Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I have been frustrated lately, everyone in my life seems to be getting ahead and things have seriously stalled out for me. I happy for everyone's achievements but I am also jealous. I feel like I continually sabotage myself, why does it seem I am intent on failure.
I am majorly frustrated by the fact that all my single friends are now in newly formed relationships which leaves me to either be a lame ass 3rd wheel or ride solo everywhere. Negative nelly here I know that I could put a positive spin on it but instead I end up in the checkout line at walmart at midnight on a Friday night wondering how I can play Uno by myself (this is a whole long story of OCD and frustration needless to say my curtains in my house look awesome). Point of this is I have been feeling more lonely and outcast than usual.
Another frustration is tha everyone seems to be getting all these small little victories. Jobs, dogs, houses, I have one hold out for hope in the W column and I will report tomorrow evening if this can be my one thing to chalk up and that is I interviewed for a promotion that I think I am the best candidate for but I'm not the butt kisser the other people are.
My biggest frustration is my stalled weight loss going on 6 months or something. I am doing a lot of things to get this going in the right direction but I get super frustrated because others are being more successful than I am. My sister has been running more than I have and my runs seem to be more frustrating and stressful than before I'm happy for my job but the hours and sporadic schedule make training for a marathon a huge pain in the ... Friends who are not even "trying" to lose weight are losing, while I understand the muscle v fat thing it is still frustrating to workout like a crazy person and not see movement and then have a friend say oh I lost x-amount of pounds this week from sitting on my duff eating cheetos. I am hoping that Turbo/Insanity/p90x/running will yield some results without killing me but I'm frazzled and tempted to try the caffiene and nicotine diet my one friend seems to be on (she's not really but I don't get how you lose weight when all you do is eat, smoke, drink-oh that's right you have, how is it she put it, "everything in my life just seems to be falling in line") And on that little saying is it wrong of me to be to the point that I want to tell friends to stop texting me and telling me when they are on cloud 9, its not that I am not happy for you but I am having a hell of a time sharing in their joy when I feel like a train wreck. I have been trying to think shiny happy thoughts but it is the most ridiculous, seemingly impossible task right now. Just one W would really help, an inch off the waist, promotion, a date, hell finding a penny face up would be fan-freakin-tastic! I'm trying to be an optimist and a positive person but I could really use something to work with.