Monday, September 12, 2011
I am at a frustration point, frustration with myself and my constant self sabotaging behavior. I do some things so great and then sabotage it with doing things that are not so great. For example, I will have a great workout and then at some point during the day sabotage myself with poor eating, or I will have great eating and drop the ball on exercise. Grr! I know I am better than this, I don't even demand perfection like I used to but I am tempted to go back to my obsessive control. I am just frustrated because I feel like I should be back to my "fighting" weight ie that weight where I was in shape and I felt like I looked good. The worst part is I beat myself up over the fact that I am not there yet, I get all anxious and frustrated and then I sabotage myself even more. I'm still working hard I haven't given up and I have accomplished a lot over the past year or 2 but jeepers creepers why the hell am I still 245-250lbs and I never seem to get over the hump before I start sabotaging the heck out of myself. Even now writing this I wanna hit the vending machine and chow down on a butterfinger, thankfully at this point I am resisting because I have had a great day with my nutrition thus far and would like to keep it that way. I'm truly just venting I know I can take control, but I just wanna find that balance and not be SO in control that I'm boring or obsessed. I'm evaluating my goals, formulating a plan, but I am worried that I am taking too much control, but maybe that is just the way it has to be so that I lose weight. Anyone else feel like they have to be ubercontrol freak to lose weight and do things right?