Thursday, April 29, 2010
And there is a reason.
I had some moments of introspection.
I'm totally an emotional eater. I fully admit that.
I had a day yesterday where all I wanted to do was eat. I was distraught. I felt like a terrible mom. But I DID NOT EAT.
Without getting into the nitty gritty details, the school district had discharged my son from physical therapy. When they did this, it was all champagne and roses about how far he'd come since his kidney transplant and what wonderful gains he had made. As a mom looking back now, I KNEW there were still some areas that he needed help, but I was so relieved to hear NORMAL that I pushed those doubts down deep. I now know that the school district's responsibility is to get kids to a place where they can get around the school safely, and they don't have the funds or the time to act as "full" physical therapists. The problem is that I didn't know this, and no one told me.
Fast forward 3 years. There are some things that my 5-year-old can't do that most others can. I started bringing up the idea of pool therapy for toning and strengthening. The doctors thought it "couldn't hurt" so yeah, let's go for it. We went to have my son assessed this week by a physical therapist who works in a hospital setting. Let's just say I was shocked at just how much help my son needs, and should have been getting--things I feel I should have fought for, for HIM.
Yesterday was a really dark day for me. I spent the day blaming myself, feeling guilty--like I'd failed him somehow. My husband helped put it in perspective for me. I had NO WAY of knowing. We've never done this before, and we've always wanted him to have as normal a life as possible. I can't get that time back, but I CAN move forward with the pool therapy and do everything in my power MOVING FORWARD to be sure he gets the proper therapy.
All I wanted to do yesterday was eat. Today I'm so thankful that I didn't, and SO THANKFUL for my kitchen overhaul that I did when I first joined spark...there wasn't anything in the kitchen that could have been too damaging.
So I channeled that bad day into a 3 mile run. I thought about it while it was just my and the open road, and when I got home I felt better.
I'm hoping this is the first of many times that I use exercise instead of food to get through a rough spot.
Thanks for reading this!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
If you've seen my status updates the last couple of days, you could tell I was in a bit of a funk. I'm a pretty positive person, so it was unusual for me to be so ornery. I tried to figure out what was different. My husband was the one to point out that my calories had been on the really low end since my last weigh in. Spark had my high end at 1450. I was CRABBY. I was ALWAYS hungry. And let's face it, I'd been miserable all week. My husband suggested that maybe I should consider pushing my date to hit my "goal weight" out a bit. I had originally put it for May 31st. After mulling it over, I've decided to change it to June 30th. I'm finding that especially on the days that I do a long distance run, I need to consume more than 1450 calories. I seem to do best (hunger-wise) when I'm able to consume around 1600. So anyway, although I was initially disappointed at moving that goal date, I'm okay with it. I had a 4 mile run to think about it. This is what I came up with
~Hitting my goal weight IS IMPORTANT to me, but I don't want to be miserable for the next 6 weeks to do it.
~No one knows what my current weight is except me. People that haven't seen me in awhile tell me that I look great and that I've lost a lot of weight. I'm the ONLY PERSON that knows I'm not at my goal.
~Limiting my calories that much is only going to put me at risk for a binge. It's better to feel satisfied. Slow and steady will win this race.
~I have come A LONG WAY. 39 Pounds is an awesome accomplishment. Just because I *might* not hit my goal weight on my initial goal date, it doesn't negate all of my hard work.
At any rate, I had a great 4 mile run in the rain. It felt really good to just hit the open road and think. I've been using the motion traxx podcasts and kicked it up a notch. It felt really good! I even had 2 people stop to ask me if I needed a ride. NO THANKS! I AM A RUNNER!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
And I did great! We were on the road for some medical appointments and I knew I was going to be tempted to just eat whatever I wanted.
Instead, 2 pre-packed snacks, a water bottle, and some research, and I was able to stay within my calorie goal for the day.
We ate lunch at Noodles & Company--YUM. I purposely ate a lighter breakfast than normal so I'd have more calories to use at lunch. I opted for the small portion of their Pasta Fresca and enjoyed every bite.
Supper we opted for Subway, and that's an easy place to make smart decisions.
My pre-packed snacks were trail mix and a Luna Bar.
It's surprisingly easy to be healthy with a little planning ahead!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Here we are after the race! My husband's official time was 26:36 and mine was 32:38--not bad for my first 5K :) It is such a wonderful feeling to know that I CAN RUN A WHOLE 5K!!!! Now I'll be working towards some time goals for the next race which is next month.
Showing off our medals :)
Just wanted to post these since I promised I would!
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