WANNABFIT34   37,387
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Stressed ack my hair is gonna fall out for sure!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

At work they blocked spark, who knows why but it is now back up and running. I don't normally get on the computer a lot at home mostly because I have other things to do. Things have been hectic it seems like work is really trying to sabotage me lately. I really needed a day off the other day and of course I got screwed over by some jerk calling in. Guess I have learned the real way to take last minute vacations. They have been keeping us busy with overtime and training so it seems I never get the workout in that I want, which in turn causes more stress for me because October 10th is looming very close. I'm so not gonna be ready for this marathon. We have promotion interviews coming up...when they get to it another stress, if I get it yay but it is gonna make training even more of a difficult task. The weather is nice for a change, but because of all this stress I have zero energy to do the workouts I should be enjoying. I'm fried and it seems like I can't buy a break!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTZER0 8/30/2010 10:25AM

    Do not give up! As I have told you before, you are a soldier! You will overcome this. Try to find some time, if only 5 minutes to just close your eyes and take some deep breaths. You are far more prepared for October 10th than you think you are. I have no doubts that you will prevail. Stay positive, stay motivated, and stay focused!

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THEQUEENBEE333 8/27/2010 1:53PM

    Hang in there. If you cant do a lot or dont feel like it - give yourself a break. Getting fit is about what is GOOD for you, not to make you feel guilty when you dont do things... Dont stress. Do little things when you can and you will find the time you need... just be nice to yourself and dont beat yourself up. Have a good weekend.

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SERENITY4LIFE 8/25/2010 9:08PM

    O.k. Deep breath, in and out...repeat. :0)

Sorry things are so stressful and you aren't able to get some time off to rejuvinate and take care of yourself. October 10th is coming, but there is still time. You've been preparing and you're up to 18 miles...that is AWESOME!! I think you'll be ready for the marathon. No, I KNOW you'll be ready for the marathon. :0) I don't know if you have any type of goal for yourself, but I have no doubt that you will be able to complete and finish this marathon. If you have another goal, aside from finishing, maybe that will have to be adjusted depending on your training (my goals have been adjusted several times as reality has set in! LOL.), but I know people who did their marathons having done 18 miles (and in one case only 15 miles) as their longest runs. And you're already there and there is 7 weeks still to go. Don't beat yourself up, you can only do what you can do, and that is absolutely good enough.

I'm glad you could vent in your blog and get that off your chest and mind and I hope it helped. You've got lots of support and encouragement to help you get through it. I'm with you as far as training for the marathon...it's tough and time consuming, but you are doing great and you'll do what you can. You will be AMAZING come marathon day, I have no doubt! You are strong and dedicated to reaching that goal, so you will do it. The 'mental' side of preparing won't defeat you...You are STRONG and DETERMINED and that's saying A LOT!! Hang in there!!

Mary

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JACKSMIMI2 8/25/2010 7:11PM

    Kara,

Try to take a deeeeeep breath and hang on! (even though I'm right there w/ you this week)... today is the first day all week I'm out in time to take a walk.

As for the marathon and training...I'm going to start sending good vibes that you can fit in training...and if Oct. comes and you're not ready...maybe the best thing is knowing that and scheduling another... There will always be a marathon somewhere, right? But I'll still keep sending training vibes!...

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, "I care and I'm sorry you're having a tough go of it".

Susan

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The truth...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Sometimes when reading posts and blogs by others I find that they are not telling themselves or others the full truth...so here is the full, honest truth about me and why I struggle with my weight. I am an emotional eater with terrible self esteem, I utilize humor to make light of my inadequacies, while self medicating through long distance running and other forms of exercise. No matter the distance I go or the weight I lose I know it will not make me truly happy because whatever is wired incorrectly in my head I will never see someone who is pretty enough, fit enough, or anything enough. These are just the facts of the case and something that I have finally come to accept as truths about me and why I have eating/weight issues. For those that are struggling to start or stay here on spark I would ask this have you looked in the mirror and faced your demons. It may not be pretty and you may realize you hate yourself like I did, but it gives you something to keep working at. I am doing better with positive self talk but negative Nancy still likes to show up. I am doing better with liking what I see even if it is only fake Franny giving those words of encouragement, but I know in the end if I keep working at this, the real issue, I will eventually find my happy weight and my happy self. So today no matter how ugly it is seek the truth.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENITY4LIFE 8/19/2010 9:59PM

    Insightful post! I'm right there with you. I know I've come a long way over the years (and I have several years on you...so good for you for doing this now vs. later), but every so often I still get hit with the old insecurities that knock me for a loop and I resort to old habits...emotional/compulsive/binge eating. It's frustrating that my out of control eating is what has kept me from reaching my weight loss goals.

I continue to work on myself so that I can accept me for who I am and that I am enough just as I am. I'm not there yet, but like I said, I'm working on it. Have you heard of "Operation Beautiful"? It's a 'project' that has really taken off and there's now a book. It started with women (mostly) leaving positive post it notes to boost others self esteem with positive messages in public places. I had a rough weekend facing my old insecurities and decided to purchase the book because even though I think that at my age, I shouldn't still be struggling with the same self-esteem issues I was dealing with as a child/adolescent/young adult, I thought some positive reading might help. I'm hopeful that even at my age, I can learn to love and appreciate myself just as I am.

Sorry for rambling on, but thanks for sharing your thoughts. I always learn so much from others around Spark and it's comforting to know I'm not alone with my struggles.

Mary

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ABSOLUTZER0 8/17/2010 11:24PM

    You definitely a soldier for not only facing your demons but also for sharing it with us. Positive Princess is in there and I am sure she likes what she sees. We have to know better to do better. Hi Princess!

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JOYINRUNNING08 8/17/2010 11:44AM

    You can't really do anything in your life until you face the hard (and sometimes ugly) facts. You are brave and I commend you.

You are also, NOT alone! :)

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THEQUEENBEE333 8/17/2010 9:25AM

    I so agree w/you... we all have that head baggage no matter what... that is why I agree w/so many people that say - do what you want regardless of your size and work to be healthy and happy whereever you are in life... and I think its true. Granted, its great we are trying to be fit and healthy, etc... but we have to nuture the inner self along the way and change how we look at ourselves as well as the world. Easier said than done, believe me, I know... I always look for external validation of myself too... and that adds more bagagge - but dont. Focus on the positives and list them out to yourself every day and you will start to see yourself more positively I bet. You are a beautiful wonderful caring and outgoing spirit! Have a great day!

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JACKSMIMI2 8/17/2010 6:08AM

    Well, you just keep on keeping on...and pretty soon Well-Adjusted Wendy Ann will be out leading the pack to the finish!

Seriously, I am sorry you feel so badly about yourself ...especially when others of us have you way up there on that pedestal... please try to remember 'our talk' when yours takes over, okay?

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18 miles

Sunday, August 15, 2010

It wasn't pretty but I survived. My legs are seriously considering a divorce, and they want to take my feet with. I ran with a camelbak today along with my water bottle and water belt. I wanted to get 20 but will take finally succeeding with 18 after 2 previous unsuccessful attempts. Still working on the right nutrition to keep me from having to make a pit stop. We had an emergency run into the woods today thank goodness I carry tp with. Finally got myself fully rehydrated and feeling a little more human. Oh and I got the treadmill, it is awesome and had it not been so nice this morning I was really tempted to try it out!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERENITY4LIFE 8/19/2010 9:44PM

    Congrats on getting through it. Training is a learning process and where you get to figure everything out so that race day things can *hopefully* go more smoothly. What do you think about the Camelback? Which one do you have? I've been debating about getting one, but for now, I just have a fuel belt with one water bottle. I have to stop along the path I run on to either refill or stop at my car and exchange water bottles.

Good luck with your training. I'm right there with you. My first marathon is also 10/10/10 (and I know someone who did Chicago and said it was an awesome marathon to do. I'm staying local for mine.) and I have 20 miles to run this week.

You're doing great! Hang in there. This is a time consuming and physical (as well as mental!) challenge.

Mary

P.S. Congrats on the treadmill. I love mine, but for long runs, nothing beats the great outdoors.

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SLOANARTS101 8/16/2010 11:17AM

  Yowza! What an accomplishment! That is amazing. My husband does mararthons so he is always in training. Taking TP with you is a MUST! lol I'm trying to build up to a measley 10k - you are an inspiration!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THEQUEENBEE333 8/16/2010 9:00AM

    You just amaze me. You should be so proud of how far you have come. Make sure to take care of you too so your legs want to stay married to you :-) Have an awesome Monday!

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TIMS4FISHING 8/15/2010 10:44PM

    You're amazing!! Keep on, and you'll achieve the 20! Good luck, and Great job!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEDAL-PUSHER 8/15/2010 9:31PM

    WOW! I am contemplating my first half, something I never even hoped to DREAM about 4 years ago!

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IAFARMERWIFE 8/15/2010 7:41PM

    emoticonWOW!! I'm impressed with what you are doing. emoticon

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5 12 hour shifts really suck

Saturday, August 14, 2010

as i suffer through these last 2 hours I am feeling so pent up i have done nothing but work and sleep and do half assed workouts. I am ready to eat rusty nails, i could break a thousand coffee cups just something to blow off this steam I am really pent up! I don't think I have ever felt this much hostility. I am really ready to tear some stuff up and believe me I am really wanting to use much more colorful language right now. I am writing about this because I am honestly stir crazy and hoping that this blog will prevent an emotional eating out burst that is quite possibly on the way if I do not get to go home soon. I am freakin out I am just plain burnt the eff out!!!!!!! I am slowly going crazy 123456 switch, crazy going slowly am i 654321 switch, I am gonna see how many times I can sing 99 bottles of beer. yikes 2 more hours FML!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIKERCHICK74 8/14/2010 8:36AM

    Iam so sorry.....Pls take a break....tell your work you need a DAY off....Pls take care of you...

HUGS

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JACKSMIMI2 8/14/2010 8:03AM

    I am supportive, I really am...but even when you are ticked off, you are funny!

Yes, working 12 hours is a pain - 5 in a row - I think I'd feel the same - I just wouldn't be able to express it as well.

I actually took one of those elastic exercise bands to work... When I'm sitting for long periods of time - I take it out and do a couple of arm reps. I also 'march' while I'm sitting..... this also really worked...and Nicole has a quick video about how to fit in exercise at work - worth a peek!

Lastly...in through the nose...long, deeeeepp breath - out through the nose...x10!

Hope the long shifts end soon - but it's also great to have you back!

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My job is burning me out!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

This week has been a week out of the ordinary at work. We are having NRC evaluated force on force at work and my crew is the on duty crew not the drill crew. So we got stuck working4 12 hour nights in a row. Last night one of the drills was taking longer than normal so they had a continuation today now I am working Friday too! It has kind of sucked the life out of me 5-12 hour days is not what I was looking forward to. We get 12 hours extra vacation time but not until next year. My workouts have been paying the price for these extra days work. Long runs obviously are a bit of a time committment and combo the long work week with the heat and humidity and Kara is not getting the workouts done that I would like to. The good news is Saturday is supposed to cool off and Sunday too. So that 20 miler is gonna get done come hell or high water (and Cedar Rapids people know that we don't need a repeat of high water so bring on hell- crap been there too, well Iraq that is!) Guess I have had both so what is a 20 miler!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ABSOLUTZER0 8/13/2010 6:30PM

    At least your week is over. Next week will be better! You get out there and KILL that 20 miler!

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THEQUEENBEE333 8/13/2010 9:47AM

    Wow - sounds like an awful week! Hang in there - take care of you! Go you and the 20 minutes! Woo hoo

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2WHEELER 8/13/2010 7:16AM

    I hate it when work interferes with training. Put that pent up frustration to work and run one he** of a 20 miler.

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LADY_JOSIELOT 8/13/2010 3:16AM

    Hang in there!

- Josie

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WILLPOWER2 8/12/2010 11:38PM

    I know your pain.
I work at Hanford on rotating 12 hour shifts.
Tonight is my last night and back on days Monday.
We also have drills but right now.
The 12s alone wear you out!!

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