Monday, September 12, 2011
I am at a frustration point, frustration with myself and my constant self sabotaging behavior. I do some things so great and then sabotage it with doing things that are not so great. For example, I will have a great workout and then at some point during the day sabotage myself with poor eating, or I will have great eating and drop the ball on exercise. Grr! I know I am better than this, I don't even demand perfection like I used to but I am tempted to go back to my obsessive control. I am just frustrated because I feel like I should be back to my "fighting" weight ie that weight where I was in shape and I felt like I looked good. The worst part is I beat myself up over the fact that I am not there yet, I get all anxious and frustrated and then I sabotage myself even more. I'm still working hard I haven't given up and I have accomplished a lot over the past year or 2 but jeepers creepers why the hell am I still 245-250lbs and I never seem to get over the hump before I start sabotaging the heck out of myself. Even now writing this I wanna hit the vending machine and chow down on a butterfinger, thankfully at this point I am resisting because I have had a great day with my nutrition thus far and would like to keep it that way. I'm truly just venting I know I can take control, but I just wanna find that balance and not be SO in control that I'm boring or obsessed. I'm evaluating my goals, formulating a plan, but I am worried that I am taking too much control, but maybe that is just the way it has to be so that I lose weight. Anyone else feel like they have to be ubercontrol freak to lose weight and do things right?
Thursday, September 08, 2011
The last about 3 weeks have not been so great too many calories, not enough quality workouts. I'm on it though getting my workouts scheduled and done first thing, planning my meals instead of winging it, and sometimes literally winging it in the form of chicken wings YIKES. Not a good 3 weeks and my emotions are a big blame, well more my inability to deal with my emotions in a positive way. I really need to work on making stress a good aquaintance instead of an evil enemy if I can start dealing with it in a more positive manner, I could someday reach my goal. Oh and my birthday is a month away and I really wouldn't mind being a bit more svelte on my birthday, that is my wish every year since 2004 and it has not been happening. Damn weight is so easy to put on and so frustrating to take off, but I'm on it.
Friday, September 02, 2011
I'm just plain stressed a lot going on right now, the triathlon is coming up and I feel like I have been off on training and motivation. It doesn't help that my "coach" and motivator has been out of town for 2 weeks and now its going on a 3rd week thanks to Amtrak and their inability to keep a train on the tracks. I have still been working out and I have been doing my abs, but my eating has been terrible except for today (I am a terrible stress eater). On good notes I purchased my winter fitness gear in the form of cross country skis and I got some vibram 5 finger shoes which have brought some joy into my running. No worries though I know I will pull out of this I am just off kilter for the time being.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Spent the 14-18 in the Apostle Islands on vacation, didn't keep on top of doing my 1000 abs mostly because we were already so active kayaking and hiking I figured the 3-4 hours a day of physical activity would suffice. It did I managed to lose weight and inches on vacation . I went back to work for 2 days and kept up on my 12000 steps, but didn't have time for additional activity other than some walking and catching up on yard work. This week I am back on the abs and getting back into tri training. I am also going to get some good hiking in on Sunday at Starved Rock in Illinois. My nutrition has been on the lousy side so far this week and it is a product of my poor sleeping, but I seem to be turning that corner. I am keeping on and will be losing the rest of this weight, would really like to start the New Year on a very positive note.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The challenges make me push myself, they make me stronger, and sometimes when I fail, they make me take a different approach or sometimes make me work harder. Today I did my 1000 abs/crunches it took about 15 minutes but it was well worth it, the last count felt great and it will be fun to see how "easy" 1000 will become once my abs adapt.
I started a challenge a few weeks ago to walk/march 12000 steps or better a night at work. The results are showing I exceeded my steps and my 2 hours that I do the steps in, it almost seems to easy. I picked up my pace from 120 steps/min to 140 steps/min, in only 2 weeks of doing the challenge! It not only keeps me alert at night while at work, but I am showing general fitness gains and that is nice, the only problem I have is actually getting my heart rate to raise without jogging in place .
My 50 day challenge is great because it is forcing me to look at my habits as a whole, I am finding the days I struggle with poor eating are the days I don't sleep as much as I should. I find eating at different times affect my workouts etc. all of which are affected by taking my medications at set times. And of course there is the water consumption, I always get at least my 8 cups, but it is good to see days when I should drink more due to heat or exercise and how I feel if I don't add a bit in.
I will keep making challenges until the weight is gone and the pants fit, and my health is phenomenal, and then I will make even harder challenges!
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