH 4/22/2010 11:21AM

    Planning ahead is definitely the key! Good for you!

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TAHITIBLOSSOM 4/22/2010 11:01AM

  Great thinking ahead & planning on your day out!

I like Subway too!

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Race Stats...

Monday, April 19, 2010

The results have finally been posted online and I felt pretty good about my race after I saw how I stacked up in the pack!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Overall Place: 640 out of 1307
Division Place (30-34 years): 87 out of 183
Gender Place: 346 out of 925
Time: 32:38
Pace: 10:30/mile
I am SO EXCITED for the next one coming up May 14th! I downloaded some new beats to my iPod--I discovered a free podcast called Motion Traxx which features music that is BEATS PER MINUTE. I LOVE IT! It keeps me at a consistent pace since I'm one of those runners that needs to keep my feet in time to the beat. For my 5K I ran with music that was 150 BPM. I downloaded some that is 155, 160, 165, 170, 175, and 182. Each pace is anywhere from 35-65 minutes worth of music. My plan is to start running with the 160 BPM music this evening and shoot for that pace for my next 5K unless it seems too slow, then I'll bump up a little faster. Runners out there I HIGHLY recommend this podcast!

http://motiontraxx.com/ motiontraxx.com/ Added the link for motion traxx!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OBXFIREGUY 4/24/2010 4:02PM

    Sweet! Great Job!

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    I will definitely check this out since I want to get my nano ready for the race as well. Thanks

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ELLEMTEE 4/20/2010 12:12AM

    Thanks so much for the great tip!!

Good for you--kicking it up a notch!

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ROOT4HOME 4/19/2010 9:58PM

    Thanks for the link!! Gonna check it out!

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AMYSUE20 4/19/2010 8:57PM

    Awesome time! I am hoping to keep the 10:30/mile mark my next 5K and music is a great way to do it!! I'm so excited to go find this download...thanks for the great info!

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CKAYT56 4/19/2010 8:51PM

    WOW! You are just becoming a running fool! Good for you, keep it up.


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FOOFIT1 4/19/2010 8:42PM

    Wow... I've never thought about downloading actual workout music to workout to! Haha (isn't that weird?). I use it in my fitness classes all the time, and it tends to be really expensive. Where do you get your music?

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MNNURSEKATIE 4/19/2010 8:27PM

    Awesome....I just downloaded the podcasts. Anxious to try em out running.

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ROOT4HOME 4/19/2010 5:47PM

    Very cool!! Can you give us the link to the podcasts - sounds interesting...thanks!!

I'm sure you'll do GREAT on your May 14th race!! emoticon

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MALUQUINA 4/19/2010 5:46PM

    Wow! Fantastic stats! I applaud your accomplishment and your drive. It seems that you are ready for the next one. You have a game plan so put it to action. I'm positive you will reach your goal.

Good luck in May and thanks for the tip on the Motion Traxx!


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Photos from the Race

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Here we are after the race! My husband's official time was 26:36 and mine was 32:38--not bad for my first 5K :) It is such a wonderful feeling to know that I CAN RUN A WHOLE 5K!!!! Now I'll be working towards some time goals for the next race which is next month.

Showing off our medals :)

Just wanted to post these since I promised I would!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 4/19/2010 3:53AM

    You both look great and happy! You must be proud of yourselves!
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FOOFIT1 4/19/2010 12:49AM

    Too CUTE!!! Congrats to both of you!

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ROOT4HOME 4/18/2010 11:05PM

    Great photos of you both!!! Love the medals around your necks!! emoticon emoticon

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DANCENTHERAIN 4/18/2010 9:12PM

    YAY! Thanks for posting the pics!

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ROWDYRILEY 4/18/2010 9:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

YOU ROCK!!!!!!

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JOYFULSPIRIT920 4/18/2010 9:04PM

    Congrats! Wonderful!! Woo Hoo!!!

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LULUTHELEO 4/18/2010 8:49PM

    Great job you two!!!!

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DRAGONFLY519 4/18/2010 7:59PM

    That is so awesome for you both....Great Job!!!!!!

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